A Merry Little Christmas

by Julia Williams

  A week. How could it only have been a week? How could her whole life have turned itself upside down in such a short space of time? Dan’s physical injuries were recovering fast, although his foot was in plaster as he’d broken his ankle in the fall. But his emotional and mental injuries were another matter. The conversations they had were rambling and repetitive. Every day when she saw him, he’d forgotten what had happened, and she’d have to remind him. Every day he wandered in and out of consciousness, sometimes completely unaware that she was there, sometimes wildly enthusiastic and wanting to come home. No one could tell her if he would ever get back to his normal self. And she missed him more than she could say.

  Dan stirred in his sleep, and then woke up looking slightly startled.

  ‘Hello beautiful,’ he said, a broad grin filling his face.

  Pippa grinned back. That was more like Dan. His face was pale and wan, but at least he’d given her a glimpse of the man she knew.

  ‘Hey you,’ she said, tears springing to her eyes.

  He held her hand and traced a finger down her cheek.

  ‘You’re crying,’ he said in surprise. He was her old Dan in that instant; kind, caring, compassionate.

  ‘I’m fine,’ she said, wiping the tears away, and trying to compose herself.

  ‘Where am I?’ said Dan, looking around him very confused, taking in the surroundings of the hospital bed, equipment and hard chairs, as if seeing them for the first time. ‘What happened? Why’s my leg in plaster?’

  He often did this, forgetting that he’d been hurt.

  ‘You’ve been in an accident,’ said Pippa.

  ‘I don’t feel great,’ said Dan, slowly, as if testing out an idea.

  ‘You’re not very well,’ said Pippa, ‘but you’re getting better every day.’

  ‘Oh,’ Dan held her hand tight. ‘Is that why my head hurts?’

  ‘Yes, you had a nasty bang on it,’ said Pippa.

  ‘I did?’ said Dan, looking frightened. ‘What happened? How long have I been here? I don’t remember anything.’

  ‘You fell out of a tree,’ she said. ‘A week ago.’

  ‘A week, I’ve been here a week?’ Panic was in his eyes now. Pippa stroked his hand. She hated to see him so churned up and miserable, but all she could do was try and soothe his fears.

  ‘It’s all right, sweetheart, you’re on the mend now,’ she said. ‘That’s the main thing.’

  ‘Where are the kids?’ he said. ‘I want to see them.’

  ‘They’re at school,’ said Pippa. ‘They send their love and they’ll see you soon.’

  She’d had this conversation before, and hated it. It seemed to cause Dan physical pain when he remembered the children, and she was almost glad when he forgot about them again.

  ‘You won’t leave me, will you?’ asked Dan, holding her hand tight. ‘I don’t want to be alone.’

  ‘I won’t leave you,’ said Pippa, squeezing his hand. ‘You know I’d never do that.’

  ‘Good,’ said Dan, ‘because I was dreaming you had.’

  Pippa kissed his hand by way of reply, and Dan calmer now, laid back on his pillow, shutting his eyes. Soon he was dozing peacefully.

  ‘We’ll be okay, Dan,’ Pippa whispered fiercely, holding his hand tightly. ‘We have to be.’

  Dan was a long way from getting better, but maybe, just maybe, she’d been offered a glimmer of hope.

  Steven and Gabriel came in from the fields, as Marianne was cooking tea. Steven had been really helpful in the wake of Dan’s accident, going out to help Gabriel whenever he could. In the way of farming kids the world over, he’d been driving a tractor practically since he could walk, and now he was bigger he was getting to be very useful to his dad. Marianne often thought it was a shame that Steven didn’t want to go into farming, as sheep rearing came naturally to him, but certainly at the moment, singing was more important. It was a pity that Gabriel couldn’t see it quite that way. In the week since Dan’s accident, there had been little time to talk about Steven going to Middleminster. Steven’s pleasure at getting into the school had been marred by what had happened to Dan, and it had been forgotten about in the general chaos of trying to keep on top of things. But they were going to have to talk about it soon. They had to accept the place or risk losing it.

  She was finding it difficult to raise the issue. Not only was Gabe preoccupied with the farm and Dan, his enthusiasm for Steven’s achievement had been muted, to say the least. Marianne could see how hurt Steven was that Gabriel hadn’t been happier for him, so she had unsuccessfully tried to pass it off as Gabe being busy.

  ‘You could have been more pleased for him,’ Marianne had said tentatively to Gabriel the previous night, to which he had shrugged his shoulders, saying, ‘But I’m not. And I don’t want to talk about it right now.’ Marianne knew he was hurting at the thought of losing his son, but it was clear to her that his approach wasn’t helping the situation, as it was just making Steven hostile. For all his good points, Gabriel could be very stubborn, and so could Steven. Marianne felt like banging their silly heads together.

  Steven shot off straight upstairs without saying a word, no doubt to go straight on the Xbox or play some other violent computer game.

  ‘Well?’

  ‘Well what?’ said Gabriel sitting down at the kitchen table. He looked tired, so Marianne brought him a cup of tea and came over and ruffled his hair.

  ‘Did you find any time to talk about whether we accept the place at Middleminster?’

  Marianne had been secretly hoping that spending some bonding father/son time in the fields would help Gabriel see things from Steven’s point of view.

  ‘He wants to go. I don’t want him to go. What’s there to say?’

