by Leaona Luxx
Pouring a cup of coffee, I shoot Alden a quick text. I ask him for no questions right now, that I’ll explain a little later. I’m bitter and mad as hell. She should’ve told me, said something to me about what she did.
That was my child too. Rage fills me as a tremor rocks my body. My blood boils as anger coils tight in the pit of my stomach. I have to know, I deserve to know about my child. I stare at my phone, debating my next move.
I shoot a quick message off to the last person I ever thought I would ask for help from—Walker Pennington. I jump into the shower, dressing as fast as I can. I’m no sooner downstairs, then my phone rings.
“Hello.”
“Chord. It’s Walker. How can I help you?” I’m a little surprised he’s up this early, but I know he has ghosts as well as I do.
“I have a problem and no one else I can trust. How soon can we meet?”
“I’m here now.” I check the time.
“Ten minutes?”
“Knock on the side door, I’ll meet you there.” I release a sigh.
“Thank you.” I end the call, steady myself on the counter, slowing my breathing. My heart hammers against my chest. “Here goes nothing.”
Grabbing my keys, I’m out the door. I park on the far end of his building, out of sight. Tapping on the door, Walker meets me to open it. “Come on in.”
“Thanks for meeting me.”
“You sounded desperate.” Walker points to a light on at the other end of the hall.
“I am, but it’s Saturday; I appreciate this.” He nods at a chair in front of me, I sit, rubbing my palms over my jeans.
“It’s fine, Chord.” He sits across from me, ready to take notes. “Now, how can I help you?”
“It’s Sarah,” He raises his brows. “I found her.”
“Wow. That’s great, isn’t it?” His brows furrow.
“I’ve never told another living soul what I’m about to tell you.” At the time, I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint another soul like I did her, so I kept it to myself.
He leans in, resting his hands on his desk. “Alright.”
“When Sarah disappeared, she was pregnant.” I blow out a slow, steady breath.
He rubs his chin. “Did she leave for that reason?”
“I’m not sure.” I stand, plodding across the floor. “I didn’t get a chance to ask her. We argued. Well, I argued, she cried.” I rub the back of my neck.
“What about the baby?” His eyes dart to mine.
“I don’t know.” I give a half shrug before running my hand through my hair. “I was mad. I yelled at her. When I asked her about the letter she left for me and the fact that she was pregnant, she replied ‘I was’.”
“I see.” He leans back in his seat. “So why are you here?”
“If I have a child out there, anywhere, I want to be the baby’s father. I wasn’t given the chance to decide if I wanted a child or if...” I trail off, my face reddening as I ball my fists up.
“Alright. First things first, you need to find out what she did.” He straightens in his chair. “If she aborted the child, you obviously have no recourse. If she put said child up for adoption, we may be able to petition the court for visitation or even custody.”
“Aborted? She would never have an abortion.” The thought alone maddens me. I set my jaw, gritting my teeth.
“Are you sure?” My hands shake with fury, and I’m about to punch him.
“I know damn well. Sarah was my soul, I know her. No way. She might have put the baby up for adoption.” My stomach turns with the thought.
“That’s a guess. Her mom was a piece of work, and you don’t even know if she had prenatal care; she could have lost the child.” He tilts his head, lacing his fingers in his lap. I feel lightheaded, what has she gone through? And by herself.
“You’re right.” I sigh, sinking into the seat. I clasp my hands when they begin to shake at the possibility that she could have lost the baby. And I wasn’t there for her or our baby. “Now what?”
“Talk to her.” He stands, walking around his desk. “Ask her what happened and listen.”
“I don’t even know where she lives.” I cross my arms, trotting my leg. “I know she’s in Charleston.”
“And your P.I. couldn’t find her after all these years?” He’s right, why couldn’t he find her? “Where did you find her?”
“Dungeons and Dragons, she’s a fucking stripper,” I spit with disdain, rubbing the back of my neck.
“Hold up,”—his face hardens—“what’s wrong with her being a stripper?”
