Claiming the Cowboy's Heart

by Linda Ford

  “I give up.” Jayne let out a long sigh, letting her arm fall to her side, the gun still clamped in her hand.

  “Really?” Did he have to sound so relieved? Though it surely wasn’t his intention, his tone merely served to renew her resolve.

  “No. I won’t give up.”

  “Kind of figured that.” His resignation scratched along her nerves.

  “You don’t have to feel obligated to teach me.” No doubt, he was getting annoyed at her failure.

  “I never accept defeat.”

  She snorted. “I guess there is always a first time.” She stowed her gun away. “It’s dinnertime. We should get back to the house.”

  He picked up his crutch and stood. But he didn’t move.

  She grew aware of his waiting and glanced in his direction.

  He smiled. The lift of the corners of his mouth had the power to lift her heart. “Jayne, you can do it. I believe it’s important for you to do this. So I will continue to help you until we’re both satisfied.”

  She lowered her gaze in order to keep her thoughts clear. “Why does it matter to you, anyway?” Against her will, she stole a look at him to see his reaction.

  He shrugged. “Maybe because I don’t like to see people fail.”

  No longer concerned about her silly reaction, she wondered at the meaning behind his words and looked straight into his face. She studied him a full thirty seconds. Watched a chain of emotions flash through his eyes. Determination, kindness, concern and something so deep and heart-filled it made her lose her breath.

  He brushed his knuckles across her jaw. “This is a wild, untamed land. You should know how to defend yourself should the occasion arise.” Then, as if realizing what he’d done, he shifted away and started toward the ranch.

  His touch had sucked the air from her lungs. Left her struggling to think straight.

  She realized he’d moved on and hurried to catch up. As they returned to the ranch, Jayne had little to say.

  She said little all throughout the meal, as well, content to listen to the others. Her thoughts went round and round. She had only one thing in mind in her dealings with Seth—learn to use a gun. And yet…

  And yet. Those two words encapsulated her problem. Despite her resolve, despite understanding Seth only cared because of his sense of responsibility, despite everything, there was something about him that left her confused and dizzy.

  She joined the others in cleaning the kitchen after the meal. Whatever she said to add to the flow of conversation must have made sense because no one commented.

  “I’ll show you how to do that pattern,” Sybil said to Linette when the dishes were done. She was showing Linette how to knit a sweater for the expected baby.

  “What can Mercy and I do to help?” Jayne needed something to keep her hands and her mind busy.

  “Yes, what can we do?” Mercy gave her a look ripe with curiosity.

  It wasn’t like they didn’t help out around the place. But Mercy must have wondered at Jayne’s haste to get a job.

  Linette suggested they could wash the windows and Jayne hastened to start the task, though there wasn’t any need for her sense of urgency.

  Not until Seth hobbled down the hall and out the front door did her actions slow to normal. Hopefully he would find Eddie or Roper or one of the other cowboys and amuse himself the rest of the afternoon. Jayne did not want another shooting lesson today.

  As soon as the last window was done and the rags they’d used were hung to dry, Jayne grabbed Mercy’s arm and hustled her out the door.

  “Where are we going?” Mercy asked.

  “Walking. Exploring.” She didn’t care where they went or what they did so long as it wasn’t with Seth. All morning she had struggled to remember she didn’t need or want anyone to take care of her.

  “Okay.” Mercy trotted along at her side. “Any place in particular?”

  “Just out.” She tucked her arm through Mercy’s. “What have you been doing with yourself?”

  “Would you believe Cookie has been teaching me how to make cinnamon rolls?”

  “Really? Maybe I should come along and learn, too. Are they difficult?”

  “Not with Cookie supervising. But aren’t you pretty busy with Seth?”

  “He’ll be on his way soon.” The reminder brought her thoughts back to their proper place. They both had plans and goals that did not include each other.

  He’d leave to take care of his pa and she’d be in a position to take care of herself. Shouldn’t the idea make her feel better?

  “How are your shooting lessons coming?” Mercy asked as they walked.

