by WEST, T. J.
“If she wanted that crap, she wouldn’t be here,” he argues.
Ed’s got a point…but. “Still, I’m not good enough for her, Ed. I’m not. She’s one in a million; a beautiful fucking princess who’s unbelievable. I don’t deserve someone like her.” I turn my back away from Peta.
Keeping my head down, Ed scolds me. “Your parents’ shit gettin’ inside that thick skull of yours again? You know they’re wrong and always have been. That beauty is here with you because she sees something in you that you don’t.” I snap head back up and do my best to look old Ed in the eye. Placing a hand on my shoulder, he tells me, “Enjoy yourself, and every minute you have with her. Now, get back over there and show her a good time.” From losing Lucille, Ed’s implying that life is too short, and if I don’t get my balls together, I may lose Peta. The old man is fucking right as always.
Peta’s body is swaying back and forth. Her fries are gone, phone’s away, and now has her eyes closed with a calming, yet daydreaming appearance on her face. The small smile playing on her lips is almost innocent to me. She’s fucking beautiful. Before I interrupt her, I glance around the room. A couple people are dancing to the slow song while a few guys are still eyeing my princess. I wanna beat the shit outta them for even laying their pupils on Peta, but I don’t dare make a scene.
The moment I sit down, Peta’s eyes pop open. “Dance with me.” She holds out her hand, smiling.
Fuck. I’ve never been one for dancing. “Naw, baby…I don’t dance.” Hoping she’ll forget about wanting to dance, I take a drink of my beer, then lightly graze her knee with my fingers. Her skin is like a magnet, I can’t stop touching her. So silky.
She laces our fingers together. “Please, it’s a slow song. Come on.” The dark green of her eyes plead with me. This means a lot to her, and fuck me, I don’t wanna disappoint her. So we get up and move to the center of the room, wrapping our arms around one another. Feels pretty damn good. We begin slowly swaying to the song, Dancing on my own, sung by Calum Scott.
Peta lays her head on my shoulder and says, “See, this isn’t so bad.”
“Only for you would I be doing shit like this,” I reply.
She lifts her head and intently looks me in the eyes. “I feel pretty special then. Thank you.”
I bring a hand to her face. “Too special for me, Fireball,” I say in a tone that sounded almost sad. You’re a fucking loser! I hear my father’s voice in my head. Even in jail and outta my life, his words will never leave my thoughts.
Her eyes turn troubled and she stops dancing. “Why do you say stuff like that?”
“Because it’s true.”
She slowly shakes her head, like she’s disappointed or something. “No, really…all those months ago, I remember you telling me that you weren’t good enough for me, not special enough…is it just me, or do you say that to all the girls?”
What in the fuck? “Hell no.” I practically growl then kiss her luscious lips in a
frenzy. Pulling my lips from hers, I bring both hands to her face. “You’re none of those other girls. They don’t hold a candle to you.”
“Oh,” she replies breathlessly. “Then why don’t you think–”
Immediately, I release her face, combing a hand through my hair. Not being able to look her in the eye, I sigh and mention, “My parents.” This is the first time in a long time I’ve ever been able to utter that word to anyone.
“What about your parents?”
This is a bad idea. Not ready to spill my guts about my past. “Can’t do this right now, baby.” I return to the table and take a drink of my now, warm beer.
She sits down, with her legs slightly spread so my knee can sneak in between. I’d rather have my dick in between those legs right about now, but Peta decides to push the subject a little further. “I just want to get to know you better, Jason. To get to know how you became…you.”
Shaking my head, my eyes stay trained away from her alluring greens. “Trust me…you don’t wanna know about my past.”
“But I do. Why do you think I’m here?”
“Believe me, I wish you weren’t interested and we had never set eyes on one another.”
I hear her lightly gasp. “Seriously?” she whispers.
“Yeah.” Raising my eyes, there’s no doubt I’ve struck a nerve. She appears upset.
“Wow, okay, well…I guess I’m gonna go freshen up then, and you can take me home.” She quickly pushes to her feet, stomping toward the restrooms.