“Come on, she shouldn’t be there.” The thought of men staring at her and God only knows what else—it sickens me.
“I graduated with several, women and men, who paid for their college doing the same thing. There’s no shame in working for a paycheck. You know, not all strippers are prostitutes or on drugs.” He glowers at me, shoving his hands in his pockets. Damn.
“You’re right.” I lean over, covering my face with my hands. “I was an asshole. It’s one reason I was so angry, she shouldn’t be there. And the fact she was so close but never tried to find me.”
“You had a detective who couldn’t find her.” Walker cocks his brows.
“Fuck. I have to go find her, which means, I’m going back to the club.”
“Sounds like it.” He pauses. “A word of warning: stay calm, listen to her. You have no idea what she’s been through.”
I nod, drying my hands on my pants again. I reach for his hand, not knowing what to say. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.” Walker takes my hand. “Let me know if or how you want to proceed.”
“I will. I appreciate this.” I turn to leave, but he stops me.
“Chord, just one thing.” He hesitates. “Why didn’t you go to One?”
“No one, Walker. I’ve never told anyone about that letter.”
“You kept it all these years?” His brow furrows.
“It’s all I had.” I drop my head, and the pain lays heavy on my soul.
“When you talk to her, make sure she knows you still love her.” He offers me a tight smile.
“Ha! I think that ship has sailed, man.” The words shatter me as they roll off my tongue. I have no doubt everyone knows I still love her. Well, not everyone. “Thanks.”
Starting my SUV, I turn onto Highway Seventeen, heading back to Charleston. I arranged another night’s stay this morning. I knew I was going back, I left my things there with my abrupt exit.
I hold my phone, trying to make up my mind if I should make the next call. I need the only person who’ll listen and not ask a million questions. I press dial and wait. “Chord, what’s up?”
“I need you to listen to me, ask few questions and have my back.” I roll my shoulders, popping my neck.
“Alright.” I hear shuffling, then a door creaking. “Are you okay?”
“Physically, yes. But I’m not gonna lie, I’m a fuckin’ mess.” I run my hand through my hair. It’s been a long time since my heart has beat this wildly.
“As long as you’re not hurt, we’ll get through this.” His voice is smooth, calm. I would’ve never made it after Sarah left had it not been for my brother. He got it. He knew I was broken.
“I found Sarah. She’s in Charleston.” My breathing’s ragged, my head still spinning. “I’m not sure about anything. We had an argument, and I left.”
“So you talked to her?” He remains calm, helping me to.
“I did, well, that’s a lie. I yelled and demanded answers from her.” I roll my eyes, I was an asshole.
“Damn, do you think she’ll see you again?” I scratch my head, I’m not sure I deserve the chance.
“I’m going back to try to talk to her again. If she’ll talk to me, that is.”
“Is she doing alright?” One whispers.
“From what I could tell, yes.” I sigh. “I never gave her a chance to talk, actually.”
“You’ve got to remain calm. If y
ou don’t, all this time you’ve waited on her will have been for nothing.” He’s dying to say so much more. And ask more.
“I have things I’ve never told anyone about us, One. I still can’t, I need her side of the story first.”
“If you need me, call. I will come to you, anytime.”
“I will, promise.” He’s a good man and the best brother.
“Stay calm and remember, she’s still Sarah. It’s been awhile since you’ve talked, but at least you’ve got the chance to talk again.” I shake my head, he’s so right. “Don’t be a shithead, love you.”
“I always wondered why you two called me that, it was loud and clear last night. Love you, brother.”
I stand on stage as the lights come up slowly, Rihanna’s Love on the Brain pulsates in the room. I step into the light, taking the pole in hand as I swing. I work my body along the metal support.
Spiraling down the pole, I come to rest on the floor. I slowly climb to my knees, swinging my hips. Wrapping my hand around the shaft, I spin around it. Grinding and thrusting to the sultry words.
The entire time I’m dancing, I’m thinking of Chord. His face spoke volumes last night, and it devastated me to have him see me this way. I wish I had another choice, but there is none. Not for someone like me.
