If only

by Sinclair Cherise

  Oh, that hurt. Under the guise of being insulted, she pushed to her feet. God help her if they found out she’d snapped pictures of documents on Dan’s desk. But that had been different, after all. Her name had been on those papers. “So, can you tell me anything?”

  “Although this isn’t classified, you may not discuss it with anyone.” Galen gave her a stern look.

  “No problem.”

  “We’re in a foul mood because the activity in the Northeast territory has halted. Accounts we were monitoring have been closed.”

  “They stopped?” she asked. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

  Vance took her hands. “We wanted to arrest the ringleaders, not have them go to ground like hunted foxes. The chances of finding them went down; the search will take longer.”

  “Oh.” The bastard who killed that nice cop wouldn’t pay for it? And he’d start running auctions again. Anger flared inside her. “That would make anyone mad.” She twisted and squeezed Vance around the waist, wanting to give some comfort back. The way his arms tightened around her said he’d needed a hug.

  When he released her, she glanced at Galen and saw, beneath the impassive look, a hint of longing. He didn’t offer affection as readily, but she was slowly learning he needed her touch…as much as she needed his. With a small smile, she walked across the room, pulled him to his feet, and wrapped her arms around him.

  His hug was long and grateful. Yes, he’d needed her care. Both Feds were driven, but Galen didn’t put the job aside as well as Vance did. She could almost feel the cuts in Galen’s soul.

  His arms loosened, but before he let her go, he murmured against her hair, “Thank you, pet.”

  As she stepped back, he glanced down. His shirtsleeves were wet where they’d contacted her wet clothing. “You’re soaked. Go shower and get into dry clothing.”

  “I’m fi—”

  He jerked his head, back in his nonhuggable Dom mode. “Go.”

  Sheesh. A few nasty words nearly escaped her…until she met his darker-than-night gaze, and the words turned to smoke and dissipated as she walked away, managing—barely—not to stomp her feet. Bossy. Why sometimes she adored a bossy Dom and sometimes she hated one wasn’t exactly clear. Why Galen could give her a rush of lust and still make her feel like kicking him wasn’t clear either.

  She picked up her backpack and glanced at Vance. He was laughing.

  Bastards, the both of them.

  She trotted up the curving stairs and detoured to the end of the hall. To Galen’s bedroom. He liked antiques and dark wood. The cream-colored walls held paintings of lighthouses on the New England coastline.

  His bed was covered with a burgundy-colored satin quilt and felt like clouds, she knew. The time she’d brought him up a gooey chocolate-chip cookie just out of the oven, he’d eaten the treat, tossed her on the bed, and thanked her in a very…carnal…fashion.

  She pulled in a breath. What that man could do with his mouth…

  Focus, girl.

  Galen kept his toy bag in a carved chest at the foot of his bed. The anal plugs were there, she knew, since they still occasionally “prepped” her beforehand.

  Soooo… Her own backpack held colored markers. On the slimmest purple anal plug, she used her silver marker to draw a smiling face. Yeah, just like Happy from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

  For the ridged black anal plug, Sleepy seemed like a good pick. Her silver marker drew a slack face with half-closed eyes. The clear blue plug got Doc’s big nose and tiny glasses. The oversize flesh-tone and cock-shaped one soon boasted a scowly face for the dwarf named Grumpy.

  “Wonder how long it’ll take him to notice?”

  Would he recognize the dwarfs? She grinned. Considering how he’d teased her about her collection of Disney films, he very well might.

  Mood lightened, she took a hot shower, scrubbing energetically and washing her hair to try to erase the prickling feeling that seeing violence left on her skin.

  Once out, she donned old jeans and a soft pale blue top—no red colors today, thank you—and skipped the bra as well. Want comfort. The Doms wouldn’t mind. They liked seeing her comfortable…and they’d never had a problem making her change.

  She smiled. She liked knowing they wouldn’t hold back when they wanted something. Somehow it reduced all sorts of anxiety. But they didn’t play the Dom card all the time—not like Frank. They made sure she knew she had boundaries, but not so much that she felt as if she were on a choke chain.