Fucking hell, this isn’t how I wanted things to go. I keep messing everything up. The last thing I wanna happen is, yet again, hurt Peta’s feelings. “Fuck…hold up.” Taking her by the arm, I twist her body around, into my chest, and cup her beautiful face. “I don’t wanna take you home,” I huskily whisper. Her pouty lips are calling for me, so I kiss them raw. The aftertaste of beer and her hands sinking inside the backs of my pockets cause me to groan. The bulge from the front of my jeans is twitching against her belly, no doubt she can feel it. I’m so hard for her.
Even though the best thing for her is to stay far away from me, I can’t for the life of me, allow her to leave. She was made for my arms, my body, my cock. Around me, I hear some whistling, but I don’t let it affect me. I’m all into Peta, with or without an audience.
“You confuse the hell out of me,” Peta says softly against my lips.
“I know, sorry. Don’t mean to.”
She lays another soft kiss on my lips. “I’ll be just a few minutes.” Then turns to the bathroom.
Man, I need to stop behaving like a pussy. As I sit my ass back down in my seat, an old buddy of mine, Tripp Savage and his band Savage Bastards, arrive. They’re the next live show people are comin’ in for. Loads of them are walking through the doors, and now the bar is getting loud. It won’t be long before they go on tour and get noticed. They’re an excellent hard rock band. Signing them would be a smart thing. Maybe I should talk with June and have her listen to them. I’m sure she’ll want a piece of them.
Before our band broke up, I used to play guitar alongside Tripp. We had a different band name back in the days called Trippin’, but thinking back, drums has always been more me than a guitar. Glad Danny and I changed instruments before we made it to the top.
Tripp recognizes me in an instant. “Jason, my man, how’s it goin’? It’s been awhile!” He holds his arms out to me, like he’s gonna hug me, but instead it’s just your average man hug– quick hand shake and slap on the back. Tripp looks like a young Jared Leto but with black hair that hangs down to his shoulders.
“Never better.” I give him a full on smile.
While his band is setting up, we talk for a of couple minutes. Tripp stands with his legs spread and arms crossed. “I see you’ve done well for yourself. That’s fucking awesome.”
I stuff my hands in my front pockets. “Yeah, it’s been pretty crazy.” I chuckle.
Catching up with one another, Peta makes her way back from the restroom and stands by my side. Tripp’s eyes become wide when he gets a load of my fireball. “I’m Tripp and who are you, gorgeous?” Without permission, he takes her hand and lays a kiss on it.
Tripp and I are old friends, but it doesn’t mean I won’t punch him for hittin’ on my date. No one touches her but me. “Peta. Nice to meet you, Tripp.” Peta instantly takes her hand out of his grip. She suddenly seems uncomfortable with Tripp’s forwardness.
Snaking an arm around her waist, I pull her close to my side so my buddy can get the picture. “She’s with me,” I say in a tone, meaning– get your come hither eyes off my woman and keep your filthy mouth away from her or I’ll seriously beat your sorry ass across from here all the way to New York.
He holds his hands up as if in surrender. “Whoa, right on, dude.” Yeah, he got the picture. “So hey, we’re about to play a few numbers. You wanna join us, for old times’ sake?”
Not sure I should be playing with another band, but for old times’ sake may not be so b
ad. It’s only for one night.
Looking to Peta for approval, she nods her head and nudges my shoulder with a smile. “Go ahead.”
“Sure. I’ll take drums.”
THIS NIGHT HAS BEEN ONE rollercoaster of emotions since the second Jason picked me up at my apartment. He runs from hot to cold so quickly, I can’t keep up with him. But the crazy thing is, I’m enjoying every bump and collision that has come my way. Jason is one unique, special guy; he just needs a little tender loving care.
He’s up on stage playing with an old friend of his, Tripp Savage. Tripp gave me the heebie jeebies with that kiss on my hand. Usually I’m putty in their hands: long hair, gorgeous blue eyes, but since being by Jason’s side things have changed. I no longer feel attracted toward other men, even if it is someone like Tripp.
