by Minna Howard
She’d said it with conviction, but a tiny doubt hammered in her mind about this bombshell. Nathan now seemed to her to have morphed into a different man to the one she’d married. True they’d led a busy life with the boys, their friends, and other interests, but since Toby had joined his brother at Nottingham, she felt she and Nathan had lost something between them and were more like strangers than a loving couple. Was him finding out about Saskia the reason, or was it something else?
Perhaps he hoped that if he didn’t mention having a grownup daughter, the problem would go away. Or maybe – the unwelcome thought pushed itself into her mind – his memories of that time with her mother that summer were warmer than his feelings for her.
THREE
Verity had met Nathan soon after he had returned from a summer working – and, it now transpired, making babies – in Greece. If asked, she would have said that they had a happy, secure marriage with two beloved sons, but now, with Saskia’s arrival, it felt as if a wedge had slipped or rather been rammed between them. The truth, now she made herself admit it, was that since both boys had left for university, they were finding it difficult to communicate with each other.
She and Nathan had almost a year being just the two of them before Marius and then Toby were born. Nathan worked in the financial world and when the boys were older, she went back to teaching history A level in a crammer.
Saskia had been conceived before she and Nathan had even met, she kept reminding herself as she waited for the kettle to boil. If Saskia’s mother had not become so ill and died, would she ever have told her daughter the name of the man who had fathered her?
This she said to Jen as she hovered round her in the kitchen, collecting up a tray, sugar and some coffee spoons.
‘Goodness knows. But I suppose Saskia questioned her mother ages ago about who her father was. I know my Annie would have tormented me until I told her if I’d done that to her. We’ll have to tactfully ask her,’ she said, picking up the tray of coffee to carry into the living room.
‘I know… but… well, do I give her Nathan’s mobile number? He’s so stressed at the moment this is the last thing he needs. If he were here, I could break it to him gently, and we could discuss it.’
This whole thing was some ghastly nightmare, though it was hardly surprising. A young man and an attractive woman falling for each other in the long summer days and romantic nights in a beautiful place far away from home. But she didn’t want this young woman like a cuckoo in their nest even though it was virtually empty now with both boys gone to university.
Saskia was standing by the mantlepiece studying some photographs. Marius looked very sportive in tennis whites holding a trophy. Toby was tanned and handsome and so like his father, Marius more like her.
For a split-second Saskia’s expression reminded her of Toby in thoughtful mood, and then it was gone. It was surely a trick of the light and of her now over-anxious mind, as she didn’t look at all like him now.
‘So, these are my… half-brothers?’ Saskia asked shyly.
Verity felt this was worse than Nathan being Saskia’s father. She did not want to share her beloved sons with a sister, a sister who was not hers. But she couldn’t say it. Part of her rebelled against the intrusion of this young woman into their settled life and part of her was full of compassion for her loss of an obviously much-loved mother, who had died too soon.
Jen threw her a look of dismay as if she guessed her feelings. ‘Umm, yes I suppose so,’ she mumbled putting down the tray of coffee and asking Saskia if she liked milk and sugar.
‘Just black, please,’ Saskia said.
Jen sunk down on the sofa with her own coffee, Verity beside her, both of them facing Saskia who was seated in an armchair opposite them as if she was on trial.
‘So, did you not ask your mother who your father was when you were much younger?’ Jen demanded. ‘I know my own daughter would never have left it alone if she’d been in your situation.’
‘Of course, I did,’ Saskia said sharply as if guessing that Jen thought her very remiss not to have shown any interest in her parentage. ‘She told me a little about it. It happened one summer when she was working in Greece, though she seemed vague about it. She said it was her fault for getting pregnant, she should have taken better precautions, though she’d never thought of having an abortion. We were very happy together.’ Her eyes misted with tears. ‘If she hadn’t got so ill, I’d probably never have known his name.’
‘But weren’t you curious, didn’t you want to know?’ Jen was incredulous.
‘Not really. I sometimes wondered if she knew at all. There were lots of young people out there, working on boats, bumming around, having a good time in the sun.’
Jen took a breath as if to speak. Verity guessed she was going to say then maybe one of these other young men was her father, and it was just coincidence that she had a slight look about Nathan. Or maybe he was the only man whose number her mother still had. She said quickly, ‘But she’s sure my husband, was… the one?’
‘Yes, she never forgot him, she gave me his surname after all,’ Saskia said, adding firmly, ‘She didn’t sleep around.’
‘No… I didn’t mean that.’ Verity felt this whole thing was fast spiralling out of control.
Saskia went on. ‘They were happy together, they had a great time, but neither of them felt committed or wanted to be together for longer than a summer.’
Verity thought of her own sons not much younger than their father was then. They loved parties and girls and various sports but the idea of having to support a mother and child would horrify them if it happened to them now.
‘Nathan is away sorting out a business problem in Singapore,’ she explained. ‘I will tell him, of course, but I must choose the right time, wait until things have been resolved out there.’
‘And how long will that be? In two weeks, I’ll be chucked out of our flat. We have a new landlord who wants to put up the rent but even if he didn’t, I can’t afford to pay it.’ Saskia turned to her desperately.
