Money was nice. It let me pay the bills and buy whatever book or clothes I wanted.
But I didn’t need the fame. I could have easily lived without the fame. I would have happily lived without the fame…if I wasn’t so used to the familiarity of it.
And guys? One guy was enough for me. Or would be, if I met the right one. My life had never really let me meet anyone who might have been close to the right one.
“A girl with a guitar,” he mused. “Isn’t that how all the best romances start?”
“What kind of romances are you reading?” I asked him with a humoured laugh.
As he walked away, he shrugged coyly. “Maybe I’m reading the wrong ones.”
And maybe he wasn’t.
Maybe my life had finally let me meet the right one and maybe I did want to see where things could go with him. But every time I tried to accept it and agree with his cocky teasing, I couldn’t get the words out. One-Night Nora had become my shield against the world and I was too afraid of the consequences to lower it now.
12
Ryder
This whole thing was playing out like it had been carefully orchestrated by fate.
It was a wanky thing to think, but it felt true nevertheless.
How else did you explain two serial one-night stand artists coming together…or not as the case may be. All the signals had been there from the start. The attraction had been immediate and it had been epic. And yet? We didn’t do anything about it right away.
Okay, I was taking too much credit.
She didn’t do anything about it right away.
I’d been glad about that. I remembered thinking it the night we went clubbing, how different things might be had we slept together right off the bat. What I hadn’t anticipated was just how much I wanted from her now I’d really gotten to know her. Except I hadn’t really gotten to know her. I felt like I knew her. Who she was. The kind of person she was. I just didn’t know all her hopes and dreams. I didn’t know her favourite colour. I didn’t know her favourite song.
I just knew that I could spend a lifetime getting to know every single detail about her and it wouldn’t be enough. I also knew that none of those things were really important. Not as important as chemistry and laughter and really great sex. I knew I could spend an entire lifetime not knowing those things about her and I’d still want to be with her.
The problem I was facing was that maybe she didn’t want to be with me.
She was attracted to me, all right. I saw it in the little glances. I saw it when I caught her looking at me when she thought I wouldn’t notice while I was looking at her when I thought she wouldn’t notice. That was different to when I was looking at her when she was allowed to notice because that was my job.
“Let me speak to Nico,” I said to the room at large when I got the team on speakerphone.
“He doesn’t want to speak to you,” Hawk said.
“What?” I spluttered. “But I am His Awesomeness, Brilliance Extraordinaire. Baron of Brains. Count of Confidence. Duke of–”
“Dim-wittedness,” I heard Nico’s voice.
“Nico!” I cried happily. Anything that would annoy the wittle nerd.
“What do you want?” he sighed. “I’ve got nothing more for you. It’s all the same. ‘She loves me. We’re destined. She’ll know me.’ Some super obscure and quite frankly far-reaching reference to birds and fire. I’m good, but I’m not magic.”
“That’s great and all,” I told him. “Read your report. Thank you. Keep ‘em coming. Bit of light reading before bed, really helps my nightmares come through. No, I need different help.”
“I’m not giving you access to Nora’s phone.”
“You could do that?”
“I don’t know. It was the most absurd thing I could think of. Maybe. Let’s say yes. I’m still not doing it.”
I nodded. “No. Fair. No, I want to know how you dealt with your raging attraction to your nerd queen while on mission.”
“I think,” Hawk interjected. “You’ll find he didn’t.”
“Did Leah tell you that?” Nico huffed.
“I can’t confirm or deny that Raegan has told the girls everything about your little lockdown,” Hawk said calmly.
Oh, I so wished I was there to see Nico’s little nerd head explode.
“For someone who spends his life uncovering people’s dirty laundry, you sure hate sharing,” I noted.
“I’m leaving now,” Nico said.
“No!” I called. “I’m sorry. I legitimately need to know.”
For something that had been initially intended as a joke at our resident nerd’s expense, I now legitimately wanted his opinion.
“Rollie, just once can you keep it in your pants?” Chaos asked.
“My pants are not the issue here. Hers are. So, if you lot could kindly relate to me how you deal with not going mad over a girl, then I would be greatly appreciative.”
“Again…” Hawk said. “I think you’ll find we didn’t. Why? You lusting after your rockstar, mate?” He sniggered.
“Say I was–”
“You’re Rollie, you show her a brilliant time and everyone moves on with their lives,” Hawk said. “I don’t see the problem.”
“Again with the…” Chaos muttered. “Can we not have a single meeting where girl problems do not interfere with the business at hand?”
“No,” Nico said.
“You may as well add it to the weekly agenda,” I said.
“I’ll do that!” I heard Flo in the background.
“Hey, Flo!” I called.
“Hello, Rollie,” she called back and I heard the smile in her voice.
“I’m glad someone misses me,” I said.
“Did you have anything to add to this meeting or were you just feeling lonely?” Hawk asked.
“I had very important other business,” I said indignantly.
“Rollie, wanting to sleep with your charge is hardly important other business,” Chaos said.
