The Unstoppable Wasp

by Sam Maggs

  Especially if you aimed it right.

  “So S.H.I.E.L.D. never showed up?” Bobbi asked with a frown. She pulled on a pair of boxing gloves and waited for Nadia to do the same. Usually Bobbi preferred sparring with Ying, but she was still nowhere to be found, probably out with Shay. Nadia wanted to work off the rest of her excited and nervous energy from earlier, so she’d agreed to it. Taina would be their impartial ref.

  Though she tended to favor Bobbi. Nadia was fine with it.

  “No.” Nadia shook her head, reaching down toward her toes to stretch. She flattened her hands out on the floor in front of her and craned her neck up to keep eye contact with Bobbi. “At least not as long as I was there. They must have heard it was nothing serious—maybe an overdose, or something?”

  Bobbi reached over her head with one arm and bent to the right, stretching out her side. “Maybe.”

  “Shay and Ying never showed up, either,” Nadia added carefully.

  Tai sighed. “I’m not surprised.”

  “Still, I could have used the assist on that one. I was very, very outnumbered.”

  Bobbi stretched an arm over her head. “Did Priya make it?”

  “It was too late.” Nadia shook her head. “We would have had to arrive as a group. But…”

  “At least it wasn’t A.I.M. again,” Bobbi finished for Nadia diplomatically. “Did Janet tell you S.H.I.E.L.D. got something out of the guy you knocked out in front of our satellite office?”

  “No!” Nadia pulled herself back up to standing and she and Bobbi started to circle each other. “What did he say?”

  Bobbi jabbed a fist forward, but Nadia was too fast for it to land. “Apparently, they thought infiltrating the lab would be too difficult after last time—”

  “Good,” Taina interjected.

  “Agreed.” Bobbi danced backward out of Nadia’s reach as one of her legs swept out. “Seems like they thought they could infiltrate a side office, maybe bug it or draw security away from the lab, and it would get them one step closer to here. They didn’t anticipate you being there.”

  “They usually don’t,” Taina said with a devious smile.

  “What were you doing in Midtown today, anyways?” Bobbi asked. Nadia feinted with a right hook and hoped Bobbi wouldn’t notice her left uppercut—but no such luck. They continued to circle.

  “I was visiting a new friend, in Queens!” Nadia said excitedly, bouncing on her toes. Bobbi tried to catch her while she was off-balance, but Nadia barely stumbled.

  “Ohhh, right.” Bobbi nodded. Her eyes searched for an opening. Nadia did the same.

  “Right?” Nadia squinted.

  “We were talking,” Tai offered.

  “You were—?” Nadia turned to look at Tai with frustration, and it was all the opportunity Bobbi needed. She lunged forward, sweeping Nadia’s legs out from under her. As Nadia landed on her back with a thud, Bobbi held her foot over her neck. Defeated.

  “Nice round,” Bobbi said, stepping back and offering Nadia her hand. Nadia reached out to grip it—but instead of Bobbi hauling her to her feet, the older woman squeezed her hand and knelt down next to her, pulling her up to sitting.

  “Listen.” Bobbi leaned in close. “I know Tai is Tai, but she’s not wrong. We don’t know Margaret. Like, at all. I’m not saying she’s a bad person—she could be a great fit for G.I.R.L. But we should let Janet and Lexi approach her like they approach all of our other partners. Okay? Let’s do this right.”

  Nadia squeezed Bobbi’s hand back in reassurance. “She’s different, Bobbi. She’s one of us. She wants to help with Like Minds, to do something really impressive and meaningful. She interned for my father, even!”

  “And he didn’t hire her,” Tai reminded her from the sidelines. “Kind of a red flag.”

  Dropping Bobbi’s hand, Nadia pushed herself to her feet. “Lots of things Hank Pym did were kind of red flags,” Nadia said, a little sharply.

  “Yeah, he had plenty of those,” Bobbi agreed, standing back up. She was so tall and lovely and muscly and blond. Nadia was glad she hadn’t wanted to fight with the sticks today. “But one thing he had going for him was that he was a good scientist. And Janet’s a good leader, a good judge of character. So we should maybe trust her to handle this. Even if you don’t want to trust her with Maria’s journal.”

