‘Yeah, go and kill him,’ muttered the punk guy before walking on.
‘I am full of joy,’ I chanted. ‘I am full of joy, full of joy, full of joy.’
‘I’m not,’ said Nesta. ‘I am full of anger, full of anger, full of anger.’ She kicked a lamppost causing another passer by to stare at her.
‘Well, I am full of wee, full of wee, full of wee,’ said Lucy as she began to cross the road again. ‘I need to find a Ladies.’
‘Yeah, let’s go to the market,’ I said as I began to follow her. ‘I need retail therapy.’
We walked into the indoor market which was heaving with the usual Saturday Camden crowd: goths, punks, hippies, townies, people of every nationality. Everyone was swarming around looking at the stalls selling everything under the sun: jewellery, clothes, Eastern artefacts, antiques, oils, CDs, cushions – you name it and you can probably find it at the Lock.
After mooching about there for a while, we wandered through to the back of the Lock to see what was going on in the shops under the arches and in the outdoor section.
As we headed out, the delicious aroma of spices, onions and garlic wafted towards us.
‘Oh no,’ I said. ‘Temptation alley.’
Just outside the indoor market is a maze of corridors with stalls selling every kind of food you can imagine: Thai, Indian, Mexican, Greek, burgers, muffins, bagels.
‘Come, eat,’ called a pretty Thai girl from behind one stall. In front of her was an array of fabulous-looking exotic dishes.
‘Mmm,’ said Nesta. ‘I’m starving. Fancy some noodles?’
‘Or a burrito,’ said Lucy looking at a Mexican stall.
‘I’m going to make a run for it,’ I said thinking that the faster I was away from there, the better. ‘I’ll see you in Cyberdog.’
And with that, I ran down the alley until I was out of the vicinity of all the appetising smells and into another alleyway under the arches that smelt heavily of joss sticks.
‘Phew, made it,’ I said to myself as I had a quick look at a stall selling Indian artefacts and then went on into Cyberdog.
Cyberdog is my favourite shop in London. It’s like nowhere else. When you walk in, it’s as if you’ve entered a time capsule in a sci-fi movie. The front of the shop is an open area with a café pounding with music. Through arches at the back are the clothes rails and the assistants who look like they’re extras in Star Trek.
I gazed in awe at one tall girl whose head was shaved at the back, with a sprout of dark hair at the top like a black tiara. She was dressed from head to toe in black with silver belts and boots and glasses. She looked like an alien princess.
The clothes were something else, too. They always are in there. Tops with the bottom seams lined with coathanger-type wire so that they stick out from your body. Stunning perspex chokers and bracelets with studs in them that look glamorous and dangerous at the same time. I spied a gorgeous black mesh top with satin ribs sewn up the front and then I saw the outfit that had my name on it. Absolutely perfect and it was reduced from fifty-five pounds to thirty. It was a sleeveless top and mini skirt in black pinstripe. Up the centre of the skirt was a silver zip and on the top, from the collarbone to the waist over the boobs were two more silver zips. It looked fabulous. And if I bought it I could wear them separately. I quickly took it off the rail and went to try it on.
As I was in the changing room, I heard Nesta and Lucy calling my name.
‘In here,’ I said and peeked round the curtain.
‘Wow,’ said Lucy as she pulled the curtain aside so that she could see. ‘That makes you look amazing. And really slim.’
‘You have to buy it,’ said Nesta. ‘Can you afford it?’
I looked at the price again. With the money I had left from Italy, I could easily do it and have ten pounds over.
I nodded. ‘Mum’s going to hate it but . . . give me a tick and we’ll go to the cash desk.’
At that moment, Nesta’s phone rang. A second later, she handed the phone to me in the changing room.
‘Jay,’ she said as her and Lucy crowded in with me so that they could listen. ‘He must have got my number from Chris or Liam.’
‘Is that Izzie?’ asked Jay as I took the phone.
‘Yes.’
‘Listen. About earlier . . . I’m so sorry and I want to explain. Can you talk?’
Nesta, who had her ear pressed against my head, pulled a disapproving face.
‘Yes. But I haven’t got a lot to say.’
‘That girl you saw me with . . .’
