Unlikely Lovers

by Anna Kristell

  “I know that and I apologize, but you can either get over it and move on or you can continue to drown your sorrows in a bottle and we can both be miserable the rest of our lives.”

  “Well, at least for tonight, neither one of us will be miserable. I’m going to love you all night long, just like the old days.”

  “You remember those times?”

  “How could I forget anything about the times we had together, Jessie? The times we went to the lake and just walked and talked, all the meals we cooked together or for each other, the movies we tried to watch and never could quite get through the whole thing without ending up in the bedroom. Loving you on the floor, on the couch, in the hotel, I even remember the whipped cream. Jessie, I haven’t forgotten a single detail…but that doesn’t mean we can make it work. Too much water under the bridge… you see, it really wasn’t just about the sex for me…”

  “It wasn’t for me either, Cody…it just took me a while to admit it.”

  “No more talking tonight. The timing isn’t right.”

  “Cody…I want you to make love to me…real love…not just sex. Even if we’re never together again after tonight…do that for me.”

  “I can do that for you, Jessie…that won’t be hard for me at all. Because no matter what happens, I love you, I love you with every breath that I take, I love you with my very soul…I just don’t know that I can be with you forever.”

  Chapter 21

  If there was ever a doubt in my mind that he loved me, it’s been laid to rest tonight. He could never have made love to me the way he did if he didn’t love me completely, she told herself later that night.

  He’d even gotten out of bed and shaved after noticing the whisker burns he’d put on her body earlier in his drunken state of blind passion.

  He loved her slowly and passionately throughout the night, taking her to paradise with him several times. He teased her, tantalized her, whispered sweet nothings in her ear all night long and told her again and again how much he loved her. He kissed her like she had never been kissed before, even by him after all their many times together. He gave her the one thing she needed most of all. But he couldn’t give her a promise of forever.

  They finally gave in to sleep at dawn and slept peacefully until noon. It was a Saturday so neither of them had to worry about work. Had things been resolved between them, they could’ve had the entire weekend together. But as things stood, however reluctant she was to leave him, it had to be done.

  She showered and dressed, packed the things she had left at his apartment then took the cup of coffee he offered her and sat down at the kitchen table. “I’ll be out of here as soon as I drink my coffee.”

  “You don’t have to hurry on my account, Jessie.”

  “Thank you for last night. No matter how this turns out, I’ll always have that memory. You’ll never know what that means to me.”

  “Know that I will always love you, Jessie, no matter what. Things are…difficult right now. I’ve got problems I’ve got to work out. I need to pull myself together. I’d be no good to you now anyway. And I can’t honestly tell you I’ve totally forgiven you for keeping your secret for so long. I know you must’ve had your reasons, but you have to understand how foolish and used I felt, especially hearing it from that guy.”

  “He was my cheating ex-boyfriend, trying to get revenge because I chose you over him. But Cody, I planned on telling you that night. You have to believe that. I know it doesn’t make up for the fact I should’ve told you sooner, but I just couldn’t. I was too afraid of losing you, which is what happened in the end anyway. I was confused about my true feelings. I never intended to fall in love. It started just the way you said, as a fling, fun and games. I had just broken off with Dan and wanted to have some good times, which we did.”

  “I can’t say I intended to fall so hard for you either, to be quite honest. But I did and in a big way. I wasn’t the forever type of guy until I met you. But so many things have happened. I’ll never forgive myself for almost raping you at the hotel that night, even if I didn’t really do it…and I’m so sorry for the hateful things I said to you. That was inexcusable. And what I really can’t believe is that idiot cheated on you. Was he nuts?”

  “Dan and I never had what you and I had. He cheated on me more times than I can count.” She continued, “Cody, that night, you needed to say those things. You thought I used you. I can’t blame you after the things Dan said. How could you not think that about me? He was pretty convincing. And this crap about you nearly raping me…I seem to recall asking you to make love to me.”

  “I was angry…much too angry, that night…which is one reason I’ve stayed away from you.”

  “Cody, you do realize I’ll be getting my new orders soon?”

  “Yes, baby. I know. And I may be an even bigger fool for not taking you in my arms and never letting go. If I was smart, I’d march you down to city hall and marry you as soon as possible but I can’t. Not now. I have to get myself back on track. I’ve gone way down since we split up…you saw that firsthand. Hell, I almost raped you again…you don’t deserve that.”

  Shaking her head she replied, “You can’t rape the willing, Cody, but I’ll respect your wishes. If you need me, all you have to do is call. Otherwise, I won’t call or stop by unless it’s to say goodbye and I’m not sure I could handle that.” She got up, took her cup to the sink and rinsed it. Taking her keys out of her purse, she took his apartment key off her key ring and laid it on the table. “I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

  ****

  Picking up the key, he twirled it between his fingers then threw it across the room, laid his head down on the table, and cried like a baby. That afternoon, he called the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous to see when their next meeting was. He was told to come that night at seven and he would have all the support he needed to get started. He was also told if he was in a crisis situation, someone could help him sooner. He was in a crisis situation, but he told the woman on the other end of the phone he’d be there at seven.

