Releasing Rhythm

by WEST, T. J.

  Since when did he start inputting his opinion without permission? I tilt my heavy, drunken head to look up at him. He’s blurry from all the booze. “Peta might be pregnant,” I announce. “So if you think you know everything, Einstein, then explain to me how in the fuck can I raise a baby, and be with Peta when my parents fucked me up? Don’t know the first thing on how to bring up a family, when I never had one myself,” I bellow at him. Damn, wish I had more shots in front of me. Need to drink the one in my hand more slowly.

  “One thing I do know is, without Faith in my life, I wouldn’t be where I am today. She practically helped me build the man I am because my own mother couldn’t do it herself. With that said you can have a life with Peta and learn to be a father. You can make this work, bro, and give Peta a chance. You both deserve it.”

  His sincerity is not registering in my head. I know he’s trying to be a good friend but I’m drunk and don’t wanna listen to this shit. “Fucking bullshit,” I grumble loudly. “You’re who you are because you gave yourself up for some pussy. That’s it. I got nothin’ else to say to you.” I take another sip of my whiskey, not caring that what I just said, to one of my best friends, was such a vile comeback.

  “Such an asshole,” Lucky counters back, obviously angry. “You’re talking through your ass. When you’re sobered up maybe we can have a decent conversation.” I hear him get up from the stool, pushing it back in place. Just when I thought he had disappeared, Lucky angrily tells me, “But one more thing…Peta might be pregnant, yeah, so you need to fucking grow a pair. Get it together before you lose her and the baby. They’re gonna need you. And if she isn’t pregnant? You’d be a fucking fool to let her get away and miss out on something special.”

  Fucking hell. I know Lucky’s right, God damn it, but…next thing I know, everything goes black and I wake up in my new empty apartment with the biggest hangover known to mankind.

  A couple days later, we went back to touring for a week. From New York, to Chicago, Los Angeles, and then back to San Diego. Promoting our new album has been a huge deal these last few months. Getting back out there, doing our thing has been a major breather for me. I needed time away from the drama that’s become my life. No more talk about Peta, especially between Lucky and me. I apologized to him about my being an asshole. He knew I wasn’t being myself that day and accepted my apology. I just can’t get over the fact that I might become a father. No word from Peta if she’s pregnant or not. Just not sure I ever wanna find out though. I know I’m a dick but I can’t stand the thought of being someone’s dad. What if I screw the kid up, then what? Son of a bitch!

  We’re on our last show from our short tour at the Valley View Casino Center in Point Loma. The energy inside the venue is kickass. I’ve loved how the fans already know our new stuff. Every show we’ve put on they sing along with us. It’s fucking rad.

  Taking a big drink from my water bottle, I’m able to cool down a bit, even so much as pouring some over my head. The fans are still going crazy when Lucky begins to wind down the show. “Thanks everybody for comin’ out here tonight. We’ve had a fucking blast playin’ some of our new shit for ya. You’ve been a great crowd!” The fans aren’t ready for the show to be over. They’re chanting our song Shattered over and over again, wanting us to play from our first album. This feeling of being loved by so many people will never get old. I fucking love everything about being a musician– minus the paparazzi. “I guess an oldie is being suggested.” Lucky chuckles. I count from one to three then start banging the drums to our last song of the night. The guys follow suit.

  Once the final number is over, we head back stage into the green room for a meet and greet with some groupies. Partying after the show isn’t like how it used to be. All the guys have women now so they’re not hung up on all the pretty ladies who want to suck their dicks. They’ve been blowing them off left and right. Yet the ones who want only signed merchandise and a picture taken, they’ve given them their full attention. As for me, I’ve been keeping to myself, drinking and every so often get a groupie who’s offered to give me a blowjob. However, I’m not up for it. No matter what, Peta’s not out of my system yet. Can’t think about some other chick sucking my cock when there’s only one mouth I want sucking me dry.

