The Countdown to Thirty

by Nefertiti Faraj

  “Hello,” I smiled. “Can I do returns here?”

  “Sure, I can help you with that.” The tall blonde replied.

  “Perfect.”

  I placed four out of the eight bags I’d brought in with me on the counter and watched the cashier’s eyes grow big. I emptied out everything from ripped jeans to fashion jewelry on the cashiers counter. The pleasant look she initially had begun to fade and she now looked tired and like this was the last thing she wanted to do.

  “Do you have your receipt?” She asked unenthusiastically now.

  “Of course I do.” I replied with a sympathetic smile and the nicest tone I could muster. I didn’t want to be labeled as that customer who wasted the cashier’s time returning all of her crap.

  I reached into my purse for my wallet and pulled out the endlessly long Dillard’s receipt and released it to the cashier, whose nametag I now realized read Kendra. It made me laugh to myself. It was a little weird to me to think of how many white women I’ve noticed with the name Kendra lately. She scanned my receipt and when she was done she grunted “I’ll have to call my manager over to approve such a large return.”

  I nodded my head to Kendra and she proceeded in calling her manager over. A few moments later a tall skinny dark skinned man sashayed over to the register with just a little too much swerve in his walk to be straight.

  “Approval for a return?” He confirmed with Kendra.

  “Yes, it’s over five hundred dollars.” She replied dryly.

  The manager turned to look at me and smiled.

  “Hi honey, I’m James and I’m gonna help you out from here okay?” He said professionally in a country twang and tone that said we had the same taste in lovers.

  “Thank you James.”

  James turned to Kendra and said “Now you darling, go see that the dressing room is tidy. And take that frown off your face, your starting to scare the customers.” He commanded as he shewed her along with his hands. “And brush your hair while you’re in there.” He made sure to call out to her.

  It took everything inside of me not to burst out laughing. James was a character I could tell already. Kendra looked like she was more than tired of James’ antics but did as she was ordered and headed for the dressing rooms.

  “Now you miss pretty, what happened to you? Why are you returning all these fine clothes?” He asked as if he knew me for years, catching me off guard.

  “Oh…well something came up. I won’t be needing them at this time.” I said hoping he didn’t question me further. I really didn’t want to think about being cheated out of a promotion and my vacation.

  “Honey I am the clothes whisperer,” he said with one hand on his narrow hip and the other pressed against his heart, “and these clothes tell me it’s something deeper.”

  “Damn he was good.” I thought.

  “Well let’s just say you don’t always get what you want…even when you deserve it. Nevertheless, I’m sucking it up and I’ll try again next time.”

  “Well remember honey, you also have to be willing to fight for it to, if it’s worth it. Is it worth it?” He asked.

  I paused for a moment, “Yes, I believe it is.”

  “Well Amen and a hallelujah for a woman who knows what she wants.” James said lifting his hand to give me a high five, “Believe me, I run into people all the time who don’t know if they’re coming or going, like my last boyfriend.” He said doing the most dramatic roll of the eyes that I’ve ever seen.

  “He was all hat and no Cadillac, you know what I’m saying? At forty-five he was talking about moving to Hawaii and becoming a professional surfer. Guuuurl! If I didn’t kick him up out my bed and out my house faster than a New York minute!”

  I laughed until my stomach clenched and water fell from my eyes. It took me several minutes to compose myself but once I finally did I made sure to high five Mr. Flaming Gay. He entered in a few numbers to the POS system and had my refund ready to go in no time.

  “Now you take care, miss?” He lingered on the miss waiting for me to give him my name.

  “Hammond, Kaia Hammond.” I replied.

  “You take care Ms. Kaia Hammond. I hope everything works out for you.” He said warmly.

  I picked up the other bags and began to walk away, “You take care to David, be good!”

  “The queen is always good honey!” He called out with a smile on his face.

  As I walked through Dillard’s I couldn’t help but to picture a forty-five year old homosexual surfer going through a mid-life crisis and explaining it to his flamboyant lover, it was hilarious.

