My Cowboy Freedom

by Z. A. Maxfield

  Between my full belly and the sunshine coming through the leaves of the trees, my second lunch acted like a sleeping pill.

  When a gentle hand touched my arm, I jumped. “Huh?”

  “I’m sorry for startling you,” Elena said coolly. “I’m looking for Rocky. Have you seen him?”

  “No.” Rocky? He’d asked me to call him Rock. “I must have drifted off. Can you tell me what time it is?”

  She glanced at her watch. “Almost two. If you see him will you tell him I need to talk to him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Be careful with those dishes.”

  “Yes’m.” I steadied the pile before picking it up.

  She continued to glare at me in an unnerving, side-eyed way. I stopped where I was. “Did I do something?”

  She kept her gaze on me for a few seconds more, and then she held her hand out.

  “Look,” she said while we shook. “The thing with Rocky is he’s not used to being around . . .”

  “Desperados?” I gave her the word.

  “Don’t make a joke out of this.” She tucked both sides of her hair behind her ears and pushed her sleeves up. “My godson says I baby him too much but—”

  “You’re just looking out for him. I understand.”

  “How old are you?” Her voice was soft. Her tone unhappy.

  “Twenty-six.”

  “I’ll bet you’ve lived a lot in those years. Rock is a very young twenty-three. He’s been here since he graduated high school. He isn’t worldly. He doesn’t know what he wants. He’s eager for life but his limitations—”

  “Wait.” We were both embarrassed by this point. “I’m really just here to work, ma’am.”

  But when I said the words, they only felt half-true.

  Rock was safe from me, but was I safe from Rock and his boy-smile and his adorable goddamn dog?

  Rock’s image lit up my memory.

  “I’m not a bad guy.”

  “Then you’ll understand why I want something better for him than a hookup with some guy who’s already got a big strike against him. I want him to marry. Have a family.”

  Well. When she put it that way . . . “How do you suggest I turn away an offer of friendship? Because—”

  “You’ve got a future here if you want one. This place could be your fresh start, but it will be a big problem if Rock gets it in his head you’re into him.” She took a step back.

  “Because Rock is gay,” I clarified. “This isn’t about being friends. You’re warning me off because he’s gay, right?”

  “That’s what he says.”

  “Don’t you believe him?” Off in the distance a dog started barking.

  “It’s not what I believe that’s important. It’s what—” the dog grew louder and more insistent. Almost shrill. “That’s Maisy. I’ve got to go.”

  She turned and took off without another word.

  What must life be like for Rock?

  As Elena’s godson, he wasn’t a member of the Chandler family and he didn’t ride out with the rest of the men. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He was pretty isolated out here. No wonder a few kind words were enough to win him over.

  Note to self. No more eye contact then. No encouraging him in any way.

  Sad. The kid is the nicest person here.

  I’d been on the outside for two days, and already I’d let my guard down.

  I’d already broken ’Nando’s rules: Eyes down. Walk softly. Be flexible.

  And the most important of all: No one will bother you if they don’t know you’re there.

  Chapter 9

  Rock

  “Sh,” I hissed. “It’s okay, girl. Hush.”

  Maisy hated the ladders to the hunting blinds and I wasn’t supposed to be up there without her. That’s why she was barking, and that’s why I was trying to shut her up. Because sound carries and—

  “Hey, George of the Jungle!” Elena’s shout came from a ways down the trail, but she’d be right beneath me soon enough.

  Instead of getting mad at me for acting like a spoiled two-year-old, she made a joke.

  I did not deserve her.

  She was right next to me when she called, “Watch out for that tree.”

  “Hey, Elena,” I muttered while Maisy lost her mind barking.

  “You gonna come down here and talk to me?”

  “Yeah. I’m coming.”

  I swung a leg over the railing and let myself drop. It wasn’t even six feet, but my boots made a satisfying thud. I leaned over to scratch Maisy’s chin. She closed her eyes in a state of doggy ecstasy.

  “Sorry, girl. I wasn’t trying to trick you.”

  Elena stared at me, waiting.

  “I’m sorry, Nina. I shouldn’t have let things get to me like that.”

  “You can’t control how you feel.” She hiked the small incline to the top of the trail and stayed there, waiting for me and Maisy to catch up. “But you can control how you act.”

  “Yes ma’am.” I said, falling into step with her.

  “You may not appreciate this, but the boss and I are trying to look out for you.”

  “How? By telling me who I can and can’t talk to?” I asked. “I think Sky is gay.”

  “Did he tell you?”

  “You think a guy has to come right out and say it?”

  She frowned. “Rocky.”

  “Say what you really think: I’d be an easy fuck for any gay dude who’s been in prison for—”

  “Rockne Montana McLean.”

  Uh-oh. The full name dropped only when she was truly unhappy with me.

  “What?” I deflated, horrified I’d let such a thing come out of my mouth. “Aw, goddamnit Elena, a man hides in a deer blind off-season for one reason and one reason only. I am not fit for mixed company right now.”

  She stared at me for a full thirty seconds before she started giggling.

  Thank God for Elena. She was so . . . bombproof.

