“Well, you’ve got no problems getting people to like you now.”
“No.”
Why did it sound like that was a bad thing?
“I realised when I was fifteen that I could just act differently, be different, and people would like me. A couple of girls at school saw Brax pick me up once and thought I had some hot older boyfriend. So, I pretended to care about clothes and makeup and boys, and I got invitations. Some days, I feel like I’ve completely lost myself and I’m drowning in this stranger.”
I realised then that there were lots of ways you could lose yourself along the way. For me, it had been war. War had the ability to leave scars no one could see but that burrowed into your soul and bled a little out of you each day. For Nora, it had been loneliness. She had her own scars, and they’d bled badly in their own way.
I wasn’t sure what to say to her. I wasn’t the guy people came to when they needed to get real. I was the comic relief. I was the guy who prevented shit from getting too real in the first place. But I didn’t want to do that with her. I wasn’t uncomfortable with her real. I just didn’t know what to say. So, I said nothing. Which, turned out, was probably worse than if I had let off a typical Rollie joke.
“Yeah, I get it,” she said with a heavy sigh. “No baggage.”
She made to get up and I stopped her.
“I’m fine with baggage,” I said told her, meaning every word when it came to her. “I’m just not good at knowing what to say.”
I could tell she thought I was just covering so I had a hope of getting her back in bed.
“You asked me what was me?” I said and she nodded. “I’m the guy who goes down the local gym on a Friday night and gets into the ring with some legitimate madmen all so I can outrun a past that might kill me if it catches me.”
“Ryder…” she breathed.
“Look,” I started, wondering where I was going with this. “You know how the Grace Grayson boys are all ex-military?”
She relaxed back onto the bed and nodded. “Yeah,” she said slowly.
I nodded. “Right. Well, take military and add special ops to that.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “It’s not as glamorous as the books make it sound. We saw some shit. And, when I say shit…” I breathed out. “I mean some shit. It totally messed me up. It messed all of us up. But…” I hadn’t realised I was going to get quite so real, but I was there now. “I handle it the worst out of all of us. You feel like you’re drowning in a stranger?” I asked and she nodded. “I get that. I mean, the drowning part. I’ve always been the awkward kid who makes jokes to cover his insecurities.”
“I have the music. I have the concerts. Each one is a checkpoint and, if I can make it to the next one, I can make it,” she said.
I nodded. “I have my humour. I fight. I don’t so much as deal with my shit as wallow in it for a while in safe doses.”
“Oh,” she sighed as she fell back against the bed. “What I wouldn’t give to just snuggle up at home in my oldest trackies with a tub of Rainbow Paddle Pop–”
“A tub?” I interrupted.
She smiled. “It comes in tubs – with a bottle or two of wine and some trashy rom-coms.”
“If you’ve got coffee Giant Twins, I’ll join you.”
She nudged me. “Judge me all you want, I can take it.”
I pulled her close. “No. Not at all. That does sound good.”
“Even the trashy rom-coms?”
“Die Hard’s a romance.”
“No,” she laughed. “Die Hard’s a Christmas movie.”
I think I might have fallen in love with her on the spot. “All right, we’ll keep that one for Christmas Eve.”
“Oh, we will, will we?” she asked with a smile.
I shrugged. “Christmas isn’t that far off.”
She nodded. “No… It’s not.”
She was getting cagey again. The same way she did anytime mention of a time outside that moment came up. The Rollie of a couple of years ago was impressed by her determination to avoid anything but the here and now. The newer Rollie had to wonder if, like me, she’d be better off at the very least learning to consider the future rather than refuse to acknowledge its existence. Or maybe she was fine the way she was.
I definitely hadn’t come to grips with actually considering the future in all my actions. I didn’t stop to think about the future if there was a chance it could be unfavourable; I just acted. But I was trying to.
One thing I did know, though, was that it wouldn’t do to push her if she wasn’t ready. I could only keep doing what I was doing and hope my natural charm eventually won her over for good.
15
Nora
At the end of the concert that night, feeling giddy as anything, I skipped over to Ryder, beaming.
“We did it! We’re almost home,” I said as I launched myself into his arms.
He laughed. “You are. One more concert and that’s the tour done.”
I sighed as I leant my head against his chest, feeling a sense of contentment I didn’t recall feeling in a long time, or possibly forever. Having him close was uplifting. It made me feel like I could do anything. Be anyone.
I didn’t want to think about anything outside this bubble of time. Not about the future. Not about the past. Not about what other people would think about any of it. We were just two people peacefully coexisting together in a moment of perfection.
I reached up and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.
“Give him another one for us, love!” someone called.
Ryder and I turned.
It seemed our quiet little corner had been under surveillance. Two photo journalists had cameras pointed in our direction waiting for her to kiss me again.
I pulled away from Ryder just as Anton stalked over.
“You vultures know you’re meant to wait in the green room,” he said as he started dragging them away.
I didn’t just pull away from Ryder, I stepped away. A good foot away. As far as it was possible to go without looking like I was moving and still get as far away as possible.
