by K. M. Galvin
“We’re going to be obnoxious now,” I point out nonchalantly, though inside the butterflies have returned. I turn, giving him my back, and press my hand to my heart out of sight. It feels as though it could come through my chest.
Caleb kisses the back of my neck before taking the soaped up loofa and scrubbing my back. “We were already obnoxious. Now we can a different kind.”
“Can we have public fights about stupid shit?”
“I demand it. Can I make out with you for uncomfortable lengths of time in front of our friends?” He’s clearly thinking of Logan and Natalie with this suggestion, but I’m all too eager to dish out some payback.
“Duh. Can we call each other disgusting nicknames and have a hundred inside jokes?”
“What else would we do?” he demands jokingly.
“Perfect.”
Eight hours later, we’re driving down to Los Angeles. I’m exhausted from the break neck speed of the day, and honestly, the last couple months. It’ll be nice to have a break, spend some time with just Natalie and I, and explore what’s going on with Caleb.
He’s excited to be going home. Logan and him are practically bouncing in their seats. I guess the idea of seeing their friends and being in their own beds is exciting.
Can’t imagine why…
The photo-shoot is right around the corner and I’m mostly over myself. If I hadn’t already established my series, I’d be more upset. I’m not sure why my original covers mean so much to me.
That’s a lie.
I spent so much time picking them out… and… and…
Fuck.
And they have Makyla and Max on them. Sure they were computer generated, but it’s them. Replacing Max with Caleb, I don’t know. In some weird way it is like I’m erasing them.
I sulk, annoyed with myself because why can’t I seem to get around the idea that they are not the same? At least in this sense.
“You’re muttering to yourself.” Natalie nudges my shoulder from her place next to me in the back seat.
“I’m beating myself up for being an idiot. Per usual,” I murmur.
She raises a brow and throws the blanket she has on her legs over the both of us, hiding us from guys in the front seats.
“Uh, what’s going on back there?” Logan asks.
“Private meeting. Mind your business,” she returns instantly, but cuddles closer to me. “Ok, what’s going on?”
I purse my lips, deciding to admit the embarrassing truth. “I can’t stop thinking about Caleb on the covers. I don’t like it. Him replacing the old ones… I don’t-“ I cut off, rolling my lips over my teeth and exhale through my nose. I don’t know what I mean.
Natalie nods, as if expecting this. “Have you considered that the new covers, your initial issue with Caleb, the tour, and the trouble you’re having with starting a new book all have to do with the series ending?”
Er… “I haven’t.”
“I think maybe you believe moving on means forgetting. And it does for some people and that could be what it means for you. You’re not the same girl you were when you started these books. You don’t need Makyla and Max like you did in the beginning. But doing all of this and starting a new series doesn’t mean you’ll forget them.”
I laugh and it sounds watery, even to my own ears. “Don’t you think it’s crazy that I’m having such a hard time over fictional characters?”
Natalie leans towards me. “Bell, they were your friends for a long time. They gave you a career. They gave so much to so many people. It’s not crazy; it’s not weird. Why else do people cry, laugh, and get angry at books? Because they care.”
“Caleb thinks I compare him to Max,” I confess, slightly embarrassed because he’s not entirely wrong. At least in the beginning, but now the idea is ludicrous. As if anyone could mistake Caleb for someone else.
Natalie shakes her head. “Nah. I don’t buy that. You genuinely like him. Especially now since you’ve bumped uglies.”
I squeal and slap her. She slaps me back. I narrow my eyes at her as her hand slowly rises. I lift mine and we have ourselves an old fashion slap standoff. I do a quick fake out. She jerks back before unleashing unholy hell upon me. Shrieking, Slap War IV begins. We’ve had many during our friendship, but never in the back of a car. This is a new-
“Hey!” Logan barks. “Have your weird little blanket chat, but stop fighting this instant.”
“Or what? You’ll turn this car around?” I taunt.
“Dude. I swear to God. I know she’s hot, but every time she opens her mouth my eye twitches,” Logan mutters.