As I finish my set, looking through the smoke and lights, I see him. The wreckage still fresh on his face. I avert my eyes, trying to avoid him altogether will be impossible, but for now, I can.
I traipse from the runway, making room for the next show. I plod down the steps, whispering to my friend. “He’s here.” I glance around the room, waiting for him to come to me. I’m so sure this is the best idea.
“What do you want me to do?” Luke is my best friend, he’s been my ride or die for five years now. “I’ll throw his ass out if you want me to?”
Chord stares at me, and I know my time is up. Inclining my head, I roll my eyes toward Chord. “Yeah, I’m not so sure that’ll work.”
Chord stands, working his way through the crowd toward me. Everything happened so fast last night, but I didn’t miss what a tall drink of water he’s become over the years. His rugged good looks floors my best friend.
“Damn, girl. That’s him?” I sigh heavily, thinking of how many times my lips have touched him. And where. “You’re flushing. Should I fan you? Oh, girl. Calm it down over here.”
“Stop it.” I play slap at him as my eyes flicker back to Chord. His shoulders were always broad, but he must’ve gained four more inches in his span. His shirt is pulled tight over his pecs. He’s several inches taller also.
He smiles as he approaches, and I’m seventeen again. The luckiest girl in the world. His smile still makes my girl parts tingle, and I squeeze my thighs together, chewing on my bottom lip. His deep voice raises the hair on my arm.
“Sarah.”
“Chord,” I say his name on a sigh, earning me a sharp elbow. I wince, netting Luke a stern glare. “This is Luke.”
His eyes dart from me to Luke. “Can we?” He gestures toward the back.
“Yeah, let’s take it outside.” I cringe at my choice of words. “I mean, it’s private.” I roll my eyes as I turn to the back door, and Chord follows me closely.
“I prefer this top to the other one,” he grunts from behind me. I’m wearing my favorite costume. It’s a blue and purple butterfly, outlined in black with a matching thong.
“Thank you, it’s my favorite.” I open the door as he slides his hand over my head, holding it for me. The door shuts behind him as I lean against the wall.
He runs his hands through his dark brown mane, just the way I used to. “I don’t know where to start.” He shakes his head, his frustration palpable. “I’m sorry. I hate that I was rude and angry. I showed my ass last night.”
His words bring me up short and my shoulders sag, knowing I’m the one who let him down. I war with what I know I have to do and what I want to do. In all the years we shared, we‘ve never argued.
“No, Chord.” I wrap my arms around myself, hiding from the man who’s seen more of me than any other ever has. “We were both wrong.” I can’t look at him. “And you’re right, we need to talk. But not here and not for five minutes.”
“I agree.” He releases a long breath. “Since when can we not talk?”
“Seriously? Can you believe we just had our first argument?” I shift my feet.
“I thought the same thing.” His mouth falls slack. “You tell me when and where, I’m there.”
“I would say we could get some breakfast, but we need a little more privacy.” I tighten my grip around my stomach, holding down the butterflies that are always around when he is. “Are you staying close by?”
He narrows his eyes. “I am.”
“Can I meet you there?” I pinch my lips between my fingers, doing my best not to bite my nails. “Unless your wife would care?” He shakes his head on the word ‘wife’. “Girlfriend?” Again, there’s a quick shake of his head.
“I’m alone.” He inclines his head, as if he’s trying to tell me something.
I nod. “How about I catch a ride and come there?”
“I can wait, take you with me.” He smirks, drawing my eyes to his mouth. Getting exactly the response he wants from me—heat.
I sweep the tip of my tongue between my lips, watching as he ignites. Now, it’s my turn to smirk. “That works for me.” I pause. “I have one more set. I’ll tell Luke not to wait for me.”
His brows knit together. “Does he give you a ride to work?”
“We live together.”
He averts his eyes. “I’m staying at the Belmond, in case you want to tell him where you’ll be.”
“Yeah, I kinda need to do that.” I wrinkle my nose as he nods.
“I’ll be waiting out here.” He shoves his hands in his pockets.