‘Yes. Tawny. We . . . I know all about her. Your steady girlfriend. Funny how you forgot to mention her when we were in Florence.’
‘I . . . I only didn’t mention her because . . . well, it’s over . . .’
‘Oh. Didn’t look that way to me.’
Lucy, who had her ear pressed to the other side of my face, gave me the thumbs-up.
‘I’m just waiting for the right time to tell her,’ said Jay.
Nesta feigned a yawn.
‘Yeah, right,’ I said.
‘No, really. I still want to see you and I’m sorry that you saw us before I’d got it sorted. Can we meet up?’
‘Oh. So you’ve told her already?’
‘No . . . not exactly. But I will. I’m going to.’
‘Yeah, sure,’ I said again. ‘Heard that one before.’
And I ended the call and gave Nesta back her phone.
She looked at me in surprise. ‘That it?’
‘That’s it.’
‘You’re not going to see him?’
‘No way,’ I said as I picked up my new outfit and headed for the cash desk. ‘I’m not stupid. Remember what you went through with Luke? No way am I going there. Someone’s either involved with someone else or they’re free. I don’t do in-betweens.’
‘That’s what’s so top about you, Izzie,’ said Nesta. ‘You’re brilliant. So clear about things. Like the rest of us are all more easily taken in by a bit of smooth talk . . .’
‘Speak for yourself,’ said Lucy. ‘Your brother’s one of the smoothest talkers around and I’m resisting him.’
‘For the moment,’ said Nesta. ‘But he’s wearing you down. Anyone can see that . . .’
‘Hey, give me some credit,’ said Lucy. ‘He’s not wearing me down at all. I’m a free agent at the moment and enjoying it, but that doesn’t mean to say that I can’t see who I want, when I want, and that includes Tony.’
‘Yeah. OK,’ said Nesta, ‘but before we went to Italy, you were determined that it was all over. End of story. And now, you’re seeing him again. I bet Izzie’s not going to start seeing Jay again as friends are you, Iz?’
I shook my head. ‘No way.’
‘See, you’re nobody’s fool. You’re a wise woman. Smart about what matters.’
I could see that Lucy was starting to get annoyed. ‘And are you saying that I’m not smart because I’m seeing your brother?’
‘Yeah,’ said Nesta.
‘But it’s different with us,’ said Lucy. ‘Tony hasn’t been two-timing me. I have no reason to cut him out of my life. We still like each other. OK, so we want different things right now but that needn’t stop us being mates.’
‘She’s right,’ I said. ‘Jay has behaved really badly. Tony hasn’t.’
‘Not yet,’ said Nesta.
‘Sometimes, I think that you’re jealous,’ said Lucy. ‘Jealous that I hang out with him so much.’
Nesta shrugged. ‘Whatever,’ she said. ‘I just wish I was as clear about things as Izzie.’
‘But you are,’ I said. ‘You cut Luke out of your life after you’d found out that he was messing you around. So you’re nobody’s fool either. In fact, I think we’re all pretty smart these days when it comes to boys.’
‘I guess,’ said Nesta. ‘Yeah. OK. So I’m smart too. Just . . . all I’m saying Lucy, is be careful with Tony. I don’t want to see you get hurt.’
‘I will be,’ said Lucy.
‘And you needn’t worry. I don’t want to get involved with him again. I know he might be leaving in September and once he starts university, he’s not going to want some girlfriend back home that he has to answer to. I’m aware of that so I’m not going to set myself up to get hurt.’
‘But I thought he said he’d go to a university in London so he could be near you,’ I said.
‘He did,’ said Lucy. ‘But I also know that he applied to Oxford and if he gets an interview there and they make him an offer, it’s going to be hard to resist.’
For a moment, she looked sad. She’s putting on a brave face about all of this, I thought as I watched her. It must be hard keeping her feelings at bay because she knows it’s inevitable that Tony will move on, no matter what he says to her about wanting to stay in London. His life is going to take him in another direction and she’s trying really hard to accept that.
I gave her a hug. ‘I reckon we’ve all got our heads well screwed on,’ I said as the Star Trek princess assistant began to pack my outfit. ‘Shame, though. I did like Jay. He was probably the best-looking boy who’s ever shown an interest in me.’
