Wanderlust (1986)

by Steel, Danielle

  What a nice way to wake up, my love ' . She reached out and pulled him close to her, kissing his neck and his chest, and then his lips, her eyes closed, her body and her soul in his hands, ever hungry for him.

  The British counterattacked in June of 1941, hoping to push the Germans back, but General Wavell failed dismally and he was replaced by the man who was lovingly called The Auch. General Auchinleck reorganized the Western Desert force and put General Cunningham in charge, and it took them fully four months to marshal their full strength to push Rommel back again. They met Rommel at Fort Maddalena on November eighteenth at last, and within a week it was clear that Cunningham would do no better where Wavell had failed. And on the twenty-sixth The Auch removed Cunningham as well. And on the thirtieth, Rommel lay siege to Tobruk again, determined to take it no matter what it cost him. And this time Charlie knew he had to go back to report on it. The battle was too important to be reported from the terrace of Shepheard's or the Gezira Sporting Club. In many ways, this had been an easy post for him, and he and Audrey went out to dinner every night, and often went to the nightclubs with their friends. But he couldn't do that now, and she was upset when she saw him pack the small duffel bag he took to the field with him.

  You're going to Tobruk again, aren't you? Her eyes were wide with fear, and he nodded as he looked at her. One thousand men had been lost that day, and The Auch had promised to get him there somehow. I don't want you to go. Her voice was a whisper in the quiet room.

  I have to, Aud. That's why I'm over here.

  But it's so stupid to get killed for a battle that has gone on for months anyway. They've been fighting over Tobruk since last spring for God's sake. And you've been there once before.

  He smiled gently at her. You know I have to, Aud.

  Dammit, why can't someone else go? There are a million other correspondents here, and this isn't like a spy mission that no one else can do for chrissake. Any dummy can report a siege.

  Then I guess this dummy will have to do. He gently took her hand in his. Don't worry, Aud. I'll be perfectly fine, and I'll be back in a few days.

  What if they take you prisoner? She was suddenly terrified. Something told her that he shouldn't go to Tobruk this time.

  No one wants me except you, old girl.

  I'm serious. Her eyes were filled with tears now. And with good reason. It had happened this way once before.

  He was gentle but firm with her, and he left late that night while she slept. It was going to be arduous getting there, and harder still sneaking in behind the lines, but he made it and reported on the battle diligently. He had been there for almost four days when he turned his back to hand a wounded man his canteen for a drink of the little water they had left, when he felt a sudden explosion that flattened him to the ground and an excruciating pain that radiated up his back, and the next thing he knew he was flat on his face and people were talking over him. Everything went black after that, and it got very hot and then very cold, and the pain was excruciating as he was bounced along for what felt like days, and he found himself in a tent somewhere behind the lines. Someone had said that there were Bedouins nearby and he wondered if he'd been attacked by one of them, or kidnapped by them, or maybe he was in German hands ' he didn't know anything anymore ' and it seemed years later when he heard someone call his name, and he thought he heard Audrey's voice but he couldn't be sure of it now. He couldn't be sure of anything except the terrible pain in his back and radiating all the way down his legs ' .

  Charlie? ' Charlie ' sweetheart ' . It seemed an eternity before he could open his eyes, but when he did she was looking at him and he was in the British Hospital in Cairo. There was a matron standing by in a starched uniform and there were men moaning everywhere and he found that he was one of them. It's all right, sweetheart. You're safe now ' . It was days before he was awake enough for her to explain it to him. He had been hit by shrapnel when he had turned to give the man a drink.

  Will I ever walk again? he said to her mournfully as he lay on his face in the hospital bed, and she smiled at him.

  Yes ' but you may not sit down ' . And then suddenly he understood where the pain was coming from, but it wasn't funny to him no matter how amusing everyone else seemed to think it was. He'd been hit in the buttocks. At least it won't show at dinner parties. He smiled gamely at her, but he still felt like hell from the wound and the long trip back from the front lines.

  How are they doing up there?

  Famously. We had a major victory. Rommel was pushed back yesterday. But something even more important had happened in the meantime. Charlie ' She tried to rouse him from the stupor he fell into now and then from the fever and the drugs. The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor yesterday. Her voice sounded as though it were terribly important and he tried to concentrate and look at her at the same time.

  Where's that?

  In Hawaii. He still wasn't sure what it all meant but she went on to explain rapidly. America's in the war now. Roosevelt declared war on the Japanese. He called it a day of infamy,' and he's right. It was the place where she had been born, and somehow it hit close to home now, just thinking of it, but Charlie was drifting back to sleep again. He was too sick to really understand, and it was a full week before he was up to talking about it with her, as he lay on his side in his hospital bed.

  Well, you're in it with us now.

  She looked at him with a scowl. I've been in it all along.

  You might have been. But your countrymen certainly were not. Remember that damn speech Lindbergh made in Des Moines in September, urging the United States not to get involved? And Roosevelt was certainly in no hurry to enter the war until they dropped a bomb on his back door. We could have used their help years ago.