  Next I headed inside the mall and hit BCBG where I returned a few tops, Forever 21 then finally Victoria’s Secret. Being that Las Vegas is a small city compared to say LA, running into people you know isn’t that uncommon. But never in a million years did I think I would run into Desiree…a.k.a. Christian’s girl…Ms. Vickie’s secrets herself while making my rounds. Maybe ‘run into’ Desiree isn’t completely accurate. It was more like she saw me, sought me out then made her move while the opportunity presented itself.

  “D-Desiree right?” I said searching for her nametag across her impressive cleavage.

  “Yes that’s right Kai Kai,” She said sarcastically sprinkled with a hint of attitude, “You tell that Christian that he can forget about ever calling me again.”

  “Uh oh, what did he do this time?” I thought.

  She had me cornered in the thong section where I was rummaging through a bin of rainbow colored lace panties currently on sale at $28.50 for a set of four.

  Not wanting to cause a scene even though I thought she should be more concerned than me since this was her place of employment I replied, “I’m sorry Desiree I don’t know what happened between you two but I really am sorry. If you want to talk about it maybe we can –“

  She rudely cut me off and spoke with venom in her voice, “Oh please, I saw the way you two were looking at each other that night at the Pub.”

  Was she on something?

  “Save that baby sister routine I’m not buying it. Do you know what he did? Do you know what he did Little Kaaaaia?” She said putting extra emphasis on my name making it sound like a eight syllable word instead of two. With her head snapping from side to side she looked like a mad woman in a black Victoria’s Secret blazer.

  By now other shoppers were looking at us and whispering. One actually had the nerve to whip out his IPhone and start recording! I officially believe the convenience of technology has done more harm than good.

  “He called out your name in bed last night!”

  “What!” I proclaimed.

  “Yea that’s right! Ohhh…yes…Kaia!”

  She began moaning without shame and doing an imitation of what I assumed had to be Christian in the moment. Could she be any more melodramatic here? Not to mention ghetto, this was crazy!

  Before I threw up in my mouth I dropped the colorful thongs back in the bin and abruptly exited Victoria’s Secret completely humiliated. As I briskly made my way out of the mall my forehead began to warm with hot sweat. She couldn’t be telling the truth could she? No, definitely not. She’s crazy. Christian calling out my name in bed, that’s impossible.

  While walking through the parking lot my gag reflexes continually proved that they worked every time I replayed Desiree’s award winning reenactment of Christian in the moment. Maybe he meant to say Karina or Kim, one of his exes from the past. Just in case I decided it would be way less awkward if I didn’t call Christian and relay her message. Looking at the date on my phone I determined there would be no prize to give myself this time. They only lasted two weeks. Damn.

  v

  By the time I eased my Avalon through the gates of Chateau Oasis, the orange desert sun had finally begun to set and the wind was calming down to a relaxing warm breeze. The weather was beautiful I had to admit and after the eventful day I had between the queens and the crazies I made up my mind to relax in the complex Jacuzzi. I thought about
calling Malcolm but decided against it. I knew he didn’t like last minute plans and because he had his kids this weekend I knew it would be an automatic no.

  Less than ten minutes later I was standing on the porch with my towel and flip flops on and locking up my apartment. As I anxiously walked through the illuminated courtyard I questioned myself if I’d heard Desiree correctly. Shaking the scary thought from my mind I entered the pool area to discover I wasn’t the only one taking advantage of the nice weather.

  There was a young Hispanic couple about my age wrapped in each other’s arms at the shallow end of the pool, an elderly white man laid out on one of the poolside chairs then a couple of rambunctious teenagers dunking each other in the deep end.

  I sat my belongings down at a nearby table before tying my hair into a high ponytail. When I removed my oversized t-shirt revealing my one-piece swimsuit that I’d bought especially for my trip to Miami, one of the few things I decided not to return, I noticed the old white man look over and give me a sly wink.

  “Yuck,” I thought before hurrying and stepping into the Jacuzzi. If he was trying to get his kicks from me he was going to be highly disappointed.