  Nadia rounded fully on Tai this time, her hands on her hips. “You told her?” Nadia couldn’t believe Tai would divulge a secret that wasn’t even hers to tell.

  Tai at least had the grace to look away, embarrassed. “You said you didn’t want Janet to know—but I told Bobbi about VERA and Margaret and I wanted it to make sense.…” Tai finally looked Nadia in the eye. “I’m just…” Saying things with emotion was not Taina’s forte. She gritted her teeth. “I’m just worried about you. Is all.”

  Nadia was caught off guard. Taina didn’t usually put things so plainly when it came to what she was feeling. Nadia knew how to read Taina, knew that she cared even when she didn’t say it. It was always evident in the things Taina did. Hearing Taina say out loud that she was worried cut through Nadia’s anger like a blade.

  “Don’t blame Tai,” Bobbi said, stepping in between the two girls. “I’m not going to tell Janet about Maria’s list. But we’re all just worried about you, after last time.”

  Last time. Before Nadia’s diagnosis. When she’d fallen so deep into a manic episode, before she even knew what a manic episode was, that she hurt her friends physically and emotionally. Nadia appreciated their concern. She knew how scary that time had been. It had been scary for her, too.

  Nadia was used to not being able to trust. Things. People. Appearances. Optics. Promises. The Red Room had made sure that her sense of trust was thoroughly eroded.

  But she’d always been able to trust herself. Not being able to trust her own brain had shaken Nadia to her core. It had rewritten rules she thought she knew, overnight. She was managing it now, but in the immediate aftermath of the manic episode that had changed everything, she felt like she was constantly searching for her footing, trying to find her balance again.

  But this wasn’t that. This didn’t feel like that. This had nothing to do with having bipolar. This was just Nadia being excited about something. This was Nadia finally feeling inspired after feeling like she had been drowning in appointments and schedules and only-potential plans for weeks. Plus, she’d been working hard on maintaining self-awareness about her disorder. They just weren’t listening.

  Nadia picked up her gear and headed for the stairs back up to the lab. “I just think, with Margaret on board, we can make a real difference with this Like Minds project. I’ve been thinking all day about data and communication networks and interconnectivity and I know there’s something here. I know there is. I just want to make something that matters,” Nadia said. She felt helpless with Bobbi and Taina both following her in silence. “I just want to make something that makes a real difference.” She didn’t know what else to say.

  “And I think we can do it without her,” Tai said under her breath.

  “It’s late,” Bobbi said loudly, over Taina. They walked into the lab, where Priya was half-asleep on a couch already. “Let’s all sleep on it and we can talk about it again tomorrow, okay? With more of the G.I.R.L. squad, even, if they’re here. Everybody’s making good points. Let’s just take some time.”

  “Fine,” Tai said.

  “Okay,” agreed Nadia. She turned to make her way toward her own room.

  Suddenly, the doors to the lab slammed open. Nadia spun back around.

  “Where’s the emergency?!” Ying stood in the doorway, disheveled but looking ready for a fight. Shay was next to her, hair mussed. They must have run here from…wherever they were.

  Nadia sucked in her bottom lip. She needed to not say anything for a minute.

  “You missed it,” Priya said groggily, sitting up on the couch.

  “Technically, so did you,” said Bobbi. She just shrugged in response to P
riya’s death glare.

  “They missed it by two hours,” snapped Tai.

  “We’re sorry!” Shay raised one hand in apology. She grabbed Ying’s hand with the other. “We’re sorry. We were just—”

  “Busy,” said Ying. She couldn’t quite keep the red out of her cheeks. “Working. Phones were—”

  “Off,” finished Shay.

  “In another room,” Ying finished at the same time.

  They looked at each other. Shay stifled a giggle.

  Nadia couldn’t take it anymore.

  “Would it have been funny if I’d been hurt?” she said, quietly. “If someone on the street had been hurt?”

  Shay was quiet now.

  “Why would you two leave your phones? Your responsibilities? We agreed—” started Priya. Nadia rounded on her, cutting Priya off.

  “You haven’t exactly been around, either,” she said, still calm.

  “I’ve been going through some personal issues,” Priya said, anger rising. “And I actually have a job and school outside of G.I.R.L. Also, I control plants with my brain now, so that’s a bit of an adjustment.”