  Jayne admitted she struggled to keep her eyes open and Mercy laughed.

  The two of them spent a pleasant two hours wandering along the road that led to Edendale then returned in time to help Linette with the evening meal.

  And Jayne succeeded in paying no more attention to Seth than she would to any visiting cowboy.

  The next day was Sunday. Sybil came to Jayne’s room as she prepared for church, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

  Sybil had already put on her golden dress and brushed her hair into a tidy roll about her head.

  Jayne eyed her up and down. “You look ready to walk into the finest church in London.”

  “I’m ready to go to church here.” Without hesitation she added, “You’re spending a lot of time with Seth, aren’t you?”

  “He thinks he needs to teach me to shoot properly so I don’t hurt another unsuspecting cowboy.”

  “It’s more than that, I think.” Sybil took the hairbrush from Jayne and indicated she should sit on the stool.

  Sybil began to brush Jayne’s hair.

  “That feels good.” Jayne welcomed a chance to change the direction of conversation Sybil had started.

  “We did this for each other every day on the boat trip. I miss it.”

  Jayne closed her eyes and let the brushing soothe her. “I miss it, too.”

  “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

  “Is it that badly tangled?” She knew that wasn’t what Sybil meant. Had she seen how Jayne reacted to Seth even when she vowed she wouldn’t notice his presence? But Sybil didn’t need to worry. Jayne understood the boundaries of her time with Seth. He would teach her to shoot then move on. And she would stand tall, strong and confident in her ability to take care of herself.

  Why just this morning at breakfast, hadn’t she sat at his side, cool and detached, her determination to remember that Seth was only a temporary visitor firmly in place? But when their arms brushed as they reached for something, she had almost jumped off her chair.

  Maybe the church service would arm her with strength.

  Sybil stopped brushing and scooted around to look straight into Jayne’s eyes. “He’s just a cowboy. He isn’t the sort of man you need.” She pressed her palms to Jayne’s shoulders to stop her protest. “He won’t give you what you want.”

  “How do you know what I want?”

  “You’re a city girl. You couldn’t fit into a cowboy’s way of life.” Sybil resumed brushing Jayne’s hair as if the matter was settled.

  Sybil was right. She’d never be the strong adventurous type who welcomed the challenge of ranch life. Or whatever a cowboy like Seth did. The connection she imagined between them was simply that—imagination. And, she realized with blinding clarity, the hungry cry of a needy heart. She would not be needy any longer. Strength and resolve returned. Jayne Gardiner meant to be independent, self-sufficient, armed and ready to face any and every challenge life tossed in her path.

  * * *

  Seth had done his best to stay as far away from Jayne as possible yesterday. He’d sat and watched her struggle to handle the gun when every instinct told him to give her a hand.

  But he’d found giving her a hand brought out a whole bunch of feelings he wasn’t prepared to deal with. Besides, she didn’t need or want his protection.

  He must remember that in a few more da
ys he would be on his way to his pa. Jayne would then be on her own—exactly what she wanted. Surely he would be able to avoid her easily enough today, it being Sunday.

  Eddie had informed him they held church services in the cookhouse and invited him to attend. It would be rude to refuse. Not that he didn’t want to go. But he suspected it would be hard to ignore Jayne for the entire service.

  Seth waited until the others left to descend the stairs and follow. Unfortunately it gave him plenty of opportunity to study those ahead of him.

  Linette clung to Eddie’s arm as Grady raced ahead. Jayne, Mercy and Sybil walked arm in arm. The trio was such good friends.

  Mercy’s hair had been tamed to a coil at the back of her neck and further subdued by her bonnet. She wore a muted green dress. Sybil, her hair tidy, wore a gray bonnet. She was like a flash of evening sun in her dark gold dress. They walked on either side of Jayne.

  Jayne. He could no longer keep his gaze off her.

  Like the others, she’d pulled her hair into a demure coil at the back of her head and wore a navy bonnet. A faint rustling sound reached him as her navy skirt swung with every step. A blue-striped shirtwaist completed her outfit.

