I was also ten minutes late and the guy on the reception had closed the entrance door.
‘Please,’ I mouthed to him through the glass.
I must have looked such a pathetic sight that he relented and let me in.
‘Better move it,’ he said. ‘The others went in ages ago.’
I raced along the corridor and just as I was turning into the studio, the door opened and someone came out. Mature boy with the spiky hair and I smacked right into him.
The papers he was carrying went everywhere and as I bent down to help him retrieve them, unfortunately it was at exactly the same time that he did and our heads banged together.
‘Ow,’ he said, coming up fast.
‘Ouch,’ I said, coming up after him.
‘You always make this kind of impression on first encounter?’ he asked.
‘Yeah,’ I said as I rubbed my head. ‘I like to knock people out when I meet them.’
He sniffed the air near my neck. ‘Hey, you smell nice.’
I smiled. ‘Jo Malone.’
He put out a hand. ‘Gabriel.’
‘No,’ I said. ‘My name’s Izzie. Jo Malone is the maker of the perfume.’
‘I know. Just joshing,’ he said, then raised an eyebrow. ‘Classy stuff. I like her scented candles.’
As we talked, I noticed that I was dripping water onto the floor.
‘Oh God,’ I said. ‘I got caught in the rain. I must look such a mess . . .’
‘Not at all.’ Gabriel smiled. ‘Just a bit wet that’s all. Actually I . . . I noticed you the other day . . .’
‘Because I was a mess then too? I felt such a frump when I got here and saw how everyone else looked.’
‘No. But that’s why I noticed you. Not because you looked like a frump at all. Far from it. You looked like a real person. So many of the others had put on all their clubbing clothes, like dressed to impress. I noticed you and thought, she looks like a girl you could actually have a proper conversation with.’
Wow, I thought as he opened the studio door for me. A boy who knows his perfumes, likes scented candles and makes you feel good even when you know you look like crapola.
‘You’d better go in. And don’t worry, they haven’t got started yet.’
‘Thanks,’ I said as I tiptoed in.
‘Catch you later,’ he said.
Nesta was sitting down near the front with Lucy and they gave me a wave as an usher directed me to a seat on the back row.
Nothing much was happening yet and for the next forty minutes or so, everyone in the audience just sat about, chatted and watched as the crew set up lighting and cameras and Gabriel brought in a stool and a guitar and set up a mike in front of them. Rumour had it that the guest on the first show was going to be Alicia Prowdy, an American singer-songwriter. I couldn’t wait. I loved her stuff and had one of her CDs at home.
At around eleven, just as I was about to nod off, John (the producer we’d met on Thursday) came in with Geena Parker and everyone sat up in anticipation. I’d seen Geena before on TV. She had the usual teen show presenter looks: long legs, slim, blonde, smiley face. She was one of the celebrities that I’d read about in one of my slimming magazines. She said in the article that it’s part of her job to stay in shape and she has to work hard at it as TV can make you look bigger than you are. She said she jogs every day and never drinks alcohol. As she went down to the stage, I wondered if she ever splurged out on chips or chocolate or if she was always strict with herself? She began talking to four teens in the front row and asked them to take their places. Must be the panel, I thought as they made their way onto the stage. There was a tall blond boy, quite cute-looking in the King of the Elves, Lord of the Rings kind of way but not my type. Next to him was a pretty brunette with a pony-tail who looked very uncomfortable, next to her, a girl with short red hair and a cheeky face who looked like she might be interesting, and beside her at the end, a boy with dark hair and bushy eyebrows.
After a few preliminary instructions from John, the first discussion soon got under way. I was so busy watching what Gabriel was doing that I missed what the topic was.
‘What’s it about?’ I asked the girl sitting next to me.
‘Jealousy,’ she whispered back as the noise level at the front grew.
Geena began roving the stage and the audience. Immediately I could see that she was having a hard time controlling the proceedings as people kept calling out from the audience, talking over each other, shouting, and Mr Eyebrows was the loudest of them all. He seemed to be doing his best to dominate the whole discussion.