  “Do you care at all about G.I.R.L.?” Nadia accused. “We’re supposed to be a team. We’re supposed to face things like that together.”

  “That’s rich, coming from you,” Tai said, surprising Nadia. “Where were you before Midtown? Here? Or in Queens visiting someone who has literally nothing to do with G.I.R.L.?”

  “That’s not fair—” Nadia rounded on Tai, but she was already wheeling her way toward the back of the lab.

  “I’m done,” said Tai. “We’ll talk later.”

  “We’re sorry, Nadia,” said Shay. “Really. We’re glad you didn’t get hurt.”

  “Does Ying not speak for herself anymore?” Priya wondered aloud, snarkily.

  “Why don’t you come over here and find out?” snapped Ying.

  Nadia threw up her hands. “Stop. Be here next time. Or don’t. But figure out what’s important to you. And then let us know.”

  Ying stared hard at Nadia for a minute. Then she spun, leaving the lab behind her at a run. Shay offered an apologetic look back at Nadia and Priya before following her. Priya pulled her blanket over her head and slumped back down on the couch.

  Bobbi looked at Nadia. “Good advice. You gonna take it?”

  Nadia frowned. It was late, and she was tired, and she didn’t want to think about this anymore. She just wanted to talk to someone—anyone—who understood. And there seemed to be a real shortage of those people at the lab these days.

  “I’m going to go to bed,” said Nadia. She headed for her room.

  “Hey,” Bobbi added, grabbing Nadia’s arm and stopping her before she got too far. “The list. Save Philly for me? I’ve got friends there. Could be fun.”

  Nadia’s irritation fell away, replaced by surprise. And maybe, if she was honest with herself, a little bit of shame. She was mad at Bobbi and Taina for not understanding, for trying to hamstring her ambitions because they couldn’t—wouldn’t—understand why she wanted to be closer to Margaret, to work with her. But even as they fought and disagreed, Bobbi wanted to help. She wanted Nadia to have this, because at least on some level, she understood that it was important to her.

  Bobbi cared. She wanted something good for Nadia, and just as she always had, she wanted to be a part of making it happen.

  Nadia swallowed, remembering. She had been planning on doing the Insectarium in Philadelphia with Margaret. Perhaps it was better not to bring that up right now, though.

  “Right,” Nadia said. She looked straight into Bobbi’s eyes and forced a smile.

  Bobbi dropped Nadia’s arm like it was made of hot coals. She looked like she’d seen a ghost.

  Nadia blinked. “Bobbi?” she asked, concerned. “What is it?”

  “Your…” she started.

  “My what?” Nadia asked, confused.

  Bobbi stared hard, her eyes searching Nadia’s. Like she was looking for something. She shook her head. “Nothing,” she said, but she sounded unsure. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Just…think about what I said, okay?”

  With that, Bobbi turned and headed for the back of the lab—for Tai. Nadia could hear them whispering. Now there was an unexpected pair.

  I guess suspicion of new friends can really bring old friends together, thought Nadia. She knew it wasn’t entirely logical, but she felt left out. Excluded. Hurt. Alone.

  Nadia entered her room and shut the door behind her. “You understand what I’m trying to do—right, VERA?” Nadia slumped into her chair.

  “I do,” VERA agreed, her hologram powering up. “Shall we get to work?”

  Nadia smiled. Finally, someone who would back her up. “Yeah. Let’s get to work.”

  “It certainly all sounds very exciting,” said Dr. Sinclair. “You seem very energized.”

  Nadia’s enthusiastic smile dimmed slightly in wattage. She tried not to overthink in their sessions. Not everything Dr. Sinclair said held some deeper meaning. Nadia had just finished telling her about all of the big changes in her life, lately—VERA, Like Minds, and most importantly, Maria’s journal. And Dr. Sinclair seemed genuinely happy for her! Which wasn’t surprising. Dr. Sinclair was, after all, extremely cool. Nadia knew that, in her spare time, Dr. Sinclair was big into powerlifting. Her thighs could kill a man. Nadia liked that.

  But Nadia also knew that Dr. Sinclair was always on the watch for signs of unhealthy habits or bipolar episodes. Which, obviously, was part of her job, and a good thing. And that word Dr. Sinclair had used—“energized”—could mean that she was concerned about Nadia’s energy right now in general, in case they pointed to risky behaviors.

