It was almost frightening how easily he could turn me on. It made me feel like I had no control over myself when it came to him. While I knew that wasn’t precisely true, I had an uncomfortable suspicion that it might be mostly true. It was only the sense of duty I had to the diner that made me pull back, and that was something I had to do with a huge amount of effort.
“Neil, we can’t.”
“Why not?” he whispered, leaning forward and nibbling on the lobe of my ear as he spoke. “It’s not like there’s anyone in here.”
“Not right now, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be.”
“And if somebody comes in, you’ll hear the bell, right?”
“Well, sure, I would hear it, but—”
Neil put a finger to my mouth. “Shh.”
He pulled my head to his and kissed me. It was passionate, lustful, and needy. And I knew I wanted him just as bad as he wanted me. I grabbed his hand and led him back into the pantry area. There were no cooks at that time of day because we were only open for coffee and pastries. The risk of someone even coming in for that was highly unlikely.
I led him farther toward the back. There were large tables against the wall we used for prep. They were clean and I knew they were the perfect place for this kind of thing. The idea of having sex with Neil at my place of work with the chance of someone coming in at any time, was actually quite a big turn on.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and started kissing him again. His hands explored my body, stopping to squeeze my tits. He moved his hand into the top of my dress and played with my nipple a little. I let out a small moan.
I pulled apart from him and unbuttoned my dress. I let it fall to the floor next to us without ever looking away. The look of desire in his eyes grew more intense. I removed my bra and panties and stood before him totally naked. I stared at him and bit my lip. I wasn’t as nervous as I was last time. In fact, I might have been more excited and turned on than I had been last time. I felt chills as I thought about him sliding into me, and my nipples hardened.
Neil stared at me for a minute before swiftly picking me up and setting me on the prep table behind me. He kissed me harder, and I touched his chest. I moved my hands down the front of him to his hard dick. I rubbed it through his jeans. As I did that, he grabbed my tits and squeezed, tugging on my nipples. He ran his hands down my stomach until his fingers were touching my clit.
He started rubbing it fast, and I moved my hips. It felt so good. I started moaning loudly.
“Oh fuck, Neil,” I said almost breathlessly.
He slid a finger down and then inside of me. “You’re so tight,” he said and then began to move his finger in and out of me, hard and fast.
I moaned, my lips pursed, and my breathing hastened. “Don’t stop,” I said.
He slid another finger into me. He moved them in and out of me, curving his fingers as he did so.
I pulled his fingers out of me, stepped back, and removed his pants and boxers. He was naked from the waist down, and I couldn’t help but stare at his dick. It was hard and so hot. He stepped toward me again and pulled me to the edge of the table.
I reached down and grabbed a hold of him. I moved my hand up and down the length of his shaft. He moaned, and I began to move my hand faster.
Neil grabbed my hand, causing me to stop. “I want to feel you,” he said.
I nodded my head, and he moved so the head of his cock pressed into my pussy. He rubbed it around on my clit, causing my stomach to contract as lust pumped through me. He didn’t waste time pressing his swollen shaft down into my wetness.
He moved himself in and out of me, picking up the pace. The sounds of my moans filled the room, as did the delicious scent of our sex.
“You’re so fucking wet,” Neil said, thrusting into me deeper.
I nodded. The ability to speak escaped me. He paused his movements and grabbed my hips, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He picked me up off the counter and backed up a few steps. He started bouncing me on him faster and harder than I had ever experienced.
I closed my eyes and let the pleasure from him fucking me overtake anything else I was feeling. I allowed my head to roll back.
“Neil, that feels so good,” I said, and this made him pick up his pace.
He moved in and out of me harder and faster until we were both panting loudly together. The pleasure was pure ecstasy. His angel had his cock sliding past my clit, rubbing hit hard as he drove into me. I dug my nails into his flesh as my orgasm welled up inside of me.
“That’s it. Come for me.” He smiled wickedly. I screamed my release and he joined me.
“God, that was amazing. Better than the first time. How is that possible?” Neil asked as he set me back down on the ground.
“No clue, but I want more,” I said and began to get dressed. This time there had been no pain. Just pleasure. A pleasure I knew I wanted to feel over and over again.
“Bad girl.” He smiled and popped my naked ass. “But I like it.”
“No, you love it.” I couldn’t help myself.
Chapter 18: Neil
“Hey man,” Eli said. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here today.”
“Yeah, sorry. I wasn’t really planning on coming in today. I just, shit. I don’t know. I was at the diner to see Fay, and I wasn’t sure what to do after that, so I came here.”
“No man, don’t be sorry. Always glad to see you. Have a seat! Want a beer or something?”
“No, not a beer. Any chance you’ve got any whiskey?”
Eli gave me a questioning look, but he nodded and went to one of the back cabinets in the shop. One bottle and two glasses later, and the two of us were sitting in a couple of the back chairs in the shop. He poured us both a glass, and I drank mine down in two sips, fighting the urge to sick it all up again on the spot.