  “We never said you can’t talk to the new hand. We asked you to let him settle in first. I know you wanted to go with them to Bitterroot. But there’ll be other trips into town.”

  Elena didn’t get it.

  She was never going to understand how easily the cowboys could pull Sky into their circle—and how soon he would forget I existed after that.

  “Never mind,” I said.

  Skyler was a good-looking guy. And he had a badass quality that turned my crank real hard. Usually, the Skyler Brodys of this world weren’t queer—or they were queer, but they didn’t hang around with guys like me. I don’t know why I hoped this time might be different.

  My dog had a better chance with Skyler Brody than I did.

  I said, “He’s just another cowboy anyway.”

  “You’ve got plenty of time to get to know him. Boss just wants to make sure he’s a good guy first.”

  “Why would the boss even hire him if he’s not?”

  “The boss is giving Skyler a fresh start. But not everyone makes that work, you know?”

  “I know.”

  “So let him get acclimated.” She gave me a shove I barely felt. “You’re always in such a rush.”

  But of course I am in a rush! My life was never, ever going to even start, if all the people trying to protect me had their way.

  I kicked at a pinecone, sending Maisy skittering after it.

  We walked in silence while Maisy discovered one amazing thing after another. It seemed like I did too, when I finally took a real good look at Elena.

  The force of nature who called herself my godmother was also single and maybe she was lonely. If she was, she hardly ever let it show. She had dark silky hair she wore in a single braid that fell like a chocolate-brown river over one shoulder and brown eyes that sparkled with kindness and g
enuine good humor.

  She’d been just a little more animated lately. And she’d started dressing nicer. She was wearing lipstick too, even when she wasn’t planning to go into town. And suddenly, it all came together for me: This was all about Foster Splint, the foreman who stopped by the ranch house to clarify something with the boss almost every evening, and always stayed for coffee afterward.

  Foster who sat at the kitchen table, eating dessert or talking with Elena and me while we tidied everything up for the night.

  Foster, who was sweet on my Madrina.

  Elena was still young. Still pretty, in the way of earth women and minor goddesses. And Foster was gentle and good—the type of guy you’d hope a woman you liked very much would end up with.

  They were perfect for each other.

  So why didn’t I feel better about it?

  Because you’re sucking on some really sour grapes. That’s why.

  When is it going to be my turn?

  “So . . .” I shot her the side-eye. “Foster Splint?”

  “Is none of your beeswax.” She turned primly and picked up her pace, asking sharply, “But what’s wrong with Foster?”

  “Nothing. I like him.”

  “So you don’t think a guy like that could be a good fit for me?”

  “No. I said I liked—”

  “Maybe you’re right.” She shook her head. “I should just forget it. God, it’s so stupid.”

  “Why?” I couldn’t believe how quickly she’d gone from hot to cold.

  “Because he’s younger than me. He’s only forty-two, you know? He’s never been married and he doesn’t have kids. He’s even tight with his folks. What will they think? I’ve got no business dating a guy like him.”

  “Now, wait just a damn minute. You are a barely mature hottie.” I stomped after her. “He seems like a guy who will treat you right. Who cares how old he is?”

  “I don’t want people looking at me like I’m some kind of cradle-robbing freak.”

  I had her covered there. “I’m still the Rocking C’s resident freak. You got nothing to worry ’bout.”

  She punched my arm. Not too hard, but still. I whined, “OW-wuh.”

  Maisy barked at her. “Oh, you didn’t even feel that.”

  “But I saw your tiny bird fist dent the skin there a little. I almost felt it.”

  “Booger. Race you back.” She took off and Maisy and I chased. We ran, but after about forty-five seconds, she dropped back, doubled over. Panting hard. “Stop.”

  I stopped and called back to her, “This is because you don’t like to lose, isn’t it?”

  She waved at me to wait while she caught her breath. “Forget it. Why do people even run like that? Where do they gotta be so fast they need to run to get there? Idiots.”

  “It’s good for our hearts.”

  She gave a snort-laugh. “I’ll watch you run, baby. My heart will enjoy that plenty. I’ll catch up when you slow down.”

  Said the woman who thinks I never see her sneaking a cigarette when she thinks I’m not around.

  “The way you’re gasping for breath, Maisy and I should probably hang around and make sure you get back okay.”

  “Very funny.” But we kept our pace lazy for the rest of the walk back. “I like this. Taking a nice leisurely walk. People today are always in a big hurry. Nobody takes time to stop and smell the roses anymore.”

  “It was your idea to race,” I pointed out.

  “Not how I remember it.”

  Maisy saw a squirrel and despite how badly she wanted to chase it, she gave it the hairy eyeball and a promise for the future. “Good girl.”

  She turned to me for the treat she knew I’d offer. I dug into my pocket for one.

  A few minutes later, the paddock came into view. With Tad and Sky in town all morning, I’d wondered who’d done the barn chores.

  My question was answered when Foster Splint came out leading the colt, Smoky Joe. “Hey, pretty lady.”

  Elena honest to God caught fire.

  Hilarious.

  “Foster.” Her hands fluttered unnecessarily over her hair and her clothes. I hid a smile.

  Smooth, Elena.

