Another Day in Winter

by Shari Low

  ‘I can imagine,’ Lulu said, entranced by the story. ‘Was she furious?’

  ‘Absolutely. I begged her for forgiveness, pleaded with her to let me stay, but she wouldn’t have it. Took me back to Victoria Station and didn’t leave the platform until my bus had left with me on it. I was heartbroken.’

  ‘And what did she say?’ Shauna asked, very aware that she’d only known Annie as a warm-hearted, loving adult, not a hurt, scorned, inexperienced twenty-five year old.

  Flora’s face was a mass of contradictions. Sorrow. Sadness. Reflection. Understanding.

  ‘She told me that I had no place in London, that she didn’t want to live with me again and that the best thing I could do was turn my skinny arse around and go right back to where I’d come from. Those were her actual words, I believe.’

  ‘Sounds like her,’ Shauna agreed, consumed by sadness for her aunt and for Annie.

  ‘I sobbed all the way back to Glasgow. I was devastated and hurt. I’m not sure what crushed me most –that she hadn’t forgiven me or that I was returning with my tail between my legs. Looking back now, I think perhaps I see it a little differently. She’d taken me under her wing once before and it had been catastrophic. I think perhaps she didn’t want the responsibility of looking after me again and thought I’d be safer back home. At least, I hope that’s what it was.’

  ‘I do too,’ Shauna agreed.

  ‘You said you had letters?’ Flora said questioningly.

  Shauna’s heart plummeted. It felt so intrusive, like such a breach of privacy to have read the letters that this woman sent at the worst time of her life, when she was in the midst of heartbreak and turmoil.

  ‘I do.’

  An internal mantra kicked off in her head. Please don’t ask to see them. Please don’t ask to see them. Please don’t…

  ‘Can I see them?’ Flora asked, with some hesitancy.

  Despite her better judgement, Shauna realised it would be rude of her not to show them, when her aunt had been so kind and open in sharing her past.

  She dug into her handbag and pulled out the two that she had reread so many times. She handed over the first one, the one from Flora to Annie.

  Dear Annie,

  Forgive me. I know that is more than I deserve, and that I have no right to ask… I have no defence for what I did to you, no excuses for my actions, for I always knew he was yours. I can only hope that in time the pain of my betrayal will lessen, and you’ll find a way to think of me fondly once again.

  Sorry.

  Your sister,

  Flora

  A single teardrop fell on to the paper as Flora read it, then she was still for a few moments. ‘I wrote that after she left, but before I found out I was pregnant. I thought if she would just come back, then we could make it right again. I had no idea it would never be so.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Shauna said, rising from her chair to hug Flora. They held each other for a couple of minutes, both lost in their memories. It was hard to believe that only a couple of hours ago they’d never met. The connection had been instant, the bond weaving them together like vines on a tree. A family tree.

  The eventually let each other go. Shauna sat back down and Flora blew her nose, then patted the tear stains from her face, composing herself again.

  ‘My goodness, it’s strange seeing those words on paper after all these years.’

  ‘It must be. And I think it says something that Annie kept your letter all that time. She wasn’t the sentimental type, so it must have meant something very special to her, must have been important.’

  ‘Thank you for saying that.’

  ‘I promise it’s true.’

  The three of them sat with their thoughts for a few minutes, Flora re-reading the letter while Lulu and Shauna continued to scan the photographs. The resemblance to Flora’s mother really was uncanny, as was the fact that Annie had changed so little as she progressed through her life. She’d kept the same hairstyle, a bob that fell to halfway between her chin and her shoulders, until the day she died. The cheeky smile and the twinkle in the eyes that were so like Beth’s remained. Shauna touched her face in one of the images, the pain of missing her sharpening its claws.

  It was Flora who broke the silence first.

  ‘You said that you had a letter George sent to Annie, too?’

  ‘Yes. Here it is.’ Shauna handed it over tentatively, knowing that, though brief, it would provide a new piece in the jigsaw of Flora’s life. She recited it in her mind at the same time as Flora read it.