  I moved around until I found the perfect spot where multiple jets hit me with hot bubbly water. I closed my eyes, threw my head back and relaxed.

  “My house definitely has to have one of these,” I thought before picturing Joanna’s reaction once I added a Jacuzzi to my wish list.

  “Forget it, she’ll blow a gasket.” I thought.

  The water was so hot and massaging that it seemed to drown out the immature conversation I could now hear coming from the teenagers about some high school party where everyone was drunk and high. My mama would have killed me if I was ever that stupid.

  Moments later I opened my eyes when I heard a set of flip flops and giggles approaching than a woman’s voice call out, “Kaia! Is that you?”

  I lifted my head then focused my eyes to see Sonya and another woman approaching the Jacuzzi wearing cover-ups over their exposed bathing suits with two bottles and wine glasses in hand.

  “Well hello, hello,” I said greeting them as they placed their bags and wine glasses down at the table.

  “I guess I wasn’t the only one who decided to take a dip tonight.” I said, “The weather’s nice isn’t it?”

  “Yes girl it is! When the sun goes down I come out.” Sonya replied while she uncorked the bottle of wine and began pouring into her and her friend’s glass, “Any other time is just too hot.”

  “That’s because the freaks come out at night, the freaks come out at night.” Her friend serenaded us with a rendition of Whodini’s classic hit from the 80’s.

  Sonya cracked up, “Shut up Nina! Kaia this is Nina, Nina this is Kaia my next door neighbor, the one with the cute patio set.”

  “Hi Kaia nice to meet you,” Nina said wasting no time in gulping down her drink then pouring another one.

  “It’s nice to meet you to.”

  “Would you like some wine? I brought an extra glass.” Sonya offered while taking a healthy sip from hers.

  “Oh, no thank you. I have to be up early in the morning for work. Stupid deadlines to meet, you know how it is.”

  “I wish I did. C’mon Nina let’s get in the hot tub. Bring the Moscato. You don’t mind do you Kaia? It looks like you were having a moment of peace over here,” she said flashing me a supermodel smile.

  She was right; I was having a moment of peace. But between being dissed for my promotion and Malcolm preoccupied with the kids I was happy to have some girl company. Besides, after four months of being neighbors I felt this was a better way to get to know Sonya instead of our impromptu mail exchange.

  Sonya removed her cover-up laying it on the back of her chair. This girl had a banging body with the petite round hips and plump C cups I wish I had. But I was happy with my 5’8 lean frame and bubble butt I had thanks to years of track and field. When Malcolm calls me fine I know he means it.

  Nina removed her tube top dress revealing massive and unbelievably perky triple D’s she had stuffed into her black once piece along with her extra stomach and a side of hips.

  “Eew girl look at that old man in the chair looking over here with lust in his eyes.” Sonya said disgusted.

  I looked to see the old man peering at Sonya with no type of discretion at all, “Yes, well apparently he has a wandering eye. He did the same thing to me not too long ago.”

  “That’s gross, but on the other hand Sonya he can be your sugar daddy and make all your dreams come true.” Nina said laughing while she stepped into the Jacuzzi with her wine glass pressed to her lips.

  “The only thing he can do for me is pass away and leave me as the beneficiary on his insurance policy.” Sonya replied while she hurried to get in trying not to draw any more attention to herself.

  After assembling there selves comfortably Nina squandered no time in explaining to Kaia and I how worn-out she was from her boyfriend’s constant need for attention.

  “I swear, when I’m at work he’s texting me, at the grocery store he’s calling me, in the bathroom he’s beating on the door along with the kids talking about I’m taking too long and when am I coming out.” She vented to me while she refilled her and Sonya’s glass, not forgetting to spill a few swigs in our Jacuzzi sea of bubbles.

  “So were celebrating tonight,” Sonya added in between head nods that supported Nina’s suffering.

  “Celebrating what?”

  “Our independence from the bullshit. Nina’s boyfriend took the kids out of town to visit family for a week and I’ve recently been set free from the worst job ever, cheers!” She and Nina said in unison before clinking glasses and gulping down more wine.

