“Kyle I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean –“
“Shh,” he said, “You didn’t know it’s okay. But anyway,” He sighed before he continued and twirled his dread between his fingers as I had done, “I promised her that I’d be the man she wanted me to be. No more hanging out, fast women…no more wasting time. She wanted me to settle down and be a good influence for my niece and nephews since their dad ain’t much of a man. I have to be there for them, and my sister.”
I understood why he wanted to get to know me now. Since Kyle had been so open with me about his mother, something painful for him to talk about, I opened up to him and told him about Lamont. The full truth. He was more upset about the pain Lamont inflicted on me than shocked that I dated a breaking news headliner. He said any man who was lucky enough to have me as the mother of their child and didn’t appreciate it had to be crazy.
We went up to his room and instead of having sex that night we instead laid in bed and pillow talked until we fell asleep. I haven’t fallen to sleep and woken up with a man since…well, it’s been a long time.
Twenty Two
Kaia
Something was wrong.
The worsening feeling that started off as worry a week ago was now morphing into fear. I sat at my desk incapable of concentrating on any work at all. I used all my strength to fight back tears and sniffles as I text Christian once again and prayed that he’d respond. But after fifteen minutes went by he still hadn’t.
“What could I have done wrong?” I asked myself as I rejected the temptation to lay my head down on the desk and wallow in bewilderment.
I didn’t want to cause a scene so instead I composed a few much needed emails to distract me from the fact that Christian’s been ignoring me for the past week. I hate love and relationships. I completely get why Sonya distances herself from them.
What was going on? Has he met someone else? Is he rethinking our relationship? Was everything he said to me a lie?
All of the questions endlessly spinning around in my head were beginning to give me a migraine. I feared if I didn’t get answers and get them quickly I was bound to explode from frustration. I decided to solve at least one of my problems when I stood and headed for the second floor break room. I briskly walked past my fellow co-workers in their dress shirts and ties towards the mid-sized break room we nicknamed “The Hive” (basically because of all the gossip usually buzzing around there at lunch time). They all looked equally as strained as me. If they felt anything like me then they were also ready to call it a night just to start the rigmarole again tomorrow.
“Nevertheless, I still enjoy my career path. I love my job, I love my job.” I thought as I retrieved the bottle of Ibuprofen we kept stashed in the cabinet for moments of high stress like I was experiencing now. After swallowing four of them whole with a cold bottle of water from the break room refrigerator I stood there a moment and tried to gather myself. I tried to find my happy place and think of something funny Sonya said that cracked me up but it wasn’t working. Not only was I concerned about Christian but I was still pissed and hurt by what Malcolm said.
Upon returning back to my cubicle I frantically picked up my black desk phone and dialed the number eight for an outside line then punched in Christian’s phone number hoping to get an answer. But once again his phone went to voicemail after a few rings. It took everything in me not to slam the phone against the receiver. I was infuriated. Like I said earlier, something was wrong. I thought of the worst possible explanation as to why he’s been silent as the grave then dispelled the thought as quickly as it’d come. There was no way he was dead or injured. I would have heard something from his mother by now.
Maybe he lost his phone and the person who’d found it was the one ignoring my calls.
As much as I wanted to believe that it still didn’t fit into the puzzle quite right. If he’d lost his phone he would have come over by now and told me so.
Was this whole thing with me just some sort of game? Was he just using me to play out some immature fantasy he had of me as a teenager? Had I disappointed him because we haven’t slept together yet?
My mind tousled with irrepressible thoughts as my cell phone began to ring. I took hold of it quickly answering within a second of the first ring, “Christian!” I said in a low tone of excitement.
“Actually it’s Joanna, how are you Kaia? Did you get a chance to review the latest properties I sent you today?”
It took a moment for it to sink in that it wasn’t Christian on the other end of the line but instead my realtor. I muffled a sigh of disappointment.
“Sorry about that. Umm, yes I did. I looked at them first thing this morning.”
“And, what did you think? I personally love the tri-level on Mountain Glitter Lane. It’s so you don’t you think?”
For the first time her “It’s so you” sales technique actually made sense. Judging from the pictures, the house wasn’t in a new development and it needed a little TLC but nothing drastic. It had over three-thousand square feet, four bedrooms and an amazing view of the strip. So it was a little over the max of my original budget of two forty-five, but for the right house it would be worth it.
“It looks like it just might be. How soon can I see it?”
“Well, if you’re interested I can set something up for tomorrow morning. This house just hit the market and from what I was told the couple who lived there just went through a nasty, nasty divorce and can’t wait to get rid of it. Neither one of them want to live in the house anymore so their selling it well below market value to divvy up the profits and call it a wrap. I’ll call you back once I have everything set-up okay?”
“Okay perfect. Talk to you soon.” I replied before disconnecting the call.
My excitement about the home only briefly forced me to forget about my dilemma. But now that Joanna was off the phone and I was back to work the grief began to build up again. I could feel myself losing it.
“Forget this, I’m out of here.”