  At least you'll get it now. Or somebody will. She smiled at him. They were going home in a few days, when it was safe to catch a flight out. And when Charlie was well enough to fly. And there was something she still had to tell him. They had already agreed to go down to the country to visit Vi, and spend Christmas with Molly there, if there was room for them. It was the ideal place for Charlie to recuperate, but he complained bitterly when they left nonetheless. He wanted to stay in North Africa until the bitter end. He was adamant about it up until they boarded the plane, and then he seemed to relax. He suddenly began thinking of the pleasures of going home, and seeing Vi and James and Molly, and he turned to Audrey with a smile, and for the first time he noticed how pale she was. She didn't look well at all. She'd been indoors for weeks, tending to him, and her tan had faded, but more than that, he could see that she didn't feel well, and he was consumed with guilt for not noticing it sooner.

  How long have you looked like that?

  Like what? She feigned innocence, but she realized he was on to her. Finally. She had kept it from him for a long time. She was almost three months pregnant.

  You look pale. Do you feel all right?

  She smiled. She could tell him. They were going home, and there was no danger of his sending her home without him. I feel fine ' considering ' . She was teasing him now, and he looked confused.

  Considering what?

  Considering the fact that I'm almost three months pregnant.

  You're what? He was stunned as he stared at her. And you didn't tell me! God damn it, you should have been in bed all this time. Neither of them had forgotten the miscarriage of the year before. But she'd gone to the doctor in Cairo, and he had just told her to take it fairly easy. And she had. She'd been careful, but of course she hadn't stayed in bed, and she didn't intend to now. Are you crazy? But the shock and anger in his voice faded to delight as he looked into her eyes tenderly. You rotten little secretive bitch ' . He kissed her. I love you. He put a gentle hand on her tummy and looked at her with happy eyes. Can you feel him yet?

  How do you know it's a boy? The first one had been, but it was not something she liked to think of.

  Molly needs a brother. They both smiled and held hands as the plane landed. And that night they
took the train down to Lord Hawthorne's house, and Vi was waiting for them with sandwiches and hot chocolate, and they peeked in at Molly, as Audrey sat on the corner of the bed, and stroked her hair, with tears rolling slowly down her cheeks. She looked up at Charles with a smile, and he bent down and kissed them both. It was good to be home ' better still now that he knew about the baby.

  Chapter 42

  The reunion with Molly and Vi and the children was too good to interrupt, but as soon as he was able to travel on his own, Charles insisted on taking the train to London.

  Why? You don't have anything to do there! It was almost Christmas, and Audrey hated to be away from him, even for a minute, especially now. She seemed to want to cling to him all the time, and they both knew it was because of her condition. They hadn't told Molly yet. They felt it was too soon, and they wanted to be sure that Audrey wouldn't lose the baby, so she wouldn't be disappointed. Where are you going, Charles?

  To do some business, that's all. He didn't want to say anything to her until after he talked to Charlotte. In her delicate condition, he didn't want to get her hopes up. Sit on her today, Vi. Don't let her do anything.

  I won't. Violet had been through it once before, and she was going to do everything she could to prevent disaster from striking again. She wagged a finger at her friend and Audrey laughed, wondering where Charlie was going. But they kept busy all afternoon, and Charlie sat on the train, thinking of what he would say to her. It was uncomfortable for him traveling on the train, but he would have walked over hot coals to get where he was going.

  The train pulled into the station at exactly five minutes to four, and he hobbled outside on his crutches and hailed a taxi. He gave the driver his publisher's address and sat tensely in the backseat. He didn't even feel the pain of his wound, he was so intent on what he was doing, and he thanked the driver and gave him a handsome tip before hurrying inside, as fast as he could with his crutches. He went to the familiar office and stopped at the secretary's desk. He had decided that it would be best not to call ahead for an appointment, but to surprise her. And the girl looked up at him now, she was new and although the face was familiar to her, she didn't know who he was, and she asked for his name when he asked for Charlotte.

  Please be so kind as to tell her it's her husband. He smiled sweetly at the girl and she looked totally amazed. No one had ever told her that Mrs. Parker-Scott had a husband. She just assumed that she was widowed or divorced, but now she hurried into Charlotte's office to tell her that her handsome husband had returned from the war. She was thrilled to deliver the good news, much more so than Charlotte was to receive it. And the secretary emerged, red-faced, to explain that Mrs. Parker-Scott was busy, and would he please be good enough to call for an appointment. Of course. He smiled at her and walked to Charlotte's office door as the girl gasped.

  No ' no ' you can't!

  It's all right. He closed the door quietly behind him, and stood looking at Charlotte.

  Hello, Charles. She sat coolly behind her desk, glancing at his crutches and then his face. Wounded?

  Worse luck for you. Only slightly.

  I never wished you any harm. She looked as well coiffed and perfectly groomed as ever.

  I'm not quite sure I'd agree with you on that score. He approached and sat down awkwardly across from her, never taking his eyes from hers. I've come to talk a little business with you.

  She looked briefly annoyed and shrugged. It won't do you any good, if you mean what I think you do. Or do you want to discuss your books?

