Life-After

by J. A. Laraque

  For the next two weeks I nursed Hershel back to where he slowly began to speak, but it was incoherent babble. He spoke about his mother and how the war was a sham, it made no sense. When the guards returned they took us both. They dragged us to an examination room. There were two metal tables where they strapped us in. Above us there were seats where people could come an observe us. I yelled and cursed at them, but they did not care. I was ready to be tortured, but all they did was shine a green light over us and left us there.

  Day’s went by with the green light just shining on us. I watched as the people above came and went but I had no idea what they were doing. There was a point where I wondered if they were doing something to me but it was not working. That theory was reinforced when Hershel began screaming. He was shaking violently crying out in agony, but no one came or even reacted to him. I yelled out telling them to stop, I was almost at the point where I would give them any information just so they would stop hurting him. Then in an instant everything went dark and the screaming stopped.

  I awoke sometime later in the camp hospital; the bed beside me was empty. I slowly began to remember what happened to me. There was a knock at the door. Jonathan entered with two doctors and approached my bed. I asked him what happened. He told me there were complications with the V.R.T.S that we were trapped in a feedback loop. They wanted to know why I was barley affected by the experience. I asked what they meant by that. Jonathan’s expression changed, it came to be one I would easily recognize.

  He told me Hershel’s mind could not handle the feedback and it overloaded. They used terms that I did not understand but that was what happened. Hershel’s mind shut down and he died. My mind remained resilient and they were able to pull me out. At that point I did not care about my life. I had lost the only friend I had up to that point. Under orders I was subjected to their tests so they could figure out why I survived. I never got to attend Hershel’s funeral. By the time I was released Hershel’s body had been sent home to be buried next to his mother. I only had Sara to turn to for comfort.

  I was never told why my mind was not affected while in the V.R.T.S. The military continued to use it and I was ordered to keep quiet about everything that had happened. Being in a virtual reality made me realize how easily the mind can be tricked, manipulated. There were some nights in the field I would wake up and wonder if I was still in the machine. How do we know what is real? It was a question I once asked Sara, she died before I received an answer.

  Hearing her words, that everything had been a lie shattered any peace I had found. I sat up from the bed breathing heavily, sweating profusely. It was morning and I was alone in the cabin, Clara was gone and her side of the bed was cold. Panic shot into me, I began to question everything I had experienced, all I wanted to do was find Clara and learn the truth. I rushed from the bedroom searching the house but she was not there. I ran outside into the backyard, the bright warm sun and sweet smell of the flowers had returned, but Clara was still nowhere to be found.

  “Clara!” I yelled out. “Where are you?”

  “I’m right here, David.”

  I spun around to see her standing there smiling at me. She was wearing a yellow summer dress and had her hair tied into a pony tail. I grabbed her lifting her into the air. She giggled as I spun her around so happy to have her with me. The questions, the doubt was still there, but I fought against it because I wanted what I had to be real.

  “Where did you go?” I asked her. “When I awoke…how did you appear behind me?”

  Clara smiled tilting her side slightly to her left, she would do this when I asked a question she found interesting. She grabbed hold of my chin with her hands and pulled me towards her. They were so warm, so soft. She kissed me then took my hand and began walking, leading me around towards the front of the house.

  “You had questions before.” Clara said. “You wanted to know if this was heaven, if religion was correct. We have spent so much time in the past I haven’t been able to tell you about your present, our future. There is so much I have been tasked to explain to you.”

  “Tasked?” I questioned.

  Clara continued walking until we came to a small hill overlooking a vast green valley; it seemed to go on forever. The beautiful scenery and the perfect day pushed back my need to question what I was seeing, but it was still there in the back of my mind. I believed Clara could sense it. I learned that a lovely prison is still a prison, if that was what we had found ourselves in then I had to know.

  “As I told you we are not alone here.” Clara explains. “Here is where all human souls go when they die.”

  “So everyone gets to go to heaven?” I asked.

  Clara smiled slightly and lowered her head. I could tell what she was thinking. I was never one to talk about religion, heaven or hell. I believed what made us was what we did when alive. I had no expectations of an afterlife. Perhaps that is why the death of the people I loved caused me so much pain.

  “Heaven…” Clara began. “Heaven is a word used by people unable to understand what lies beyond death. This is not the afterlife, this is our life after. When we become old enough to make our own decisions it is up to use to shape our lives the way we want it. You were always correct in believing that what you did while alive was what mattered because here, you happiness or sorrow depends on how you crafted your life in the physical world.”

  “The physical world…?” I questioned.

  I had not heard Clara speak like that before. After her parents were killed Clara abandoned her belief in religion. Though I never joined her when she would attend services with the other Trinity members, it made me happy to see her so content after she did. There was definitely something missing when she turned away from her faith. She had already loss her parents and leaving the people she had created a bound with left her empty. I did everything I could to fill that void, but in the end I believed I had failed.

