A Mother's Secret

by Minna Howard

  TEN

  ‘I can’t get my head round it; it seems so… well, not improbable, but odd that she – Helen, I mean – never told me.’ Nathan sounded stressed when he rang Verity later, taking advantage of being alone and undisturbed. ‘I had a right to know, I would have helped support her, even—’

  ‘Even married her?’ Verity tried to ignore a lonely feeling inside her.

  ‘No! We wouldn’t have lasted five minutes living together. It was a typical holiday romance, sun and sea and no responsibilities. We liked each other, she was very attractive, but she wanted to be free, not, as she put it, suffocated by convention – though perhaps it is odd that she’s given Saskia our name.’ He sighed. ‘I just feel awful that you’ve got to deal with this while I’m occupied out here. If Saskia wasn’t having a baby, I’d give her some money to rent a flat by herself, though I suppose we’ll have to help her through that. Bit much to find I’m going to be a granddad as well.’

  ‘And me a step-grandmother. But surely, it’s pointless to waste money paying rent for a flat for her when there is room here? Her partner is coming back to set up home with her after Christmas. He might come even sooner, get her settled before the birth. If Delia comes to stay, she can go into one of the boys’ rooms,’ Verity said, praying that Delia wouldn’t come until Saskia had left, though knowing her she’d probably turn up just to vet her, still convinced that this woman was an imposter.

  After saying his bit, his voice becoming more business-like, as if this was a work problem not a family one, Nathan rang off, leaving Verity in the air, wishing none of this was happening.

  She loved her husband, she told herself firmly, he was decent, kind and loving, though he was not good at emotional conflict, she reminded herself. She could not help feeling that he was relieved to be so far away coping with a business problem and not an emotional one.

  Her term had started at the crammer. She had eight students in this new class and had soon picked out the troublemakers. The five girls seemed serious and hardworking. A couple of students were dyslexic, one fed up with her boarding school, and another had been ill and missed a lot of school.

  There was a ringleader among the boys: Justin, good-looking and arrogant, who rocked back in his chair and eyed her dismissively. He obviously thought himself above learning and his parents’ money would surely be wasted. Karl was rather easily led and was likely to side with Justin and also waste his parents’ money. Arthur was obviously starstruck by Emily, the best-looking girl in the group, who Justin also had his eye on.

  Verity started the class by outlining what they would be studying and suggesting they take notes of which books would be helpful and which museums and exhibitions they would visit as a class.

  Everyone but Justin took notes, though Karl, seeing that Justin was just nonchalantly swinging himself back on his chair and staring out of the window, stopped doing them himself and tried to catch Justin’s eye. This all ended in a crash as Justin, leaning too far, caused the chair to fall, depositing him on the floor. The girls screamed with laughter, and furious, he got up and stormed out.

  ‘Come back, Justin, please,’ Verity called after him, following him into the hall. Where would he go to? And what if his parents complained that there was no discipline in this expensive place, and that he’d been allowed to leave almost before the class started?

  To her relief the principal saw him and took him in hand and a few moments later he returned to her classroom, staring daggers at her. For whatever reason, Justin obviously had his own problems and was not going to be easy to deal with.

  By Saturday when Saskia was to arrive, Verity was exhausted, and was grateful when Jen said she’d come over and help settle her in.

  Verity had had a few telephone calls from Saskia, asking what she could bring. Her mother’s furniture that she wanted to keep, she’d put in storage, but she’d bring her own sheets and duvet. She arrived in a car driven by a dark-haired young man, whom she introduced as Ivor Nelson. He helped her lug in a few suitcases and a box of books.

  Saskia, dressed in a pair of loose trousers and a green jersey, and clutching a dark pink orchid which she thrust at Verity, smiled at her and Jen shyly. She took a deep breath.

  ‘Well, here I am, and thank you so much, Verity, for putting me up. I’m sure it’s a bore for you, but the flat’s gone now and—’

  ‘She can always come to me if it is inconvenient,’ Ivor broke in, putting down a bulging sports bag in the hall.