  Her full-throated laugh rang out as Mercy said something.

  He slowed his steps and leaned heavily on his crutch. He’d considered not using it anymore but Linette had checked his wound and suggested one more day. Just to be on the safe side.

  The others reached the cookhouse and stepped inside except for Jayne. She dropped her friends’ arms and waited for Seth.

  So much for keeping his distance from her but he couldn’t find a hint of disappointment in his thoughts.

  “You’ll want to meet the others,” she said as he reached her side.

  He told himself that was a good enough reason to accompany her despite his decision to confine their time together to the shooting lessons. They stepped in.

  The benches had been arranged to face the table. Cookie sat behind it with a smaller man at her side. “Come in, come in,” she called.

  Seth and Jayne moved toward Cookie.

  “Seth, this is Bertie, Cookie’s husband.”

  Bertie held out a hand and they shook. Seth liked the friendly welcome in the man’s face.

  Jayne led him toward a young couple. “This is Ward and Grace Walker and little Belle.” The woman had flaming-red hair. The little girl bounced on the bench with what he could only interpret as a zest for life. Ward beamed as if so proud of his wife and child he could hardly restrain himself from pointing out their virtues.

  He must love them a lot.

  Seth envied the man, though he didn’t want the responsibility of love for himself.

  Next he met Cassie and Roper and the other children. Then three cowboys. Eddie had said there were a dozen cowboys about but most of them were with the cattle. He met Cal, who kept glancing at Mercy, and Slim, a tall, quiet man. He’d already met Buster.

  Introductions over, Jayne and Seth sat down side by side, in the only available place. Their elbows brushed, flooding his brain with sweetness. He told himself he had enough responsibilities and didn’t want any more. Even if he somehow convinced himself he’d like to add Jayne to that list, could he even succeed? Or would he fail to protect her? He couldn’t live with failure of that magnitude.

  Thankfully, Cookie stood before his thoughts rambled further astray. She led them in singing three hymns. It was a rowdy choir but full of enthusiasm. Beside him, Jayne’s voice was clear and sweet. He mumbled the words of the song in a sort of daze as the spot where her arm touched his grew warmer.

  Then Bertie stood up to speak. “I want to warn the ladies from England that I ain’t a preacher. No siree. But I know my God. I’ve known Him for more years than I care to tell. And there’s one thing I’m certain of. He is as good as His word and you couldn’t ask for more. He says in Matthew six, verse twenty six, that He watches the fowls of the air and not one of them falls to the ground without His notice. Imagine, He watches the little sparrows. I guess one of us is worth a whole lot more than a sparrow. Why they ain’t even good for a pie.”

  Everyone chuckled.

  “But His eye is on the sparrow so I know it’s on me for my good. It’s on every one of you, too, for your good.”

  When the short service ended, Seth didn’t immediately move. Bertie’s words filled his heart. God watched over sparrows? So why did some fall to the ground and die? He couldn’t believe as simply as Bertie did.

  People shifted about and Cookie served tea, coffee and cinnamon rolls. And the whole crew sat around and visited.

  Cal edged closer to Seth. “Heard you got shot.” His gaze slid toward Jayne and he grinned.

  Seth kept his expression bland but bristled inside. “It was an accident.” His soft words gave away nothing. The man would never know that Seth resented the way the cowboy wanted to make an issue of it.

  “Sure glad I wasn’t in the line of fire.” Cal laughed.

  Beside Seth, Jayne stiffened. Then she relaxed and chuckled. “I’m glad you weren’t, too. Wouldn’t it be awful if I injured two cowboys? But just think of all the attention you would garner.” She grinned at him.

  Cal’s gaze went to Mercy and lingered. When he looked at them again, he looked thoughtful. “Might be worth it. When are you going shooting again?”

  Jayne laughed. “I won’t be shooting anyone accidentally again. Seth is making sure that doesn’t happen.” She turned to him, favoring him with a smile full of gratitude that slipped into his heart like a silent intruder…though not an unwelcome one, he realized. His resolve seemed to have no lasting effect on his thoughts. Or his heart. And at the moment it didn’t matter.

