by Minna Howard
There was a timid knock on the door and Verity got up to answer it. It was Scott.
‘I’m sorry to disturb you but I must be off now. It was so good to meet you and I’m sorry you are not my daughter.’ He threw Saskia an awkward smile.
‘So, do you think you and Mum did have a child together? And if so, what happened to it?’ Saskia had to ask.
‘I don’t know. She certainly told me she thought she was and I… well.’ He looked sheepish. ‘It’s hard to imagine, but then I was just twenty and I panicked when she told me. I had no money and my parents would have been horrified and …’
‘Why did you write that letter to Helen recently, sadly just after she died?’ Verity pushed in.
‘Yes, why then? The child you might have had would be a grownup by now, being at least two years older than me,’ Saskia said.
He looked embarrassed. ‘I told you my wife and I don’t seem to be able to conceive together. We’ve had endless check-ups and they can’t find anything wrong with either of us. A few months ago I was going through things I’d left at my parents’ house – my mother died and I was clearing it out – and I came across Helen’s home address in Wales, and so I wrote, wanting to find out if I had had a child.’
‘It was a good thing my uncle still lives there so he could send it on. Otherwise you wouldn’t have found me,’ Saskia said. It was all such a muddle; her life seemed to be a series of misfortunes. Mum dying, Darren leaving her and the coming baby, not to mention Delia’s determination to keep her away from her son. If Nathan was not her father and kind Verity not her stepmother, she’d have to cope alone. She couldn’t expect Nathan or, indeed, Ivor to house her and a baby that wasn’t theirs. At a pinch, her uncle, who she barely knew, might take her in, though she didn’t like her aunt who had always looked down on her mother and kept them apart.
It was time she left; she was on a late shift to help with a party later this evening. She explained this to Verity while she collected her things and went downstairs.
As she went into the living room to say goodbye, Mark Gilmore offered to give her a lift in his Mercedes as he was driving up the King’s Road and must leave now too. She accepted, though she warily kept her legs well out of his way and her bag of clothes firmly on her lap. But she soon found that he only wanted to talk about how unfair Verity was to his son, who was highly intelligent but had some learning difficulty, dyslexia or something, and the expensive tutorial should surely only employ highly experienced teachers to teach such gifted children.
‘I’m sure she’s doing her best,’ Saskia said, having heard about this boy from Verity.
‘I think she has her favourites and doesn’t spend enough time with him. I shall be speaking to the directors of the college about her,’ he said and then to her relief, they had reached the King’s Road and he dropped her off.
She had emailed Ivor the day after the fire to tell him not to worry. It hadn’t touched his flat. There was no need to do anything like return early from his time with his family; his flat was unscathed, though despite opening all the windows and letting in the autumn air, the smell of the smoke still lingered in the corners.
Coral’s relations decided she was no longer safe to live alone in her flat and so it was now empty. Saskia happened to see Richard who’d inherited the house plus all its tenants, and who now rather hoped that incident would scare the rest of them enough, so they would leave too, and he could sell the house. He was coming out of Coral’s flat as she came up the stairs. She’d met him once before with Ivor.
‘Is it badly damaged?’ she asked him.
‘Only the kitchen. The whole place needs an overhaul, but I’m not spending much. In fact, I might not do anything, wait until everyone’s moved on, and then decide whether to sell it straight away or do the lot up when it’s empty,’ he said with a shrug. He was a short man with a lustrous brown beard. ‘I’m not spending any money on it, just sorting out the bit in the kitchen that was on fire. I think I’ll keep it empty, as I’m hoping the others might leave soon.’ He dropped his voice. ‘Apart from Ivor, they are all getting on and would soon probably prefer to go somewhere where they can be looked after. In fact, this fire might be a blessing in disguise, make them feel they would be safer with twenty-four-hour supervision on hand.’
To her surprise, Saskia heard herself saying, ‘I might be interested in renting it until the house is empty. How much is it a month?’
