Love, Lust & Faking It
Page 16
Now, celebrity friends are a whole other ball of wax. Many have tried to become friends with me, and I couldn’t run faster. Maybe because they reminded me of the Heathers. From an outside perspective one might think my friend Chelsea Handler would be cast as the perfect Heather, but she is anything but in real life. She takes care of her family and friends and even helps out some real losers that I don’t approve of. She has put some of the biggest smiles on my face the past few years, and I continue to hold her responsible for continuously breaking my Botox. When I told her I was writing a chapter on real friends, she e-mailed me her thoughts on the subject…
“Jenny and I truly fell in love when we both became single, and that’s when I realized, I’ll always be straight.”
So to answer the question, What are friends for? They are the ultimate reflection of yourself. Always surround yourself with people who inspire you and return the favor by giving them the best of you.
[36]
My Buddhahood
Ending a five-year relationship (a mutual split) made me ask myself some serious questions, like, What’s going on with you, girl? You all right? I felt really lost and confused as to what my path was. Life changes are always disorienting, especially when you’ve imagined yourself either growing old with someone or staying in the same occupation forever. During this transitional period in my life, I had to go back and remind myself of an earlier dream I had of becoming a big-time movie star actress, which obviously didn’t come to pass. I envisioned myself on the big screen and getting my Walk of Fame star; instead, I currently hold the record for the most razzies any actress has ever received. I also have fourteen failed sitcom pilots sitting in my drawer. But even though I didn’t find success in that career path, I managed to make this book my seventh New York Times best-selling book. (Well, I hope this one is also a bestseller.) My point being, even though I felt like the shit really hit the fan in this relationship, I stopped and thought, Hey, maybe not. I’ve proved it to myself before. This shit could turn into the best-looking shit I’ve ever seen. I mean, if anyone can turn shit into a rose garden, I think I’ve got a shot at it!
So off I went! I started to seek some outside help and invested in tarot cards, aura spray, crystals, and psychics to provide some direction. I’m a big believer in this kind of stuff, and it did help, but something was still missing. It felt like I was walking around the rose garden looking at the flowers, when what I needed was the key to get inside the garden. Where the hell is the key? I kept wondering. I know it’s out there. I’ve always been a spiritual person, but now I felt like I needed guidance gathering all of my beliefs into one place so that my roses could start manifesting. I wanted to find out who I was without anyone having to explain it to me. I wanted to be able to become less fearful of the future and eventually be ready for love again. But how? I thought. Where do I begin to find answers?
The idea of organized religion wasn’t ringing my bell after all the years of Catholic school I endured. Don’t get me wrong, Jesus is cool and I dig ’im, but I felt an urge to expand my horizons. When you ask you shall receive, or whatever the hell that saying is. A friend casually mentioned that she was enjoying learning about Buddhism and felt so enlightened by it that she had become a Buddhist. I knew something was going on with her, because over the past few months she just seemed at peace with whatever shit came her way. As she started to describe how much it helped her in detail, I felt the need to ask more questions. Could this be worth trying? I mean, if it really worked for her (who used to be one hot mess, I might add), why couldn’t I get some of that shit she was on? As I was about to ask my friend some more questions about it, I heard my mom’s voice shout inside my head: They worship a big fat guy who sits down all the time. So I reworded it and asked, “Why do they pray to Buddha?” She responded, “We don’t pray to Buddha. Buddhists don’t really have any Buddha statues around the house. Other people just seem to use them for decor, but not usually Buddhists. Buddha is a term for an enlightened state. We all have Buddha in us.”
I responded with, “Well, what kind of religion is this if you don’t pray to someone?”
She said, “Buddhism is not really a religion. It’s more of a philosophy.”
I said, “Well, can it turn shit into roses?”
She replied, “Absolutely. Its called turning poison into medicine, but you’re calling it turning shit into roses, which is the same thing.”
“Well, I got shit right now, and I want roses. I already have plenty of medicine in my cabinets.”
She said, “There is no outside force that will make you do anything. Everything comes from within you. You are in charge.”
I replied, “If this is true, then why bother praying or worshiping or following any type of philosophy or religion when you can do it all by yourself?”
She said, “I agree. Buddhism just gives me the tools I need to make sure I’m always in charge of my destiny, and chanting in the morning and at night holds me accountable for my progress. When we chant in Buddhism we chant nam-myho-renge-kyo, and by saying that, we are allowed to polish our own mirror so we can see ourselves clearly. We are chanting/‘praying’/believing in ourselves. Transforming our fear into courage.”