  Actually, despite the stress from the Assholyation case, they’d been very careful with her. Sweet and thoughtful. She stood in her pretty pale blue and ivory bedroom, which they’d filled with her belongings brought from her apartment. Her colorful pillows brightened the room…and drove the men crazy because they had to toss them off the bed.

  They kept buying her things. Like the rich blue fuzzy robe Vance had bought her after finding her old bloodstained one in the trash. On the bedside tables were stained-glass lamps from Galen because she’d mentioned she liked to read in bed.

  Thinking of the anal plugs, Sally bit her lip. She really was an ungrateful bitch, wasn’t she?

  Needing a way to show her gratitude, she pulled her laptop out. After booting it up, she checked her e-mail, going through the Scum Sucker folder slowly.

  She sat back and pursed her lips. Well. G and V were right. Over the past few weeks, she’d managed to infect only three managers. All three had been contacted by someone even higher. The High Muckety-muck had ordered them to shut down and wipe their files. The Harvest Association was going on hiatus.

  She glared at the screen. Well, didn’t that suck?

  Now what? The infected managers had replied to the High Muckety-muck, and, unless the boss’s fire wall and antivirus program was brilliant, his e-mail system was the proud possessor of her virus. She’d reached the top and hadn’t a clue what to do about it. Tracing him back to who he really was might be more than she’d planned. But her Feds were unhappy.

  And an ex-student like her who was no longer inundated with homework had an awful lot of spare time, right?

  She grinned. And, just for the hell of it, sent the three managers’ e-mail addresses to the New York police station.

  * * * *

  Their little subbie was in a better mood, Vance saw, as she entered the kitchen. Dressed in one of the soft tops he and Galen had picked up, she looked incredibly cuddly. The slight tilt of her nose made her seem younger than her real age, and her wavy hair rippled across her shoulders. Glock lay in her arms, furry chin resting in the curve of her elbow.

  “You look as if you’re about five with a teddy bear,” he said. Except for the way other parts of her bounced as well. Fuck, he loved her breasts.

  Dimple flashing, she sniffed in a derogatory way. He was pleased to see her eyes clear and free of shadows. “Whatcha making? It smells good.”

  Vance glanced at the long windows running over the sink and dishwasher. The solar lights around the covered porch, down the sidewalk to the dock, were dimmed by the heavy rain. Lightning flashes illuminated the whitecaps on the small black lake. “Seemed like a good night for tomato soup and grilled cheese.” He started to set the fixings out on the island.

  After putting Glock down and washing her hands, Sally perched on a leather-topped stool. “What can I do?”

  Vance smiled, enjoying her. There wasn’t a lazy bone in her curvy body, and he was experienced enough to appreciate that. Aside from some defensive responses ingrained in childhood, the little sub didn’t back away from anything—not work, not arguments, not sex, not laughter. “If you put together the sandwiches, I’ll grill them.”

  “Got it.” She started cutting cheese. “What will you and Galen do if you can’t find the Association jerks?”

  He put a shred of cheese between Glock’s paws. After a sniff displaying his opinion of the inadequate offering, the cat took a delicate bite. Fussy feline. “We’ll try awhile longer, but soon we’ll have to
put it on the back burner and start working a caseload here in Tampa.”

  “Is that good?”

  Now that was a tough question. He took the sandwich from her and put it in the skillet. The butter sizzled, sending up a savory fragrance to join that of the soup. “Probably. Galen might take time off and have knee surgery.” Before too long, they both might need to look at where their careers should go.

  “Definitely surgery.” Galen limped through the kitchen door and sat down beside Sally with a huffed groan. “I’m ready.”

  Vance shook his head, turning back to the stove. Odd to come to love the idiot like the brother he never had. It drove him nuts not to be able to fix his pain, to take the tightness from Galen’s voice.

  As if she’d followed his thoughts, Sally glanced between them. Her dimples showed again. “You know, I thought you guys were gay at first.”

  “We get that a lot.” Galen gave her a sour look, then grinned at Vance.

  Yeah, the rumor had come as a surprise. Years past, on one drunken night, they’d even discussed the gossip. They’d both been in the lifestyle for years and had friends in polyamorous relationships. But their boundaries turned out to be same. Male-male action didn’t appeal. Fucking a woman with a brother was more than fun. Actually fucking the brother? Nope.