‘Is there no one else you could go to? Relatives of your mother… or what about your boyfriend, the father of your child?’ Jen asked her.
‘No, there is no one. Well, I do have an uncle in Yorkshire, my mother’s brother, but his wife disapproved of her, so I doubt I’d be welcome there. I hardly know Darren’s parents. I’ve only met them once a couple of years ago, as they live in Spain most of the year. Anyway, I need to stay in London because of my job and my life is here. I do have friends, but they couldn’t put me up for long and anyway, there’s the baby.’ She eyed them fiercely. ‘That’s why I thought my father would help, just until Darren gets back. Then he will make us a home and we’ll be out of yours.’
‘Couldn’t you join your boyfriend in the US, or even get him to come back early and find you somewhere to live?’ Jen asked rather bossily. ‘After all he is responsible for you and the child you have made together.’
Saskia looked trapped. ‘N… no, that wouldn’t work. I wouldn’t be able to work out there and I’d hate to be just hanging around, knowing no one but him, waiting until he came back from work. I have lots of friends here and my job to keep me busy and earn me much needed money, and Darren will be back here for good in a few months.’
Verity felt slightly hysterical. She remembered reading con stories of dubious people tricking others out of money or possessions, but somehow, she didn’t feel that about Saskia, though she wished she could fob her off with some excuse as to why she couldn’t have her here. A woman she didn’t even know existed a couple of hours ago, and possibly, a new baby in the house.
It would not be the first time she’d given a young person a room while they sorted themselves out; she had from time to time taken in one of the students from the crammer if they needed somewhere temporary to stay, but then Nathan and usually the boys had been here too.
She missed her sons and husband, but she’d quite enjoyed being on her own for a while, livin
g her life to her own rhythm. Now it looked like she’d be forced to share her home with a stranger, Nathan’s daughter, and possibly in the future, helping out with the baby too.
She’d already done the baby bit and willingly, the broken nights, the fractious teething. She had not expected to do it again until some far-off day she had grandchildren. Grandchildren! It hit her suddenly: this coming baby was Nathan’s grandchild, and she would be a step-grandmother! Being a grandmother, step or otherwise, was not something she had envisaged for many years to come.
FOUR
‘Perhaps you’d give me your hus… my father’s telephone number so I could ring him myself.’ Saskia faced her, her mouth set in a rigid line, reminding Verity suddenly of Nathan and Toby when they were determined to get their own way, though surely that was just her being paranoid. This whole thing was so weird, it wouldn’t surprise her if she woke up, finding it was a dream, or rather a nightmare.
It was nearly five o’clock, the syrupy September sun more mellow now as the end of the day approached.
‘What sort of work do you do?’ Jen asked her.
‘I work some nights in a restaurant-bar on King’s Road. I also work in a clothes shop off North End Road – I design and make some of them. We – Annabel and I – were at art college together, she bought this shop with some money her grandmother left her. We mostly sell to order but we also sell a few ready-made things. I had hoped to finish studying for the law degree I started last year but I had to put it on hold while Mum was ill. Now, with the baby coming…’
She stood there facing them, slight and almost defiant, and Verity felt a surge of admiration for her. Here she was, mourning her mother, pregnant and with nowhere to live, and fighting to make a life. Saskia might not know much about Nathan, she might even not be his daughter after all, but she certainly had his resilience.
Verity felt compassion for young people, which was why she’d chosen to teach those students who, for whatever reason, struggled to learn and pass the exams needed to get a good career. She realised that whatever she felt about this bombshell falling into her well-ordered life, she would feel bad if she let this young woman down.
‘I told you. Your… Nathan is very tied up just now but leave me your contact details and I promise I’ll tell him about you, but it might not be for a day or so. I’ll give you my mobile number too.’ Verity did not mention that since he’d left on this mission, he had not rung her as much as he usually did when away.
‘Thank you.’ Saskia fished in her bag and brought out a printed card with her details on it. ‘Mum only recently ordered new ones of these. Now we don’t need them,’ she said sadly.
‘That’s a pity, they are very smart.’ Verity didn’t know what else to say. It all seemed so sad but somehow, she believed this woman, and why would her mother have chosen their surname when Saskia was born, if it wasn’t true? Or had she just remembered Nathan among all the other men she’d perhaps known, or felt he was the most reliable of the fun-loving bunch of young men? Anyway, paternity could now be proved by a DNA test. She supposed she was prepared – reluctantly – to give Saskia a home until the father of her child returned, though she hoped it would not be for long.
‘So, is it okay if I come back here with my things in two weeks, then?’ Saskia eyed them both. ‘And you’ll tell my father by the weekend and then let me know and pass on my number to him?’
‘Yes… I will.’ Verity suddenly felt panicked, as if she was floundering in a surging torrent. Things were moving too fast, but she was caught up in it now and would have to go with it. If only Nathan were here to deal with it.
‘I’ll ring you before I come. It will be around the end of the month, first of October in fact. I can’t stay in the flat any longer than that, Mum’s only paid up until then.’ Saskia was obviously struggling to remain calm. ‘And I’d like to speak to my father as soon as possible, please.’