‘Oh, I thought you were with Ivor?’ He looked surprised.
‘He’s a great friend but I can’t stay with him long and anyway I wouldn’t disturb him with a baby. I’ve just broken up with the baby’s father; he’s staying in the US, been offered a better job.’ She was not going to mention his new girlfriend.
‘Well, that’s an idea. But the flat’s quite shabby, Coral was very old, deaf, and forgetful and didn’t see very well so it does need a makeover, but I’m not doing anything to it beyond the kitchen.’
‘Could I see it?’ she asked. She had friends who would help her spruce it up. She didn’t need much room and if the rent was low, she could just about manage it, with the small inheritance she had from her mother and the better money she was making from the clothes shop. Darren had also promised to send some money each month when the baby came.
She’d rather be here than have to suffer Delia’s displeasure whenever she visited. And anyway, Nathan was probably not her father so, kind though Verity was, why would she have Saskia and the coming baby to live with them?
TWENTY-THREE
Nathan arrived home late on Sunday night. The plane had been delayed so he wasn’t sure when he would get in, and he’d told Verity he’d take a taxi from the airport and not to come out for him. She opened the door to him, feeling slightly shy, wondering how pleased he was to be home and back with her.
He dropped a kiss near her left ear and sighed. ‘Oh, it’s good to be home, back in London.’ He pushed his suitcase into the hall and took off his coat.
‘Was it dreadful? Especially the culprit being a friend?’ she asked, warning herself not to swamp him, he must be exhausted after the long flight, and the time difference. Before he could answer, Delia came downstairs. She’d gone to bed but couldn’t sleep until she knew her darling boy was safely back.
Of course, she was his mother and she loved him, but Verity wished it was just the two of them, Nathan and her, alone together for the night, hopefully finding their way back to each other. He was all topsy-turvy and edgy with the time difference and his mother’s fussing round was the last thing he needed. It was a relief when Delia, seeing him yawn, insisted that he go up to bed as if he were still a child.
‘I suppose I’d better make plans to meet this daughter,’ Nathan said the next morning, as he and Verity were having breakfast together.
‘I told her you were arriving back today, and she said she’d wait for you to contact her as you probably wanted to settle back home for a few days.’ She lowered her voice and came closer to him as they could hear his mother coming down the stairs. ‘As you’ve gathered, Delia does not approve of her. She’s convinced that Saskia is not yours, really because she doesn’t want to think of you being taken in like that.’
He sighed. ‘Well, we’ll see, but if she is mine, I will be responsible for her. She may be an adult, but then there’s this baby.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘It seems like it runs in the family, but I don’t feel old enough to be a grandfather.’
‘You certainly don’t look it.’ She leant close to him a moment, wishing he would be how he used to be and show her he loved her. But she mustn’t imagine their marriage was in trouble, he was just exhausted.
She wished she didn’t have to go into work and have to deal with Justin and his father. She’d told Nathan a little about this and if only she could take the day off to stay at home with him.
‘Tony, my boss, is understanding, and protective of his staff and has a way of soothing the parents when they panic over their children, but I’m
afraid that someone like Mark Gilmore makes it sound as if it is the tutor that’s at fault, not his child,’ she told him.
Delia, bustling in, overheard her complaining about the Gilmores and sprang to their defence.
‘His boy sounds very bright, perhaps too bright to be taught in such a place,’ she remarked, opening her packet of porridge ready to cook it for her breakfast.
‘You mean by someone like me,’ Verity said lightly.
‘Good luck with that, love.’ Nathan squeezed her hand, his mind on other things. ‘Look, let’s make a plan to meet Saskia, I—’
‘I’m sure she is not yours,’ Delia broke in, putting her porridge in the microwave and turning it on, raising her voice over the hum of it. ‘Her mother was careless, lived a very louche life by the sound of it and obviously having known you and how reliable and kind you are chose to name you as her father.’
