by Leaona Luxx
“Hey, Aunt Sarah.” His deep voice booms over the speaker.
“Hey, Lath.” My heart thumps at his endearment. “Your dad said you could help me make a DVD with music on it.”
“I sure can.”
“Well, he’s here now. Can you come on over, I’m at home.” I pick at my nail.
“I’ll see you in ten.”
“Thank you.” I end the call, thrilled everything seems to be coming together.
Sure enough, Lath walks through the door ten minutes later. We sit at the counter so I can show him what I want. I’m surprised by what I find on Silas’ memory card but once I do, I know exactly what to do.
“You okay, Aunt Sarah?” Lath’s eyes cut at me as we go through all the photos.
I dab at my eyes. “Yeah, I’m good. It’s amazing what kids see when adults don’t know they’re looking.”
“Remarkable skills for his age, that’s for sure,” he says as we scroll through the gallery. “Hey, he has a video on here.”
Cue the freakin’ tears. “Oh, my. Yeah, put this on there too.”
“I planned on it.” He grins.
An hour later and a few hundred tissues, I have a finished product. Now, to work up my courage to go see Chord. I spend the night making notes of what I want to make sure I say, things we need to say.
The next morning, One and Hardy are back to help me with my project.
“What in the world, woman?” Hardy quirks his brow at my table full of notes.
I give him a lopsided grin. “Notes to win Chord back. I figured I needed to up my game.”
“Improve your game or plead your case?” Walker stands at the front door.
“Come on in, I was watching for you.”
“No worries, I’m glad I had time to drop this by this morning.” He hands me the file and my smile couldn’t be bigger.
“Thank you, this is amazing.” I tiptoe, kissing him on the cheek.
“Ahh, The Pennington’s strike, once again.” One laughs.
“We do what we can.” He winks at me. “We all deserve a chance at redemption. Good luck.” One shakes his hand before he leaves, nodding at Hardy as he does. Hardy growls.
One chuckles. “Get over it, she picked you.”
“Yeah, she could’ve picked him. Wowza.” I waggle my brows.
Hardy narrows his eyes. “You’re here for Chord.”
“Nothing wrong with window shopping.” I wink, getting a rise out of One.
“Sarah, stop poking the bear.” We both laugh at Hardy while he broods.
He shakes his head, flipping us off. “Screw you both.” We laugh even harder. “Let’s get to work.”
We get busy on my project until Lea arrives with the new furniture for the bedroom. To my shock and horror, Elise and Cal come by. Wonderful, the entire family is in on my plans before I know if he’ll even take me back.
“Oh, stop with the frowning.” Elise hugs me.
“I’m sorry, I messed up. I know I’ve hurt him and I promise I never will again,” I gush in one long sentence.
“We’re fine, it’s him you need to talk to.” She pats my back as Cal walks outside with One and Hardy.
Lea’s brows are pulled low as she stares out the window. “What’cha lookin’ at, Lea?”
“Shew, my man. Shirt off, manual labor. Reminds me of when we met and he was tryin’ his best to impress me.” Her lip quirks.
“What is that you kids say, she’s sprung.” Our heads snap to Elise. “It’s alright, girls, I understand, they got it from their father.” She elbows Lea, and we giggle.
“I miss Chord.” My lip trembles.
“When are you gonna go see him?” Lea asks.
“I’m hoping to catch him alone.”
“He’s alone now.” Elise smiles.
“Look at me, I can’t go like this.” My chest tightens.
Lea throws her arm around me. “We can fix that.” She smiles as Thayer walks through the door.
“We can fix what?” she says.
“She’s going to see Chord. I’ll start your shower. Thayer, clothes. Mom, pray.” Lea pushes me toward the stairs, and my knees start knocking immediately.
I look up at the big house, swallowing hard. I lay my finger on the doorbell and remove it. I brush over it without pushing. “Stop being a chicken, Sarah.” I tightly close my eyes and ring the dang bell.