‘What about Gabriel? He’s pretty hot,’ said Nesta. ‘Not my type but he’s a cutie.’
‘And I remind him of his sister.’
‘You won’t when he sees you in that new outfit,’ said Nesta.
‘Whatever,’ said Lucy. ‘But what does it matter that Jay is good looking or Gabriel? Beauty is only skin deep and anyway it’s better to be beautiful on the inside. Like you Izzie.’
‘Pff,’ I said. ‘Born inside out. Just my luck.’
Lucy laughed. ‘No. It’s true, Izzie. But you look beautiful on the outside too. Course you do. But one of the things we love about you is that you’re clear about what you want, you take no bull from anyone and you are wise.’
If they knew what really went on in my head, they wouldn’t say that, I thought, as I paid for my outfit and we headed back out into the market.
I suppose I can be clear and give advice sometimes, but only to others. I can’t do it for myself. And so here I am, the Wise Woman of Wonga with no boyfriend. Why do I even bother about losing weight and trying to look good when Gabriel, the only boy I fancy at the moment, hasn’t even taken my number and Jay, the boy I did fancy, is a two-timing waste of space?
As we strolled along, a bunch of boys cruised past. They looked like they hadn’t a care in the world.
‘It’s not fair, is it? I said as I watched the boys saunter up to a coffee bar and order drinks.
‘What’s not?’ asked Lucy.
‘Looking good,’ I said. ‘It’s so easy for boys. Us girls, we cleanse, we tone, we exfoliate, we moisturise, we diet, we exercise, we wax, we make up and rub lotions and potions into our bodies so that we smell sweet. We agonise over what to wear. And what do boys do. Shave and maybe whack on a bit of hair gel. Huh! That’s what I say.’
‘That’s if they do shave,’ said Nesta. ‘Some of the ones I know don’t even do that yet or only have to do it every other week.’
‘Huh to boys,’ said Lucy. ‘It’s true. They don’t have to suffer to be beautiful at all, least not in the same way that we do.’
As the enticing aromas of temptation alley hit me on the way out, I thought, I’m sick of suffering to be beautiful. To hell with it, Lucy is right about one thing. I do know what I want and the smell is calling me to it. Izzie, Izzieeeeee . . .
Like, who needs boys when you can have burritos?
I can resist everything except temptation
– Oscar Wilde
Chapter 10
The X Factor
On the way home, we met up with TJ then stopped off at the gym in Muswell Hill and picked up a brochure and price list for Mum. A girl from the reception showed us around and it did look fab. It had a good sized pool, two studios offering classes in everything from dance and yoga to Pilates. The gym had all the latest equipment and best of all, there were some fit looking trainers hanging about ready to help anyone in need. I was looking forward to making exercise a part of my plan, since I didn’t seem to be able to stick to any of the diets I’d tried for even twenty-four hours. Exercise was the clearly the solution, burn off the extra calories instead of starving then stuffing.
‘Poor Angus,’ I said as we stepped back out into the street after our look round. ‘Mum wants him to join the gym as well, so there goes his peace and quiet.’
‘Don’t worry,’ said Nesta. ‘My dad joined a gym in the new year in a fit of inspiration, but I think he thought that it was all he had to do. Join the gym and bingo, he’d be fit. I think he only ever went once.’
‘I always liked your dad,’ I said. ‘Good man.’
‘That’s not the attitude,’ said TJ. ‘If you want to get in shape, you just have to find the type of exercise that you like doing.’
‘I am in shape,’ I said. ‘Round is a shape. And no problem in knowing exactly what I like. Lying on the sofa, watching a good DVD, munching Maltesers.’
TJ rolled her eyes. ‘I give up.’
‘No. I’m just kidding. I will do it. I’m serious about the exercise thing. Honest.’
‘Yeah, I may have to join as well,’ said Nesta. ‘Those cute instructors, hubba hubba, ding dong.’
‘Me too,’ said Lucy then she sighed. ‘But then I suppose we’d have to exercise wouldn’t we? We couldn’t just go along to ogle the guys?’
I was glad that I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t fitness mad, like TJ. But it did seem unfair that Lucy and Nesta could avoid it and still stay slim.