  “So what you are saying is this place can be either Heaven or Hell?” I asked.

  “Yes, David.” Clara answered. “You bring everything you were from the physical world here. Any pain or unresolved issues upon your death follows you to your next life. This is why I had to tell you the truth about my death, about Richard. Even though I had found enough peace to enjoy this life when your time to pass over came my past memories began to overtake me. When you arrived I could feel your pain and it amplified mine. Since what you see is created by us, it can also be easily manipulated by our feelings. The life energy that is everything that we were in the physical world can become unstable. Just as I can create our own personal paradise, you can also create your own personal hell and become trapped within it.”

  It was the same as my dreams. Once I learned to control my dreams it allowed me to have peace when awake which in turn allowed me to be at peace when asleep. It began to make sense. Everything is connected through our mind, our perception. This did pose a problem. The voice told me everything I saw was a lie and I knew too well the mind can be controlled, the senses fooled. How could I be sure what was real, what we created and what was being created for us?

  “So who created this place?” I asked. “Is there a God here? How did everything begin?”

  “I will show you what I can, David” Clara answered. “We will start at the beginning.”

  Clara turned to me and placed her hands on the side of my face. She smiled at me as her eyes turned pure white and shined with a brilliant glow. I could feel her presence enter my mind and in an instant reality was washed away in a blinding light. The brightness faded like a dimming bulb into darkness. My physical body had faded from me into a feeling of weightlessness.

  “To understand we must see how it began.” Clara said, her voice echoing around me.

  From the darkness in the distance small points of lights appeared as if the stars in the night sky were being turned on one by one. We slowly drifted though space towards a small dark planet. I recognized the surroundings as our solar system, but the planet, where
earth would be was nothing but a dead rock devoid of light and life.

  “You must understand how life began to understand why it can truly never end.” Clara said. “Watch as the light of life is brought to our world.”

  A stream of white light wraps around the planet engulfing it. The planet glows brightly for just a moment then dims leaving only a soft glow around the planet. I cannot help but be amazed as I watch cracks form on the surface of the planet. Molten lava flows from the cracks as oceans form before my eyes. An atmosphere blooms as blue skies and white clouds cover the planet. The once harsh landscape comes alive turning a lush green as plants and trees grow from nothing.

  “I can hear your thoughts, David.” Clara said. “Your teachings, about evolution and science, you cannot fully believe what you are seeing. You are not incorrect. There was an evolution here, what you have witnessed was the process that spanned billions of years within a few seconds. I will show you and explain.”

  With incredible speed we flew towards earth. We became streams of light that shot across space and into earth’s atmosphere. As we flew though the clouds I noticed our physical bodies had returned. Clara was dressed in a long white dress. My clothing had also changed. I was dressed in the navy blue suit I wore the day I proposed to her.

  Clara took hold of my hand as we slowly descended on the edge of a jungle. A crystal blue stream much like the one near the cabin flowed out from the jungle to a massive waterfall. We landed on the edge of a cliff just overlooking the waterfall. I glanced around at the fertile landscape amazed by its beauty. Clara knelt down grabbing hold of a small green lizard. Lifting it up in the palm of her hand she presented it to me.

  “All living things contain the life energy you saw pour into our world.” Clara said. “This was the spark of life that began the evolutionary process. The light engulfed this world allowing organisms to grow and as they evolved they continued to carry the life energy with them passing it on to their offspring.”

  “So it’s not just simply a soul?” I questioned. “Life energy exists in all life, sentient or not?”

  Clara nodded her head and laid the lizard on the ground. A wide smile came over her face. She grabbed my hand jumping off the cliff screaming out in joy as we fell to the water below. Our bodies sliced though the water as if we had made a perfect dive. I could feel the cool clear water on my skin but I could also see and breathe underwater. Clara pulled me from the water onto a sandy gold beach. We sat on the shore looking out across a vast ocean.

  “When humans evolved our life energy evolved with it.” Clara explained. “In creatures and plants it only serves as the original power source to their existence. However, within human beings, it takes on a much different role. Our life energy remains dormant within our physical bodies. You cannot see it, but it contains everything we are. Our experiences, memories, abilities, hopes, fears, dreams, it is all contained within our life energy.”

  Clara reached down taking a handful of sand holding it into the air. With her free hand she took my hand and placed it beneath hers, slowly allowed the sand to fall between her fingers. I smiled as she did that thinking about our times at Lake Daily, the fun we use to have at the beach.

  “Life energy amongst family members is shared.” Clara said. “When a new life is created the mother passes on some of her life energy to her children. This is part of a reason such a bond is created. The same happens when we die. Our physical bodies can no longer contain our life energy and so it is released. Our life energy cannot exist outside the human body in the physical world and so it is redistributed through the universe. Everything there is was created using life energy.”

  “Wait, then how are we here?” I asked. “If our life energy is redistributed then how are you and I together?”