“Muscles spasms are a sign of dehydration. Probably because you’re so damn salty,” Natalie snickers.
“Oh shit!” I high five her. “Nice one.”
“Thank you, thank you.” Natalie smiles wide before schooling her face and turning that laser focus back on me. “Now back to you boinking your boy toy.”
“How did you know?” I ask, mortified.
Natalie shoots me a bland look. “You don’t think I know you’re ‘just laid’ look? I mean, it’s been a minute since I’ve seen it, but I recognize a bone deep relaxation on your face that only comes with a good dicking.”
“Oh my god!” I cry. “Logan is corrupting you. You talk like a truck stop ho.”
She shrugs and then reaches out underneath the blanket to grab her snacks.
She’s been eating constantly and the weirdest shit, something I’ve begun to notice over the last couple of weeks. “Don’t take this the wrong way…”
She pauses, bringing a handful of chips to her mouth. “What? Oh and I probably will with a sentence opener like that.”
“Y’all are being careful right?” I say very quietly.
Natalie straightens and I can see her getting defensive, so I pat her leg. “I only ask because I’ve never seen you-“
She waves me off. “No, you’re right. I’m stupidly strict with what I eat. And I’ve been emotional. We’ve been safe, most of the time.” She swallows and some of the color leeches from her cheeks. “I, um, might have forgotten to take a pill. Or three. It’s been so hectic.”
“Birth control doesn’t just fall on you,” I point out.
“I know. I know. We both made the decision to not use protection once or twice.” She winces. “Fuck.”
“When’s the last time you got your period?”
“I’m a couple days late. Holy shit. The eating sign is a myth right?” Her voice is reedy with panic. She looks at her bag of pickled onion flavored chips and blanches.
“At the next stop, we’ll get a test and take it. I’m sure it’s nothing, probably just stress. Caleb and I didn’t use protection last night so it’s been on my mind. Sorry to worry you.”
“No, no. You’re right. Next stop.” She pulls the blanket off her face, our nerves and whispering make the air quite humid underneath, to ask Logan quietly to pull over at the next gas station.
“You ok?” he asks, clearly worried by her somber tone.
She nods and leans on me. Caleb turns in his seat to look at me, but I shake my head. I’m not telling him anything. Natalie and I have closed ranks until this is figured out.
THIRTY MINUTES LATER, AFTER ARGUING about food and Caleb’s stupid bathroom ratings, we’re pulling over into a gas station connected to a McDonald’s. Natalie takes off immediately for the convenience store. Caleb says he’s grabbing food and to text him if we want anything. For a model, he eats like total shit. Logan gases up.
I have to run to catch up to possibly preggers as she’s already buying her test. “Lucky they have one,” I huff, coming up to her as she pays the cashier.
“Yeah, it only cost me a twenty and a shit ton of anxiety. If this is what you feel like all the time, I’m fucking sorry.” She grabs the bathroom key from the clerk and heads to the back.
She wastes no time and I set the timer on my phone. “No matter what happens, I’m there. Whatever you decide, ok? You’re not alone.”
>
“I can’t believe this all has happened in the span of thirty minutes. My life could be changing in the time an episode of television takes place. I don’t even know if I want kids! God, what about Logan?!” She’s starting to sound hysterical.
I grab her shoulders and shake. “Change can happen in a moment.”
“Ugh, god. Did you read that off a bumper sticker?”
“Is it wrong? You may never be prepared for what happens, but you can handle anything. You can do this. Whatever choice you make is the right one. And if you aren’t pregnant, I’ll be there for you too, ok?”
She gives me a long look. “That’s not going to be-“
“Natalie,” I say, sharply because I know her. She will tell Logan and it will blow up. “You have to tell him. Whatever the outcome.”
And on dramatic cue, my timer goes off. Natalie slaps a hand over her eyes and gasps. “I don’t think I can look.”
“I got this.” I grab the stick off the sink. Taking a deep breath, I look down and nearly collapse in relief. “Holy fucking shit.”
“WHAT?!” Natalie screams.