I’ve never sat down and intently watched Jason bang his life out on a pair of drums before. Usually I’m focused on the lead singer, dancing and waving my hands around without a care in the world. Right now, it’s a whole new experience. Jason’s a different person up there. He’s enthusiastic, lively, and every so often he looks my way and winks with a half cracked smile. During the song, when there weren’t any drums needed, he stood up and banged his sticks together trying to get a rise out of the audience. It totally worked. The people around me went fucking ballistic with hoots and whistles. He’s so freaking hot and sexy up there it’s a wonder I’m still in my seat. The sweat dripping down his forehead makes him sexier. Wow, Jason is dynamic and bustling with energy, I’m in awe of him. Who knew playing drums would be that much work? But yet he makes it seem so flawless.
After shaking hands with Tripp, Jason gets mauled by a few fans who recognize him. He gives them his undivided attention, signing napkins and taking selfies. He’s extremely kind and generous, and it makes me fall even harder for him. Once the crowd dies around him, he comes back over to the table and drinks down a huge glass of water. He wipes his brow with the back of his hand then puts an arm around me and kisses my temple. The heat and sweat from his body is very sexy to me. More than anything, I’d love to take off that red t-shirt of his and lick the sweat dry from his abs like it’s my last drink on earth.
“You were awesome,” I tell him with a smile. “You come alive up there.”
He cocks his head to the side. “Alive?”
“Yeah. You become a different person; energized, and you engage yourself with the audience. It’s hot.” Licking my bottom lip, I try showing him what he does to me but unfortunately, he still seems puzzled.
“How do I engage myself?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug then begin talking with my hands as I describe my feelings about him and those drums. “There’s just this rad energy that you bring. Your facial expressions become noticeable. I can totally see and feel how much music means to you and how passionate you are about it. It’s awe-inspiring.” Almost out of breath from my enthusiasm, Jason seems the complete opposite. Gazing into my eyes, he shows me no reaction. He’s suddenly making me nervous.
What seems like a full minute of not speaking, he finally says, “No one’s ever said anything like that to me before.” I suck in a small breath. “Means a lot.” He sounds so surprised and sincere, like a little boy who got his first praise from his mom and dad. It’s almost too sad to bear. What kind of childhood did Jason have to bring out this somber reaction?
Cupping his face with my hands, the lingering heat sizzles into my palms when I give him a soft and quick kiss on his lips. “You’re welcome, and I’m speaking the truth,” I quietly say. We go back to drinking our beer in comfortable silence as we watch his friend play the next song. We don’t talk throughout it until the band takes their break. Tripp and the rest of his band go outside, I guess to smoke. I’m glad they didn’t sit down with us. I’m not up for anymore company other than Jason.
Earlier when I was thinking about his childhood, it made me realize Jason knows nothing about mine. Maybe if I open up to him, he’ll do the same with me. “You know…my dad hasn’t been in my life for over ten years. He left my mom, me, and my four brothers to go be with another family. In all these years, he hasn’t once tried to be in my life or to see how I’ve been. He’s only ever cared about his other two daughters, and the sad thing is…I’m still torn up about it,” I explain in a slightly bitter tone. “Unfortunately, he’ll never know because I’ve allowed myself to pretend he’s dead, rather than thinking he loves his other family more than me. My brothers think he’s scum, and they have every right to feel that, but deep down…I’m always going to be a daddy’s girl. I know that sounds freaking insane, considering he’s dead from my life, but that feeling won’t ever go away.”
Not knowing what Jason’s thinking and me feeling a little drunk from the bottomless beer, I continue with more of my sorry ass, pathetic drama. “When I was a little girl, he used to tell me I was his number one princess and nothing would ever change that.” I take another drink and don’t dare look in Jason’s eyes. “Well…it did. Men have come and gone from my life…just like my dad.” I scoff in disbelief. My father destroyed my heart. “I really have started to believe I’m not good enough for anyone. They see something better and they move on from there.” Oh shit, I’m feeling unwanted tears beginning to form. Shaking it off, I chuckle. “I’m a sad case, aren’t I?” When I finally look at Jason, his eyes are suddenly dark and appear to be troubled.