  I knew I had to be at work in the morning but once I heard the clink of their glasses the Moscato began calling my name.

  “Sonya I think I’ll take you up on your offer for some of that Mo-scat-o please.”

  Before I could complete my sentence she was out of the Jacuzzi then returning with a glass ready to pour.

  “So what kind of work are you looking for now?” I asked.

  “I’m not sure exactly but I’m open as long as it pays well and challenges my mind.

  “I told you I can set you up for an interview at the bank,” Nina said trying to help out her friend.

  “Yes but I don’t want to be a college drop-out in teller training Nina. Besides I need more money than that. Plus you know how I feel about my Saturday’s. I can’t give up my Saturday’s.” She said while handing me my glass.

  “All right it’s just an option. But what do you do with your Saturday’s now anyway? I mean, it’s not like you’ll be going on dates or anything.”

  Sonya rolled her eyes, “I do whatever I want. Sometimes a jewelry class or occasionally a seminar on small business ownership. The point is it’s my time to do whatever. I don’t want to give it up.”

  Interested I asked, “Are you starting a business? What did you go to school for?”

  “I have an AA in Business Admin and Accounting. I want to start my own business someday soon. I just don’t know what business yet. And I also don’t have the money yet….go figure.” she said shaking her head.

  “Then you should do that, you can do it.”

  “Girl,” Nina interjected, “She’s been saying this mess since high school but she still doesn’t know.”

  “Just come into the bank Sonya, come into the bank. Not the light but the bank,” She said in a haunted voice with her hands in the air.

  We all laughed.

  “I was listening to this talk radio program while I was driving a few weeks ago called ‘The Countdown to Thirty.’ Sonya said as I took a gulp of Moscato, it was good.

  “To thirty what?” Nina asked with a confused look on her face.

  “Till thirty years old. To sum it up, there was a psychologist on the show saying that based off statistics the decisions we make while we’re in our twenties widely shape the outcome
of the rest of our lives. If that’s the truth then I’m not looking to good.” Sonya continued.

  “Well how old are you, twenty-three, twenty-four?” I asked.

  Nina cackled, “Ooh she’s being generous. Sonya you don’t look a day over forty.”

  Sonya put her glass down for a moment then sent a wave of water crashing into Nina’s face, “Whatever Nina. Kaia don’t mind her she’s known as the envious one,” She said standing up showing off her bod, “I’m twenty-six but thanks for the compliment anyway.”

  As Nina wiped the hot Jacuzzi water from her drenched face she responded with a snort, “And she’s been known as the bitter and jaded one.”

  In an effort to hold back my laughter I just smiled as I thought about how much of a mess these two were together.

  “So does this mean I have to hurry and get my life in order before it’s too late?” I asked intrigued at this whole countdown to thirty thing.

  “Well it depends on your situation but not necessarily. What Dr. Ruben was saying is that as time goes on people tend to get stuck in their ways or grow accustomed to whatever lifestyle there living. Things get harder because as you get older you tend to have families and other pressing responsibilities which make your personal wants more challenging to obtain. Therefore they’re much less likely to make major changes in their lives, the changes that will affect their next forty to fifty years.”

  “I can believe that,” Nina added, “But I think I’m good.”

  Sonya rolled her eyes, “I think it’s true. It makes perfect sense. It’s like the longer you go accepting certain things the more they become a part of your reality. If you can get the fundamentals down by thirty the more likely you are to succeed in the future.”

  “Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s because they become implanted in your mind before the whole stuck in my ways thing kicks in?”

  “Yes, and because our twenties, especially early twenties to mid-twenties are supposed to be the years we have our growing pains. I’ve definitely had my share. So therefore when we come out of them, in theory we should come out of them with a wiser outlook on life that we carry on through the rest of our lives.” Sonya replied. “But really, all of that psychology shit aside, I just want to leave my twenties with more than I came in with. I mean by the time I’m thirty if I’m stuck in the same fucking predicament I was in when I was twenty, just shoot me.”