The Breakup

by Erin McCarthy

  What was awkward was living in an empty house. Bradley had given me the house as promised, and after two weeks everything was squared away and I was able to move in. All I had was an air mattress and folding chairs I had bought at the drugstore. I didn’t want to spend the money on an entire houseful of furniture and I had ditched everything I owned in Boston. My furniture there had been college crap anyway and I had intended to redecorate Bradley’s condo over the next few months.

  So I had a cute little cottage and nothing in it but my clothes, groceries, and toiletries.

  It was a little lonely and slightly creepy, but I didn’t even care. It was mine. A new beginning.

  Plus it wasn’t on the water, which I actually appreciated.

  At night I sat in my garden and talked to friends on social media or FaceTime. The garden smelled like the classic English roses the previous owner had planted in abundance. It was quiet and peaceful. I sat on a wrought iron bench that had been left behind and surveyed my domain. I already knew I was going to stay here a long time. I had been applying to positions in the surrounding communities in my field of social work.

  Kennedy was gossiping about a mutual friend from college and I was listening to her halfheartedly. Or maybe more dreamily. There was something still so surreal about my new life, but I was surprised at how easy the transition was. The fallout from the canceled wedding had been dramatic, but nothing unexpected. People had talked about it on social media, Bradley’s parents had confronted my parents, at which time my father basically told them to kiss his ass since he was the one who had paid for everything. I had listed my dress online and had sold it for half the value, but I thought that was reasonable considering I had worn it for a few hours. And it might be cursed.

  My friends had been puzzled but had stood by me. I hadn’t told anyone the truth besides my family and Christian.

  “I should come up and see you,” Kennedy said. “Since the last time we went out you puked on me, maybe we’ll just do a girls’ night at home.”

  She didn’t sound upset. She was just digging at me. I rolled my eyes. “Good plan. Though I haven’t had a taste for alcohol anyway. I haven’t drunk since that night I ate the doughnuts. Oh, and a couple of glasses of wine with Christian.” It wasn’t a secret I had been with him. It seemed to be topic of town gossip, so there was no point in pretending. “Mostly I have been craving fried foods. I probably need to get a grip on that. I’ve gained five pounds.”

  Most of it in my boobs. My bras were exploding. “Though maybe I’m just getting my period.” Then I sat up straight, no longer relaxed.

  I had been there three weeks working five nights a week. And I hadn’t had my period this whole time. It had been four weeks since I’d had sex with Christian. Seven weeks since I’d been with Bradley, because I’d been in Camden for two weeks by myself before I’d found about the cheating. I’d had my period the first week Sophie and I had been at my parents’ house. “Hold on a second.”

  Yanking my phone away I checked my period app. I had been so concerned about not having it for the wedding I’d been mapping my cycle for six months. Yep. It had been six weeks. After Bradley. Before Christian. Spots danced in front of my eyes. For a split second I thought I was going to black out. I put the phone back to my ear. “Holy shit, Kennedy, I think I’m pregnant. I haven’t had my period in six weeks!”

  “OMG, ew. With Bradley’s child? That would be horrible! Maybe you’re just late because of stress. That happens.”

  She was right. That did happen. “I have been under a lot of stress. Maybe I should get a test tomorrow though.” I bit my nail. My acrylics needed a fill and were bothering me. They were too long. “And it wouldn’t be Bradley’s. It would be Christian’s.”

  “What? Oh, fuckity fuck. Is that better or worse?”

  “I honestly don’t know.” Though the minute I said it, I knew that wasn’t true. “Actually, better. Christian is a really great father to his son.”

  “He has a kid already? Oh my God, this is reality TV.”

  It kind of was. “You know what? I need to go to the store now. I can’t wait until tomorrow. I’ll die.”

  “It’s midnight and you’re in Maine. Good luck with that.”

  She was right. There was not a Walmart around the corner. “I’ll go first thing in the morning.”

  We talked for another few minutes, most of which she spent reassuring me I was not pregnant. But in my gut I already knew I was. We’d used condoms, but nothing is foolproof. Maybe I would be wrong, but I didn’t think so. I sat in my beautiful little garden and put my hands to my cheeks. Tears ran silently down them. All I had ever wanted was to be a mother, and that it would be given to me like this seemed like the world’s biggest irony. But I didn’t even care. A baby. God. What could be more precious?

  And—oh God. Christian was going to hate me. Like, literally hate me.

  But he had been there too. It wasn’t my fault he already had a child under awkward circumstances.

  I couldn’t assume to know how he would react though. That wasn’t fair to him. If I was pregnant. Which I really thought I was.

  Sitting there in the dark in my postage stamp yard, I stared at my phone. And I texted him. If I was pregnant I was going to have to tell him. Maybe I needed to test the waters with how he was feeling about me.

  Or maybe I just wanted reassurance.

  What are you doing?

  I’m still at work.