“You’re not pregnant!” I grab her and shake. “Condoms! Let’s buy some right now. I can’t go through this again. I feel sick.”
She looks at me for a moment and bursts into tears. “Bellamy. Oh my God.”
I hug her to me. “It’s ok.”
“I was so scared. I’m not ready to be a mom, but I kind of liked the idea of Logan and I having a baby. For a moment, I imagined what it would be like.”
“Just not right now.”
“Definitely,” she agrees and pulls back.
I wipe the runny mascara from under her eyes. “Ok we have to go. They’re going to be worried. Prepare to explain.”
“I’m not doing it in the car,” Natalie says firmly, throwing away the stick and box.
“I won’t say anything, but good luck holding out against your pain in the ass boyfriend,” I snort, opening the door and heading to the front.
Caleb is leaning against he car, munching fries from his McDonald’s bag, “What the fuck?” he says with a mouthful when he sees us.
I just shrug. “Natalie had to poop.”
“Hey!” she squeals and pinches my ass.
I steal a fry from Caleb, causing him to scowl. “I said to text me.”
“You can share a fry with me,” I argue, climbing into my seat.
“Finally!” Logan exclaims as we all climb in. “What took so-“ he halts abruptly when he sees Natalie’s face. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing, let’s go. We’re on a schedule.” She stares him down and he growls under his breath before putting the car in drive.
The next hour is in complete silence, Natalie and I because if we open our mouths, we’ll spill the beans. At least that’s the case for me. I’m assuming it’s the same for her. Or maybe she’s thinking about what to say to Logan. I squeeze her hand thinking about that difficult conversation.
Caleb fell asleep once he finished eating. For all his very man like qualities, he certainly falls asleep quickly after a meal just like a gigantic baby. Is it weird I find that adorable?
“I can’t take it any longer!” Logan yells into the silent car, startling everyone, including Caleb out of his sound sleep.
I look at Natalie and worry my lip. Do you want me to step in? I ask her silently, tilting my head towards Logan and raising my brow. She shakes her head and pats my knee.
“See! That right there. Tell me why you’re silent female talking with Natalie right now, Bellamy,” Logan demands.
“I took a pregnancy test at the gas station,” Natalie admits quietly, but she might as well have screamed it into a megaphone.
Caleb gasps and looks at Logan. I roll my eyes at his dramatics, but also look at Logan. Natalie is the only one not looking at the now silent driver. She’s staring at her hands.
“Maybe we should-“ I begin, but let out a shriek when Logan yanks the steering wheel to the side and sends us off the side of the road into the break down lane before slamming into park. “-stop,” I finish breathlessly.
“Follow me,” he says quietly and gets out, slamming the door and causing Natalie to flinch.
“Does he mean all of us?” Caleb asks quietly.
“Summer, don’t be stupid,” Natalie says with a small, sad smile.
“You do not have to go out there. He’s too emotional right now,” I tell her.
She purses her lips but sighs in defeat, “I do.” And gets out of the car.
I shift to the middle seat and situate myself between the two front seats. “Roll your window down,” I tell Caleb.
“Blue Bell, let’s give them some privacy.”
I shoot him a look. “Our two best friends are about to have the biggest talk of their lives. Roll the damn window down.”
Caleb grumbles, but complies so we can just barely hear them.
“When did you think you were pregnant?” Logan asks, arms crossed. Uh huh, protective posture.
“Thirty minutes before we stopped,” Natalie says in a cold voice. She’s totally checked out. Aw, Nat.
“You’re thinking out loud,” Caleb whispers in my ear.
“Shh!” I wave my hand at him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Logan asks, hos arms falling to the side.
Natalie hands go to her hips.
“Uh oh,” I whisper.
“Why do you think?” she snaps.
Logan is quiet for a moment before. “You were scared.”
“Yes. About?”
“Everything. About what I’d do,” he says, his voice deepening with emotion, and he takes a step closer to her.
“Bingo!” she spits. Damn they communicate much better than Caleb and I.