  From the loveseat I’m sitting on, I’ve tried everything to keep the ladies away from me but this one chick won’t leave me the hell alone. She’s got a voice that’s nasally and talks like a valley girl. Fucking annoying. She’s cute and all with pink and silver hair, lip ring, tattoos, big tits, long legs, and brown eyes. Her outfit is pretty hot too. She’s wearing a short skirt, tube top and fuck-me boots. But holy fuck me, I just can’t stand the shit outta her. “So it was like…totally random that I got these tickets. Like, they were meant for me, ya know?” The pitch in her voice is unreal. My God, kill me now. She keeps talking along with flappin’ her hands around dramatically, like I’m really listening to her shit. “I mean what are like, the chances?” She giggles. “And now I’m behind the stage with you guys. Totally freaking out of this world. Like so cool.”

  I can’t take this anymore. Her mouth is going non-stop and her overly perfumed body is way too close to me. Cutting her off mid-sentence, I say, “Shut it, babe. Just sit here and be a good girl.” Taking a pull of my beer.

  “Oh.” She squeals happily then decides to lean over a little further into me. “Anything for you, Jason. Like anything,” she tries to say seductively. Kill me the fuck now. “But I enjoy being a bad girl. You know what I mean?” She bats her eyelashes.

  “Babe.” I raise my voice, obviously annoyed.

  “Right. Right. Zipping the lips.” She pretends zipping her lips with her fingers yet continues to gab. “Like shutting myself up. You won’t hear a peep from me. No sir. I’m as quiet as a mouse. Or I can be a naughty quiet mouse. Which would you prefer?” She giggles once again.

  What can I do to get her away from me other than telling her, “Go get yourself a drink.”

  “Sure.” She claps her hands, excitedly. “What kind of drink would you like?”

  Sending her off with the wave of my hand, I reply, “Nothing. Go.”

  Getting up from the small couch, the girl says, “Going. I’m going. But don’t you go away, mister hottie.” She wags a finger at me, trying to be cute. “We’re like, totally taking this party of two elsewhere.” She giggles one too many times and finally takes a hike.

  Once she’s outta my way, I go over to our bouncer. “Get that crazy outta here.” Flicking my chin up at the chick. He nods his head and gets rid of her. Thank fuck.

  Grabbing a bottle of Silver Tequila on the walk back over to the couch, Slim slaps me on the back with, what I believe, is a concerned look on his face. What the fuck is he up to? “What up, bro? You okay?”

  We both sit our asses down on the worn out cushion. After taking a swig of tequila, straight from the bottle, I say, “No. I’m fucking not okay. I’ve…” I stop myself. No way will Slim get me to open up. Any thoughts of Peta need to stay buried.

  “What?” Slim urges me to keep going.

  I exhale. “Nothin’.” Then take another swig from the bottle.

  Just when I think he’s letting this shit go, he says, “Look, about Peta…” He pauses.

  “Not really in the mood to discuss my personal life, alright? It’s a mess.” I stare at the bottle, ignoring everything and everyone around me.

  “Your woman may be pregnant. What makes any of that a mess?” Fuck me.

  Yeah, all the guys know about Peta and our possible baby making, but hell, this is no place to discuss this. Plus, Peta’s no way my woman and never will be. She’s off limits. “She’s not my woman,” I growl out, irritated about Slim bringing her up.

  “Will you stop being a fucking porchdick?” He raises his voice at me. Porchdick. Slim’s trademark word for asshole. No surprise there. I am an asshole. Continuing to gaze into the clear tequila, Slim resumes his lecture. “Hellz me, Jason. You had a bad life. W
e all pretty much had something happen to us that wasn’t a holiday Hallmark movie. We get it. But losing out on something good, won’t make you happy. You’re gonna be miserable and be a walking, non-talking prick who none of us are gonna wanna hang out with. Fuck. I don’t even wanna sit here and discuss this shit. But you’re a brother and brothers are there for one another. You were there when I was being a dick toward Lyric. I listened and gave in. Now I’m a happy fucker. You can be one too.” Every single word Slim said is etching inside my stubborn head. It might even be breaking the ice that’s been frozen for so long. “It’s been a long night. I’m partied and speeched out. Gonna grab Lyric and get her home.” He gets to his feet to find Lyric.