‘That is not true,’ Nathan said firmly. ‘You know nothing about it, Delia. I could easily be her father. I knew her mother well and she was a decent, kind, hard-working, woman and would certainly not name anyone as the father of her child unless she was pretty sure.’ He got up, pushing back his chair in annoyance so it squeaked on the floor.
‘Well, we had another man here saying this same woman had told him she was having his child. He turned her down at once so no doubt she decided to choose you to be her father.’ Delia was triumphant.
Verity who was now skittering around the kitchen picking up things she needed for work, said, ‘Yes, but remember Scott was with Helen two years before Nathan was there and if she was having a child then it would be two years older than Saskia.’
‘She didn’t have any children when I knew her, nor did she mention having had any. Anyway, I don’t want to discuss this now.’ Nathan went towards the door. ‘I want to go to the office and give in my report,’ he said. ‘I’ll take a cab. I can drop you on the way, Verity, if you’d like.’ He opened his briefcase to check he had everything he needed.
‘Oh, great, I would like.’ Verity smiled, happy to be with him for a while longer and to escape from her mother-in-law.
They got in the taxi, sitting side by side, Nathan silently trawling through his mobile which Verity found annoying, but she did not remark on it, knowing how jetlagged and worried he was about his meeting with Saskia, and the work problems he’d been dealing with. She stared out of the taxi as it made its way up the Fulham Road.
When they had almost reached her college, Nathan said, in rather a flat tone of voice, ‘I’ll call Saskia later and make a plan to meet up.’
‘I think it best to do it when Delia has gone home,’ Verity said, hoping she would leave soon. ‘Get it done before you even tell her you are going to do it, or she’ll make too much of it. Better to wait and see what the DNA test comes up with. I mean if she’s not yours you have no responsibilities towards her at all.’
‘I’ll discuss it with her,’ he said, his eyes still on his mobile. ‘She could so easily be mine. Delia might not want her to be, but I know Helen would not have given her our name and told her I was her father unless she was certain.’
Verity said no more. She stared out of the window at the passing streets, the leaves in their autumn colours gleaming on the trees, or scattered on the pavements, whirling into little piles with the wind.
She scolded herself for feeling jealous. All this had happened before she and Nathan had even met. She liked Saskia, admired her for her strength in dealing with the fall out of her life. But now Nathan was home, she didn’t want this intrusion to their family. She wondered how their sons would really feel if Saskia came to live with them while she had the baby, or their father paid for a flat for her and so could not afford one for them when they left university. How would it affect them if their father seemed to take more interest in her, this new, pretty daughter, than in them?
The college was up ahead, so she gathered up her things to be ready to get out. A van shot out in front of them, realised too late that it couldn’t get past and tried to reverse, causing a jam, and their driver swore. He had to reverse himself, causing the car behind him to do the same until the van managed to manoeuvre itself enough to get out.
Nathan, before this happened and thinking Verity was about to get out and impatient to get on with all the things he needed to do, had already dialled Saskia’s number and she answered at once.
‘It’s Nathan, I got back last night.’ There was a pause as Saskia greeted him. He went on, ‘Yes, we must meet up; you should come over for supper or something.’ Again she spoke, he listened to her intently. ‘Fine, I’ll contact you later in the week. We’ll get this DNA thing over and done with. I’ll make the arrangements then we’ll go together and see how it works out.’
Verity, her side of the taxi still boxed in, trapping her, scolded herself for feeling excluded. Nathan and Saskia were now chatting together, exchanging stories of her mother. She reminded herself that she had nothing to do with this part of her husband’s past life. It was an incident that had happened before she’d met him. It could have remained hidden for ever if Saskia’s mother had not become so ill and decided to tell her the name of her father. Now, it had reared up and had to be dealt with and, like it or not, she would have to live with it.
TWENTY-FOUR
Ivor had mixed feelings about Saskia moving into Coral’s vacant flat.
‘I’m happy for you to stay here for as long as you need to. You can pay rent if it makes you feel better,’ he said when she told him about this plan on his return from Scotland.