After about five minutes, John shouted, ‘Cut.’
He went on to the stage and shook his head. ‘Right. This isn’t working, guys,’ he said. ‘We have to have some order here. Geena will let you know when she wants you to speak and you lot on the panel, for heaven’s sake, give each other a break. Let each other talk or no one’s going to get heard.’ At this point he looked at Eyebrows.
The discussion got underway again as Geena asked, ‘So . . . jealousy. A green-eyed monster or a healthy emotion? Let’s hear what our panel has to say.’ She looked at the redhead girl to say something.
‘It can be difficult if someone’s flirty by nature and their partner is insecure,’ she started, ‘but I guess it all comes down to trust. I think . . .’
‘If you’re in a relationship,’ Eyebrows butted in, ‘why are you flirting?’
‘I didn’t say I was flirting or that I was in a relationship,’ said the redhead. ‘I was about to . . .’
‘Jealousy sucks,’ said Eyebrows. ‘It’s a negative emotion.’
The Elfin King on the panel began to try and say something but Eyebrows talked (or rather shouted) over him so he backed down. The redhead looked as though she wanted to sock Eyebrows and the girl with the pony-tail looked like she was going to cry. And then she did.
‘Stop shouting,’ she said then got up and ran off.
Geena looked bewildered for a moment then turned to the audience. ‘Let’s hear from our studio audience. Anyone got anything to say?’
‘Cut, cut,’ called John from the back. ‘Cue the song.’
A few moments later, a stunning tall thin girl with long, dark hair and wearing jeans and cowboy boots got up and began to sing a country and western type ballad. It was Alicia Prowdy. She’s one of my favourite singer-songwriters as not only do I love her voice but also her image. She’s exactly how I’d like to look. I couldn’t believe my luck in being there to see her and hear her sing live. The moment didn’t last long though because behind me, I could hear Geena and John having a heated discussion about how best to run the show.
‘This is a disaster,’ whispered John. ‘You have to take control. Get them to raise their hands.’
‘Like in school? No way,’ said Geena. ‘They’re teens, not kids.’
‘It’s not going to work otherwise . . .’
I tried to concentrate on Alicia but it was useless with them bickering behind me and just as they stopped, the song finished and John announced that we were having a break.
The noise level grew as everyone started chatting and Lucy crept up to sit with me. ‘Think I’ll stay back here from now on,’ she said. ‘I thought it was going to end up in fisticuffs down there.’
After about ten minutes, John went back down to the stage.
‘We’re going to try again,’ he said then pointed at Nesta. ‘You, second row. Want to try out for the panel?’
Nesta nodded, quickly took her place on the stage then looked to find Lucy and me at the back. We gave her the thumbs-up.
‘You,’ said John pointing at Eyebrows, ‘thanks a lot and we’ll get back to you. For the moment, could you sit at the back, and we’ll give someone else a go.’
Eyebrows looked surprised and got up, but instead of going to the back, he walked out, slamming the door behind him.
John pointed at a small Harry Potter lookalike in the second row. ‘You. Panel. Let’s go a
gain and try to keep it civil this time. If you want to say anything, raise your hand.’
As Harry Potter boy took his place on the stage, Geena walked back down to the front and beamed into one of the cameras. ‘Welcome back to Teen Talk. The show where we want to hear what teens are talking. No. Can I do that again? OK. Welcome to Teen Talk where we listen, teens talk. Oh, bugger. I’ll do that again. Welcome to Teen Talk. The topic for the second part of our show is faithfulness. How important is it in a relationship?’
This time the discussion proceeded more successfully with Geena making it very clear who she wanted to talk and when.
‘I believe it’s one hundred percent important,’ said the redhead girl. ‘Why be in a relationship if you’re not going to stick with it?’
‘Even if your partner wasn’t being faithful?’ asked Geena.
Nesta raised her hand and Geena indicated for her to go ahead. ‘I think if he’s being unfaithful, there’s no point in having a relationship because the trust can’t be there and that’s one of the most important things.’ I got the feeling she was talking about herself and Luke and TJ before Christmas.