“Nora?” I heard Ryder ask.
But my eyes were focussed on the photographers Anton was leading away. How much had they caught? What were their editors going to say about it? What had one little moment of carelessness done?
****
By the next morning, it was all over the news.
‘One-Night Nora no more: star in relationship with her new bodyguard’
‘One-Man Nora Curry’s off the market’
‘Valjean bassist Bodyguard, Ryder Andrews, last in long line of men?’
“Oh, they didn’t even mention my name, but they mention his?” I huffed as I threw my tablet on the couch beside me.
I’d made it a point early on in my career not to go online as much as possible. I stayed clear of tabloids and avoided any platform that might have unfavourable news about the band. We had people who did that; waded through all the possible articles and only showed us the good stuff.
But I hadn’t been able resist.
After getting caught with Ryder, I needed to know what they were saying. I needed to know how much damage had been done or if there was a chance to repair it.
So, I dived into the mess.
I went down the rabbit hole and got lost in the wormhole that was internet tabloids.
I didn’t know how long I was there. I completely lost track of time. I only came out when I heard an insistent knock on the door.
“Nora? Nora, are you okay?” Nate was yelling.
I went and opened the door. As soon as he saw me, Nate grabbed my arms and looked me over like he was checking for outward signs of damage.
I pushed him off me and let him into my room. “What do you want?”
“I want to make sure you’re okay,” he said as I closed the door.
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” I asked, huffing
a sarcastic laugh. “The whole world thinks I’m dating my security.”
“Aren’t you?”
I turned to him. “Excuse me?”
“Aren’t you dating him?”
“No!” I said forcefully.
Nate held his hands up. “Okay. Calm the farm. You’re not dating him. Could have fooled me, but whatever. With your coy smiles and eyelash flappery.”
“Whatever for you, maybe,” I muttered.
“Whatever for everyone.”
“Says the man whose reputation isn’t in the dirt.”
Nate barked a laugh. “Your reputation is fine, Nora.”
“Fine! Fine? Everyone thinks I’m dating Ryder!”
Nate nodded. “Yeah. And everyone is thrilled to bits for you.”
I’d been waving my arms around hysterically, but I dropped them now and looked at him. “What?”
“Thrilled,” he said, then added, “To bits. One-Night Nora’s finally met her match and all that? News is abuzz with the excitement at what kind of guy could tame the wild girl of rock. They’re saying it’s the final step in Nora Curry’s evolution from punk pin up to adult artist.”
Where were all those articles in the rabbit hole? Where were those comments?
Actually, when I stopped to think about it, what I’d read had been masses of speculation, but no judgement.
“They…don’t care?”
“Uh, the opposite actually. Everyone cares and think it’s awesome. Brax threatened to kill him. Zach reminded him he’s some black ops ninja. But Brax is totally ready to wail upon him at your behest. Even with the danger to his pretty face. And, look I’m more than happy to watch my brother get beaten up by a black ops ninja…”
“Ryder’s not a black ops ninja and I don’t want anyone to beat him up,” I said, my brain moving too fast for me to keep up.
No one cared – as it were – if I was dating Ryder. My reputation was fine. Our music was fine.
I didn’t know what I’d been so worked up about. This One-Night Nora reputation. Of course it wasn’t everything.
Of course our true fans would be happy about something that made me happy. And if they didn’t, screw them. We didn’t need them.
Screw them. We didn’t need them.
That was a new concept. One I hadn’t considered.
I mean, we needed the fans. Without them, we couldn’t feasibly keep doing what we loved to the extent we did it.
But we could have the power to write the narrative. We could actually do what we wanted – so long as it wasn’t murdering puppies – and they’d be there with us for the ride. They wanted us to be happy.
Ryder would make me happy. I didn’t know what the future could hold for us, but I wanted to see what we might have. I wanted to explore us, and more than in just the naked sense. As fun as that was.
I wished I’d realised that before I’d had the external validation. I wished I’d been strong enough to come to the conclusion without needing the people’s approval. But I’d got there in the end.
Now, I had to work out how to tell him.
16
Ryder
“I’ll leave you to get changed,” I said to her, more curt than I intended.
Nora nodded. “Thanks.”
I closed the door and stood outside it, reminding myself that this was why we didn’t let our heart into things. This was Valjean’s last concert before heading back home to the States. And, as much as I held out hope that Nora might consider hanging around for a bit to see if there could be more between us, I didn’t believe it for a second. She’d had chances. She’d had plenty of chances.
I just had to accept that, while I might have been worth more than a one-night stand, I wasn’t worth that much more. Or, maybe I’d just been convenient. Who needs a one-night stand when you’ve got a bodyguard falling over himself to satisfy your every whim?
Those demons of mine had almost convinced me that it was the latter when I heard a shout from inside Nora’s dressing room. Nora’s shout.
I put a hand to the comms. “Trouble in Nora’s room.”