  Duh. Of course he was at work. I knew his schedule as well as mine because we worked four nights together. But I took it as encouraging that he had answered me right away. I didn’t know what to say to that so I didn’t say anything.

  A minute later he texted again.

  Did you need something? Are you okay?

  What did I need? That was a loaded and complicated question. What did I need from Christian? Unbidden, thoughts of being with him at the cabin popped into my head. He had made me feel things sexually I had never expected would exist for me. At the memory, my nipples tightened. Yes, there was definitely something I needed. I was barefoot, wearing pajama shorts and a tank top and I suddenly felt very naked.

  I’m okay. Just…lonely. ;)

  I meant the wink to be suggestive. A hint. A poke to see how he would react.

  I wanted a connection with him. I could admit that to myself. I also did really want to know if the sex would be as good now as it had been four weeks ago. I added,

  Want to come over?

  You can’t do this, Bella. You can’t just expect me to drop everything to be your fuck boy whenever you want.

  Wow. That was harsh. Though he had a point. But at the same time, these were his rules from the beginning. I should just let it go, but he had hurt my feelings. And now I felt stubborn.

  Except that you are my fuck boy. You were never anything else according to your definition of what we were.

  I had wanted to be his friend. Hell, I had wanted to date until I had found out about Ali being with Cain. I still wanted to be his friend. My skin felt hot and I shifted on the bench. So what the hell was I doing? I couldn’t forget about how complicated everything was. And I couldn’t make things any more complicated than they already were. Especially considering I might be pregnant.

  Are you trying to bait me?

  Yes. I was.

  Then I texted him again before he could answer.

  No. Never mind.

  I hate it when someone says never mind.

  This was a great conversation. Not. Of course, what did I expect? We hadn’t exactly ended our weekend together on good terms and now I had texted him clear out of the blue.

  I didn’t even answer him because I had no idea what to say now. This was uncharted territory for me. I tapped my bottom lip and tried to come up with some kind of witty comeback. It�
��s a fact I suck at them. I had nothing.

  I found your necklace.

  That made me frown.

  What necklace?

  The horseshoe.

  My hand flew to my neck. I knew it wasn’t there. I had lost it the day I left the cabin. I realized it when I got to my parents’ house. I had texted the Uber driver but he didn’t find it in his car. It wasn’t valuable, but it was sentimental to me. It had seemed like a bad omen. Like my luck hadn’t been changing at all. If anything, it was going in reverse.

  OMG I’m so happy! Where did you find it?

  In the fire pit.

  Oh geez, well, thanks. I’m glad you found it. My father gave that to me for my sixteenth birthday.

  Not that he would care about my backstory.

  Did you just find it?

  Yes. I went to the cabin yesterday on my day off.

  Instantly I was jealous. Had he taken a girl there? It was none of my business. I forced myself to stay rational.

  I’m glad you found it, thanks.

  I’ll bring it to work.

  K.

  Bella?

  Yes?

  With heavy anticipation I watched the bubble that indicated he was typing. It disappeared. What the hell? After a second it started again. Then disappeared. Oh my God, he was killing me.

  Then after all of that, he wrote:

  Never mind.

  I guess I deserved that.

  With a heavy sigh I stood up and went to bed.

  In the morning I went to the drugstore as soon as it opened. I returned home and took the test with shaking fingers.

  It was positive.

  Chapter 13

  Something was different about Bella. She walked around work looking smug, far more smug than a woman who had been cheated on and left with her life imploded should look. It made me think she had a guy in her bed coaxing that teasing smile to her lips.

  That made me burn with the world’s most irrational jealousy. I had been a dick to her when she had texted me three nights earlier. So why wouldn’t she move on to plan B?

  I had purposely forgotten her necklace two nights in a row. I wanted to give her a reason to talk to me. How stupid was that? Very stupid. But it worked. She asked me every night and had even given me a playful slap on the arm.

  “What am I going to do with you?” she had asked.

  The thoughts that ran through my head at that suggestion would have terrified her. I wanted to spank her for torturing me. I wanted to drive my cock so far into her she couldn’t breathe.

  I was obsessed with Bella. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I watched her endlessly at work, to the point that Thomas had reprimanded me, telling me I looked like a fucking stalker. “You’re making people uncomfortable.”

  “I’m not doing anything,” I protested.

  Brandy, the other bartender gave a laugh. “You are eye fucking her, all night long, every night.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “All night? At least I have stamina.”

  She hit me with a towel before turning to lift a vodka bottle.

  Thomas didn’t seem as amused. “Seriously. Knock it off. She’s going to quit if you don’t stop being weird, and she’s a pretty damn good waitress. The customers love her.”

  They did. Which further fueled my jealousy. The women seemed to think she was sweet, the girls in their twenties loved gossiping with her, and the men, of all ages, thought she was gorgeous. Which she was. Bella was glowing. She had gained a few pounds, which she had needed to do, and she looked healthy and happy. Leaving her groom at the altar seemed to agree with her.

