My Married Boyfriend

by Cydney Rax

  “Girl, I know you’re worried about Remy, but she has no reason to be way out here at this college campus.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. She can’t even finish high school.”

  “And maybe it’s time you swallowed your pride and tried to co-parent with Marlon.”

  “You’re right again. We’ll handle it; enough of my depressing talk. I refuse to RSVP to my own pity party any longer. Let’s go.”

  When Adina left the building, she couldn’t stop thinking about Remy. Lately, whenever she tried to fall asleep, she wondered if she’d get a knock on her door from the police. Would they tell her that her daughter had been arrested or, even worse, was lying lifeless in the morgue?

  Adina didn’t want to think about it.

  Chapter 8

  Not Hitting It, Just Kicking It

  That weekend Kiara took Eddison up on his offer to go and buy items for the new nursery. He offered to drive her to several stores and accompanied her inside so she could get his opinion.

  “I think I go with a classic design and think about neutral colors for my color scheme,” she told him.

  “That would be the smart thing to do,” he answered. She grabbed his arm and they began to march through the showroom.

  “Selecting furniture is easy, but the heart is not so smart.” She leaned against him.

  “I see you’re struggling with—”

  “I know what you’re thinking and no, I am not about to change my mind,” Kiara said to assure him. “Rashad and I are kaput. But I consulted with my attorney yesterday. He let me know right up front that divorces are not granted to pregnant women unless the man has abandoned her and he can’t be found.”

  “I figured that.”

  “We’ll play the waiting game until my baby is born. I feel like I’m in limbo.”

  “You are. But one thing you can count on is me.”

  She nodded and released his arm. They placed an order for a convertible crib, nursery organizer, dresser, and changing table.

  Kiara reached for her credit card; Eddison stopped her. “I got this.”

  “Nope, no. I won’t let you do this, Eddy.”

  “Why not? It’s not a problem.”

  “Because it’s something that he should be doing.”

  Eddison paused. Hurt filled his eyes. “Are you trying to tell me something I don’t know?”

  “No,” she gasped. “I still don’t know.” She looked at the salesclerk, who stared at her in puzzlement. “Um, put the expense on my card,” she said.

  Once they left the store and headed for another, Kiara resumed her explanation.

  “What I was trying to say is that I think Rashad should offer to pay for these types of things.”

  “And I think you’re being unreasonable.”

  “You think what?”

  “You don’t want the man, yet you’re trying to get his money. You want to have your cake and eat it, too. Why is that?”

  Kiara immediately shut down emotionally. She sat in silence while Eddison drove. She loved him dearly, but sometimes she wondered if he was right. Was she being unreasonable and stringing him along? Was it fair to place Eddison in the middle of her complicated life?

  Finally, Eddison spoke up. “Look, who pays for what doesn’t even matter. And I won’t let something as trivial as that keep us from talking. Do I make myself clear?”

  “Very clear,” she murmured. “And it is silly to fight over this.”

  “That’s why we aren’t going to do that. Your job is to stay healthy and keep your mind focused and positive. I’m trying to make things easier for you and the little one. I see how much you go through, Kiara, and all I want to do is help.”

  “Sometimes I don’t want your help.”

  “But why not?”

  “Because I don’t want to feel like I owe you anything.”

  There. She said it. It hurt her to say it, but those feelings had been on her mind for a couple of days.

  “Do you want to continue seeing me, Kiara?”

  “What? Of course, Eddy, don’t do this.”

  “Good. I’m glad you realize you do want me in your life. We’ve just got to figure out in what ways and how deeply you want me.”

  “I want you deeply. I want you truly. But I refuse to lay all my burdens on you. It’s not fair to you. That’s why I had to pay for that furniture.”

  “Okay, I get it. You are fiercely independent. But I—”

  “You what, Eddy? What?”

  “I love taking care of you. Will you just let me do that? Just try it and see how you like it?”

  Kiara closed her eyes. If she could step outside of herself and see what she was doing, she’d call herself a big fool. She’d probably tell God himself “no thanks” if he extended a helping hand. She smiled to herself. Then she laughed. She opened her eyes. She nodded. She held Eddison’s hand and squeezed it.

  “Just try to do things my way, please,” he urged her. “And if you feel uncomfortable in any way, let me know. I will back off. I may not like it, but I will respect your decision.”

  “All right, Fairy Godfather. You got yourself a deal.”

  * * *

  It was the second week in December. Nicole had taken off the past three days as Kiara requested. Now she wanted to stay out of trouble and not be at odds with her boss. So she efficiently completed all her work assignments and kept to herself. But when it came to Alexis, resentment carved its way inside her heart. She couldn’t stop thinking about Alexis and the hateful thing that she had done.

  That Monday morning Nicole was returning to her office from an off-campus meeting. She passed by the large administrative assistant workstation module. Alexis had been busy typing, but she stopped and waved at Nicole and tried to catch her eye.

  “Hello, Nicole. Tell me something. Is orange the new black?”

  “I can’t believe you said that. It’s not funny.”

  “I know it’s not. Jail is very serious. And doing stupid stuff to get yourself put in jail is even more serious.”