‘Of course.’ Verity didn’t expect Nathan back for about a month. There’d been some talk of joining him in Singapore for a few days when he’d finished there, but if Saskia were here that probably wouldn’t happen.
She laid her hand on Saskia’s arm. ‘Yes, you come here until your boyfriend comes back. You can sleep in the spare room. I’ll tell my husband… your… father about you. I know he won’t let you down.’
She did not say I might let you down – Nathan, being the man he was, surely would not. He might, if it turned out she was his daughter, pay her rent for her in her mother’s flat or somewhere else, so she needn’t come here, though then there’d be less money to help out their sons.
‘Thank you, Verity,’ Saskia said shyly, nodding at Jen before going out into the hall, closely followed by Verity who opened the front door for her. Saskia scooted out, turning back and giving her a small wave before quickly disappearing down the street. Verity shut the door behind her and leant against it.
‘What a bummer.’ Jen hugged her when she came back into the room. ‘Calls for a strong drink. It could be true, I suppose. Nathan did spend a whole summer in Greece, didn’t he, before you met? Sun and sea and beautiful women, he wouldn’t be the first one to get caught out.’ She sighed. ‘I think my Alex has put me through the wringer enough, but this.’ She squeezed Verity’s arm in sympathy.
Jen’s remark annoyed Verity. Everyone liked Alex, and women did flirt outrageously with him, which he encouraged. No one, including Jen, trusted him an inch where an attractive woman was concerned. ‘He didn’t have a mother, she made off with some multi-millionaire. He has an older brother who works as a doctor in Africa, and his dad. Just all boys together,’ Jen used to explain to people, as though that gave him permission to behave badly.
But Nathan was different, he was loyal and true, she’d bet her last penny on it. Even if his past seemed to have thrown up a daughter, a daughter who desperately needed his care.
FIVE
Saskia crossed over the Fulham Road and went down Parsons Green Lane to the tube station. ‘I’ve done it, Mum,’ she thought, aching from her recent loss. ‘Though I wish my father had been there, but I think, well, I hope, that I can trust Verity.’
She had not planned to actually ring the bell of her father’s house, just find out where it was. But standing outside it with its blue door and brass door knocker, she rang the bell almost as a reflex. She was about to run away but Verity had opened the door. She must have been standing just behind it.
In a daze, she took the copy of the Evening Standard thrust at her by a man dishing them out beside the tube station and went in, through the ticket barrier and up the stairs to the platform.
The train towards Sloane Square arrived and she got in and sat down holding the newspaper on her lap, not looking at it. The restaurant where she worked a few evenings a week was a seven-minute walk from the station and she’d be on time – not that she felt much like working now. The emotions of going to her father’s house and confronting his wife had wiped her out.
She texted Darren.
Met my father’s wife, seems nice, hope so anyway. She said I could stay when the flat goes. And I have two half-brothers! Both away at uni. Try and get back as soon as you can, my love, will call you later, off to work now. Love you. X
If only Darren were here. She turned off her mobile and put it in her pocket hoping he’d pick up the message soon. He’d been gone three months already and she’d been saving up to go out and see him but with Mum and all, she hadn’t enough money to go there now.
The baby was a mistake; they’d taken such care but somehow, they had slipped up. As she walked from the tube into Sloane Square passing the shops with their glamorous windows and expensive clothes, she wondered if ever her designs might one day grace such windows.
She stroked her bump with one hand, hoping the baby didn’t sense her anxiety. She’d found out she was pregnant just before Darren left for the US, and bless him, he’d been good about it.
‘We’ve always said we’d have children, we’ve just
jumped the gun,’ he’d said, embracing her. ‘I’ll be back before it’s born, and we’ll find somewhere to live all together.’
She wished she’d told her mother about it now, though it would have upset her dreadfully, knowing she might not be there to watch the baby grow and help them care for it. But, unlike her, their child would have both parents, and between them they’d shower this child with love.
She wondered how her as yet unknown birth father would react to her sudden appearance. Friends had warned her that he might not want to be faced with a grownup daughter, especially if he had his own children, which now she knew he had. And would those sons want to welcome an older half-sister and a new sibling into their lives? Other people had asked her why her mother hadn’t told her about her father before, and she suspected that some thought her mother had just randomly picked on a man she’d once known, as a sort of comfort for her. But Mum was honest, she would never have told her about Nathan unless she knew it was true. Verity might find it hard to believe – probably didn’t want to believe it, though she had offered her a home until Darren came back – and Nathan would surely have a paternity test to prove she was his child. And if he were not? She could not bear to think of that.
If she had not been pregnant, she would probably not have turned up at his house like that. She’d have found somewhere cheaper to live, gone to join Darren, perhaps looked for a niche for her and Annabel’s clothes, out there. But none of that could happen now, and she still had her mother’s flat to move out of.
But what if Verity, perhaps shocked into letting her stay, changed her mind, and on reflection, even urged on by Jen, decided against it? Or what if Nathan didn’t agree to it, or was not even her father after all?