I sent an email to HR letting them know I was feeling ill and was using two hours of sick time to leave early. I figured if they had a problem with it they could go to hell.
Obviously I wasn’t really sick but the mysteries of Christian’s whereabouts were making me sick. I sped over the fifty MPH speed limit as much as I could push it without being arrested for reckless driving as I soared across the 215. Then something told me to get off early at Christian’s exit and just continue forwards towards his place in search of answers. I blame this recent spur-of-the-moment behavior on Ms. Olivia Pope. I was ready to investigate and collect hard evidence if possible into his sketchy behavior, his sudden betrayal and his quite loud passive aggressive demeanor.
I didn’t even notice I was having a full blown conversation with myself until I was nearly there.
“If he thinks for one minute that he’s just gonna pump my head up with dreams of how he’s going to treat me better than Malcolm and I’m not gonna question things this time well he can just go to hell to.” I mumbled in contempt.
Sonya was right, she was so right. For too long I’ve been too easy going with the people in my life. That included Malcolm, my mother, my sisters and sadly now even Christian. If these last few months only taught me one thing to take with me into thirty, that one thing was to toughen the reigns if I ever wanted to be a leader in my own life.
I stopped at the small metallic control box outside his apartment complex. I typed in his personalized four digit code that commanded the black iron gates to open and grant access to the desert utopic atmosphere of El Dorado Cliffs. I drove round the roundabout driveway then head to the back of the complex where he normally parked his black Navigator. And there it was plain as day. It shined brightly even while under covered parking. This told me he’d recently taken it to be washed and waxed, probably within the last two days or so.
“Sooo, you can take your car to the car wash but you can’t return my phone call?” I said shaking my h
ead in aggravation while I spoke through pierced lips, “Okay, I see.”
I parked my car and thought about my game plan before I got out. But that was the problem, I didn’t have one! What was my approach? I’m still an amateur in the catch-your-man-cheating-then-kick-his-ass-then-kick-him-out department. My area of expertise is graphic design and hot coffee, not graphically design his new face with a pot of that hot coffee.
I called Sonya for advice. As soon as she answered I confessed my sins about letting Malcolm sleep over the night after the birthday party including the fight we had the next morning and how I finally felt good about kicking him out of my life for good. After I assured her we had no sexual contact she was relieved to hear I was done with Malcolm for good. Then I explained that I was sitting in my car at Christian’s because he’s been ignoring me for a week and I’m desperate to know what went wrong and where.
“I just don’t know what’s going on with him and I really need some advice before I go up here. I feel wrong popping up at his place like this.”
“You’re not wrong. You can always just say you wanted to do a welfare check on him. You haven’t heard from him in a week, that’s not unusual you know.”
“Yea, I guess Malcolm just had me trained so damn well that I feel guilty popping up at anyone’s place unannounced.”
“Except mines.”
“This is no time for jokes Sonya, what do I do? This is serious.”
“Kaia, get up and walk yourself to his house, knock on his door and see what’s going on. We don’t have time to second guess ourselves or stick around waiting for someone to tell us what we could have found out on our own. Go talk to him.” She urged along with some other comments that weren’t necessarily the friendliest things I’ve heard her say but they did the trick and got me out of the car.
By the time I reached the third floor I was sure I’d grew the balls of steel Sonya suggested I do before she hung up. Perhaps that was why I felt ten pounds heavier while standing on Christian’s doorstep ready to make my move.
I extended my arm ready to knock when I heard a woman’s laugh coming from inside. She sounded like one of the hyenas from The Lion King.
Who’s in his house and why is she laughing? Is it Desiree? Could it be one of his other so-called exes?
Fighting off the impulse to just pound on the door and get everything out in the open, I used restraint and instead placed my ear to the door listening for any clues as to what the hell was going on. I heard the woman’s voice then Christian’s. It was low and muffled but whatever he said had to be funny because the hyena started cackling again.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Knock! Knock! Knock!
I began beating on the door in short angry bursts until I heard the cease of the cackling and heavy footsteps striding my way. This was it. This moment was going to lead to the embarrassing confirmation I didn’t want to believe. I’ve been cheated on twice within the same year – by two different men! At this rate I’ll definitely be an old maid.
I ran my hands across my hair quickly and picked a few pieces of lint from my black skirt as I heard the snapping twist of the lock. I wanted to look my best if I was competing with some lunatic model. Come to think of it, I don’t need to compete for anything. Christian can just kiss my a-
In the middle of my bluster the door opened and for the first time in over a week I laid my eyes on the light brown shade in Christian’s. They looked calm but not necessarily happy to see me.
He stood at the entrance between the door and doorjamb as he blocked my view into the apartment.
“Hey, what’s up?” He said nonchalantly like everything was perfectly normal. Was I losing it or what? Had we broken up and only I didn’t know about it?
“What’s going on? I’ve been calling and texting you all week and you haven’t answered.” I attempted to look over his shoulder into the apartment but he shifted his stance continuing to block my view. “What’s up? Can I at least have a hug?” I asked trying to keep the peace before jumping to conclusions about the woman.