  Dear Annie,

  It gave me no pleasure, but I did as you asked. I told him. I hazard by now you will have heard that it did not draw the response that was hoped. I fear Flora will never forgive me and I’m destined to lose two sisters.

  Your brother,

  George

  Flora’s gasp was deep, as she raised her head.

  ‘It was Annie? This can only mean that it was Annie who asked George to tell Declan I was pregnant. But why?’

  ‘I have no answers,’ Shauna replied, wishing so much that she did, that she could redeem the past once and for all. ‘But he says it didn’t get the response that they hoped for and you said that Declan disappeared when he found out you were pregnant. She must have wanted him to stick by you.’

  ‘But why? After what we’d done to her?’

  ‘Like I said, Annie had a huge heart,’ Shauna said softly. ‘She didn’t always go about things the right way, but she took care of people she loved.’

  Whatever had passed between the sisters, Annie had been thinking of Flora all along, trying to make things right for her. The realisation made Shauna ache for her even more.

  ‘What fools we all were,’ Flora mused again, sadness in every word.

  ‘All those years I hated George, because I thought he’d interfered out of some macho pride, or disapproval, but actually he was trying to do the right thing. And Annie had encouraged him, tried to make things right. It swells my heart that she had been trying to help me after all.’

  Her eyes went back to the page, to the top of it this time, to the address that was written with a flourish in deep blue pen.

  ‘That was the address he lived at when I last saw him,’ she said, and Shauna noticed that she was beginning to look weary, whether from the emotion or the shock. ‘Did you say you were returning home tomorrow?’ she asked.

  ‘Yes. We’re on an early flight.’

  ‘So when were you planning to visit this house?’

  Shauna shrugged. ‘Erm, tonight.’ She checked her watch. Almost 8 p.m.. She couldn’t believe how quickly the time had flown by. ‘Hopefully it’s not too late in the day to go there. We didn’t have a set plan, as such. We just thought that we would try the addresses and hope for the best. I’m just beyond grateful that we’ve found you.’

  ‘As am I,’ Flora responded. ‘I can’t tell you how much this has meant to me. However, I’ve no idea if my brother is alive or…’ She couldn’t say the alternative.

  ‘Don’t worry, I promise that I’ll call you and let you know if we find anything out about him.’

  ‘Oh, I can’t have that,’ Flora said, and for a minute, Shauna was saddened. Couldn’t her aunt find it in her heart to forgive him? ‘I’ve wasted all these years living on past hurts and misconceptions,’ Flora continued. ‘It’s time that stopped. So, if there’s any chance that you may find my brother this evening, then I’d very much like to join you.’

  At that, she got up, picked up a thick, red coat from the back of the one empty chair, pulled it on, then lifted her handbag.

  ‘Shall we go?’

  Shauna didn’t hesitate, accepting her aunt’s arm as the three of them marched out of the flat.

  ‘John, this is my Auntie Flora,’ Shauna explained as the three women climbed into the car, Lulu in the front, Shauna and Flora in the back.

  ‘Well, well, well, you found her! Ach, that’s great news. You’ve fair made my day.’

  ‘Mad
e my day, too,’ Shauna admitted, reaching out for Flora’s hand and relishing the soft touch of her aunt’s fingers. This was more than she could ever have hoped for. She was beyond thrilled to have met Flora because this meant she belonged to someone. She had family and her aunt was fast shaping up to be fascinating and delightful company. But it was more than that. Flora bore absolutely no physical resemblance to her gran, but the more time Shauna spent with her, the more she realised that they definitely shared some subtle mannerisms. The way they moved their hands when they spoke. The way their voices lilted when they asked a question. The expression on their faces when they were contemplating something important. This was more than just gaining an aunt, it was recapturing a bit of Annie, and Shauna couldn’t believe she could have got this lucky.