I hold my breath. No one comes. Does he know I’m here? I step back, looking up at the windows. He isn’t peeking out I don’t think. I try it again. No answer. I’m getting mad by the time I ring the damn bell the fourth time.
“I know you’re in there.” I knock on the door. Still, there’s no answer. I decide to try the handle. The door opens, and I push it wide. “Chord?” I scan the bottom floor, he’s not down here.
I roll my eyes up, wondering if he’s asleep. I take a deep breath and hit the stairs. The problem is, I’ve never been up here. I’m not sure which way to go or what room is his. “Give a girl a break.” I sigh.
I pop my head in this room and that one, left and right. “This has to be it.” I peek in, rolling my eyes. “Another bathroom.” I shake my head, continuing to the next room. I open the door, scanning the room and just as I’m about to close it, something on the far wall catches my eye.
I make a beeline to the desk, standing in awe of what’s above it. Pictures of me with Chord litter the wall. From kindergarten to high school. Pictures from every moment of our life together.
“You never forgot me, did you?” I place my hand down to get a closer look at a picture. When I lift it, a piece of paper sticks to my sweating palm. “Oh, come on.” I peel it off, ready to toss it down, when I see my name.
Tons and tons of letters he’s written to me. Over six years’ worth of love letters from Chord to me. I thumb through them, reading one and checking dates on others.
“What are you doing?”
I jump, holding my hand over my heart. “Damn it, Chord. What the hell are you trying to do, scare me to death?”
He folds his arms. “I could say the same thing, but you’re in my room.”
My eyes flicker around the room. “I am, and I have an explanation.”
He holds his hand up. “I don’t want to hear it.”
I feel as though I’ve been hit in the center of my chest. “Wow. That hurt more than I thought it would.”
“Hate to hear it. Now, if you don’t mind.” He steps away from the door.
Say something. Anything. “Are these mine?” I point to the letters.
His eyes dart to his desk. “Nope.”
“They have my name on them.” I cock my head.
“Different Sarah.” He pins me with his glare.
“Oh, one I haven’t had the pleasure of hearing how well you fucked her?” I wince as soon as I say it. “Sorry. Seriously, I’m sorry.”
“What do you want?” He grinds his teeth.
“To talk.” I sigh. “Hopefully, better than I am right now, but to talk.” I pick at my nail.
“Maybe you should’ve answered your phone.” He shakes his head again, making my stomach knot. “What about, Sarah? I thought we had said it all already.”
“I didn’t have it with me, it was under Silas’ bed. I’m sorry.” I bite my nail now. “Chord, I don’t think we’ve said enough. We’ve spent months not talking about the things that happened over those six years.”
“What do you need to say? Go ahead and get it over with, so you can leave.” He leans against the wall opposite me.
“I held back because I was scared and I didn’t know how to say what I wanted to talk about and that I need you.” I swallow the rising bile. “I’m sorry I left the way I did, it was unfair and callous.”
“So, we should’ve fought earlier. Made it easier for you to leave.” He glares at me.
I take a much-needed breath. “I never meant to hurt you, Chord. Please believe me. We said terrible things to each other, and I thought you hated me.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Tears well in my eyes. “I still love you, that’s never changed.”
“Oh, I know all too well what a perfect lover you are. You would never cheat on me, I’m the asshole who does it.” His words are full of venom.
“Why did you...you know?” I swallow past the rising bile.
He scrubs his hand over his head. “Stupidity. Friends telling me to move on, that it would help me get over you. That, I was never gonna find you.”
“I see.” I lay my hand on my stomach as it pitches and rolls.
“No, you don’t.” He scowls.
I take a deep breath, steadying myself. “Then tell me.”
He shakes his head. “What’s the use?”
“I love you.” I shrug. “I want to know, I need to know what you went through. I think I didn’t ask because I knew I was the one that made you hurt so badly and do those things.”