  Speeched out. I’m tired of all the fucking speeches too. I’m tired of denying my true feelings for Peta. I wanna be with her more than anything. And baby or not, I wanna have a family with her someday. But hell, my fucked up dad is still out there. To keep her and the baby safe, I need to stay away. Just as Lyric and Slim leave, my phone buzzes. Probably some asshole getting the wrong number or some shit. Though, something makes me check it. The number isn’t familiar to me yet I look to see what they left me anyway. It’s a picture. I suck back a breath realizing the person in the picture is…Peta. Good fucking Lord, no. She’s holding a thing of groceries, walking up the stairs to her apartment. Underneath the picture the message says, “This sexy bitch will be mine then thrown to the wolves if you don’t get me my money. You know what to do.”

  Bolting from the couch, I grab Lucky by the arm. “Luck. Need your help.”

  “Yeah, bro, what is it?” Without saying anything further, I hand him my phone. “Oh, shit,” he mumbles. Then he quickly reacts and says, “Let me clear out the room and gather the guys and you hurry down the hall to catch Slim and Lyric.”

  I do just that, and hurry my ass calling out for Slim and Lyric. They quickly walk back with me to the green room. Once the room is finally cleared, and it’s just me and the band, I explain what’s happening. “As you know, my dad is out for drug money. He’s been on me for a while now but things have escalated. Don’t know how he got my number and found Peta.” I comb a hand through my dried, sweaty hair, loudly exhaling my fear. “But he took a picture of her, threatening her life if I don’t hand him over some dough.”

  Rubbing my hand on the back of my neck, I look down at the floor, wishing this were only a nightmare. “I’m calling June,” Lyric says. “Her brother, Rick is a private investigator. He can help track your dad down and get him back behind bars. He helped me when I was being blackmailed too.”

  I snap my head up, ready to pound my fist into another wall. Blackmailing someone’s life for money is a whole lot different than selling sex pictures to get attention– which happened with Lyric and her biological mom. “This isn’t just about money. It’s about Peta’s life!” I shout angrily. I can’t wait around and hope Peta will be safe. I need to do something now before anything happens. I’d kill myself if she and the baby got hurt…or worse.

  Getting myself the hell outta here, Lucky asks, “Where you going?”

  Without turning around, I reply, “Gonna make sure my woman and baby stay safe.” Running out of the room, I hear Lucky shout out my name but I don’t bother stopping. There’s only one person who I can trust to keep Peta safe, and that’s Quinn. The motherfucker hates my guts but knowing he loves Peta like a sister, I can trust he’ll do what he can to make sure my dad doesn’t get to her. After I talk with both Quinn and Sandy, I’ll get Peta and take her over to their house. Making my way outside, one of our driver’s hauls ass, taking me straight over to Quinn’s. It wasn’t hard gettin’ their address. You can find anyone these days. No wonder my fucked up dad found Peta. He’s been following me.

  It’s really late right now but time is not on our side. Screeching the car in front of their house, I hurriedly get out and run up to their door. I knock and then ring the bell several times before Quinn opens the door. “You again. What the fuck are you doing here, at my house?” Crossing his arms, he’s seething at the teeth. Fucking hell.

  “I know it’s late but I need to talk to you and Sandy. It’s urgent.”

  “Quinn, who is it?” I hear Sandy say behind him. He’s so fucking big, I can’t see her.

  “Nobody,” he growls.

  No matter what, I need to keep pushing him to let me in. He needs to hear me out. “You hate me. I get it. But this is about Peta…”

  “Peta? Quinn, let him in,” Sandy urges him. She makes her way in front of Quinn, pushing him away from the door. Wrapping her arms around her middle, I notice the worry in her eyes. “Are you Jason?”

  “He is, and he needs to fucking leave!” Quinn interjects, pointing a finger at me. Christ. Will this beast get a fucking grip? He’s wasting valuable time!

  Sandy turns around, placing her hands on her husband’s folded arms. “Calm down, Wolf. Before you blow your top off, and wake the boys, Jason’s obviously here because something’s wrong. We need to let him in and hear him out.” Finally, someone being reasonable.

  Quinn finally takes a step back. Sandy further opens the door to allow me to enter. A light’s on in the living room, while the rest of house is dark. Taking a deep breath, I turn around to face both of them. Sandy tightens the belt around her robe and Quinn stands with no shirt on and a pair of pajama bottoms, ready to kick my ass.

