Try a Little Tenderness

by Joan Jonker

  Janet was eyeing her friend. ‘Yer’ve done yer hair different again, Jenny. I wish I could do mine like you do – I’d have a different style every week.’ Then she suddenly reverted back to the babyish voice she’d got into the habit of using. ‘I bet John would like to see me hair done different. He wouldn’t half get a surprise.’

  Jenny put a hand on her friend’s arm. ‘Jan, this is Jenny – remember me? We used to sit next to each other every day in school. And yer were pretty clever in school, always in the top ten of our class. Can yer remember all that?’

  ‘Of course I can, I’m not daft.’

  ‘Then why do yer act daft? Yer never used to.’

  There was a merry glint in Janet’s eyes. ‘I have me reasons, Jenny, and I’ll tell yer them on me birthday. I’m going to grow up that day.’

  ‘I don’t get it, Jan, yer’ve lost me. Why would yer go on letting people think ye’re stupid when it’s only a game to yer? I don’t know what yer hope to gain by it.’

  ‘I might not gain anything by it, but there’s a method in me madness. You’ll see, on me birthday, I’ll be all grown-up and not act daft no more. If I haven’t done what I set out to do by that time, then I never will.’ Janet eyed the blonde hair bouncing on Jenny’s shoulders. She had it in a pageboy bob tonight, a style that was all the rage, and it suited her. ‘On the night of the party, would yer do something with my hair for me?’

  ‘Yeah, of course I will. How would yer like it?’

  ‘I’ll leave that to you, whatever yer think suits me. But I would like to look glamorous, Jenny, if yer could manage that.’

  ‘Yer could manage it yerself if yer put yer mind to it! Yer hair’s lovely and thick, and the auburn chestnut colour is beautiful. I’ll do yer up like a dog’s dinner for the party.’ Jenny giggled. ‘If yer intend growing up that night, yer hair may as well grow up with yer.’

  ‘Is Cynthia in, Mrs Pennington?’ Bill shuffled his feet in embarrassment. He’d sworn he wouldn’t be the first to give in this time, yet here he was coming cap in hand. He did it every time they had a fall-out, he couldn’t help himself. If Cynthia wasn’t so indifferent towards him he probably would have lost interest by now, but as it was he was still fascinated by her.

  Fanny Pennington smiled at him. She could feel his nervousness and felt sorry for him. He was a nice lad, her daughter could do a lot worse. But then, her daughter was a law unto herself. She pleased herself what she did, regardless of anyone’s feelings. Like this lad here; he shouldn’t have to come crawling, he was too good for that. ‘I’ll ask her to come to the door, son, I think that’s best.’

  Cynthia came along the hall with her arms folded and a slump to her shoulders. ‘Hello, Bill. I’m sorry I look a sight, but I’m not in the mood for getting dolled up.’ She leaned against the hall wall. ‘Did yer want something?’

  Bill let out a sigh of exasperation. ‘I want to have a talk to yer. Can’t yer slip a coat on and come for a walk?’

  ‘What is there to talk about? Every time I see yer, we fall out.’

  ‘You fall out, not me.’ Bill couldn’t go through another sleepless night, so his voice was insistent. ‘Put a coat on, Cynthia, and let’s talk. Yer owe me that much.’

  ‘Wait there, I won’t be a minute.’ Cynthia took her coat from the hallstand and opened the living-room door. ‘I’m going for a walk with Bill, Mam, I won’t be long.’

  Dick Pennington looked over his newspaper. He’d noticed the difference in his daughter but put it down to her age, and women’s trouble. That was why she was on better terms with her mother, he thought, because it was easier for her to talk to a woman than a man. ‘Why didn’t yer ask the lad in?’

  ‘It’s all right, Dad, we’d rather go for a walk.’

  Bill cupped her elbow. ‘Is there anywhere yer’d like to go? The pictures, perhaps?’

  Cynthia shook her head. ‘You wanted to talk, so let’s talk.’

  ‘I’ll get what I’ve got to say off me chest first, shall I?’ Bill looked sideways at her, but her face gave nothing away. ‘This has been going on for months now, and I can’t understand yer attitude. We seem to be getting on fine one minute, then the next it’s as if I’m a stranger to yer. I can’t hold yer hand, can’t put me arms around you or kiss yer. If that’s the way yer feel about me, why don’t yer come straight out with it and tell me to get lost, instead of going all quiet and backing off from me. Do yer like me or not, Cynthia?’