  “I told you I was sorry. And I don’t know why you had to go and do something so drastic.”

  “Maybe it’ll teach you a lesson, Nicole.”

  “Oh, and what’s that?”

  “I don’t want your man.”

  “Is that what this is about?”

  “Only because you make it that way; for God’s sake, the guy couldn’t even have a private conversation with me on the phone. Even though you think of me as just a baby mama, don’t forget, it looks as if you’re second in line for the position yourself.”

  Nicole appeared stunned. She made sure no one else could hear their conversation. “Wait a second. If you are implying that Rashad wouldn’t want to marry me because I’m having his baby, you’re wrong, Alexis. I have nothing to do with how you two handled your affairs, but my situation promises to be different.”

  “Be careful what you wish for. Just ask Kiara.” And at that, Alexis resumed typing and ignored Nicole.

  Nicole returned to her office feeling hurt and frustrated. She stayed to herself and did her work. But at the beginning of the lunch hour, Nicole bumped into Kiara in the hallway.

  When she took one look at her boss, Nicole felt like a bull. And to her, Kiara was a matador whipping around a red cape. All she saw was red.

  Kiara hesitated when she noticed Nicole. Then she quickly began traipsing down the hallway, past Alexis’s desk, out the door, and in the direction of the employee parking lot.

  Nicole followed her and yelled at her back.

  “Hey, wait up,” she said.

  Annoyed, Kiara asked, “What can I do for you?”

  “During the past few days when I wasn’t at this place, I did a lot of thinking. I-I just wanted to apologize to you again.”

  “Really? No need for that. You did your time. That’s punishment enough.”

  “Kiara, I’m trying to be a better woman.”

  “Do you mean better than I was . . . wit
h Rashad?”

  “Actually, I meant trying to be nicer.”

  “If you have to force yourself to be nice to people, maybe you should just give up. A person is either good-hearted or they aren’t.”

  “But I can be good-hearted. For real.”

  Kiara wasn’t convinced. Once a person stabbed her in the back, she always kept alert for the knife to slice her up again. And she could never forget how Nicole flaunted the affair she had with her husband last summer. It was as if she felt proud of herself. Kiara thought arrogant side chicks were a menace to society. And she’d never believe that there could be any redemption for someone like Nicole.

  “I’m sorry, Nicole, but my gut tells me you aren’t sincere. Now, if you will excuse me, I have somewhere to go.” Kiara was ready to go to her car, but right then a strange man interrupted them. He wore a dark colored business suit and slowly approached them.

  The man stared intently at Kiara then asked, “Are you Kiara Mariah Eason?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Oh, great. I have a little something for you.” He handed her a brown envelope. “Can you sign this stating you received this package?”

  “Huh? What is it?” Kiara opened the envelope. She removed the paper and quickly learned that her husband intended to divorce her. The processor thrust paper and pen at her. She mindlessly signed it.

  The man quietly left.

  Kiara was visibly shaken as she covered her mouth with trembling hands.

  “What the fuck?”

  “By the beat-down look on your face,” Nicole said, “Rashad beat you to it, huh?”

  Nicole already knew that Rashad was planning to serve Kiara with divorce papers. And she fought to keep a grin off of her face. Now the woman knew how it felt to be humiliated at work. And Nicole finally believed her mother’s warning. What goes around comes around. Nicole did her time, but she resented being forced to miss three days of salary.

  “He did it. I can’t believe it but he did,” Kiara said out loud. Never would she have imagined that the man who wronged her would initiate proceedings.

  “It’s no secret that he and I are breaking up. But the reality of it, and the fact that he filed on me first, no, I couldn’t have predicted this. Not here at work and in front of my employees. He’s been doing some really low-down things lately, even for him. I just don’t understand how we got here. Why are we here?” Kiara suddenly realized Nicole was hungrily hanging on her every word.

  “You were the first wife.” Nicole shrugged. “And now you’re going to be the ex-wife.”

  “Nicole, please—”

  “The first shall be last, and the last”—she pointed at herself—“shall be first.”

  Kiara couldn’t imagine Rashad wanting to marry this woman. Most guys were hurt after a break-up, and even though he filed on her, she was sure it would take him some time to heal from their relationship before he’d rush into a new one.

  “You really are delusional, Nicole.”

  “Not delusional. I know how these things work. Just look at the signs. Sometimes the first marriage for a woman isn’t the happiest. She went in not knowing what she was doing. She rushed him to the altar because she was way more concerned about the dress and the ceremony than she was about the man and his heart. And when things don’t work out as she planned, instead of bowing out gracefully, she held on like a monkey clutching a tree trunk. She got embarrassed. And she’s too fucking scared to fall. Why? Because everyone can see her. So she’s gotta save face. But if you missed it, you missed it. So you failed? Move on. Things may hurt right now, but see it as a blessing. Why? ’Cause your second blessing may be right around the corner. Literally.” She laughed and threw back her head.

  Kiara was stupefied. And offended. How dare a jump-off tell her how to respond to the shitstorm that she helped to cause?

  “I don’t even know where to begin with you, Nicole. But for starters, you sound like men are just temporary pawns in women’s lives. Like people are supposed to get married and if they fuck up they should just give up and quickly move on to the next man. That’s insane.”