  “What’d you do to her besides break her fucking heart?” Quinn says with such fury. Like the last time I saw him, I don’t blame him for hating me. I’m not someone who should be anyone’s husband, boyfriend or lover. Peta would be better off without me but the truth of the matter is…I’m willing to put my past behind me, once my old man is out of the picture, just so I can love Peta the way she deserves to be loved.

  “Quinn!” Sandy snaps at her husband. “Get a grip. I’m not happy with him either but hear him out.” Even in the dim lighting, I can see Quinn almost snarling at me and wanting to kill me with his bare hands.

  After getting him to settle down like a damn dog, I’m able to fill them in. Sandy gasps, covering her mouth with her hand. Then placing her other hand on Quinn’s arm, she says, “Oh, my God. Quinn–”

  “Yeah. On it, Shorty.” Quinn quickly turns on his heel and marches down their hallway.

  Folding my arms, I ask, “What’s he gonna do?”

  Sandy rubs her arms, like she’s cold or something. Maybe it’s nerves. “He’s calling a friend, Rico. He helps with tracking down people.” Rico? June’s brother’s name is Rick. Wonder if it’s the same guy? What are the chances though?

  “Look.” I exhale. “I need to get over to Peta’s right now so I can bring her back here until this shit goes away.”

  Sandy nervously nods her head, biting her thumbnail as she paces in front of me. “Yes, yes. Good idea. Right.” She stops pacing and faces me. “God…this is so scary,” she whispers, wiping a tear from her pink cheek. Her eyes are full of fear and worry and I put it there.

  Shit. “I’m sorry about this.”

  She shakes her head. “It’s not your fault.”

  Wish I felt the same. Standing in silence, which feels like forever, Quinn finally comes back into the living room. Wrapping an arm around Sandy’s waist, he tells her, “Rico says he’s already been contacted by his sister June. Didn’t know the fucker had any family.” Well shit. Rico and Rick is the same guy after all. Then he says to her, “You stay with the boys. I’ll get Peta,”

  “I’ll get her,” I interject, whether or not beast man will approve.

  Two big steps and Quinn’s in my face, pointing his finger toward my nose. “You stay the fuck away from her. You hear me?” he warns me, with a flex in his jaw muscle. Automatically, my eyes shift downward. Never fails. I always seem to look like a fucking wimp.

  “Quinn. This isn’t Jason’s fault,” I hear Sandy tell him.

  “Like hell it isn’t,” he grumbles.

  “Look at me, big guy. Shut the hell up and be reasonable
, will you?” Looking up, I see her on her toes, pointing a finger at his chest. Too funny. I almost wanna chuckle. “He’s going to pick her up, and you’re staying home with me. Do you understand?” She’s not backing down, keeping a narrow stare on him until he finally closes his eyes then lets out a loud exhale in defeat. His woman sure is a firecracker. Standing up to him like this, I respect the hell out of her.

  Turning his head, with a look that could kill, he warns me, “If anything happens to Peta, you’re fucking head will be hangin’.”

  “Quinn,” Sandy says in a warning tone.

  And just like that my eyes move downward once again. What the fuck? “Got my word,” I say as confident as I can, considering how I’m being betrayed by my own reflexes.

  “Tell me up here, you son of a bitch,” Quinn barks at me like I’m some stupid asshole. As I’ve said before, he doesn’t intimidate me.

  “Quinn!” Sandy gasps. “You’re being an asshole, stop it.” Still standing in my spot and arms folded tightly, I peek my eyes up to Sandy. “Go get our girl,” she calmly tells me.

  Without even looking at her beast of a husband, I make my way back outside to the car. I tell the driver to take me over to Peta’s and to hurry the hell up.

  This night. What a fucking nightmare.

  BANG! MY HEART IS POUNDING a mile a minute. Who the hell’s at my door? “Peta! Open up,” a muffled voice says. “Peta,” the voice says again. It sounds like Jason. Oh no. What’s he doing here? Why does he continue to torture me like this? Before he wakes the whole complex up, I had better go see what he wants.

  Grabbing my robe from my bed, I tie it around myself as I walk to the door. I unlatch the locks then crack open the door, wiping the tiredness from my eyes. “For the love of God, Jason, do you know what time it is?” I whine. “Hey!” I yelp as Jason pushes his way in, acting like a crazy man. What the hell?

  “You need to pack a bag and leave with me. Now,” he firmly orders me.