“I didn’t go to college right away. I barely graduated from high school, Sarah. Two years. Two god damned years, I sit here, waiting. Broken. Scared to fucking death you were hurt or worse, dead!” He dries his face on his shoulder.
“I was blessed to have Silas, he kept me from losing it.”
“I was so broken but I knew it wasn’t you that hurt me. Not like the other day. That was cruel.” His brows pull low.
“We each did things, I know, we’re not proud of. I wasn’t ever alone in my pain, you were always there.” I can’t fight the tears anymore.
He lays his head back to keep from looking at me. “Sarah, just leave. We were crazy to think we could make it work, too many years have gone by.”
I shake my head, wrapping my arms around myself. “No, don’t say that, Chord. I’m here, I’m trying to show you I love you.”
He pins me with his glare. “You never would’ve left me if that was true.”
“I fucked up, I’m sorry.”
“You left me, the same way you did six years ago. I didn’t know if I should look or wait. I did both the last time, and I don’t have it in me to do it again!” he yells at me.
“I know, it wasn’t fair of me.” I catch my breath. “I’m here and I promise I’ll never leave again.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I bite my lip, releasing it on a pop. “You’re scared, I get it. I am too.”
“So why are you here?” His brows fall low over his eyes.
“Because I love you. None of the rest matters, except for Silas.”
“But I don’t care about him, remember?” He points at me.
My chest aches. “I never should’ve said that.”
“But you did.” He blows out a breath.
“I lashed out. I wanted you with me. I thought you had to mourn the way I did or you didn’t love us.” Some wounds cut so deep they never heal. And for the first time, I don’t mean mine. “I lost my dad, Chord, and you were there. Then I lost you and Silas came along. I keep losing the things I love the most, I was fucking scared of losing you all together, so much so, I almost have.
“I’ve always loved you.” He drops his head. “If you don’t know that, maybe we’re not meant to be.”
“Oh, yes we are. You own me and you’re mine.” I fist my hands. “I’m here, Chord. I know leaving wasn’t my best decision but I was so lost. I thought you’d come find me and when you didn’t, I was hurt.”
“Sarah, when I met you, you had already shut down. I accepted it and looked over it for years. But I can’t anymore.” His eyes glisten.
I nod. “I know. I never took the time to tell you how much I appreciate all you did for me.”
“I did it because I love you.”
“You did it because I never told you how much I need you. You did it so I wouldn’t have to tell you,” I gasp. “All these years, I’ve never had the kind of love you give. It gets no better than you and the way you love me.”
He turns his head. “Now you notice?”
“No, Chord. I’ve always known. I just didn’t realize you needed to hear what a good man you are and how your love makes me feel. That without your love, I don’t exist.”
His eyes snap to mine. “Why now?”
“I tried to put myself back together, and it didn’t work. I don’t work without you. I can’t be whole again without all of the pieces. You’re my missing piece, and you’re the only thing that can make me whole again.” I dry my face, wiping my hands down my pants.
“What if our pieces don’t fit together anymore.” A tear rolls down his face.
“Oh, but we do. I have proof from the best source.” I pull out the DVD. “Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes, even in pictures.”
“Is this gonna be something else I have to survive?” He narrows his eyes.
I lick my lips. “I hope not but if it is, I’ll be by your side.”
“Sarah, I can’t.” He looks away from me.
“I don’t want to lose you. And I’m here to fight for us because you’ve been doing it all this time. It’s my turn now. I need you, I love you, and it will never change. Here’s your proof.” I lay the DVD on his bed, walking past him.
“Hey?” I turn to him, raising my brows. “How’d you get here?”
My smiles grows. “I drove.”
“You don’t have a license.” He smirks, cocking his brow.
“There was something more important I had to do.” I wink. “And the police don’t know that.”
His mouth hangs. “You drove your car here?”
“I did. I also made a few changes at home.” I smirk.
“How?” My pulse races.