“It would be if it interfered with my ability to secure her personal safety,” I said carefully.
“Does it?”
I sighed. “No. I just need to know what to do. I’m losing my mind.”
“Be careful with it,” Nico drawled. “We’ll need a microscope to find it again.”
“Har-di-har,” I said sarcastically. “If you won’t help a brother in need, I’m going to take my ball and go home.”
“Just be yourself,” Nico offered. “That should put her right off and make the job easier.”
I had to give him that one. It had to be said. It had to. It was too good an opportunity to miss.
“When you coming home, mate?” Hawk asked. “I think someone’s gunning for office clown.”
“Yes,” Nico said, deadpan. “My ultimate goal in life. My secret, nefarious plans. How did you guess?”
“If it’s really that big a problem for you,” Chaos said to me, “my only suggestion for you is as many cold showers as it takes and a hefty dose of man the fuck up and control yourself.”
“Well, who pissed in his coffee this morning?” I asked, then took the words in the manner in which they were intended. “You’re right. I know. Man up and control myself. I can do that, surely.”
“Unless…it’s all because he likes her,” Hawk teased.
I snorted. “Hey, just because you bozos let love smack you in the face and still didn’t recognise it, doesn’t mean we all will.”
“Hang on. You love her?”
I had definitely not intended the discussion to go down this route and now I was stuck without a witty paddle with which to navigate the river of shit I found myself in.
“No,” I answered. “But I’m open to the possibility with a woman I’m attracted to and I’m not afraid to fan some flames and see what’s there.”
“You do recall she’s going back to the States after this tour?” Hawk said kindly. “She was only in
the country this long because they had a deal to record here.”
I nodded to myself. “And that means I should close myself to all possibility?”
“Maybe not in general,” came Tank’s rumble.
“Nice of you to join the party,” I commented dryly.
“Just maybe with her,” Chaos said.
It was easier said than done. I liked Nora. My newness at being open to love and being loved meant I was excited about it. I wanted to find it. Maybe I was deluding myself into thinking it was possible with her. But less likely couples had found their happily ever afters.
Not that I said any of that to the team. It was better to let them think that happy-go-lucky Rollie was moving on with his life. Besides, if we could all put this little conversation behind us as an unintended interlude, that would be great.
“Yeah, you’re right. Good point. I’m rushing into things.”
“Okay. So, you’re good?”
“Oh, I’m still mad attracted to her and will need a cold shower at the end of every day, but no one’s professing their love to anyone,” I told them, which at least wasn’t a lie. “Is that all you need me for?”
“For interrupting our meeting and side-tracking us from the agenda?” Chaos clarified.
I grinned. “Yeah, that.”
“Yeah, man. That’s all we needed you for.”
“Cool. I’ll check in tomorrow. Rollie, out!”
I hung up and flopped back on my bed.
I knew I was messed up about Nora. No version of Rollie went to the team for advice about girls without it being serious. But their advice had been sound; control yourself.
Control myself, it was such an easy solution. It was, after all, all about me and my actions. Nothing needed to be done about my crush or attraction – or whatever it was – to Nora. Literally. Nothing. I’d deal with it because it wasn’t her problem.
I left my room and knocked on her door.
She opened it with a smile and stepped back to let me in.
“You could use the door card,” she said.
“What if you weren’t decent?” I replied.
“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”
I tried my darndest not to look her over and remember exactly what she looked like, what she felt like, what she tasted like. I was dealing with it and controlling myself.
“Miss Fern wants us all in the conference room in ten minutes,” I said.
Nora paused for a moment, clearly surprised by response or lack of. “Oh. Okay. No. Sure. Can do.”
I gave her a nod. “I’ll be outside.”
She gave me a nod. “Okay, then.”
See, I could totally do this control myself thing. Hawk better watch himself, because Rollie was actually not too bad at this fancy finesse stuff.
13
Nora
Something had happened and he was trying to hide his attraction to me all of a sudden. If it wasn’t one of the most adorable things I’d ever seen… Well, however those phrases end, it was.
It was also one of the weirdest things I’d ever seen and I didn’t like the way it made me feel.
I didn’t know what had done it, but it felt like something needed to be put right between us.
“Ryder, can I ask you something?” I asked as I threw my bag onto the hotel bed of our second to last tour stop.
“You can ask me anything you like,” he answered.
I turned to look at him. “Did I…do something to annoy your or upset you or anything?”
He frowned. “No. Why?”
I shrugged. “You just seem different…the last day or so.”
“I do? How?”
“I don’t know.”
Did I openly just say it was that he didn’t flirt with me anymore, or wink at me, or even give me that crooked half-smile that made my insides all wibbly? I mean, he’d been doing it since the moment we’d met and now… The lack of it was deafening.
“Something seems…off?” I suggested.
By the look on his face, he knew something was off, too. I’d have said he knew exactly what was off, what I referring to, and that those two things were one and the same.