‘Exercise is good for you,’ said TJ and did a handstand up against a wall. Unfortunately, her jacket and T-shirt slipped down exposing her bra and a boy of about eleven who was walking past almost choked on the ice cream he was eating.
‘Cool,’ he said when she flipped back up onto her feet. ‘Do that again.’
‘She’s old enough to be your mother, sonny,’ said Nesta.
‘I like older women,’ said the boy, grinning.
As we walked back up to The Broadway in Muswell Hill and the shops (trying to shake off the boy who tried to follow us in the hope that TJ would do another handstand), I couldn’t help but notice that all the boys we passed did a double take when they saw Nesta. When she went into a shop to get some water, I turned to Lucy and TJ.
‘Do you ever feel invisible when you’re with Nesta?’
Lucy faked shock horror. ‘Oh, you spoke to me? I didn’t realise that I could be seen.’
‘I’ll take that as a yes then?’
‘Double yes. It’s amazing how people stare at her and never even notice that I’m here too. I could be walking along with my knickers on my head and they wouldn’t look when she’s around.’
‘And boys only notice me when I stand upside down,’ said TJ, ‘and show the world my bra.’
‘What are you talking about?’ asked Nesta coming back out to join us.
‘You,’ I said. ‘And the fact that you have amazing pulling power. We were just saying that we feel invisible when we’re with you.’
‘Rubbish. You have pulling power too.’ She pointed at a group of boys sitting on the other side of the road on the wall outside Ryman’s stationery shop. ‘I’ll prove it.’
‘Prove it? How?’ asked TJ.
‘Come with me, my little fruitcakes,’ she said as she led us across the zebra crossing and into the entrance of Salnsbury’s supermarket. ‘OK,’ she said. ‘I’ll go first. I’ll walk past the boys, then come back, and you have to watch how many of them check me out.’
‘You don’t need to bother,’ I said. ‘They all will.’
But she was off. And I was right. As she sauntered casually by, they stared at her appreciatively and a couple nudged each other.
A few minutes later, she was back. ‘Score?’
I counted the boys. Six of them.
‘Six out of six,’ said Lucy.
TJ went next. This time four of the boys gave her the on
ce-over as one seemed to be engrossed on his mobile and another was busy picking his nose.
Next was Lucy and she got the same score. Four out of four as the fifth boy was still talking on his phone and nose picker had started on his other nostril.
‘OK, Iz. Your turn,’ said Nesta.
I began to walk past the boys but I could see already that they were distracted by some of their mates who’d appeared from inside a café. As I approached them, only one of them checked me out. Doomed to failure, I thought. Invisible. And then I remembered a film I’d seen at Christmas with Judy Garland in it. I couldn’t remember what it was called but she was after a part in a show and the producers took her out to see if she had the X factor in public. Just as Nesta was asking us do, the producers made Judy walk down a busy street and they walked behind to see if anyone had noticed her. She did her best to look smiley and sexy but no one was taking the slightest bit of notice. She began to panic. The producers started shaking their heads in disappointment at the lack of attention she was getting. Then everything changed. The camera went behind her so all you could see was her back walking away but suddenly everyone was staring at her. Head after head turned to look after her as she walked by and the producers were well impressed. The camera then went to the front so that you could see Judy walking towards you. She was making a duck face and that was the reason everyone was turning to stare. I decided to try the same tactic.
I pushed my lips out to make a beak, blew my cheeks out and made myself go cross-eyed. It worked a treat and Nose-picker nudged his mate who nudged his mate who nudged his mate and soon all the boys were staring at me with open mouths. I turned and skipped back to the girls.
‘Result,’ I said as I punched the air.
‘See,’ said Nesta. ‘I told you that you had the X factor. All the boys were looking. So now will you stop going on about being invisible and boys not noticing you? You got top score.’
I couldn’t keep it up any more and showed them what I’d done. They all cracked up laughing and of course had to try it for themselves. As we made our way down the road, making the ugliest faces we could, everyone stared at us. It was hysterical. Of course that had to be the moment that we bumped into Mr Johnson from school.
Mates, Dates and Chocolate Cheats Page 7