I waved my glass in Eli’s general direction, and he filled it again, this time with a more generous pour. It was only after I’d gotten a couple of sips down of that glass that I felt a little calmer. I had come straight to Eli’s shop from fucking Fay in the back of her diner, and I felt more messed up in the head than ever.
The fact that I had wanted to go and see her because I was feeling bad was confusing, but the way I felt after leaving her was even worse. I felt like my entire world was on fire, and I didn’t know which direction I was supposed to go in to put it out. Eli must have seen it on me, too, because after he gave me a couple of seconds to get my mental shit together, he cleared his throat and started to talk.
“So, what’s going on with you, man? You look like you just saw a ghost or something.”
“Nothing, man. Or shit, I don’t know. I just came from seeing Fay.”
“I know, you said that. Is that what’s got you all fucked up?”
“I guess so. I guess it is.”
“Because you want her, or because you don’t? It’s got to be one of the two, brother. No man gets that look about a girl he doesn’t have some kind of feelings about.”
I sat there silent for a long time, looking into my glass of whiskey like it would somehow miraculously give me all of the answers I was looking for. He was right, and it pissed me off. I didn’t want to feel anything about her. I wanted to go back in time and not ever have walked into the diner, not ever have seen her face. I wanted her not to have been a virgin when we slept together that first time so that I could claim that I didn’t ever think it meant anything. I wanted to be able to tell Eli that Fay didn’t mean shit to me and for it to be the absolute truth. The fact that I couldn’t do that made me want to put my fist through a wall.
It was a good thing that Eli didn’t interrupt my thought process because if he had, I would probably have just put my fist into his face, not because I was pissed, but because I needed something to make me feel better. I needed to find something that could not only keep me from saying the next words that were going to come out of my mouth, but that could also make it so that those words weren’t even true.
I needed a fucking miracle, and since I didn’t believe in those, I was pretty much shit out of luck.
“I think I love her man.”
“Love her? Really?”
“Shit. Shit. I really think I do.”
“Well, then I get why you’re so pissed. What are you gonna do?”
“I don’t have a fucking clue. What am I supposed to do?”
“I can’t tell you that, brother,” Eli answered slowly, all of his typical jocularity long gone. “Nobody can. If you’re gonna stay, you’ve got to come to that on your own. Otherwise, you’ll always be pissed off for being here. If you’re gonna do it, do it the right way. Don’t stay and then be pissed off that you’re here. That ain’t fair to anyone.”
I got so close to saying I would stay. I could actually feel the words on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say it. It wasn’t that I liked Ashville any better than I ever had, but I wanted the fucking turmoil inside of me to stop. The only way that was going to happen was if I came to a decision. I wanted it to be the right one. I wanted to be the guy who chose the girl and not the rest of it, the money and the cities and all of the rest. I could feel those words on the tip of my tongue when the only other person in Eli’s shop decided it was time for him to speak up.
“Who gives a shit?”
“Can it, Beatty,” Eli said in a warning voice, glancing up at the scraggly old man now limping towards us. “I don’t think he asked for your opinion.”
“I don’t give a shit what he asked for or what he didn’t ask for. I’ve got something to say, and I’m going to say it. Who gives a shit if you think you love this girl? You think that love is going to mean anything twenty years from now when your whole life amounted to nothing, and all you have is a woman you can’t stand anymore to show for it? Because, you’ll regret it, son. This town will kill you, if you let it. It did me, and it’ll do the same to you. If you’ve got the chance to get out, then do it. Who cares if you love her? Find another girl to love. Get the fuck out of Ashville, boy. Do it while you still can.”
Chapter 19: Fay
“Hey,” he said. “What are you doing here?”
I should have known right then and there that something was wrong. I should have turned and left, just gone and hidden myself away until Neil was past whatever mood had him in its grip and come back another time.
If I had been smarter, if I had been more experienced maybe, that was exactly what I would have done. But when it came to men, experience was something I just didn’t have enough of. When Neil opened his front door and looked at me with a dead, cold expression in his eyes, I should have turned and gone straight back home. Instead, I stayed. I thought I could make things better. It was a rookie mistake, and it was one I would cringe over for a long time to come. It was like any stupid thing a person did. I would think on it and wonder why I hadn’t seen that things were going to go bad.
“Hey! You’ve come by to see me so many times at the diner, and I thought it might be nice if I came and did the same for you. Is that okay?”
“It’s fine. You can come in if you like.”
He didn’t exactly slam the door or anything, but he didn’t look excited to see me either. As I followed him inside, I searched my brain for what on earth I could have done to piss him off. It had only been two days since his visit to the diner, and that wasn’t a lot of time. But I also hadn’t seen him or heard from him, and from the way things had been going between us, that was strange. I mentally went through the sex we’d had at the diner, trying to figure out if I had done something wrong there, but from my perspective, everything had been pretty much perfect.
The only thing about it that had been off at all was that desperate look in his eyes, and there was no way that could have been my fault. Whatever was going on with him was about him, not me. I repeated that to myself over and over again as I followed him into his kitchen, where he silently pulled out two glasses and an already open bottle of wine.