  ‘Of course I like yer.’ Cynthia’s voice was husky. ‘But ye’re rushing things too much and I don’t want to be rushed.’

  ‘Rushing things! Blimey, I’ve been more patient with you than any other girl I’ve been out with! Holding hands with a girl ye’re out on a date with, or giving her a kiss, that isn’t rushing things, Cynthia, that’s normal. That’s what all young fellers do when they’re out with their girlfriend. It’s normal and healthy, Cynthia – no harm in it at all.’

  It was time for an explanation, Cynthia knew that. She couldn’t expect him to put up with her attitude without having a reason for it. She pulled him to a halt by a shop doorway. ‘I had a bad experience with a feller, and it scared me. I can’t help feeling the way I do, and I’ll be all right if I’m given time. It’s nothing to do with you, Bill, I swear.’

  ‘What d’yer mean about a bad experience? Who was this bloke, and what in the name of God did he do to yer?’

  Wild horses would never drag the truth from her. She’d be ashamed to tell him, and afraid of his reaction. He would probably run a mile on learning how she’d been violated by two men whom she hardly knew. No decent lad would touch her with a barge-pole unless they were like Larry and Jeff. No one would want her for a girlfriend, someone they could take home to meet their parents. So what she told him was; ‘I was going out with this bloke for a few weeks, and yes, we did kiss and cuddle. But one night he tried to force himself on me and I was terrified. He was like an animal and I couldn’t go through that again for anyone.’

  In the dim light of the street-lamp, she could see Bill was thinking deeply. Then he asked, ‘What do yer mean by he tried to force himself on yer?’

  ‘He tried to make me do something I didn’t want to do, Bill, and don’t ask me any more ’cos I’ve had enough nightmares about it.’

  ‘And ye’re afraid I might try the same thing? He was a rotter, Cynthia, and I can’t believe yer have so little respect for me that yer think I might turn out to be the same.’

  She put a hand on his arm. ‘Never for a moment did the thought enter me head, Bill. If it had, I’d never have even looked at yer. I know ye’re a nice, decent bloke, and yer deserve better treatment than I’ve been dishing out to yer. I’ve told yer now why I’ve behaved the way I have, and I hope yer understand. If yer don’t, then we’ll call it a day with no hard feelings on either side.’

  Bill spread his arms in a gesture of hopelessness. ‘What am I supposed to say or do, Cynthia? I feel like putting me arms around you and comforting yer, but if I were to touch yer, yer’d run a mile. And that’s what hurts the most – yer lack of trust in me.’

  ‘I do trust yer, Bill, but can’t we take things slowly? Like this.’ She put her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. ‘A little comfort and tenderness to start off with.’

  Bill held her, but not closely. He was so relieved, and so blissfully happy, he didn’t want to spoil things. He’d wait and give her the time she needed. ‘I’ll do what the song says, eh, Cynthia? I’ll Try A Little Tenderness.’

  They walked home slowly, arm in arm, relaxed and contented. ‘Will yer come to our Janet’s birthday party with me?’ he asked. ‘It’s in the Nightingales’ ’cos it’s Jenny’s birthday too, so they’re having a party between them.’

  ‘Will your parents be there?’

  ‘Yeah, but what difference does that make? They know I’ve been going out with yer and me mam will be made up to see us together. She’ll tell yer I’ve been like a bear with a sore head w
henever we’ve had a tiff.’

  ‘Okay, I’d like to come to the party. Shall we buy the girls a present each between us? It would look lousy to turn up at a birthday party without presents.’

  ‘You get them something, will yer? I wouldn’t have a clue what to buy for girls.’

  ‘I dunno, that’s typical of a man. Talk about act soft and I’ll buy yer a coal-yard, isn’t in it.’

  They stood outside Cynthia’s house holding hands. ‘Can I call for yer tomorrow night?’ Bill asked. And when she nodded, he raised his brows. ‘How about a peck on the cheek?’

  Cynthia leaned forward and kissed him briefly on the lips. ‘I’ll look forward to it.’

  Fanny Pennington was putting the fireguard in front of the hearth when her daughter came in. ‘Yer dad went to bed early, he was feeling tired.’