  “What?” Foz asked. “You don’t think I know a pretty lady when I see one? Hey, Rock.”

  “Hey.” Though his attention was all for Elena, I felt it deep inside my gut too. Foster Splint knew how to look at a woman. I’d combust on the spot if he looked at me like that.

  “Foster,” she said his name again softly. Her lashes lowered, and he leaned in as though each individual lash was a string that pulled him closer.

  “Lay-nah.” He mimicked her, saying the name like a challenge. He met her gaze, his brown eyes soft, his crow’s feet lines white against his work-weathered skin. He was a silver fox, just like Sterling Chandler. Elena was a lucky woman.

  He grinned at her. “I’ll be seeing you later, Miss Elena. I’m already thinking up my excuse.”

  She held her head high and she passed him like she wasn’t paying him any mind, but Foster winked and I knew she saw it by the way her stride loosened just enough to make her walk sassy.

  We passed him and headed to the porch.

  By the time we got there, Elena was blushing so fiercely we could have signaled an airplane.

  And just like that I realized the awful truth: Elena was going to get laid and I had zero prospect of saying the same.

  Not anytime soon, at any rate.

  Not if Sterling Chandler and the rest of them were going to cock-block me with every new guy who came along.

  We were just outside the ranch house when Elena stopped me. “What’s that look for?”

  “Declan Winters wanted me to come in for a blood draw today. Did you know that?”

  “I’ll take you later if you need to go.”

  “I could have gone with—”

  “Not that again.” She turned to me, exasperated. “I told you—”

  “What’s up?” Sterling Chandler stepped out onto the porch. “I heard Maisy barking her head off. Everything okay?”

  “I was up in one of the blinds, and she hates that.”

  Sterling Chandler was the last person I wanted to explain myself to. Especially if he didn’t think I was capable of choosing my own friends.

  “What were you doing up there?”

  I gritted my teeth. “I’m not allowed up there now either?”

  His expression was quizzical. “Of course you’re allowed up there. But since hunting season is more than two months away, I was just asking—”

  “Maybe I should have carried Maisy up there, but I didn’t, okay? I was six feet away. It’s not like I jumped out of an airplane.”

  “Nobody said—” He glanced toward Elena, who shook her head, and then looked back at me. “Who pissed in your Cheerios?”

  “Rock wanted to go to Bitterroot with the hands this morning,” Elena reminded him.

  “You need to go into Bitterroot?” he asked. “Elena will take you.”

  “I will. I said I would,” she told him.

  He was still looking back and forth between us. “And still . . . I sense a problem.”

  “He wanted to go with the boys earlier.”

  “Okay. Now I see.” Chandler was a man used to running things and he didn’t draw the line with other people’s lives. His wife had left under a bitter, bitter cloud, and now his daughter was pissed as hell and still he never learned. “You’re mad because I told you to stay away from the new hand. But son—”

  “I need to start my chores.” I turned toward the back of the house and walked away before I lost my temper and said something I’d really regret.

  My birthday was coming up soon. I wasn’t a kid anymore anyway. And maybe I had medical problems, but I was still a man, and my dick
worked just fine, thank you very much. Maybe Skyler was interested, or maybe he’d be revolted if I came on to him.

  At nearly twenty-four goddamn years old, the choice was mine to make.

  “What are you looking at?” I growled at the sweetest, most patient dog in the world, which just made me feel worse when her little doggy face fell. “Aw . . . I’m sorry, girl. I know you were just doing your job. I won’t do that to you again.”

  I wouldn’t either, because I shouldn’t have forgotten. Maisy’s job was me.

  She went everywhere with me and watched over me like I was her pup. She’d been trained to let me fall on her, for Pete’s sake. To turn me on my side by grabbing my clothing, and to keep me from aspirating if I upchucked.

  She’d been trained to follow commands like phone, or pills instantly, and she was so, so full of love, giving me back ten times as much as I ever expected of her.

  “I had no call putting you on the spot like that, Maisy. I’m an ass.”

  She ignored that, and while I worked in the garden, she laid down and let her fur warm up in the sun.

  Of course, she still didn’t take her eyes off me.

  I weeded and hoed. I made sure the tomatoes were still securely staked and started to plant some of the seeds for the winter: cabbages and kale and several varieties of salad greens. I’d purchased onion sets and it was time to get those into the ground.

  I saw Skyler and Tad after they got back from Dents. They geared up and headed for the barn while I was bringing in supplies and flower cuttings for Elena.

  Later, Sky rode up to the ranch house wearing ropers, new jeans, a T-shirt, and a straw Resistol. He looked just like a real cowboy, and oh my God, the things the sight of him did to my dumbass heart.

  I moved toward him like an iceberg—cut loose from my normal routine by the melting heat of attraction.

  “Hey, Sky.” I stepped into the path of Ogre, the black gelding he was riding. “You look good up there.”

  He reined in, relaxed—as easy in the saddle as a man who rides every day of his life. “Guess it’s like riding a bike.”

  “Guess so.” I grinned up at him, stupidly.

  “You grow all that?” He jerked his chin toward the tubs of produce I’d been picking for supper.