  “I am energized,” Nadia agreed, “but I think it’s an okay energized. A healthy energized. You know?”

  Dr. Sinclair nodded. “You’re sleeping well?”

  “Seven hours a night and mostly on-schedule,” Nadia said proudly. “I even got myself back on track after visiting the Crystal Lab. VERA helped with that, actually.”

  “That’s good! That’s big.” Dr. Sinclair made a note on her ever-present notepad. “I’m so happy to hear that. You’ve been following our conversation very well today, too, which is a good sign. What do the G.I.R.L.s think about all this?”

  Nadia hesitated. “I haven’t seen them all lately, but Taina…” Nadia shrugged. “Taina is worried. But I know it’s coming from a place of…” She paused for a second, trying to find the right words.

  Dr. Sinclair waited patiently.

  “Of love,” Nadia finally landed on, “and concern. I don’t think it’s because she’s angry with me personally, or anything.”

  “Good.” Dr. Sinclair made another note. Nadia knew that was one of her methods of reality testing—if Nadia had said that she felt like Taina was upset because she hated her and therefore the whole world hated her, for example, Nadia might have been catastrophizing or detaching from reality a little bit. That wasn’t the case today.

  “All right.” Dr. Sinclair put down her pen and looked Nadia in the eye. “I know high activity levels aren’t uncommon for you, but I do want to make sure you’re practicing coping methods in case you start to feel like you’re going too far down that path.” She put her legal pad down next to her and sat up nice and straight. “What’s your favorite breathing exercise we’ve done? Three-part? Four-seven-eight?”

  Nadia mimicked Dr. Sinclair’s posture while thinking through her question. Both the practices her therapist had mentioned were helpful in different ways. Nadia liked four-seven-eight best when she felt like she was having a panic attack or spiraling hard; you breathed in for a count of four, held it for a count of seven, and exhaled for eight. It slowed her heart rate right down—she’d even used it a few times when she felt nervous before a big fight as the Wasp. But it didn’t feel right in this moment.

  “Let’s do three-part breath,” said Nadia. Dr. Sinclair led her through the steps, even though she already knew them; it
was nice to just have someone else there to talk her through it, kind of comforting in a way. Nadia closed her eyes, breathing into her belly, inflating her tummy like a balloon; then into her midchest, feeling her ribcage expand; then into her upper chest, lifting her clavicles. When she exhaled, she reversed it, the air leaving first her chest, then her ribs, then her belly.

  NADIA’S NEAT SCIENCE FACTS!!!

  Breathing exercises and meditations aren’t just placebos for a panicky brain. Breath control has a direct affect on the autonomic and central nervous systems and your psychological status. Slowed breathing increases heart rate variability (the variation in the time between heartbeats) and respiratory sinus arrythmia (when the time between heartbeats slows down on your exhale and speeds up on your inhale), both of which are signs of a healthy and de-stressed human. In EEGs, we see that slow breathing increases the brain’s alpha power (when you just finished a project and you’re taking a nice, relaxing stroll through Central Park? Your brain is in an alpha state). fMRIs even show slow breathing increases function in the cortical and subcortical regions of the brain. Essentially, when you slow your breathing, you’re telling your body that you’re not in fight-or-flight mode, but rather in rest-and-digest mode. “Chill out,” you say. “Things are, in fact, chill.”

  Regulating your breathing is a core part of many eastern religions and medicines, including yoga, where it’s called “pranayama” (which can translate to “the control of breath”). Yogis know that pranayama and three-part breathing (or, in Sanskrit, Dirgha Pranayama) physically lowers your heart rate, relaxes your muscles, and helps you digest. Psychologically, it causes you to feel more comforted, pleasant, and alert, and can help eliminate feelings of anxiety, depression, and confusion. So sit down and chill out for five minutes, please!! It’s important. Also, for the record, I am terrible at yoga.

  Nadia opened her eyes. “Good. I’m going to get this in every day. I promise.”

  Dr. Sinclair picked up her notepad again. Couldn’t go too long without it. “I know you will.”

  “Don’t worry, Dr. Sinclair.” Nadia smiled in a way that she hoped was reassuring. “Everything’s fine.”