  I should be happy for her. Instead, I was seething with envy and sexual tension.

  So when she went on break, I turned to Brandy. “I’ll be right back.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky Thomas loves you, because you’re being a serious idiot.”

  “I’m going to be two minutes. Tops.”

  “Sounds like my boyfriend.”

  I grinned. “Sucks to be you.”

  “Yes, it does.”

  Bella had taken a table at the back of the restaurant and was eating a burger. She definitely seemed to have rediscovered her love of food. I went over to her and fished her necklace out of my jeans pocket. I dangled it in front of her.

  “Oh my God, Christian!” She jumped up and took it before giving me a huge hug. “Thank you.”

  She felt…delicious. Her tits had gotten bigger and they were pressed against my chest in a way that had my nostrils flaring. I wrapped her in my arms and buried my nose briefly in her hair. She smelled like fresh fruit. She felt like fresh fruit. Ripe. Holy shit, I was horny. Brandy was right, I was an idiot. She moved away from me and smiled at me.

  “I thought it was lost forever.”

  “Yeah? I’m glad it wasn’t.” Maybe not all was lost forever. Maybe that was a sign. “I’m sorry,” I said.

  Her head tilted. “For what?”

  “For being a dick the other night when you texted me.” I paused, needing to be totally honest with her. “And for the way things ended between us. I didn’t want that, and I never meant to make you angry or upset.”

  My reward for my honesty was a soft smile lighting up Bella’s face. “Thanks, Christian. I never meant to make you angry either. I was on emotional overload and it took me by surprise, you know, about Ali and Cain. But I shouldn’t have said the things I said. I should have just left, like an adult.”

  I nodded, hands in my front pockets. “So we’re good?”

  “Yeah. We’re good.”

  We stared at each other, her smiling, and I gave myself up for lost. Fuck it. I knew what I wanted. Her. I wanted her.

  “Do you want to go out some night?” I asked out of nowhere.

  She blinked. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean like a date. Would you go out with me?”

  For a second she didn’t say anything. But then she slapped my arm, something she seemed to enjoy doing. “Yes. I will, you silly man.”

  The excitement that shot through me was more than a little embarrassing. I tried to play it cool. “Great. Awesome. We’re both off Sunday, how about then?”

  She nodded. “Sure.” She made a gesture with her hand. “Call me.”

  “I will.” Then because I clearly have zero impulse control, I cupped her cheeks and gave her a hard, quick kiss.

  “Oh geez.” She gave a nervous laugh and glanced around. “Slow down there.”

  But I didn’t even care. I strutted back to that bar like I owned it. I felt like I owned the entire fucking world.

  I didn’t care when Thomas said, “I’m writing you up formally for that, Jordan.”

  Grinning at him, I said, “It was worth it.”

  * * *

  —

  The last time I had really studied myself in the mirror had been on my wedding day, when I had looked in the mirror and seen nothing but fear on my face. I had the trappings of a bride, but I hadn’t been an eager one. Now when I put on my makeup and fussed with my hair for my date with Christian, I felt eager. Running my hand over my flat stomach, I tried to see outward changes that I was pregnant. But honestly, the only evidence was the serenity on my face.

  Kennedy thought I was insane because I was actually happy the test was positive. My only worry had been how Christian would feel, and that was still a huge concern, but it was very encouraging that he had asked me out.

  I had given Christian my address, and when he rang the doorbell I went to let him in, eager both to see him and to show him my house. “Hi,” I said, swinging the door open wide. “Thanks for picking me up.”

  “It wouldn’t be a real date if I met you somewhere.” He reached out and gave me a soft kiss.

  It made my in
sides flutter and my heart swell. I couldn’t believe he had asked me out. But being in his proximity had definitely worked in my favor. Every night his stare had seemed to grow a little more intense. It was very satisfying.

  “Want to see the house?” I asked, gesturing for him to come inside.

  “I’d love to. I can’t believe you got that prick to cough up a house for you. I’m proud of you for being such a tough negotiator. And remind me to never piss you off. Not that I have anything you can take, but still.” He grinned.

  I laughed. “Yeah, remember that.”

  I was wearing a sundress because I was starting to spill out of my tighter-fitting shorts and tank tops. I really needed to lay off the fatty food. But I was pretty sure the boobs were all from the pregnancy. Even in this dress, they weren’t well contained, and my laugh brought Christian’s attention to them. They had a bounce I just wasn’t used to. It seemed like the girls were constantly fighting to jump out of my clothes. Christian was eyeing them now with naked interest. Wait until he saw them in all their bare, bouncy glory, assuming we got to that point. I felt very porn star with them and was looking forward to showing off this rounder me.

  Ironic that I had spent a decade trying to be as skinny as possible, and now being even a little bit curvy made me feel so much more like a woman. Maybe that was just the pregnancy though. Knowing I had a baby growing automatically made me feel like a member of a new group of women.