  She glanced upwards, and said a silent prayer of thanks. She wasn’t religious. She didn’t particularly believe in the afterlife or the paranormal, but there was a comfort in believing that Annie was up there somewhere. That’s why Shauna spoke to her every day, just general chat as she was going about her life. There was only one person who could have engineered this, who would know how much Shauna needed to find someone, and Shauna was fairly sure that person would be looking down on them now.

  ‘Where are we off to now then?’ John asked, then reached back for the piece of paper Shauna was holding out to him. A letter. He checked the address on the top. ‘No problem at all. It’ll take about half an hour to get there, so you ladies just sit back and relax.’

  Shauna pinged off another text to Beth, and immediately received a photo of a huge burger and fries in return. They’d clearly had a lovely dinner.

  Love you,

  she replied.

  Love you too mum.

  Shauna couldn’t wait to tell her all about today, but now wasn’t the time. Let her concentrate on Disney and she’d tell her about her new family when she saw her on Sunday.

  John turned a dial on the dashboard and an advert announced that they were listening to Smooth Radio. Blue Christmas by Elvis was the first song to come on.

  Flora smiled, ‘Annie loved Elvis.’

  ‘She sure did,’ Shauna agreed. ‘And she loved the Beatles and the Rolling Stones too. She told me she once bought Keith Richards a drink in a bar, but I don’t know if that was true.’

  Lulu turned around. ‘I so hope it was. Could you imagine Annie and Keith Richards out on the town? I’d have loved to have seen that.’

  Shauna’s jaw was beginning to ache with smiling. ‘You’ve got to understand,’ she explained, ‘that Annie wasn’t the conventional grandmother. She would be disappointed in me if I was home before midnight and it broke her heart that I didn’t grow up to be a backing singer for Jon Bon Jovi.’

  The expression on Flora’s face was an exquisite combination of delight and pain. ‘I just wish…’ she started, then stumbled for a few seconds. ‘I just wish I hadn’t lived all these years without her. She was a very special girl. And it sounds like she definitely became a very special woman, too.’

  ‘She did,’ Shauna replied, understanding her aunt’s feelings of loss. She just hoped that for Flora, the joys of today would be some compensation for the pain of realising what she’d missed and lost.

  They listened to the hits of the last few decades all the way to the other side of the city, singing along when it was a song they knew, telling Flora stories of Annie’s escapades when it wasn’t.

  Eventually they pulled off the motorway and began to navigate the beautiful Victorian streets and crescents of Glasgow’s West End, house after house illuminated with fairy lights and Christmas trees in the windows. Shauna thought of all the families in those houses and a bubble of joy rose from her heart. She had a family now, too.

  ‘Coming here brings back so many memories,’ Flora said. ‘I used to visit George and Betty here, before…’ her voice trailed off.

  Shauna squeezed her hand again, feeling nothing but compassion for a woman who’d made a mistake and paid a terrible price.

  John’s voice was chirpy as he updated them. ‘The satnav says it’s just around…’ The car swerved slightly, then John righted it again. ‘God Almighty, I thought that car was going to pull right out on us there,’ he said, gesturing back to a white Audi that was edging out from the side of the road behind them.

  A few moments later, they drew up outside a beautiful old Victorian semi-detached house, with an impeccably tended garden.

  ‘Oh no.’ It was Lulu who vocalised everyone’s thoughts. The house was in complete darkness. ‘Hang on, I’ll just go check, in case they’re in a back room or something.’ Lulu jumped out of the car, went up the path, and pressed on the doorbell, while Shauna and Flora watched, almost unable to breathe as every cell in their body willed someone to open the door.

  No one did.

  Despondent, Lulu returned to her seat in the taxi. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said to the women in the back.

  Shauna squeezed Flora’s hand. ‘I hope you’re not too disappointed,’ she said to her aunt.

  Flora shook her head. ‘No, dear. I’ve already had the most wonderful gift today. You found me, and I’ll treasure this always.’

  ‘As will I,’ Shauna agreed. ‘And it’s only the start. I’ll bring Beth to visit too, and make it a regular trip.’