  Clara stood pulling me to my feet. She threw her hand up in the air releasing the sand. Each grain of sand turned into a shining ball of light that covered the area. The spheres of light slowly drifted to the ground below. Reality changed right before my eyes as if being washed away. From standing on the beach Clara and I appeared atop our restaurant in New Chicago overlooking the city. It was just as I had remembered a bustling metropolis vibrant with life.

  “As I said our life energy contains our memories and experiences.” Clara continued. “It was never God’s plan to have our existence extinguished. What is left here is what made you and I who we were. The remainder is redistributed to continue the circle of life.”

  Clara’s words and how she spoke them reminded me of how she was when she first began attending services. She wanted so much to share her experiences with me, but I did not want to be a part of them. I was happy that she had found something to believe in, but it was not my beliefs. To hear that our lives were all part of a divine plan made the transition from life to life after a bit more bearable, but hearing of a God that began this process left me with questions and the resurgence of doubt.

  “So then why go through life and the pain it can bring.” I asked Clara. “Who is this God and why does he allow his creations to suffer.”

  Clara’s smile faded and I could feel her presence leaving me. The bright light returned blinding me for only an instant. In a blink of an eye we had returned to the valley, Clara lowered her hands and turned away from me looking back towards the cabin.

  “I expected you would have doubts.” Clara said softly. “I have more to show you, but I have duties here as well.”

  “Duties…?” I questioned.

  Clara turned back towards me then looked up towards the sky.

  “There are those who have trouble transitioning from their physical life to this one.” Clara said. “We all have a…guide who helped us when we first arrived. Some of us become guides ourselves to help others. We call ourselves, Angelics. There are no Angels here, not in the traditional sense, but we do what we can to help the new arrivals. I will return soon, David. Please, explore, relax, do whatever you wish. I will be with you soon.”

  Clara leaned over and kissed me. As she did her body turned to pure energy then disappeared. The experience disturbed me slightly as it felt as if she was no more than a ghost and once again she had left me. There was so much more I wanted to ask her, but I was content I would have my chance soon enough.

  I spent the next hour exploring the vast countryside. No matter how far I walked the landscape would continue on as if infinite. I found myself back at the stream near the woods. I knelt down by the water running my fingers through it. The tranquility reminded me of being a child and running away from the orphanage to my special place by a large oak tree near a small pond. Pulling a few stones from the shore, I would to skip them across the water just as I did as a child. Watching the water ripple made me smile.

  “Do not believe what she is telling you?”

  Her voice did not startle me. I almost expected to hear it. I feared that as my happiness returned so would the voice to bring doubt to my contentedness. I did not want to turn around. Her voice, it sounded haggard as if she had been through war, though pain. Perhaps, she was an imprint, a part of my mind that could not accept a peaceful existence.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I said softly. “Can’t you just leave me be?”

  I felt her hand upon my shoulder, it was ruff, cold. The static-like presence was all around me pulling me away from what I so desperately wanted to accept. I lowered my head and rose to my feet. I closed my eyes and slowly turned around.

  “You must accept the truth.” She said. “You will never be free until you do.”

  I felt her hands brush against my face. It felt, familiar. I opened my eyes to something I could not believe. Clara stood before me. Her body looked faded as if much of the color was drained out of her. She had aged, her face showed the scars of sadness and despair. Her hair was shortened and unkempt. Dressed in ragged dirty clothing, she looked like many of the faces I saw when patrolling the war torn cities on earth.

  “You…you can’t be.” I stammered out.

>   “It is me, David.” Clara said. “The woman you have been with is not real. You must free yourself, David. I will do everything I can, but it is up to you to break free of your prison.”

  The veil had been lifted, there was no turning back. No matter what happened next I would never be able to find peace there again. All that was left was to find out the truth.

  7

  Once my nightmares came to an end I experienced dreams for a time that to me, were far worst. I would be in the field near the orphanage sitting alone watching the other children play. A sliver car would pull up along the fence, its driver side window would roll down and an older gentleman would look across the field until his eyes settled onto me. The car would come to a stop and the man and a middle-aged woman would step out and point towards me. I would stand up and stare, trying to make out who the people were and why they were looking at me. Images would flash before my eyes and a warm feeling would come over me.

  They would walk through the half broken fence and smile making a bee line directly for me. Slowly my memory would return as they drew closer. Their faces would change from stranger to familiar. The warm feeling inside of me was love, more specifically the love of a parent. Time would come to a halt, the noises of the children would cease. I would start running towards them, smiling, tears falling from my eyes. They would kneel opening their arms to me, I would cry out to them.

  My father would lift me into the air then pull me to him hugging me tightly. My mother would smother me with kisses telling me she would never leave me again. My world would be complete, nothing else would matter. Then, everything would go dark, my world would grow cold. Their love and the warmth I had felt would fade from me leaving me alone again. I would awaken, hollowed, as if the possibility of happiness was forever ripped from me.