With the pad of his thumb, Jason gently wipes a single tear from the corner of my eye, which happened to escape before I could stop it. “Agree with your brothers. Your dad is fucking scum. And those other douchebags? I’m glad as fuck they were stupid.” The menace in his voice is surprisingly sexy.
“Why are you glad they’re stupid?”
Jason props me up onto his lap. Immediately, my hands go around his neck while his go directly on my lower back and thigh. Our noses are almost touching when he answers my question. “Cuz now I get to break that hellish chain you’ve been living with for so long,” he declares with such an intense, loving gaze in his eyes.
“You want to be with me?” I ask almost shyly.
His eyes move downward, I think to the hand on my thigh. “Don’t know how to be with anyone, Fireball.”
His response makes me so sad. But in a way, I haven’t a clue how to be with anyone either. “Why don’t we learn together then?”
Gripping my thigh a little tighter, Jason’s eyes are back to looking into mine. “If we do this…you gonna let Crow go?”
This question throws me off. “Brock?” I chuckle.
His lips flatten. “As if I was talking about any other Crow. Yes…fucking Brock,” he snarls.
Jason’s response almost has me laughing. I find him too adorable, but knowing how sensitive this subject is I keep my reaction to myself. “Well, I think I can deal with letting him go.” I smile.
Shaking his head, he tells me, “Baby, you have to understand this is something I never wanted. Do you even realize what a mess I am? I could seriously screw this up and you’ll hate me. You deserve so much better.”
“Let me be the judge of that, okay? Because honestly…I can’t see anyone else I’d rather be with right now.”
His hand moves to the back of my head. “Too good for me,” he mumbles.
“No,” I whisper leaning in to kiss his amazing lips. The kiss is soft, slow, and intense. I’m beginning to squirm in his lap. The need of his body to be inside mine makes my panties damp. I want him so bad. “Now, how about we go up to that apartment of yours. I’m dying to see who the real Jason Chamber is.”
He sighs. “Ain’t gonna be pretty.”
I swipe the tip of his nose with my finger. “Again, let me be the judge.”
Just as we get up, Tripp’s band begins playing again. I have to admit, I really like their music and I could totally stay and watch them perform, but Jason’s the only person I want to watch perform tonight– perform while fucking me.
Walking up to his apartment, the stairs cr
eak and the music from downstairs vibrates under my feet. The walls in the narrow hallway are dingy and the one light in the middle of the ceiling doesn’t help matters. It’s creepy and dark in here. If it looks this bad on the outside, what does the inside of his apartment look like?
Jason guides me in and clicks on the light– which is a plain, wooden ceiling fan in the middle of his living room. What I see shouldn’t be a surprise, considering the warning from earlier, but I had no idea the extent of it. Slowly, my eyes take in the small space. Outdated, stained maroon carpet flows in all areas of the place, except the kitchen. The kitchen is so tiny that only one person can fit in there. The floor tile is old, and has yellowed with age and the cabinets are hideous. One of the doors is practically dangling off the hinges. It’s strange Jason hasn’t fixed it. The rest of the kitchen is no better. Old…everything. I wonder when the last time he bought a new refrigerator or cleaned the counters, much less painted the entire apartment? Crossing my arms from the cold breeze from an open window, I make my way further into the living room. The smell of stale smoke invades my senses. My God, there’s nothing to this place, except a couple of beanbags, a large flat screen TV mounted on the wall and a clock. No pictures, lamps, furniture…nothing. Old pizza boxes and fast food bags are scattered around the room. I’ve never seen anything like it. This amazing, talented, passionate man lives like he’s a struggling musician. What the hell?
“Told ya. Ain’t much,” Jason says behind me.
My body begins to shiver. “It’s so cold in here.”
“Let me close the window and turn on the heat.”
While he’s doing that, I see another door, possibly the door which leads to his bedroom. If it looks anything like the rest of the apartment, I’m not so sure I can go in there. I came up here, hoping we’d have sex, but it’s not looking too promising right now. I’m so disturbed over his living arrangements. I don’t want to come off as shallow or disgusted, so I need to play this as carefully as I can.