“Joint checking.” I smile. “By the way, I know our foundation is good, but I’d like a say so on any and all renovations in the future.” I narrow my eyes at him.
He winces. “Yeah, I guess we need to remodel a few things.”
“Well, the next time you decide to break the bed, make sure it’s because I’m in it, under you.” His eyes blaze and when I sink my teeth into my lip, his gaze scalds me. I turn to leave again.
“Where you goin’?” He tilts his head.
“Home.” I walk away from him, the second most hardest thing I’ve ever done.
On the drive home, I go over everything that was said and remember a few things we needed to say. Hopefully, we’ll have another day. I chew my lip, nervous as all get out. “I hope he doesn’t take too long, I might have a nervous breakdown.”
I bound through the door, putting my plans into full swing. I send a massive text, putting everyone on notice.
I’m back.
If this works, I’ll let you know.
Fingers crossed.
I’m hoping by Saturday.
How’d it go? -L
He didn’t throw me out.
But he didn’t come with me.
He will. – O
Butterflies make a return to my lower belly, and I’m more nervous than ever. I get to work on my projects. I’ll do anything to keep my mind busy right now. The not knowing will drive me insane.
I don’t sleep, I’m wound too tight. I end up pacing around three in the morning. Exhaustion overcomes me around dawn as I crash on the couch. Waking around noon, my phone vibrates on the table.
Multiple texts from the family and Luke, but nothing from Chord. I reply to Thayer. There’s no way I can repeat this or read their comments to ‘hang in there’; I’m hanging. By a thread, but I’m hanging.
No word.
No sleep.
I may lose my mind.
Hold on. ~T
He’ll come. ~T
“I hope she’s right.” I fall back onto the couch, trembling as scenarios play through my mind of why he hasn’t come yet. I suppose he needs more time, he’s been through so much.
I get busy, moving forward with my plans, saying a silent prayer it’ll all work out. As the day turns into evening, I begin
to become wary. Clouds darken my once high hopes as I sit here in the dark by myself.
I’m wracked with fear. “A day. An entire day has went by and still no Chord. Why hasn’t he come home? He doesn’t want me, he can’t forgive me.”
“Oh, I’d say he wants you.” I whirl around to find him standing in front of me.
My mouth opens and closes at least three times. “You’re here.”
He holds the DVD up. “This is mighty powerful stuff.”
I hold back my tears, nodding. “Yeah, who would’ve thought our son could’ve done that?”
“It’s pretty good.” He moves closer to me. “Videos and pictures of us. He captured the real us. I had forgotten you look at me that way.”
“I never knew you watch me the way you do. I loved our pillow fight. He gave us that gift, Chord. He knew before he left, we’d need to find our way back to each other.” My chest heaves.
“So he snuck around, taking pictures of us?” He narrows his eyes.
“Of us in love, to show us how perfectly we do it for each other.” I hesitate. “It was on his video camera, the card is over there.” I point to the counter.
“You made the DVD?” He swallows. “And added the song on it?”
“I had help, but I picked everything, including the song.” I wipe away an escaped tear.
“That song...” He twists his mouth. “Something to Hold Onto, you picked it?”
I raise my brows. “I did. It’s how I see your love for me.”
“It’s perfect. You do give me something to hold on to, I love you.” His boyish grin plays on his mouth.
The room spins as my heart pounds. “Huh?” I murmur above my crying.
“I love you.” He steps closer. “We’re here because of our love. Look what it’s already given us, Silas was perfect.”
“You love me?” I gasp.
“Yeah, I love you.” He chuckles, stepping closer until he’s in front of me. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be. We had to learn to talk again, Chord. To grow so we could be whole again.” I gaze into his eyes as they sparkle.
He slides his hand around my waist, pulling me to him. “So we’re gonna talk about everything from now on?”
“Whether we like it or not. I don’t want to be one of those couples that hold back. We may have hurt each other with our words, but everything we said had to be done.”