  “I don’t mean to sound like that, like a man is a pawn, but when you remove the emotional part of it, and stick to the facts, that’s just how things turn out sometimes.”

  “Well, I don’t plan to be a serial married person,” Kiara informed her. “I take my vows seriously.”

  “You call me delusional? You’re the one that’s delusional. How can you say you’re serious about your vows when you wasted no time hooking up with light skin, making him your work husband, and you’re still having his baby, from the look of things.”

  “You definitely wouldn’t know my business on that level. That’s for sure.”

  “It is my business, because from what I understand, it’s only because you assumed that Rashad and me was getting it in that you even got involved with Mr. Osborne. When the truth was, we hadn’t even smashed just yet.”

  “What did you say?” Kiara asked.

  “Yeah, you falsely imagined that your man was hitting it, when we were just kicking it. The fucking part didn’t come till much later. So your whorish ass, Mrs. Eason, committed adultery first on Rashad.”

  Kiara lurched forward, her hands stretched out for Nicole’s round neck. But just before she could make contact, Kiara pulled back.

  Dozens of students and some faculty members were walking in the area. How could she let this young lady drive her to nearly snapping? She wasn’t a violent criminal—at least not when it came to the other woman.

  But Nicole’s declaration did stun her. Could she be telling the truth? Her husband was faithful to her when she assumed he wasn’t? Even if it were true, it still didn’t compensate for the fact that Rashad had obviously been involved with Alexis and that he hid their daughter, Hayley, from her.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Nicole. But why do you keep trying to hurt me?”

  “I ain’t trying to hurt you. I’m trying to help you. You are still young. You’re still hot. It ain’t like no other man won’t want you even though you will end up a single mom with two kids. But you better hurry up while you can, because once you turn forty, your stock will drop like a brick thrown out of a high-rise window. Most men ain’t checking for women over forty.”

  “You sound ridiculous,” Kiara said, but she thought about her friend Adina, who was pushing forty.

  “I may look ratchet,” Nicole replied, “but I do my research. And I will not be on the wrong side of a statistic.”

  “Why are we out here talking about statistics—?”

  “All I know is that half of all black women will never get married; these stats are very high in comparison to white women and Hispanics. And more than forty-eight percent of black men won’t get married. And of those that do, some of ’em are choosing to marry women of other races,” Nicole said in an emotional voice. She didn’t want to make it sound as if she was desperate and afraid, but occasionally, that’s how she felt. Although she put on a brave front before Kiara, in truth she knew how it felt to be wounded emotionally and feel insecure. She never wanted to display weakness, especially not in front of her boss. But at that moment it all began to hit her.

  When she realized how much courage it had taken for her to move more than six hundred fifty miles across country to live and work in a place in which she did not know one soul, her knees nearly gave in. She had relocated with hardly any money, without the support of her family, and was forced to move into a shoddy-ass rental house because she lacked the money to move into a more upscale apartment complex. She was so afraid the first night that she moved into the little house. At the time it had no curtains. So she taped newspaper over all the windows and prayed to God that no one tried to break into the home that night. She was scared but was happy to have a new job. And she was determined to work and stick it out. Not run back home to Alabama like a failure.

  Nicole continued with tears in her eyes, “Do you know how that makes me feel to
know that I could never get married because of what some dumb statistics claim?”

  “I really don’t care—”

  “I’ll tell you how it makes me feel. I don’t know why I’m telling you this but . . . I used to have a man that wasn’t a hundred percent black. He was fucking Italian mixed with black, if you can imagine that. I never intended to be with a man whose ancestors didn’t come from the motherland. Yet he and I were tight like Romeo and Juliet. We fought the odds to be together because his family wasn’t feeling this dark-skinned chick from the South. He loved me to death and I felt the same. I just knew us two rebels would get married. We were on our way, but . . . shit happens. Bad became worse. I felt lost. And then he was gone. And that’s that.”

  For the first time ever, Kiara viewed Nicole through different eyes. She always wondered why the woman chose to be the way that she was. When she first met Nicole, she knew she seemed quiet and a little reserved. But later she thought of her as ridiculously angry. And now Kiara knew Nicole was merely a hurt and scared little girl. Kiara didn’t want Rashad anymore, so Nicole could have him. But she also wasn’t willing to keep fighting with the woman over a man that wasn’t worth it.

  “Nicole, I’m sorry to hear about your failed relationship.”

  “Sure you are,” Nicole sniffed.

  “I’m being sincere. Being hurt doesn’t feel good.”

  “No, it doesn’t.”

  “I want to hear more about this guy. Why didn’t it work out?”

  “Oh, God. Why am I telling you these things?” Nicole paused, unable to believe that she was letting her vulnerabilities be exposed. “Let’s just say that there were things about him that I couldn’t deal with. At the end of the day, in my heart I knew I couldn’t be with this man forever. It was too risky. Too unstable. Too painful.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “And once I realized that fact, it made me think more clearly about what I need. And what is better for me. I hate the stats, but if the stats don’t lie, then they help me to stay focused.”