‘Good point,’ said Geena. ‘But sometimes you don’t know when someone’s being unfaithful.’
‘Tell me about it,’ said Nesta, rolling her eyes. Everyone laughed.
‘But at our age, how can we know what we want if we don’t experiment?’ said Elfin King. ‘And sometimes that means letting someone down.’
‘Yeah, but what about loyalty? What about commitment?’ asked Geena. ‘In fact is there a difference?’
It was at this moment that I felt a rush of adrenaline and before I had time to think about speaking in front of so many people, I had put my hand up.
‘At the back,’ said Geena. ‘Dark hair.’
‘Um . . .’ I began as all eyes turned to look at me. ‘I think there’s a huge difference. Loyalty is something you want to do, whereas commitment sounds like something you have to do.’
‘Explain,’ said Geena.
‘Um . . . commitment is the word used for when people get sent to prison, you know, they get committed. Like there’s no choice involved. Loyalty is different. You choose to be loyal to certain people because you care about them. And if you care about someone – whether it’s a mate or a boyfriend, then you wouldn’t want to hurt them by being unfaithful.’
‘But what if the relationship isn’t working any more and you meet someone you like better? That will hurt them. Should you tell them?’ asked a boy in the row in front of me.
I waited until he had finished, then nodded. ‘Absolutely. What could be worse than stringing someone along? It might hurt but I think it’s better to admit when something isn’t working. So what I’d say is that you have to be faithful to the truth.’
A couple of girls in the audience clapped and the discussion carried on. I hardly heard anyone for the next few minutes as I couldn’t believe that I had managed to get my thoughts out.
After the run-through, Gabriel came over and sat beside me.
‘Hey, you were really good,’ he said. ‘I liked what you said.’
‘Thanks. It’s weird talking in front of so many people. It’s like everything goes into slow motion.’
He nodded. ‘Some people totally lose it in front of a camera. People who are normally coherent go blank or freeze. You seemed completely at ease.’
I laughed. ‘Not how I felt.’
‘Shame it’s only the run-through today as your comments would have made good TV. Still, we have to do it this way so that we can see how it looks and we can get a rough idea of who can talk and who’s going to choke before we do the first show. As you can see, we have a few things to iron out but we’ll get there.’
‘But what about Alicia?’
‘Oh, her bit will be used. She’s only here this week so we had to pre-record her.’
‘So what do you do here?’
‘I’m on work experience from college. I’m doing media studies and want to work in TV. Producing, I think. I’m still not sure. Our tutor fixed it up so that I could work here for a few days a week. My official title is General Dogsbody.’
I laughed. ‘OK, General.’
After that we got chatting and I found him really easy to talk to, like he was one of the gang and as people milled around the studio, we sat there having a laugh and making bitchy comments about what people were wearing and what they’d said. As everyone was getting ready to leave, he put his hand over mine.
‘Been great to meet you, Izzie. As I said before when you tried to knock me out, I thought we’d get on the first time I saw you. In fact, you remind me of my sister.’
Sister? I thought as I got up to go. Sister! I really fancied him and had hoped that he felt the same way but I reminded him of his sister? Who’d want to snog their sister? I hoped that he’d ask for my number or ask if we could see each other again but he didn’t. Maybe it’s because I’m fat, I thought. Maybe he feels safe with me and that’s why he can chat away to me. No danger of any complications. I remember when TJ went through something similar. She fancied this boy called Scott but he treated her like a confidant and said he could talk to her as she was like one of the boys. By now, the wonderful high I’d felt earlier had vanished and I felt like a deflated balloon brought down to earth after losing its air.
One of the boys. A sister. Safe. Dogs’ poo, I thought as I joined the others filing out of the studio into the horrible grey afternoon.
Izzie’s exercise regime: Up down, up down. And now the other eyelid.
Chapter 9
Temptation Alley
As it had stopped raining when we got out of the studio, we decided to go up to Camden Lock and have a cruise around the market. Nesta was over the moon at having been picked to be on the panel and she wondered why I didn’t feel the same high.