  Hardly. I handle that with your father, as you know. No, I thought we'd talk about our divorce.

  Don't waste your breath, Charles. There won't be one.

  No? He smiled malevolently at her. Don't your friends object, Charlotte? I should think it would annoy them that you're married.

  Her eyes glittered with suspicion. What do my friends have to do with it?

  I don't know. You tell me. Actually, I think it's rather interesting that you're so anxious to cover your homosexuality with the cloak of a respectably married woman. If he had dared, he would have laughed. She looked as though she were going to choke as she sat there, and she half rose out of her chair, her face first white and then red, as she sat down hard again.

  How dare you suggest such a thing! How dare you! You and that dreadful woman you've been living with for all these years, how dare you try to smear me that way ' . But she looked extremely nervous.

  Not at all. He remained calm. I don't think it such a shocking thing. I'm surprised you're not more honest about it. Then again, you never have been terribly strong at that, my dear, have you?

  Get out of my office! She stood up and pointed at the door, but he wasn't moving.

  I'm afraid not, Charlotte dear. I'm not going anywhere until we settle this.

  You have no proof ' . She was beginning to falter, and he moved in for the kill, with a lie even bigger than one of hers.

  I'm afraid I do. I've had you followed for the last year, and ' well, you know the rest ' . He met her eyes and they were hard as steel, as she reached across the desk as though to grab him, but he avoided her easily and grabbed her arm hard.

  You pig! She was crying, but he didn't feel sorry for her. She had tried to ruin his life, and he was not going to let her ruin Audrey's.

  Why don't we get to the point, Charlotte. I'm not enjoying this any more than you are. I want a divorce. Now!

  Why?

  That is absolutely none of your affair. But you have a great deal at risk here. And if you don't cooperate, I shall begin by telling your father, in fact I will be happy to show him whatever reports I have, she paled at his words, and then I will smear it all over London.

  That's slander!

  Only if it's a lie ' and it isn't! Suddenly she deflated like a dying balloon and she stared across her desk at him with hatred.

  You're a rotten son of a bitch ' . Her voice trailed off and he shook his head.

  I think I've been a terrific sport about this for years actually, but the game is over now, Charlotte. He stood up, pulled his crutches into place and looked down at her coldly. Are we quite clear? May I have my solicitors call you?

  I'll think about it. But she was bluffing and they both knew it.

  I will give you until tomorrow morning. After that, I will come in to see your father ' with my reports ' .

  Get out of my office! She was shaking from head to foot, and he inclined his head to her with a bitter smile.

  With pleasure.

  He smiled at the secretary when he left, and went back to his own empty house, which he hadn't seen in a year and a half. He called Audrey that night and promised to be back the following afternoon. And he slept well that night, until the sirens began. The air raids were particularly vicious just then, and he heard that several blocks of houses had been destroyed and the loss of life had been high. And when he returned to his own house, he found several windows broken. He boarded them up, and then bathed and dressed and went back to see Charlotte.

  The same secretary was sitting there with a stupefied air, and she looked at him with dismay when she saw him coming. God only knew what Charlotte had told her to tell him. He knew all her ruses by now.

  Mrs. Parker-Scott is expecting me. It was only a half-truth, but the girl shook her head with a look of terror.

  She can't see you.

  I'm sure. He advanced on the door as he had the day before and she ran to where he stood, shaking her head.

  You can't go in there. Mr. Beardsley is in there ' .

  It's all right. He's my father-in-law. He beamed at her, and let himself in, hobbling in as quickly as he could with his crutches. He knew that her father's presence would unnerve Charlotte still further, and she would agree to what he wanted even more quickly. He had a briefcase under one arm, to convince her that he did have the reports he had mentioned.

  But Charles wasn't prepared for the scene that met him in Charlotte's office. She was nowhere in sight, and
Beardsley himself was sitting behind the desk with his head in his hands. And Charles suddenly wondered if she had told him, for fear that he would do it for her. Beardsley looked up at him and his eyes were bottomless pools of despair and for an instant, Charlie felt sorry for him.

  Hello. Charlie didn't know what else to say as their eyes met and the older man nodded.

  I didn't know she had an appointment with you. He glanced at her calendar as though it made a difference. I had them call everyone else.

  Is she ill? Charlie looked surprised.

  You mean you didn't know? He shook his head dumbly. She was killed last night, in the air raid. Her damn dog ran out of the house, and she went to find him, and a beam pinned her down. He began to cry and Charlie pitied the man. However rotten she may have been to Charles, her father had adored her. They took her to the hospital as soon as they could, but ' He looked pitifully at Charlie. She died this morning.

  I'm very sorry.

  Beardsley nodded. What did you want? I didn't think you two spoke to each other anymore.

  It's not important now. He was suddenly embarrassed ' it's nothing, I just came to blackmail your daughter, sir ' he felt slimy and anxious to get away. But he had been so anxious to sever his ties with her. It just seemed so ugly now, and so unimportant. He hadn't been fond of her, but he had liked her once, a long time ago, and it was that memory which came to him now. I'm sorry, sir. Is there anything I can do?