Barging into the room, I was on high alert. My senses were tuned and my adrenalin was spiking high.
Nora wasn’t alone. There was a man in her dressing room with her. A man I didn’t recognise.
“Get out!” Nora shouted, holding a robe against her mostly naked body.
The man started singing, like some perverted version of a serenade. The tune was new to me, but I recognised the lyrics to Firebird. I could definitely understand why the sound of it scared Nora. It scared me. Sent goosebumps flaring to life across my body. Made me want to look over my shoulder in case the boogeyman was after me.
“Stop it!” Nora yelled and I could see she was on the verge of panicking.
I slid myself between Nora and the man, but it was like I was invisible to him. His eyes were firmly planted on Nora as he walked towards us. I backed Nora up slowly, trying to gauge the level of threat.
Clearly, my presence alone wasn’t enough to deter him or freak him out.
But how far was this going to go?
“All right,” I told him, keeping Nora firmly behind me. “Time to go, mate.”
I put a hand out to start pushing him out of the room, but he grabbed it.
Only then did he stop singing and look at me. He looked at me like I was nothing, just some minor inconvenience he needed to get rid of before he could claim his prize. Dude was like some freaky full-grown Annabel of some shit. That, coupled with the singing, put me right out. He was smaller than me and had zero fear or hesitation.
He took a swing at me and I ducked it.
“Ryder!” Nora called, worry evident in her tone.
That seemed to make the intruder even more pissed off with me. I was no longer an irrelevant annoyance. Whatever mission he was on, it was personal.
He ran at me with both hands bared. As my hands closed around his wrists and I struggled to keep him off me, Anton and Des ran into the room.
“Get her out of here!” I shouted.
They didn’t ask questions. They did what they’d been trained to do; get the target out safely.
The intruder seemed to pause for a moment. Did he go after Nora or deal with me?
“Hey, dickweed,” I said, throwing a punch to his face.
That decided him and I was (somewhat) glad when he picked me.
I was less so when it turned out his weedy, weedy stature hid a surprising amount of wallop. Wallop he wasn’t scared of slamming straight into me.
He came at me, fists and nails flailing. Too many found their mark. The guy was just so erratic, I couldn’t anticipate him.
Memories struggled for purchase on the surface of my mind and I shoved them away again. Now wasn’t the time for reliving the past. Not when the future was at stake.
Finally, I got a couple of good swings in and took him down. It took all my body weight to keep him on the floor while I scrabbled for something to tie him up with. But the guy wriggled and squirmed, nearly bucking me off him.
“Stay. Down,” I grunted, elbowing him in the back of the head.
His face hit the floor with an audible ‘whack’ and he was finally struggling less. I was able to tighten on of Nora’s belts around his wrists and another on top of that just to make sure he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Help me get him up,” I said, seeing Anton in the doorway. “We got anywhere to put him?
Anton nodded. “We’ll take him to the security office until the cops arrive.”
Nora walked into the room as Anton helped me get the intruder up, visibly shaken, but standing tall.
“I thought you were getting her out of here?” I accused Anton.
“She’s slippery,” he said, giving her a side-eye.
“I had to know you were okay,” she said.
“I had to borrow a couple of your belts,” I told her.
She nodded. �
��Sure.”
I paused on my way out. Nora’s eyes flickered, full of concern, over my face and I doubted it was a pretty sight. I was sure I’d had worse, but not in a while.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Fine. We’ll get him out of your way.”
She looked to the guy, who had deflated somewhat since I’d bound his hands. “Just so you know, I’m still performing tonight,” she told him. “You’ve taken nothing from me.”
His eyes lit up as she spoke to him, like he was under some delusion that she was speaking words of love and affection and giving him some promise that every word she sang was for him.
“Come on,” I said, giving him a nudge, and Anton and I frog-marched him out of there to wait for the cops.
Nora took to the stage that night and reclaimed her song in a haunting acoustic version, accompanied by her brother on piano.
I caught the end of it after dealing with the police and watching the intruder being led away in proper cuffs. He was being charged with a bunch of stuff, including assault against me. I said I’d do what I could to help. Anything if it meant putting him away for as long as possible.
Nora’s performance had taken my breath away and I knew then and there that, given half a chance, I’d fall totally, irrevocably in love with her. As it was, I didn’t think I was getting out of this gig without some severe bruising on my heart as well as everywhere else.
After the concert ended, I ducked into Nora’s dressing room. I could have slipped out of there without a backward glance. But that wasn’t me. Not with her.
“I’m headed for the airport,” I told her.
She frowned. “What? Right now?”
I nodded. “Job’s done. Stalker’s arrested. You’re safe. Best I get out of your hair soon as poss.”
She shook her head. “No.”
“What do you mean, no?” I asked.
“I mean, no. You can’t. Not yet. Not like this.”
“Not like what? You don’t need me anymore, Nora. You’re safe. Anton and his guys have it from here.”
Rollie & the Rocker (Grace Grayson Security Book 4) Page 9