“Since we met, we’ve…” I paused, trying to search for the right word. “We’ve had a dynamic.”
He nodded slowly. “Okay…?”
“I feel like maybe something happened to it, and I just… I thought we had a…chemistry?”
He seemed to pause, then a slow smile spread across his face.
“Exactly. Like there was something there,” he said excitedly. “Something between us.”
Again, I felt that hesitation to agree. Hesitation to admit that I thought there was definitely something between us. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t do it.
“A physical attraction.” I nodded.
Ryder opened his mouth like he was going to disagree, then seemed to change his mind. “A physical attraction,” he agreed. “There’s definitely been plenty of that.”
“Good,” I said. “I mean, I just wanted to check I wasn’t making it all up in my head.”
He looked at me like he was weighing something up in his mind. Finally, he opened his mouth.
“Nora, it’s no surprise or secret that I’ve been into you since I met you. You’re sexy, you’re funny, you’re smart. You know how to handle yourself. It’s hot.”
“Then why have you been so…weird the last couple of days?” I asked.
“Because I thought One-Night Nora was over it and acting like I had a second chance might have looked a little desperate,” he said.
If there was a time to regret the nickname the tabloids had given me, it was now. Oh, I’d earned it. Fair and square. I wasn’t complaining about that. I just noticed the lack of catchy alliteration being added to Coop or Zach or Brax or Nate, and they’d definitely earned themselves a moniker.
“I wasn’t– I’m not over it,” I told him. “I kept trying to tell myself I was, but then I just have to look at you – to think about you – and I want you all over again.” I smiled at him, knowing I sounded corny enough to my own ears.
He didn’t seem to think so though. “I’m glad,” he said as he stepped towards me.
“You are?”
He nodded. “Because I’ve been thinking about kissing you every moment since I last did.”
I bit my lip against a ridiculous smile that was threatening. “Is that so?”
“It is.”
“Then, why don’t you?”
“Is it what you want?”
“Yes,” I told him, definitively. “Yes. I want you to kiss me.”
He wasted no more time. His lips were on mine, claiming me as his in that moment. I kissed him back with all the hungry need I’d felt for him the past week.
Torn between thinking he was just doing a shy act and thinking he’d got over me had been a rollercoaster ride I never wanted to repeat. So, it didn’t have to just be one night. I could admit that to myself – even to him if he asked – and not be promising anyone a future.
We made short work of each other’s clothes and fell onto the bed with a shared laugh. His eyes shone. The humour in them infectious. I couldn’t have wiped the smile off my face had I wanted to.
Ryder pulled me close and kissed me everywhere. His lips blazed a path across my skin like he was marking me as his. In the heat of the moment, I wasn’t so opposed to the idea.
He ran his fingers between my legs. There was no teasing this time, there was only his fingers and my clit as he once again read my body’s needs and desires plain as anything. It was all I could do to just hold on tight and let him work me to orgasm.
I was impatient to have him inside me, but he refused to move his hand, grinning all the time, until my body stopped twitching pleasantly at his touch and my breath returned to normal. It was only then that he let me go, with a kiss to the shoulder, to reach for a condom.
He let me roll it on him again and I revelled in the feeling of power it gave me. The way his eyes hooded as I ran my hands over him, the smile of satisfaction on his face. He looked at me not only as a woman who was pleasuring him, but as something that amazed him in its own right. Like I amazed him in my own right.
I pulled him on top of me this time, wanting to have him close, to put my arms around him, to feel his power as we came together.
As he thrust deep into me, my hands and eyes skimmed his body. His arms. His chest. His back. He was hard and muscular from years of training, I knew that now. The whole package was impressive. Not just his body, but who he was.
Once hadn’t been enough.
I doubted twice would be either.
14
Ryder
The next night, after the concert, we were lying in bed again.
“Pfft,” I scoffed. “I’ll bet you were right popular at school.”
Her scoff was far more disbelieving. “Um, no. Certainly not in middle school.”
“What happened in middle school?” I asked her.
She shrugged and wouldn’t meet my eye. I didn’t feel inclined to encourage her to.
Finally, she said, “No one liked me.”
I found that very hard to believe. “What?”
She nodded, sparing me a glance. “No. It’s true. I was me, Nerdy Nora, and…well, they didn’t dislike me, but no one…liked me.”
“You mean guys hadn’t yet caught on that nerdy girls are awesome?” I laughed.
She smiled, but shook her head. “No. I mean everyone. I had no friends. I didn’t get invited anywhere. Not to parties or for sleepovers or even to sit with anyone at lunch. The only people who chose to talk to me were Cooper and his mates.”
“So, it wasn’t everyone?”
“They only bothered to talk to me because I could play bass and the only other option for a bass player was Icky Ricky in the year below them.”
“Icky Ricky’s a pretty catchy nickname.”
Nora grimaced. “He was proper gross. Just kinda…slimy with the girls.”
Rollie & the Rocker (Grace Grayson Security Book 4) Page 8