  Flora’s eyes were glistening. ‘That would mean the world to me. And to Arthur too. We’ll come back here when Arthur gets out of hospital and hopefully George and Betty will be here. It’s time to make amends. I hope they’ve been blessed with a family and a happy life because they’re good people. I think I lost sight of that.’

  ‘Let’s get you home then,’ Shauna suggested gently, so pleased that Flora was going to make the first step. She just prayed George would be there and he’d welcome her. Right now, though, she wasn’t ready for the reunion to be over. ‘And if it’s okay with you, Lulu and I would love to come in and drink coffee and swap stories for a while longer.’

  Flora hesitated, and Shauna immediately felt guilty that she was asking too much. She’d absolutely shocked this woman today and now she was asking for more. Just as with Annie, it was easy to forget that she was in her later years.

  ‘But of course, if you’re too tired…’ she blurted out.

  Flora cut her off. ‘Pet, I am not tired in the least. In fact, I don’t quite remember when I last felt this sprightly. I was just thinking that perhaps, if it wasn’t too much of an inconvenience, we could pop along to Glasgow Central Hospital. It’s very near here and it’s where Arthur is being treated. A bit of a distance from our home, but we were over this way at the Botanic Gardens when he had his fall. He would so love to meet you and visiting finishes in…’ she checked her watch. ‘Just over an hour.’

  ‘We’d love that,’ Lulu got in first.

  ‘We absolutely would,’ Shauna agreed, laughing. A hospital, late at night, in a city she was visiting for the first time, with an auntie she’d only just found. Today just couldn’t get any crazier.

  Twenty-two

  George

  I hear Liv’s voice cut through the silence that has been consuming the room for the last hour or so. It is difficult for me to keep track of time now. ‘You know if you want to pop on down to the hospital restaurant, I’m very happy to sit here with George,’ she says. ‘I’m just about to go on a break anyway, so it’s no bother at all to bring my baked potato in here and have this lovely man keep me company.’ God bless her, she’s a gem, that girl.

  ‘There’s a restaurant here?’ I hear Norry ask.

  Tom answers before Liv. ‘Yes, down on the first floor. Sorry, didn’t even think to ask if you were hungry, but—’

  ‘I’m ravenous,’ Norry blurts out. ‘Rosemary, what about you?’

  ‘I could definitely eat something,’ she says, sounding lively for the first time since she arrived today. What a couple of wallopers these two are. They are obviously looking for any excuse whatsoever to get out of this room. If this bloody cancer doesn’t
take me soon, then the reality of being stuck in a room with these two definitely will.

  ‘It’s fine, Liv,’ Tom says. ‘I’ll grab dinner later so I’ll stay with Grandad.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Absolutely,’ he says.

  I hear her footsteps disappearing as she leaves.

  ‘Dad, you and Rosemary go get something to eat and then I’ll go when you get back.’

  They don’t need to be asked twice. They are off like rabbits out of a trap. Surprised they’d lower themselves to eat hospital food and not swan off to some fancy restaurant.

  They’ve barely gone when I hear Liv has returned. ‘Tom, here’s your grandad’s laundry.’ It was one of the things I insisted on when I came in here. I wasn’t going to be a bother to anyone, but I wanted to wear my own pyjamas, my own robe, and slippers when I could still get about. I’d bought three of everything, except the slippers, and Tom takes them home for me and washes them as they are rotated.

  ‘Thanks, Liv,’ I hear him say. ‘He’s out of that shaving foam he likes too, and I know there’s another bottle in his house, so I’m going to pop over there in a while and I’ll pick up fresh pyjamas while I’m there.’

  ‘That would be great, thank you,’ she says.

  ‘Then I’ll be back. I’m going to take my parents to my place to sleep, and I’ll stay here with Grandad again.’

  There is silence for a few moments, and I can feel the movement of Tom’s thumb, up and down my forearm, as if he is lost in thought and almost doing it subconsciously. I can sense he is troubled and I’d give anything – my last breath on earth – to be able to lean over and hug him, to let him know that I’m with him in thought, if not in this failing body.