Transforming fear into courage was what I was longing for. Being alone in the house was scary, wondering how I would pay all the bills by myself was scary, thinking of growing old with no one at my side was scary, and hoping Evan was okay with the transition was scary. I figured, “What the hell? Why not give some Buddhism a whirl?” As long as I can still think Jesus is a cool dude and Buddhism just gives me the tools to manifest change within me, it all sounded kinda cool.
I’ve been practicing for a little over three months now, and I have managed to take my shit and not only use it as fertilizer to grow roses but to cultivate the most beautiful lotus flower within me. I don’t feel lost now when life gives me a hiccup. I know what to do. I chant and I get stronger every day. Before I would have said, “Thanks, Buddha, for this new direction in my life.” But now I know better. The chubby dude that sits around all the time would say, “No, thank yourself. I’m just holding the mirror.”
There seem to be two phases of moving on. The one where we pick up our lives, create new routines, heal past resentments, and love ourselves. The second phase is being ready to find love in a companion again. As I write this, I’m only in phase one. But I know already that as far as my future love life is concerned, my expectations will be very high. I don’t mean I have a laundry list of superficial things I need from a man—like doing whatever I say, or letting me have the remote control. When I say expectations, I mean baseline qualities I know I deserve: a man who respects women, a guy who enjoys life, someone who wants to spiritually grow with me and has enormous amounts of self-love. Basically, what I’m saying is that I’m raising the bar in terms of my future guy only because my own bar will be raised before I ever meet him. I intend to know who I am, love myself, feel okay on my own, and not need anything from my partner to make me feel better. Can’t wait to meet him. Hope he doesn’t have a mullet.
P.S. Go to www.sgi.org for more info on how to turn your shit into roses and follow me on Twitter @ JennyMcCarthy.
Acknowledgments
In no particular order, these are the brave souls who have stood by me while I continue to make an ass out of myself.
Leigh Brecheen
Erwin More
Jennifer Rudolph Walsh
Jennifer Barth
Lauren Auslander
Paul Greenberg
Julie Ribordy
Chelsea Handler
Becky (Jennifer) Obirek
Brad Cafarelli
Thank you for helping me bust out another awesome book!
About the Author
Model, comedian, actress, and activist Jenny McCarthy is the author of the New York Times bestsellers Belly Laughs, Baby Laughs, and Louder Than Words, among others. The former host of MTV’s hugely popular dating show Singled Out,
McCarthy began her career as a Playboy magazine model before launching a high-profile comedic television and film career. Most recently, she has appeared on the shows My Name Is Earl, Two and a Half Men, and Chuck. She has been featured on virtually every television talk show, from Larry King Live, The View, Ellen, and Letterman to Conan O’Brien, Hannity & Colmes, and Howard Stern. She is also a frequent guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show.
In addition to her work in the world of healing and preventing autism, she is the cocreator, with practicing speech language pathologist Sarah Clifford Scheflen, of Teach2Talk, a series of DVDs for children. She has also served as a spokesperson for post-pregnancy weight loss for Weight Watchers. Her unique combination of intelligence, sex appeal, and humor has landed her on the covers of magazines as diverse as People, Playboy, Rolling Stone, and Self; recently, she was featured in Time.
Born in Chicago, McCarthy currently resides in Los Angeles with her son, Evan.
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.
ALSO BY JENNY McCARTHY
JEN-X
BELLY LAUGHS
BABY LAUGHS
LIFE LAUGHS
LOUDER THAN WORDS
MOTHER WARRIORS
HEALING AND PREVENTING AUTISM
Copyright
Names and identifying details of some individuals have been changed to protect their privacy.
LOVE, LUST & FAKING IT. Copyright ©2010 by Jenny McCarthy.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EPub Edition © AUGUST 2010 ISBN: 978-0-062-02937-9
FIRST EDITION
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
McCarthy, Jenny, 1972-
Love, lust & faking it: the naked truth about sex, lies, and true romance/Jenny McCarthy. − 1st ed.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-06-201298-2
1. Women-Sexual behavior. 2. Lust. I. Title.
HQ29.M455 2010
306.7082-dc22
2010024941
10 11 12 13 14 OV/RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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