  As Cynthia gazed at her mother, her mind went back over the years. She’d been a bitch to this woman who had brought her into the world. The woman who had kept the house spotlessly clean, did the washing, ironing and cooking, and never been given a word of thanks or kindness. Well, the time had come to try and make amends, and Cynthia hoped she hadn’t left it too late. ‘I’m going to a party at the Nightingales’ on Saturday with Bill, Mam, and I’ve got to buy presents for the two birthday girls. Have yer any idea what I could get?’

  Fanny knew an olive branch was being offered and she grasped it with both hands. She’d been concerned for her daughter over the last few weeks but knew better than to ask what was wrong. Her motherly instinct told her something drastic had happened to change the girl’s whole personality, and she worried what it was. When Bill had come on the scene she was delighted because he was a nice lad. But even that friendship seemed to be floundering. ‘I wouldn’t know what to suggest, love. Why don’t we make a list of everything a young girl wears or uses, and pick the one yer fancy most?’

  ‘That’s a good idea, Mam, we’ll do it now. I’ll get a piece of paper.’

  So for the very first time, mother and daughter sat together in friendship. Each hoping this closeness would grow into the love that had been missing from their lives. ‘Now, let’s see,’ Cynthia said. ‘We’ll start on what we wear that nobody can see, and work our way out. Then we’ll go on to what they’d use, like lipstick or powder. See if we both pick the same thing.’

  ‘Where’s Celia got to?’ Laura asked, as Gary spun her around in a foxtrot. ‘Apart from seeing her outside when I came in, there hasn’t been sight nor sign of her since.’

  ‘Don’t worry about her, babe, let’s just enjoy ourselves. The less we see of her the better it suits me.’

  ‘I’m not worried about her, I’d be made up if I never clapped eyes on her again.’ Laura was trying to pluck up courage to ask something, but the fear of refusal kept the words from being said. ‘Just think, if it wasn’t for her, me and you could be sitting on the back row of the picture house, holding hands.’

  ‘We’re holding hands now, babe, or hadn’t yer noticed?’ Gary smiled down at her. ‘I know I’m holding your hand because I’ve got that thrill running up and down me spine. The one I get whenever I see or touch yer.’

  ‘I feel the same way about you, Gary, but the difference is, I’m prepared to do something about it, and you’re not. I’ve had enough of Celia telling us what we can or can’t do, I’m fed up with it. How long is it going to go on for? For the rest of our lives, until we’re old and grey?’

  ‘I’ve told yer, babe, that if it was only me, I’d tell Celia to sod off. It’s me mam I’m frightened for. She’s been good to me, me mam. When me dad died, she was left to bring me up on her own, and she had a hard time. I wouldn’t burden her with trouble for all the money in the world.’

  ‘I can’t imagine yer doing anything so bad that Celia could go running to yer mother telling tales. Ye’re not a bad person, Gary.’

  ‘No, babe, I’m not a bad person. And what I did wasn’t that bad. Wrong, yes, but not bad. It’s what Celia would add to it that makes me afraid. If she ever spills the beans on you, it won’t be the truth as you know it, but a pack of lies.’

  ‘I was going to ask yer if, just for once, yer’d take a chance? It’s our Jenny’s birthday party on Saturday, and I’d love yer to come and meet the family. I know they’d make yer welcome and yer would like them.’

  The dance came to an end and Gary cupped her elbow to lead her off the floor. ‘Would yer like to go outside for a breath of fresh air?’ he asked. ‘It’s not cold out.’

  Laura agreed eagerly. If there was no one else out there, they could steal a few hugs and kisses. Then in her mind, she asked herself was she satisfied with stolen kisses? After months of knowing Gary, caring for him and knowing he cared for her, all she’d had was a few stolen kisses. It was ridiculous to let one woman keep them apart. ‘Why don’t we both tell our mothers and get it over with – beat Celia to it? She’d have nothing on us then. We could do whatever we wanted, when we wanted.’

  ‘Since I met you, babe, I’ve thought of doing that many times. Then I picture me mam’s face and know I couldn’t go through with it. Wouldn’t your mam be hurt if she knew yer’d told her lies?’