  He smiled into Jayne’s eyes, letting his heart speak for him, telling her he was glad to be able to help her. Glad to spend a few days with her.

  Apparently Sundays included going up the hill for Sunday dinner for, at Linette’s invitation, Cassie, Roper and their children, Ward, Grace and Belle joined the guests of the house in climbing the hill toward the big house.

  Eddie took the men into the front room while the women and children went to the kitchen to prepare the meal.

  Seth sat back in one of the easy chairs, content to listen to the conversation among the other men and the laughter and chatting from the kitchen. But it was not to be. The men wanted to know where he’d been, what he’d seen and any news he could pass on.

  The hour or two as the women worked in the kitchen passed pleasantly enough as he told about the cattle drive, the number of animals that had successfully arrived at the ranch northwest of the Eden Valley Ranch. He described the owners and every other specific he could recall until Linette announced the meal was ready.

  Extra chairs crowded the table that had been extended to its full length. Seth tried to position himself for a place away from Jayne but Linette waved him to her side.

  And to be honest, he truly didn’t mind. He held bowls and platters for her as she served portions for herself. He snagged a dish of butter for her when she looked about for it. He asked her advice when Linette asked him to choose between raisin or pumpkin pie.

  “I recommend the raisin,” she said. Her smile was both sweet and teasing, filling him with sweetness.

  He chose the raisin and wasn’t disappointed.

  After the meal ended, men, women and children helped clean up the dishes and put away the extra chairs then they again retired to the front room.

  Linette settled in the green armchair before the window. Her gaze went outside and she sighed then faced the others. “Eddie says the lumber for the new church should arrive any day. I can hardly wait, though I will miss the coziness of meeting in the cookhouse.”

  Seth studied the gathering as the conversation circled about him. Across from him, Jayne held out her arms to little Pansy and lifted her to her lap. The child pressed her head to Jayne’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

  Jayne’s gaze crashed into Seth’s and he saw the longing
and a hefty dose of hopelessness. No doubt she had dreamed of babies with Oliver. His heart twisted at her pain and loss. If they had been alone, he might have ignored his intention of not getting involved and taken her in his arms and comforted her.

  Her look went on and on, delving deep into his soul, seeking something he couldn’t offer her. Assurances he couldn’t give. Promises he couldn’t keep. Not that he wasn’t tempted to give it a try.

  Pansy shifted and drew Jayne’s attention away.

  Seth glanced at the other children playing quietly with Grady’s toys. His eyes lit on Cassie. Four children was a lot of responsibility. They could get hurt, sick, have an accident, so many things. That had to be a heavy weight for Roper, too.

  As if the cowboy read his mind, he took a seat next to Seth and began to talk.

  “I could never have guessed how much joy the children would bring to our lives. Bertie’s talk about God watching over the sparrows really encouraged me, reminding me, as it did, that these children aren’t solely my responsibility. They are, above all, God’s children. He saw fit to bring them into my life and Cassie’s. Then He saw fit to enable us to keep them. For sure, I can trust God with the rest. Their future, their health, their happiness.” The man let out a satisfied sigh.

  His words startled Seth. Was it possible to accept responsibilities and expect God to take care of them?

  Chapter Nine

  The next morning, Jayne and Seth left the house in the direction of the clearing for another lesson. The sun was warm in a cloudless sky. A breeze promised modest relief from the heat that would build throughout the day.

  Seth walked without a crutch, limping slightly.

  “How is your leg?” she asked.

  “It’s okay. No lasting damage.”

  “I’m relieved to know it.” She watched him from the corner of her eye. Yesterday he had seemed a little distant, as if he regretted his offer to stay long enough to teach her to shoot well. If that was the case, she needed to make sure the lessons were satisfactorily concluded as soon as possible.

  “I am determined to keep my eyes open today.”

  He chuckled. “Weren’t you determined the other days?”