  Seeing the way he looked at her, Verity suspected he was a little in love with her. She said, ‘We’ll be fine here, thank you, Ivor. Saskia can sleep in the spare room. My sons are away at university so there’s plenty of room for her. Though they will come back from time to time.’ She did not say that they were curious about this unexpected sister so might be back sooner rather than later.

  ‘Well, anyway, as I said, if things don’t work out, for whatever reason, I have two spare rooms.’ Ivor smiled as if to sweeten his remark and not cause offence.

  ‘That’s good to know in an emergency,’ Jen broke in, smiling at him. ‘So, you’ll be looked after, Saskia, whatever happens,’ she added brightly.

  ‘When do you think my fa… Nathan is coming back?’ Saskia asked. ‘He’s emailed me a bit and it sounds as if he is having a very hard time over there.’

  ‘Yes, it does sound complicated and not very good for the reputation of the company. He’s trying to resolve it as quickly as he can,’ Verity said, though she still felt – perhaps unfairly – that Nathan might be dragging his feet to avoid confronting this unexpected daughter, or even – and she hated to think it – relieved to be away from her.

  ‘So, let me show you your room. It’s up a couple of flights of stairs. Fulham houses,’ she attempted to joke, ‘are all tall and full of stairs.’

  Verity set off up the first flight, and Saskia and Ivor followed with Jen coming last. Everyone carried something.

  The spare room overlooked the back of the house, looking out on the small, paved garden. The room was prettily done up with blue patterned curtains at the window, and cream painted walls, dotted with pictures, a darker blue carpet and a bedcover matching the curtains. There was a built-in cupboard, a dressing table and chair, and a slim bookshelf filled with books.

  ‘There’s a shower room here.’ Verity opened the door to a room, which would be a squeeze for two adults using it together. ‘Nathan and I sleep on the next floor with our en-suite bathroom. My sons sleep at the top of the house, in what was once the attics and they have their own bathroom up there so they shouldn’t disturb you.’ She reminded herself to talk to them about it, knowing that they often used the shower room if one of them was taking too long in their own one.

  When all was done, they sat together in the living room with a glass of wine. Verity also offered orange or cranberry juice, thinking that Saskia wouldn’t drink wine while pregnant.

  ‘Thank you, I’ll have cranberry juice,’ Saskia said, ‘though I did drink an occasional glass of wine initially, as I didn’t know I was pregnant for some months.’

  ‘It tasted horrid when I was expecting the boys,’ Verity said, thinking that Saskia’s pregnancy, now more prominent, had barely been mentioned at all.

  Jen had obviously taken a shine to Ivor and questioned him about his work and how he knew Saskia, almost as if she was a parent interviewing him as a suitable son-in-law.

  ‘We’ve known each other since university. I know Darren too. Saskia and I ran into each other again a few weeks ago in the restaurant where she works. It’s my local,’ he explained.

  ‘I see, small world.’ Jen seemed about to question him further when he downed his drink and got up, saying he had work to catch up on. Verity wondered if he’d had enough of Jen’s interrogation and wanted to escape.

  He thanked Verity for the wine and, putting his hand on Saskia’s shoulder, said, ‘I’ll see you some time at the restaurant. Let me know if you need anything.’ Smiling round a
t all of them, he left the room.

  Verity went with him to open the door even thought he’d told her not to disturb herself.

  ‘Perhaps we’ll see you again, call round whenever you’re passing. Thank you for helping her move in,’ she said, wanting to appear welcoming to Saskia’s friends.

  ‘Will do,’ he said with a quick wave before he went out into the street, back to his car.

  ‘What a charming man,’ Jen said when Verity returned to the room. ‘So lucky to have friends like him.’ She fixed Saskia with a smile, her face alert for any gossip.

  ‘Yes, I’ve known him on and off for ages,’ Saskia said. ‘He sometimes comes to the place where I work some evenings on King’s Road. He lives near there in a huge house, that a friend has recently inherited from his grandfather. Apparently, there are various people, relatives, sort of sitting tenants, living there, like bedsits I suppose. The house can’t be sold until they are all gone but there was an empty flat and his friend let him rent it,’ Saskia explained, trying to hide the uneasiness she felt now that Ivor had gone.