  Laura hung her head. ‘I’m all mouth, Gary, all talk. I could no more look my mam in the face and tell her what I’ve done, than fly.’ She looked up at him. ‘You know what Celia’s got on me, but yer won’t tell me why she can wrap you around her little finger. I think yer should tell me – it’s only fair.’

  Gary gave a deep sigh. ‘Yer might be sorry, babe, it might put yer off me.’

  ‘There’s no chance of that, unless yer’ve murdered someone.’ Her eyes widened in alarm as a thought entered her head. ‘Yer haven’t got a girl into trouble, have yer?’

  ‘Certainly not! What d’yer take me for? No, it’s nothing like that.’ Gary stared up at the stars, too afraid to look her in the eye as he explained the hold Celia had over him. ‘When I left school at fourteen, I got a job in a grocery shop. Celia was a customer there, that’s how I came to know her. One day she asked me for what shopping she needed, then when I added it up and told her what she owed, she said she was threepence short, and could she pass it in later. I was green, I’d only been there a few days. The manager was serving someone, and as I believed her, I said it would be all right.’ This time the sigh came from his very soul. ‘I wish I had me time over again, I’d have acted different. She never came back that afternoon and I was a nervous wreck in case me boss found out. Then when I came out of the shop and started to walk home, she came up to me. She said she was sorry she hadn’t made it in time, but she’d definitely be in, in the morning to pay her debt. “This is for yer trouble,” she said, slipping a penny in me pocket. And once again I was a fool to believe her. For that was the start of a nightmare. She came in the next day all right, and gave me her order. It came to one and eleven, and I thought she’d give me the threepence she owed from the day before. But she passed one and six over, saying, “We’ll stick to our little arrangement, love, and I’ll meet yer outside tonight with your cut”.’

  ‘The hard-faced bitch!’ Laura was beside herself with temper. ‘Why didn’t yer just call yer boss over?’

  ‘Because I was fourteen, babe, as green as grass. There was a look in her eyes that told me she’d lie through her teeth, and I’d be the one in trouble. I couldn’t afford to get the sack because me mam needed me wages to help out with the bit she got from a cleaning job. Celia certainly knew who to pick on; a fourteen-year-old who was too frightened of not being believed and terrified of facing his mam and saying he’d been sacked.’

  ‘Yer don’t still work there, do yer?’

  Gary shook his head. ‘I’d have left the next week if I’d had a job to walk into, but it took me six months to get out of the shop and out of her clutches. One of the neighbours in our street worked in a ship-repairers down at the docks, and he got me a job as an apprentice. That’s where I still work.’

  ‘I can’t believe anyone is that wicked
. Ye’re eighteen now, and ye’re saying she still has a hold on yer?’

  Gary nodded. ‘She’s quite brazen about it. If she doesn’t get her own way she threatens to go and tell me old boss at the shop that I gave her stuff for half price and took some money off her in return, and she’d also tell the firm I work for now. And there’s little I can do because it’s my word against hers.’

  ‘I could scratch her eyes out for doing that to yer.’ Laura felt like crying for him. ‘We’ve got to get away from her, somehow.’

  Gary pulled her close and ran a hand up and down her back. ‘I’m sorry about not coming to yer sister’s party, babe, honestly. And I’d love to meet yer mam and dad. I give me word that I will meet them in the not-too distant future, and that’s a promise.’ He ran his fingers through her thick mop of rich, dark hair. ‘I’m going to tell yer something I shouldn’t, until I’m really sure it’s true. But I want to take that sad look off yer pretty face and give yer some hope. I want yer to promise not to ask me any questions, and not to breathe a word to a soul. Will yer do that, babe?’

  ‘Of course I will. I’ve let a lot of people down in my life, but I would never, ever, let you down. I think too much of yer.’

  ‘D’yer remember me saying that Celia would come unstuck one day? Well, if what I’ve heard tonight is true, that day has arrived. She’s come unstuck in a big way. Unfortunately, babe, it might affect your family and there could be hell to pay. On the other hand, she might just get away with it, as she’s been doing for years. They say the devil looks after his own.’ He put a finger on her lips. ‘No, don’t ask questions because I can’t answer them. It’ll all come out very soon.’

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  ‘Do I look all right, Jenny? They won’t laugh at me, will they?’

  ‘Jan, yer look like a million dollars, honest. Yer’ll bowl everyone over.’