“You don’t want to come back in? I don’t mind.” I hold my breath, wanting him to stay close for some ungodly reason.
“I do,” he grunts. Ah-ha. I raise my brows, he’s not happy I work here. Join the crowd, Chord.
“An hour? Where can I find you?”
He jerks his head toward the street. “Black Land Rover.”
No doubt the most expensive one they make. “Like I said, give me an hour.”
I reach for the door but his hand is already there, pulling it open and holding it until I’m inside. I glance back at him, my heart racing. “Thank you.” His brow furrows, then he gives me my favorite smile. You’re fucked, Sarah.
I finish my last set, hurrying to get dressed as I give Luke the basic details. “He’s staying at the Belmond. I’m not sure how long this is gonna take. We have so much to talk about. How do I look?”
“Like a girl still in love.” Luke fixes my jacket in the back as I slide it on. “I want you to be careful, Sarah. You haven’t been around him in years, he could be a different person.”
I turn on my best friend, pinning him with a glare. “What the hell does that mean? You don’t know him, he’s good to the core. What happened between us had nothing to do with him, it’s all my fault.”
“I’m just saying, people can change and you don’t know him anymore.” He holds his hands up. “Ask yourself one thing, where in the hell has he been? He owes you that much.”
My forehead wrinkles. “You’re right. I need to take my time, ease into this. I might not want him back in my life.” A chill runs over me with the thought of losing him forever. At least I had the hope of having him for all these years.
“Breathe.” Luke takes my hands in his. “Feel him out, see if you can still trust him.”
I nod. “Good idea, I need to be cautious.” We walk out the back door, arm in arm. At the end of the building, I spot his SUV. Chord rolls down the window, waving.
“He’s rich alright.” Luke side-eyes me. “Good looking and money, was he good in bed?” Luke snorts when he laughs.
“Seriously? Gross! I’m not talking to you about that.” I push aw
ay from him, crossing the street to Chord. I pause in the middle, turning to Luke. “Hey!” When he turns to look at me, I smile, nodding until my head is about to roll off my shoulders. He bursts into laughter.
“What was that about?” Chord asks as I open his door.
“Huh?” I play innocent.
He narrows his eyes. “Nothing, I guess.” He puts the SUV in gear. “To my place?” He cocks his brow.
“Yes, please.” I hold my breath. “But... no funny stuff. It’s been a long time, we don’t even know each other anymore,” echoing Luke’s words of advice.
Chord does a double take before smirking. “Sarah, I’d know you in the dark. I’ve already proven that fact. We haven’t changed. Our lives have, but you’re still my Sutton.”
Chord takes his time driving to the hotel. The silence is almost deafening, and I can’t take it. “So what brings you to Charleston?”
“A friend,” he replies as a sharp pang twists in my gut. “I came to watch Alden.”
Why does that make me feel better? “He’s good. Were y’all friends in college? ”
“No, he’s a friend of Thayer’s ex. We just hit it off. He’s a cool dude.” He shrugs.
“Did you go to Clemson?” I pick at my cuticles as my stomach turns thinking about all the plans that we made, that he went on to do.
He side-eyes me. “No, I didn’t go.” My breath hitches as he pulls up to the front of the hotel. Sliding from his seat, he tosses the attendant his keys.
He rounds the front of the truck and once again, I’m seventeen and lusting for the hottest guy in school. He’s in all black with a gun metal colored hooded leather jacket. Damn, I could eat him alive.
Opening my door, he offers his hand. I take it, grabbing the hem of my skirt to hold it down. His eyes smolder as they run a path up my legs and that old, familiar pang is back. I clear my throat, hoping to dispel my lust.
“Thank you.” I peek up at him through my lashes, trying to hide my desire for him.
His hand lands on the small of my back, sending a jolt to my core, as the doorman holds the door open. “Thank you.” Chord nods.
We wait by the elevator, watching the numbers tick down. I fidget as he sighs heavily. The ding of its arrival sends a wave of chills over me. Chord slides his hand behind me once again, guiding me inside.