  ‘And he offered you a room in this flat if you needed it. That was kind, and with a baby coming too,’ Jen went on.

  ‘Yes, he is kind. He said I could stay with him until Darren gets back, but I thought it better not. Anyway,’ she smiled at Verity, ‘this is my father’s house and I am so grateful, Verity, for you letting me stay here, with my new family.’

  ‘You’re welcome,’ Verity said, wishing Nathan was here to do his fatherly bit, and wondering what would happen if it turned out that Nathan was not her father after all.

  ‘And you can’t join Darren wherever he is, or he can’t come and get you settled sooner. Where were you hoping to go? Surely you’d made some plans together?’ Jen smiled so as not to appear too judgemental.

  Verity made to say something to stop Jen’s interrogation, but Saskia said, ‘If my mother had not become ill, quite suddenly, we’d have sorted something out. I’d have stayed with her perhaps…’ She paused, her eyes shining with unshed tears. ‘I didn’t tell her about the baby. I didn’t want to worry her.’

  ‘I’m so sorry, Saskia.’ Verity leant over and squeezed her arm. ‘Such a terrible time for you, but you’re here now and we’ll look after you.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Saskia said simply, blowing her nose, explaining again about Darren returning in a few months and how they’d settle down together.

  ‘He might come over for Christmas,’ Jen said encouragingly. ‘Or perhaps you could join him in the States until he’s ready to come back?’

  Saskia eyed her. ‘I can’t do that just now. We’ve suddenly got a lot of orders in the clothes shop I work in and I can’t up and leave Annabel in the lurch. I’m a dress designer, and this is an amazing opportunity I’d be mad to turn down. Besides I’m hoping now Darren knows my situation that he will come back sooner rather than later – it all depends on his job – so we can find somewhere to live before the baby’s born. Start altogether as a family.’

  ‘You must stay here as long as you need to.’ Verity felt she was obliged to say that when in fact she was dreading every minute of it, dealing with this alone without Nathan and the boys.

  ELEVEN

  It took Verity and Saskia a little while to settle in together. It was not like having a guest to stay, Verity thought, where you cooked nicer meals than usual, made plans to go and visit somewhere, go to a play or something. Nor was it like having one of her sons’ friends to stay or one of their nieces or nephews, who needed a little more supervision, though of course you never let on you were doing it once they’d reached their middle teens.

  Saskia, this possibly new stepdaughter, had not grown up beside them as their other relatives had. She had a job, her own set of friends, was independent, except for temporarily needing somewhere to live, and she was out most of the time. She was too old to have a curfew, and yet Verity felt she needed a little cosseting as she had recently lost her mother and she was pregnant.

  ‘Don’t worry about feeding me,’ Saskia said when she was presented with a chicken casserole on her first evening. ‘I don’t want to be any trouble, nor do I know my plans so just let me come and go, if that’s all right?’ she added with a slight hint of impatience. ‘It’s lovely of you to let me stay, but I don’t really need to be looked after.’

  ‘I… I understand.’ Verity felt slightly rebuffed. She worried about her pregnancy. She wondered if Saskia was working too hard as the pregnancy progressed. She’d asked her which hospital she was booked into for the birth but Saskia said she had hadn’t organized that yet and seemed vague about having regular check-ups. She had quite a big bump now, and she saw that Saskia often held her back, renewing her own memories of how she had suffered from backache when she was carrying her boys.

  Above all she wished Nathan would return and they would find out once and for all if Saskia really was his daughter. Saskia kept asking her questions about him, what sort of person was he, what sort of things did he like doing, and not surprisingly, she seemed far more interested in him than she did in the rest of the family.

  They had just settled into this new way of life together, politely giving each other space, Saskia seemingly never needing to use the kitchen except for having a scrap of breakfast and the occasional coffee, and sometimes using the washing machine, when Delia rang.