“I can hear you still,” Caleb whispers laughingly.
“I would be there for my family.”
“What if I didn’t keep it?” she asks.
“I would be there for my family,” he says again. “You’re my family.”
“Aw!” I lay my head on Caleb’s shoulder. “This is that scene in the movies.”
“Shh!” Caleb waves me, now silent.
“No matter what?” Natalie dares to ask.
“Of course,” Logan says firmly and takes another step towards her.
“Why?” Natalie asks, bewildered.
“Because I love you,” he says simply, then crosses the rest of the way to her in order to hug her.
“They’re in love!” I sniffle and wipe my nose on Caleb’s shirt.
“Disgusting.” He grimaces but doesn’t move his shoulder.
“You didn’t ask what the test said.” Natalie lifts her head off his chest to look up at him.
“It doesn’t matter.” Logan leans down to kiss her.
“I’m not pregnant.” She smiles and kisses him again. “So you can stop being a hero,” she laughs.
“Let me say again, it doesn’t matter, but I’m really glad you aren’t. I want that to be a decision we both make,” he grins.
“Hey Logan?” Natalie says far too casually.
“What?”
“I love you too,” she cries, throwing her arms around him.
“YOU GUYS!” I yell, crying, and then I stumble out of the car to grab them both into a hug. “That was beautiful.”
“You’re ruining it spectacularly,” Logan complains.
I “accidentally” step on his foot as I grab Natalie in her own special hug. “I’m happy for you.”
“Yes, yes. Much romance. Such cuteness. We have a schedule to keep. Back in the car!” She claps her hands, but a blush is high on her cheeks and she’s smiling like a dope at Logan.
IT MIGHT SEEM ODD TO separate from the guys after both relationships had major shifts so recently, but if you can’t afford a night or two of distance from your significant other, then you can’t afford the therapy such a unhealthy relationship will cost you.
At least that’s what I’m telling
myself as I forcibly stop myself from texting Caleb for the hundredth time.
Besides, distance makes the dick grow harder? Isn’t that how it goes? At least those are the two questions Logan asked after stopping outside Caleb’s apartment. We took the rental and Logan left his car at Caleb’s, so it is a total split for all of us. Except for Natalie and I, of course.
I’m sure her and Logan will split off soon, but I had her for the first night at least.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with Susan to iron out the second leg of our tour, give updates on the new book (of which there are none, fantastic), and receive updates from the publisher. Then we’ll all head over to the small studio where the photo-shoot will take place.
But that’s tomorrow. Right now all I want is a bed.
And a shower.
… And some food. In reverse order, obviously.
“How far away is this place?” I yawn, the car strangely quiet without Logan and Caleb in it.
“About forty minutes, but apparently LA traffic could give Atlanta a run for its money.”
“That’s hard to believe,” I murmur, watching tall, skinny palm trees pass. There is concrete everywhere. Atlanta is a metropolis, but it’s a green city. This is definitely different. “We’re by the beach, right?”
Natalie gives me a sidelong glance. “Yes, don’t worry. It’ll be a quiet refuge, you little hermit.” She turns the radio down. “Now, enough stalling-“
“Uh, what?” I startle at the pivot.
“Y’all sealed the deal last night, right? You never gave me details.” She wiggles her eyebrows.
“I honestly hate Logan’s influence on you,” I blush.
“Oh, please. I would be asking you this regardless if I had a foul mouthed boyfriend or not.”
“To answer your question, yes. You already know this.”
“Ah! We’re you like ‘ah, ah! Oh yes, Summer!’” she moans like an amateur porn star. At least I hope. If that’s what she sounds like for real… yikes.
I think back to the multiple orgasms and the way my body lost control, causing tingles to erupt between my legs. “Something like that.”
“Come on, you coy little bitch,” Natalie begs.
I open my mouth, but my throat closes and I let out a tiny cough when I can’t catch my breath. “Mmm.” I hum and try to put into words what it feels like or what I feel for him, but they don’t want to come. It’s like my anxiety is gripping my throat.