  “How did you two come to be…whatever you call yourselves? Co-Doms?”

  Vance smiled. Sally’s curiosity was one of her most annoying—and appealing—traits. “We met in Quantico during training. Galen for the FBI; me for the DEA. Didn’t see him again for years until coming face-to-face at a drug buy. Hell of a shock since we were both undercover—and on opposite sides.”

  Galen snorted. “I was part of the gang doing the buy.”

  “And I was with the seller as one of his enforcers.” Vance shook his head. “The local cops got wind of the meet, and the whole thing turned into a clusterfuck.”

  Her eyes widened, and Vance realized his tone had turned grim.

  Galen gave him a wry half smile.

  The inside of the deserted warehouse had turned into a nightmare. Indiscriminate shooting, blood everywhere, bodies, men yelling…screaming. Vance had tackled a cop to keep him from getting shot and caught the bullet instead. The impact of the slug hadn’t hurt…at the time…but the sound and the crack of his humerus breaking had twisted his guts. The perp’s next shot had killed the cop he thought he’d saved. Blown his head to—

  “Vance.” Galen’s even voice snapped him out of the memory.

  Vance rubbed his hands over his face, feeling the dampness of sweat. The cop had had a newborn. If I’d only been faster… With an effort, Vance kept himself in the present.

  His partner—Mama Kouros—watched him for a second and took up the story, drawing Sally’s attention away. “After surgery, we ended up in the same hospital room. I’d caught a bullet in my leg.” Galen gave a rueful glance at his knee. “After we were released, I stayed in his place until I could get around and until he could use his arm. Between us, we made one whole person.”

  And Galen had talked him into switching to the FBI. Turning away from everyone, Vance flipped a cheese sandwich and slid it onto a plate. Only a bit scorched. “Sally, can you dish up the soup?”

  “Sure.” Face pale, she stopped next to him at the stove and squeezed his waist. She stayed, pressing her warm body to his chilled one. Softhearted little sub. “Did you guys stay together?”

  “Nah. But we stayed friends. When we were both assigned to New York, Galen dragged me into my first BDSM club. Taught me how to top.”

  “Really?” She set a bowl of soup in front of Galen and gave him a chiding look. “You corrupted an innocent youth?”

  “Nah. I just bent him a bit,” Galen said in a dry voice, as if he were a decade older instead of three years. “He had the last laugh, because I realized it was fun to partner up to torture little submissives.” He fisted Sally’s hair and gave her a light kiss that quickly turned long and deep.

  Fuck. Vance was getting hard just watching.

  Sally looked thoroughly aroused when Galen let her go.

  Maybe they should skip the meal. Or on second thought, he’d almost forgotten this was Friday. “Eat up, imp. Galen and I are supposed to fill in as dungeon monitors tonight. And Z said he’s missed seeing you.” He grinned at her bounce of glee and told his partner, “How about you beat on her for a while tonight.”

  “I can do that.”

  An enticing anxiety appeared her wide brown eyes.

  Galen added, “It’ll be a good chance to break in that heavy flogger I bought last month.”

  The little subbie pulled in her lips as if to restrain a laugh, and her dimples appeared.

  Galen was reaching for a sandwich and didn’t notice.

  Vance did. Might be an interesting evening ahead.

  * * * *

  Dressed in her favorite leather miniskirt and dark red bustier, Sally followed Galen into the Shadowlands with Vance behind her.

  Ben, the security guard, stood behind his desk in the entry. His big-boned face split in a welcoming smile as he shook hands with Galen. “Little Sally. I thought you were back with us, but you disappeared again.”

  At the welcoming boom of his voice, she felt her eyes burn, and she leaned over the desk to kiss his cheek.

  His face turned red. He might appear like an evil giant from some barbarian world, but he was one of the nicest men in the world.

  “Good to see you, Ben.” Vance slapped his shoulder.

  The guys waited for her to stuff her shoes in a cubby before conducting her into the main club room.