He gave me the one arm hug, careful not to squeeze too tight or have the embrace last longer than a second. Then stepping to the side he removed himself from his obstructive view and held the door open, now boldly inviting me in….something was off.
Sitting at his dining room table with a haughty grin on her made up face was a woman in black. She definitely wasn’t Desiree but she was equally as pretty. She looked at me like she knew just who I was but had no reason to be ashamed. Sprawled across his mahogany table were two red casino dice, a deck of cards and dollar bills. Rap music played softly in the background I guess setting the semi-romantic and now peculiar mood in here. I wasn’t about to put myself through this. How could this bastard be openly cheating on me after a month?
I kept a safe amount of distance between me and the woman and then with more authority in my voice I demanded, “I asked you what was going on. If you have something to say then you need to just come out and say it.”
There was no need to be quiet and keep this conversation solely between Christian and I. Obviously he wanted me to know about her and based off the scowling look she was giving as she picked up the cards and began to shuffle the deck, she clearly knew about me.
He closed the door and walked towards the table ignoring me as he sat down and shook the dice between his hands. He and the woman began carrying on some sort of whispered conversation and she released another cackle like the one I’d heard outside the door. I shook my head in disbelief and disgust. To think this was the man I loved as my brother for all these years. I’ve experienced him being in a jerk but that was always in the brotherly type of way. This new behavior from him, now that we’re on an intimate level made me see him in a whole new light, and I hated it. He was breaking my heart just as Malcolm had, he was no better than the accused.
I could feel uncontrollable fury rising in my throat and my body began to tremble from anger. One minute I was standing in the middle of the living room in shock then the next moment everything had gone black. When I came to and “saw the light”, it was too late. I was already standing behind Christian forcefully jabbing my fists away at his head like I was Floyd Mayweather in the ring defending my title. I felt powerful and each stripe I gave him against his rock hard noggin released a sense of vivacity in me.
I felt alive!
Well at least I did for the first three seconds until Christian stood and quickly caught a hold of me while the unnamed woman screeched and panicked. I twisted and turned trying get out the bear hold he had me in but it was impossible.
“Let me go Christian!”
“Christian do you want me to call the police?” The woman asked with her phone in hand as she stood safely in the kitchen.
“Kaia calm down! No, Candace don’t call the cops, it’s cool I got this.”
“Oh Candace is her name huh?” I said as I uselessly struggled in his arms. Candace still with that smug look on her face got ready to respond with something ratchet I’m sure until he silenced her.
“Candace! Don’t!” He commanded, “Look I need you to leave so I can I deal with this. I’ll catch up with you and Jakes next time alright.”
He now had one hand covering my mouth restricting me from saying anything more and it was a good thing to. I was filled with nasty remarks ready to break lose across my lips. Candace kept her mouth shut and obliged. She grabbed her keys from the table and exited the apartment without another peep.
Christian was angry. As he continued to hold me in his grasp I could feel his chest rising and falling against my back. I’ve seen him angry before. I’ve even seen him in fist fights in my Mama’s front yard but I never thought I’d live to see the day he was this angry at me.
“Let me go!” I tried to say but with his heavy hand still clasped around my mouth it sounded like a high pitched muffle or maybe something like a chipmunk. I knew he’d heard me though.
He ignored my plea and stridently carr
ied me down the hallway and into his room like I was ten pound luggage. He plopped me down on his Cal King mattress and immediately wasted no time in going off on me.
He shouted when he explained Candace is only his friend’s wife. He shouted when he told me they lived on the second floor. And he shouted when he called me crazy as hell for going upside his head the way I did.
Okay, so this was supposed to be the part where I make him feel guilty now for ignoring me and ruining the friendship and trust we’ve had all these years. This was when I was going to tell him he was just as lousy as the rest and even worse because we had history. I was supposed to tell him how he needed to stay away from my family from here on out. This was supposed to be the part where I shout from the top of my lungs and make my exit as a strong and independent black woman who grew a backbone before it’s too late!
Yea that was until he hit me with a cannonball.
“Save it Kaia – I saw that nigga leaving your house bright and early Sunday morning. You fucked him didn’t you?”
Oh shit, I so didn’t see that coming.
He stared me in the face and I was positive I looked like nothing short of a deer in headlights. But what he said wasn’t true! Well, not all of it. But the most important part wasn’t true! I didn’t have sex with him. I didn’t even want him touching me like that! But I could understand how it looked that way.
I had to respond. Judging by the tightening clench in his jaw he’d already accepted my silence as guilt.
Placing his hands to his temples, a classic indicator of stress, he paced the bedroom back and forth, “I can’t believe you slept with him. Did you think I was stupid and I wouldn’t find out?”
“Christian, please.” I said standing to explain my point. But how could I even begin to explain this. Even though we didn’t sleep together ultimately I was guilty by association.
The Countdown to Thirty Page 23