  He took a nap that afternoon, then ate a ham and cheese sandwich, showered, dressed in jeans and a denim shirt and went to face his first AA meeting. I’m going to have to stand up in front of strangers and admit I’m an alcoholic, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes if it means I might someday get my pretty lady back. I know I could have her now if I’d say the word, but she deserves better than the half a man that I’ve become.

  The meeting went better than he’d expected. Everyone was very supportive, many of them had problems similar to his, a love gone wrong. He was matched with a sponsor and he was actually looking forward to his next meeting. He had stood in front of the entire room and uttered the words, “Hello, I’m Cody and I am an alcoholic.”

  Chapter 22

  Jessica had gone home and called Missy and they talked a long time about what had happened.

  “I’m glad Andy ran into you. He’s wanted you to know the shape Cody’s been in for a while. He hoped you could help.”

  “And hopefully, on some level, I did, Missy.”

  “Hang in there, girlfriend, it’ll get better.”

  “I hope so. Maybe I’ll come up there the next chance I get and visit you. I’m still hoping when I get my orders, by some miracle I will be coming to Fort Riley with you.”

  “That’d be awesome, but with Uncle Sam, who knows?”

  “Roger that, my friend,” she replied. They hung up, agreeing to talk again the following week.

  Jessica stripped off her clothes then and slipping into a satin nightshirt crawled into bed. She tried to immerse herself into oblivion by sleeping, but sleep wouldn’t come. She relived every moment of the night before. Every word, every kiss, every touch will be burned into my memory forever, she thought as she finally gave in to sleep.

  The weekend came to an end and Jessica had to force herself to go on with her life. For the next several weeks, she went to work. She went out with groups of cowor
kers and pretended to have fun. She didn’t date, although she’d been asked out a couple of times She kept in constant contact with Missy and Andy. She knew from them Cody was trying to put his life back together and he was attending AA meetings on a regular basis. As far as Andy knew, he hadn’t touched a drink since the night Jessica had gone to the apartment and found him drunk.

  But he hadn’t called her and although she’d been tempted to check on him a few times, she kept her word that she wouldn’t.

  The weeks flew by. Andy got a job offer when he went up for his interview and would be moving to Kansas soon. Missy and Andy were moving on with their lives together while she and Cody were moving on apart.

  It was one morning after a mini-vacation to visit her family in Vancouver, Jessica realized something was definitely wrong. She ran to the table and pulled a small pocket calendar out of her purse and looked at it. It can’t be! She looked again and there was no mistake. She was six weeks late. She thought back to the last time they were together and groaned. It was the Friday night he’d been drunk and they’d been so desperately hungry for each other that he hadn’t used protection the first time he’d taken her that night. Pacing the floor, she picked up the phone several times to dial Cody’s number and hung up each time. He told me once he’d be happy if I were pregnant. Would he still feel that way now?

  Finally, she was calm enough to call Missy. When Missy answered, she blurted out, “Missy, what the hell am I going to do?”

  “What in the world has happened now, Jess? Have you seen Cody again?”

  “No, I just got back from Mom’s and suddenly realized I’m six weeks late. Missy, how could this happen to me, now?”

  “I think you know how it happened, Jess, but aren’t you on the pill?”

  “No, the doctor took me off them some time ago. Cody always used protection when we were together.”

  “When was the last time you were with him?”

  “Eight weeks ago, it was the night I ran into Andy at the mall and he told me about Cody’s drinking. I went over there as you know and he was drunk. He didn’t use a condom the first time we did it that night.”

  “What do you mean, the first time? How many damn times did you do it?”

  “What does it matter how many times we did it if one of those times he didn’t use protection? It only takes one time, Missy.”

  Missy sighed. “Are you going to tell him?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Aren’t we jumping the gun here anyway? Didn’t you say you just realized you were late? Have you even taken a pregnancy test?”

  “No, I haven’t.”

  “Then calm down and go to the pharmacy. Get the test and take it before you do anything else. Call me when you know.”

  “You’re right. I’ll do that right now and call you back.”

  She hung up, grabbed her purse and flew out the door. She drove to a pharmacy off post. I can’t risk someone I know spotting me buying a pregnancy test.

  She hurriedly made her purchase and drove home, taking the shortest route possible. She waited in the living room, pacing as she watched the clock. When it was time to read the results, she walked into the bathroom. Picking up the little white stick, she looked at it and sighed. She walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch. She looked at the stick again to be sure she had read it correctly. When she was sure she had, she sat back against the cushions.

  She picked up the phone and dialed.

  Missy answered on the first ring. “Jess?”

  “It was negative.”

  “Are you okay, sweetie?”

  “I have mixed emotions, Missy. The timing isn’t the best, but believe it or not, I don’t think it would have been the end of the world if I’d been pregnant.”

  “Are you going to tell Cody?”

  “What would I say? Hey big guy, guess what, you almost became a daddy, want to try and make it happen for real? Somehow, Missy, I don’t think that would go over so well right now.”