‘Because Gabriel thinks I’m like his sister,’ I groaned as we headed up the high street and I filled them in on my conversation with him.
‘His sister might be a real hottie,’ said Nesta. ‘He might have paid you the most wonderful compliment in the world. What is going on with you lately, Izzie? You’re so down on yourself.’
‘Yeah,’ said Lucy. ‘And you’re usually Miss Positive.’
I shrugged. ‘Dunno. Just . . . oh, it’s just I seem to be losing all my confidence. It’s gone down the plughole.’
‘Why don’t you do some of your affirmations?’ asked Lucy. ‘All that full of joy stuff you always used to chant. Remember I am full of joy, I am full of joy, I am full of joy.’
‘Right. I am full of joy,’ I said miserably.
Usually I’m a great believer that state of mind is often due to choice. Tell yourself that you’re miserable and your mind goes OK, yeah, I am. Choose to be happy and you can be – and you can boost the feeling by making positive affirmations. But fat? I hadn’t chosen that and yet it was the reason for my mood and my loss of confidence. Maybe Lucy was right. I should start doing my affirmations.
‘And do one of your visualisations,’ said Nesta. ‘Visualise yourself the exact size you want to be, having a great time with Gabriel. Maybe it will come true.’
I knew that Nesta thought that visualisations (unless they were of racks of clothes at the mall) were baloney, and she was just trying to be supportive.
‘Thanks, Nesta. I will.’ I tried to imagine myself as she said but couldn’t get the image right. I kept seeing myself as the Blob girl surrounded by skinny minnies.
Just as we were going over the bridge on the approach to the Lock, Lucy swerved to the left.
‘Let’s cross over,’ she said and tried to hustle us across the road which wasn’t a good idea as there was a great double decker bus coming straight at us.
‘Woah, what’s the hurry?’ I asked as I pulled her back on to the pavement.
Lucy looked over my shoulder, then tried to drag me over the road again. She’d clearly seen someone she wanted to avoid so I looked around to see who it mig
ht be. About ten metres down the pavement, Jay was coming towards us, hand in hand, with a pretty blonde girl. She was pointing at something in a shop and he was pulling her on. And then he saw us, met my eyes and froze. He looked away and hauled the girl into the nearest shop.
‘Ohmigod!’ said Lucy.
‘She must be the steady girlfriend,’ I said. ‘Tawny.’
‘What? Who?’ asked Nesta, who had missed the whole episode.
‘Jay’ I said. ‘He just went into that shop over there with his girlfriend.’
‘Did he see you?’
‘Oh yes. Most definitely.’
I felt sick. First Gabriel tells me I remind him of his sister and now Jay appears, as if to remind me that I was just a holiday fling. I felt a negative visualisation coming on. Primarily of meeting Jay down an alley and whacking him around the head. With a wet fish.
‘Done a runner, has he?’ asked Nesta. ‘Let’s follow him in there and see how he handles it. We could offer to show him some photos from the Italian trip, some of him snuggling up to you. Have you got any with you? Yeah. Let’s see him worm his way out of that.’
She was about to race into the shop after him but I pulled her back.
‘No, Nesta, leave it,’ I said.
‘But you can’t. I think you should go after him and tell him what you think of him,’ said Nesta.
‘What? When Tawny’s with him?’
‘She needs to hear what he’s like. Tell her how he was two-timing her while he was in Italy.’
I shook my head. ‘No. Leave it.’
‘I’ll go,’ said Nesta. ‘What was it you were saying earlier about being faithful to the truth? Now’s your chance.’
‘No. I don’t want to cause a scene.’
Nesta hurrumphed. ‘I am sooo sick of boys who think they can get away with MURDER,’ she said at the top of her voice causing a passing punk guy to stop and stare at her. ‘He had a fab time with you and now he’s back with his girlfriend having a merry old time and you’ve been hurt. It’s not fair. You weren’t to know that he was in a relationship. I could kill him.’
Mates, Dates and Chocolate Cheats Page 6