  ‘I’ve just come off the phone to dear Nathan. Really you can’t trust anyone nowadays, he was at school with this chap in the office who’s been bleeding the company dry for ages. Gambling, if you please.’

  ‘He did tell me about it.’ Verity had heard most of the story from Nathan herself and been told it was strictly in confidence to avoid any bad publicity which would damage the company. She hoped Delia wouldn’t spread it around.

  ‘We’re trying to settle it out of court, we don’t want any investors to panic,’ Nathan had told Verity, which she knew anyway. ‘Better to keep such things in house.’

  ‘I understand my new granddaughter has moved in and I thought it only right that I should come and meet her,’ Delia went on. ‘I could do with a bit of shopping too and there’s nowhere like London, so will it be all right if I come for a night or three next week?’

  It would not. It was almost unheard of for Nathan’s mother to come and stay if he was not here. Verity knew Delia thought no woman on this earth was good enough for her son, and though she and Verity got on well enough, the idea of her coming to ‘inspect’ Saskia filled her with dread. It would be far better for Delia to get involved once it was proved without doubt that Nathan was Saskia’s father. Verity tried to make excuses, saying she had too much work on and that her new students often needed extra attention at the start of the term, but Delia swatted her excuses aside saying she’d be no trouble, in fact she’d be ‘quite a help’ and could cook something, which usually meant leaving the kitchen looking like a war zone while producing one small meal.

  She was coming in two days.

  That evening when Saskia came home around seven, it not being a night for her to work at the bar, Verity said, ‘My mother-in-law is coming to stay the day after tomorrow. She’s quite a character.’

  Saskia looked tired this evening; she gave her a wan smile. ‘I suppose she wants to inspect me. What’s she like?’

  ‘She means well…’

  Saskia sighed. ‘Mum always used to say that kind of person is usually the most difficult. She probably thinks I’m an imposter. Out to get his money or something,’ she joked half-heartedly.

  She was right, but Delia was not a bad person, just determined that no one would hurt her darling boy. She was not nearly so protective of her daughter, Selena, who had recently moved to Italy with her new husband.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll like you when she’s met you, though I could try and put her off if you don’t feel up to it and would rather meet Nathan first,’ Verity said, wishing she could put Delia’s inspection off until Nathan came home. What if Saskia wasn’t
his daughter after all? There’d be all this fuss over nothing.

  Saskia sunk down on a chair in the living room and Verity sat on the sofa. She had some chicken breasts in the fridge and was about to offer them to her when Saskia said, ‘No, don’t do that. If she is very difficult, I’m sure I can stay with Ivor for a night or two. He keeps saying there is a room if I need it until Darren gets back. He has two spare rooms in his mansion.’ She smiled. ‘Naturally I wouldn’t dream of staying there once the baby arrives. But then Darren will be here and we’ll be in a place of our own. And I hope my father will be back.’

  ‘I do hope so, for your sake as well as mine. He’s been away far too long already, but it’s a difficult case.’ Verity defended Nathan though she couldn’t help feeling that now both their sons had left for university, he was not enjoying being here alone with her. They had made plans for this new freedom, promising to go on trips and take up new interests, but nothing seemed to have come of it. And then he’d got promoted and the job now seemed to have taken him over.

  *

  Delia arrived in her best behaviour mode. Verity knew that look; she’d experienced it herself when she’d first met her, the mother of her then lover. A sort of, ‘I’m determined to give this person the benefit of the doubt, but if they don’t come up to scratch…’

  Saskia was working an early shift on King’s Road that evening and had said she’d be back around seven-thirty. Delia arrived just before six, virtually the same time that Verity had returned from the college. It had been a difficult day with Justin handing in a scrap of paper with a few badly typed, pointless sentences about the War of the Roses, instead of a proper essay as the others had done. She’d handed it back and told him to do it again.

  ‘You obviously didn’t teach it well enough or give me enough details,’ he’d said in his languid, upper crust voice, eyeing up the girls, who tittered, amused by him.