  “You never know, this might have been the thing to bring the two of you closer.”

  “As always, thanks for the support. I’d better go and get unpacked.”

  “Take care, Jess. Maybe you’d better see your doctor, though. There may be something else wrong.”

  “Probably all the stress I’ve been under, but I will.”

  She made an appointment the next morning with her gynecologist. The doctor ran several tests and when the results were in, she reassured her that everything was fine.

  “I believe you’re right, Jessica, about the stress. From what you’ve told me, you haven’t been eating or sleeping well for several months. You’ve been through an emotional wringer. I’ll prescribe some meds to start your cycle. It will take a few months, but you should get back to a regular cycle by then.” She wrote out the prescription and handed it to Jessica. “Jessica, please take care of yourself. Have you considered counseling?”

  “No, I think I’ll be okay. But if the depression doesn’t get better, I’ll think about it. This scare is enough to make me realize I need to take better care of myself.”

  “I hope so. Let me see you back here in two months for a follow up. Good luck.” The doctor stood, shook Jessica’s hand and left the room.

  Chapter 23

  The guys from the plant were going out after work to Zone’s for Andy’s going away party. Andy worried about Cody going to the bar, but he insisted he would be fine.

  True to his word, he ordered a Coke and only stayed a short time before excusing himself to go home to his empty apartment. When he got home, he sat down on the sectional where he and Jessie had made love many times in the past and called her. He had sworn he wouldn’t but he did it anyway.

  “Hello?”

  “Jessie, it’s me.” Dead silence greeted him. “Jessie, are you there?”

  “Yes, I’m here. How are you?” It sounded like she was doing laundry as he could hear her dryer start churning.

  “Better than the last time you saw me. I’ve quit drinking, Jessie.”

  “That’s wonderful, Cody. I’m so glad.”

  “Jessie, I know I shouldn’t do this, but would you like to go out with me this weekend? On a date?”

  “You know I’d love more than anything in this world to go out with you, but we can’t start over from scratch like that, like nothing happened between us. I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you. You know that.”

  “Jessie, I miss you.”

  “And I miss you.”

  “Why won’t you come over and see me?”

  “Are you ready to talk?”

  “Jessie, it never gets us anywhere to talk, you know that.”

  “We need to stay away from each other then.”

  “Yeah, good luck with that.”

  “Cody, don’t tempt me…you know how weak I am when it comes to you.”

  “Like I’m not? I gave up the booze. I can’t give you up too.”

  “Fine, I’ll be there. I’d rather have you ravishing me than drinking.”

  “No, Jessie. I wasn’t trying to guilt you into anything…I just miss you.”

  “I’m coming over.”

  “Hi, baby. Thanks for coming over,” he said a few minutes later as he opened the door and stepped aside to let her in.

  They sat on the couch and talked. They talked about Andy and Missy, about work and about her visit with her mother. They even talked about the weather. They talked about everything but the subject most important to them both, their future. They were both avoiding it like the plague. He told her about his AA meetings.

  “You know as part of my therapy, I’m supposed to tell the people in my life that I hurt, I’m sorry. Jessie, you are the number one person in my life I’ve hurt and I want you to know how sorry I am. I’ll regret for the rest of my life my abominable behavior that night it all fell apart.”

  “Oh, my sweet Cody, I forgave you for that a long time ago.”

  “And I forgiv
e you,” he said softly as he looked into her deep green eyes.

  “Does this mean you’re ready to move forward?” she asked hopefully.

  “Baby, I still have a long way to go.”

  “I can help you.” She reached up and caressed his cheek.

  He took her hand in his. “When I come back to you…I have to be complete. I have to be whole. I have to be clean and sober.”

  “But I thought you were.”

  “I haven’t had a drink since that last night we were together, but you see what happened tonight.”

  “I’m not following.”

  “The guys went to Zone’s after work to wish Andy well. His last day at Goodyear was today. I had a Coke and came home. I called you so I wouldn’t take a drink, Jessie.”

  “I see.” She walked over and sat on his lap. She gave him a gentle kiss. “But don’t you see? You called me instead of drinking. Isn’t that good?”

  “But I’m doing exactly what I accused you of, using you and trading one obsession for another.”

  “I don’t see it that way.”

  “I want you so much right now, baby.” He gently pulled her closer to him.

  “Let’s go to bed, then.”

  “No, I refuse to use you, ever again. I love you too much.”

  “We’ll get through this. I know we will. We love each other too much.”

  “Have you gotten your walking papers yet?”

  “I was notified the other day my transfer’s been delayed again. There’s a project here they want me to stay for.”

  “That’s great, isn’t it?”

  “It would be if we were together. We’re wasting so much precious time, Cody.” She looked at him with great sadness in her eyes.

  “And for that, I’m sorry.”

  “Can’t we just go back to the way we were? At least we wouldn’t be lonely.”

  “And that would be enough for you?”

  “I’ve told you before, I’ll take you anyway I can get you…”

  “You’re my pretty lady.”