  Oh, it was good to be back. Music from Metallica mixed with the sounds of floggers and hands against bare flesh and moans. Yelps. Groans. The heady smell of leather. Even the air seemed to have a special weight and feel different from anywhere else in the world. She gave a loud sigh of happiness and noticed both Feds were smiling down at her.

  “Come on, pet. Let’s see what Z has in mind for us.” Galen put his hand behind her to get her moving. Vance took her other side.

  As they passed the dance floor, gazes turned toward them, and Sally felt rather like a sweet cocker spaniel between two massive guard dogs.

  Uzuri was dancing, and her chocolate-brown eyes widened as she looked from the men to Sally. She gave Sally a thumbs-up.

  Vance laughed.

  “Glad we meet her approval,” Galen said in a dry voice. But a quick peek upward showed he was smiling.

  Sally grinned at him. Returning to the Shadowlands after being with Frank, she’d felt as if she’d never reach a happy time, kind of like Sleeping Beauty’s prince trying to chop through the forest of thorns to find his love.

  This time she could almost see the Yellow Brick Road. She glanced up at the men. What would they do if she linked arms with them and started chanting, Lions and tigers and bears. Oh my.

  Galen’s razor-sharp gaze met hers. One eyebrow went up, and his hand moved from her back to her nape. “Whatever you’re thinking,” he said, “think again.”

  She scowled. “Only Master Z can read minds. How did you know I wanted to—”

  His grin totally lifted her heart. God, he didn’t do that enough. He bent and whispered in her ear, “It’s a Dom secret.”

  “Oh fine.” Maybe she’d decorate his canes and paddles too. Draw something girlie…pretty pink flowers.

  Yeah.

  At the bar, Vance lifted her onto a bar stool and stood at her right. Galen took her left.

  She frowned. Did they always set themselves up that way? Were they protecting her or restraining her? Why did it make her feel so squishy inside?

  Cullen spotted them and made his way down the bar, filling drink orders as he came. He paused to swat Andrea’s butt and nuzzle her cheek on the way. Sally smiled, pleased at how Andrea’s color heightened at his overt affection. Even though they’d been together for over a year, they still acted like new lovers.

  “It’s good to see you, lo
ve,” Cullen said to Sally. He put his oversize hand under her chin, studying her face. “You look—”

  She felt Vance put his arm around her waist.

  Cullen’s hand dropped, and he straightened. He looked at the Fed. “Sorry, gents. I forgot she wasn’t still a trainee.”

  Sally froze. She really wasn’t, was she? She remembered the thrill when the Masters had told her she’d be a trainee. How special it had been to belong somewhere and to have the Masters watching over her. The loss…hurt…like something had ripped away inside her.

  Galen nodded; his face an unreadable mask. He set a hand on her shoulder, squeezed, and some warmth trickled back in.

  “No problem,” Vance said easily to Cullen. His arm stayed around her, holding her even tighter against his side as if to tell her where she belonged. “What time did Z want us on duty?”

  Cullen checked a paper on the low counter behind the bar and pulled two gold-trimmed black leather vests from the shelves. “Looks like you’re on now. Kouros gets the front of the room; you’re in the back.”

  “Got it,” Vance said.

  Sally gave herself a mental shake and turned her mind to lighter—shallower—thoughts.

  Like watching her Doms. How would they look in the dungeon monitor vests?

  Vance dragged on the vest over his tight T-shirt. Very nice. Somehow his shoulders looked even broader, and the curve of his biceps stretching the shirtsleeves was more obvious.

  Yeah, shallow thoughts weren’t a problem at all—because she was having trouble not jumping his bones. With incredible control, she managed to keep her hands in her lap.

  Galen turned to Sally. Somehow the vest over his dress shirt had a different effect, yet was equally amazing. His shirt was unbuttoned at the top, displaying just a hint of the steely, lean musculature. God, she just wanted to unbutton his shirt and lick her way down.

  “We’re only doing monitor duty for an hour,” he said. “After that, we’ll have time to play. Will you be all right by yourself?”

  She sniffed. “Of course.”

  “Good.” Galen touched his finger to the tip of her nose. “Remember you’re no longer a free agent, pet. Stay here at the bar or sit with the other submissives.”