‘That’s so generous of you but I’ve got to face the fact that the baby’s due in a few months and I can’t expect you to put up with that. I must make my own arrangements. Besides, I’m paying to have my mother’s furniture stored so it will free up some money for the rent if I use it here.’ She hugged him, his arm slipping around her, and he held her close an instant before moving away, leaving her feeling oddly lonely. It was only because she missed Darren and the warmth of his embraces, she’d have to get used to that.
She stayed with Ivor another ten days while Coral’s relatives cleared out her things and Richard saw that the burnt part of the kitchen was put right. She arranged a ‘painting party’ with some of her friends and the small two bedrooms, bathroom, living room and minute kitchen were quickly spruced up and she arranged to have her mother’s furniture moved in.
‘I hope I can stay here awhile,’ she said to Ivor as he helped her take her last things from his flat. ‘I know when everyone dies or decides to move out Richard is going to sell it, and he wishes it was soon, but if I could stay here a couple of years that would be great.’
‘It would be,’ Ivor agreed, rather absentmindedly she felt, so she stopped talking about it. He must be getting bored of her situation, and goodness knew how the rest of the tenants would react to a crying baby to disturb them.
The flat was perfect, she thought, looking round at the newly painted living room. She’d chosen an off-white to lighten the place up and make it feel bigger. It was the first time she’d ever had a place entirely to herself, except for the few sad weeks after her mother’s death, and that place hadn’t felt like home without her mother there.
She used the tiny second bedroom as a workplace bringing over materials and patterns from the shop and borrowing one of the sewing machines to make up a few samples while also working on the clothes already ordered. They were doing well now and had a little collection of clients who ordered special clothes from them for important parties, or outings like Ascot or Glyndebourne, and there was even talk of a wedding dress, which they both longed to do.
But the highlight of the week was meeting Nathan. Verity texted her to ask if she was free for supper to come round and meet him. ‘It will be just the three of us,’ she finished, which was a relief. She did not want to be faced with Delia again, though the downside of being Nathan’s daughter, if she was, would be that Delia would become her grandmother.
She dithered
on the doorstep of their house a moment, a bunch of yellow Peruvian lilies in her hand. After the fiasco with Scott, she’d wondered if Nathan was her father after all. If only she could somehow reach her mother, have some sort of sign to get the truth. She still had her door key on her, but she rang the bell to announce her arrival, her stomach churning with shyness.
Verity opened the door and embraced her. ‘Lovely to see you, Saskia, come in,’ she said and, as if guessing her feelings, adding quietly, ‘Nathan is as nervous as you must be. He’s in the living room. I’ll get on with dinner.’
Saskia thrust the flowers at her, took a deep breath and came into the hall. Nathan came out to greet her. He was smiling.
‘This is an odd meeting for both of us.’ He stood before her, his eyes moving over her as if he would instantly recognise her as his own. ‘You do look very like your mother,’ he said. ‘I can’t believe she’s gone from us; she was so young, so vibrant. I was very fond of her, but our time together was just an interlude – a special one. We were both going on to other things and our relationship just petered out.’
‘I understand,’ Saskia said, thinking how much more she’d prefer this man than Scott to be her father. They went together into the living room while Verity busied herself in the kitchen. He offered her wine or a soft drink. His eyes flickered away from her bump, seemingly in surprise, though he made no remark, when she chose wine. She felt she needed a glass and was sure one small one wouldn’t hurt. They sat down opposite each other, both a little tongue-tied, and then they both spoke at once, making them laugh.
‘So how shall we deal with this?’
‘We’d better take the next step.’
‘I’ve found a clinic that will do the test. Apparently there are lots of them and lots of men have been either relieved or shattered to find that the children they thought were theirs were not,’ Nathan said in a friendly way, though she wondered which reaction he would have if the test came back negative. Probably huge relief. And how would she feel? She didn’t know, it was all so strange.