“Isn’t it a little early?” I asked uncertainly, looking at the clock on his stove and seeing that it was only two o’clock in the afternoon.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Neil, what’s wrong? And please don’t say nothing because I can tell something’s bothering you. Did I do something? I don’t feel like I did, but if so, please just tell me, and we can talk about it. But you’re making me nervous, the way you’re acting.”
He looked at me as he took a sip of his wine. He looked at me with such a horrible expression that I felt compelled to take a pretty big sip of my own glass. I wasn’t much for day drinking, but something told me that this was the kind of conversation that was going to call for it. When I looked behind him and saw his suitcases packed, I knew I was right.
Even before I looked back into his eyes, there were tears springing up in them. I wanted to ask him again what was happening, but I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t trust myself to speak, and I wasn’t too sure that it would have made any difference if I had. Whoever this man was standing in front of me, he wasn’t the Neil I had been spending my last month with. This man was cold and so closed off to me that we might as well have been total and complete strangers.
When he spoke, I could hear the same hard edge in his voice that I saw in his face, and the hopelessness that was starting to build up inside of me threatened to explode into full blown panic. The only thing I could think about was Courtney’s words. She had told me not to believe in those stupid love stories. She had told me not to put all of my eggs in one basket, and I had been so sure that Neil would be different this time that I had chosen to ignore her completely. I could only imagine what her face would have looked like if she had been sitting there with me, and the thought of it made me feel ashamed.
“Look, Fay, I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to be brutally honest. Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t tell me you don’t want to talk about it. Just tell me the truth, okay? Let’s just lay it all out on the table.”
“All right, then ask. Ask what you need to ask, Neil. I have a feeling you’re going to, whether I want you to or not.”
“Are you ever going to leave Ashville? Are you ever going to get out of this shithole?”
“It’s not, Neil,” I answered so quietly I wasn’t even sure he could hear me, “It’s not a shithole. It’s our home.”
“No, that’s bullshit, okay? It’s your home, but it’s not mine. I get that you want me to give up my whole fucking life and move here, but it isn’t going to happen.”
“But I never said that, Neil! I don’t understand why you’re acting this way. I never asked you to stay!”
“Sure, not yet, but you were going to, and we both know it. You didn’t want me to go when I was eighteen, and you don’t want me to now.”
“That is so, completely unfair.”
“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I’m going. My bags are packed, and I already called to have my plane fueled up. I’m out the door, and I need to know if you have any intention of leaving here.”
“Just like that? No time for me to think? No time for a discussion? You’re just gone? It’s just done?”
“That’s it, Fay. That’s the way it has to be for me.”
If he had slapped me in the face, he couldn’t have hurt me more than he did with those words. I loved him. It was something I had suspected before this awful meeting, but now that he was telling me that he was leaving, I knew it without a shadow of a doubt. I loved him, and for the second time, he was leaving me.
All of a sudden, I was sure I was going to have a complete meltdown if I didn’t get out of his house. I stood up abruptly, so quickly that I knocked my glass of wine onto the floor where it shattered into tiny pieces. Under any other circumstances, I would have stopped to clean it up, but at that moment, I couldn’t stop. It was like I was being chased by something terrible, and the worst part of it was that the something chasing me was inside of me. So instead of cleaning it up, I ran out his front door and just kept running.
Some silly, naive part of me kept expecting him to chase me, and it was something I held onto up until I got to the diner.
When I walked inside and saw Courtney staring at me, I knew it was all over. I collapsed into a heap on the floor. She hurried towards me, scooping me up as best she could and cradling me in her arms. Dimly, I could hear the man from the nature magazine somewhere behind her, asking what was wrong, and if there wasn’t something he could do.
Of course, he would be here to witness my fall. Why wouldn’t he be? It was like the last nail in my coffin, the last bit of proof of Courtney having been right this entire time. Maybe if I hadn’t been such an idiot, hadn’t been so sure that it would be Neil and nobody else, I wouldn’t feel so much like I was going to die. I would have done what Courtney told me to and learned that there were all kinds of decent guys out there, and it wouldn’t feel like Neil’s leaving was the end of my chance at love. There were plenty of maybes, but none of them changed the fact that my heart was breaking. Instead of subsiding, my sobbing only grew worse, and Courtney pulled me in tighter, doing her best to comfort the comfortless.
“What is it, Fay?” she whispered fiercely into my ear, rocking me like I was a distraught child and not a twenty-six-year-old woman. “What’s the matter? What happened?”
“You were right!” I sobbed, feeling like it would kill me to say it out loud. “You were right the whole time!”
“Right about what? I don’t understand, lady. Right about what? What’s going on?”
“Right about Neil. He’s leaving. He’s getting on his stupid private plane, and he’s leaving. For all I know, he’s gone right now. He’s leaving, and he’s not coming back. He’s not ever coming back.”
The two of us sat there that way for a long time, Courtney only getting us both up to take me out onto the porch and call somebody to come and work for the both of us. She snagged a bottle of liquor, and the two of us passed it back and forth, getting drunk and feeling like shit. When we heard the incredibly loud sound of a plane taking off and flying away, we didn’t say a word.
Passion: A Single Dad Small Town Romance Page 58