  ‘I think you should let him,’ said Marianne. ‘If that’s what he wants.’

  ‘This is all bloody Eve’s fault,’ said Gabriel viciously. ‘Putting the idea in his head. It’s all right for her to swan in now and cause chaos. It’s not as if she’s ever been much of a mother to him.’

  ‘Woah.’ Marianne had never heard Gabriel express such bitterness to his ex-wife. ‘I know things haven’t been great in the past, but it’s good Eve wants to be involved now, isn’t it? For Steven, I mean.’

  ‘I guess,’ said Gabriel reluctantly.

  ‘And is it such a bad idea? Steven has such talent. Do you really want to hold him back? Think about what’s happened with Dan. We shouldn’t pass up a chance like this.’

  ‘You think I’m being selfish?’

  ‘A bit,’ said Marianne.

  ‘Thanks for the support,’ said Gabe. ‘I thought you at least were on my side.’

  ‘I am,’ protested Marianne, ‘but Steven–’

  ‘Is my son, and he’s only eleven years old,’ said Gabriel. ‘I think I know what’s best for him. You’re not his mum, and Eve’s never been much of a mum to him. It’s up to me to decide.’

  ‘But why let him even take the exam then?’ Marianne said. ‘You’ve made him think you’re okay with it.’

  Gabe had the grace to look embarrassed.

  ‘To be honest, I didn’t think he’d get in,’ he said. ‘And now with what’s happened to Dan, I just can’t bear the thought of Steven going away. Life’s too short.’

  ‘You’re right, life is too short,’ Marianne seized on the idea, but she saw a familiar set in his jaw and knew it was hopeless.

  ‘Sorry, Marianne,’ said Gabe, ‘this is my decision and mine alone.’

  Cat was back in front of the cameras, filming the Christmas edition of Cat’s Country Kitchen. They were filming it early to tie in with the book schedule. It seemed utterly absurd to be decked out in tinsel, slaving over a hot turkey, but it had to be done. She was feeling queasy, and the studio lights were making her feel hot and bothered. She kept fluffing her takes, as she was finding it hard to concentrate, and Les was getting quite irritable with her. A month ago, she would have imagined she was having hot flushes, but now she kne
w differently. Her body was showing all the tell-tale signs of early pregnancy – the heavy sickness, the swollen and sore breasts; the utter exhaustion. Cat thought she’d felt rough with Ruby, but eight years on, and this was hideous. There was a reason a woman’s prime time for giving birth was eighteen. Forty-two felt positively ancient. Cat wasn’t at all sure she was ready to go back to nappies after all this time, despite Noel’s growing enthusiasm. He was already talking about prams and cots in a way she couldn’t recall him doing in the past. He was far more enthusiastic about this baby than she was, but then again, he didn’t have to carry it.

  Cat’s head was really hurting by the time Les called cut. She hadn’t dared yet mention to anyone on the production team, that she was pregnant. She had no idea how it would go down. But she had a feeling there might not be a second series of Cat’s Country Kitchen in the offing. Although, she could probably do a mini-series on feeding new babies if the worst came to the worst. It didn’t seem fair. It was all right for the men; Jamie Oliver could just leave Jools to produce away in the baby department while his career wasn’t affected a jot. But Cat knew that even if people were still enthusiastic about keeping her on, inevitably her time was going to be more limited than it was now. And the thought of going back to nannies and au pairs again filled her with dread. Oh God, she was having another baby. At her age. It was ridiculous.

  ‘You okay?’ Penny, the very lovely production assistant, came up as Cat sat wanly on a chair, concentrating on trying to feel better.

  ‘Fine,’ said Cat, then grimaced as she felt a familiar ache in her groin. It felt like period pain, but that wasn’t possible.

  ‘You don’t look fine,’ said Penny. ‘You look very pale. Can I get you some water or something?’

  ‘I don’t feel all that great,’ admitted Cat. ‘I might just pop to the loo. I’m sure I’ll be better in a minute.’

  She got up to leave, and felt a spasm of pain. Something wasn’t right. By the time she reached the loos, Cat’s body was being racked by the most appalling pain, like the worst contraction she’d ever had. And there was blood. A lot of it. No. No. No. This couldn’t be happening. Having just got used to the idea of the blob, she couldn’t be losing it. Not now.

  ‘Cat, are you okay?’ Penny knocked on the door. ‘Sorry to intrude, but I was a bit worried about you.’

  ‘Penny,’ she called weakly. ‘Can you call an ambulance? I think I’m having a miscarriage.’

  Mel

  FACEBOOK status )-: Crap

  Kaz: wassup babe?

  Jen17: You ok?

  Ellie?: What’s wrong?

  Mel: Bad day. Thanks everyone xxx

  Mel: Kaz MESSAGE ME Now

  Kaz: You ok?

  Mel: Andy. I think he’s dumped me.

  Kaz: No!!! Why???

  Mel: We talked about you know.

  Kaz: AND???

  Mel: I said I wasn’t ready yet … I thought I was but then …

  Kaz: You’re better off without him, babes

  Mel: I knew you’d say that.

  Kaz: I’m only trying to help.

  Mel: Don’t.

  Teenage Kicks

  The Boy hasn’t rung. Or texted. Not since my birthday. He wanted me to have sex, and I said I wasn’t ready. I fell out with Best Mate about it. She says I’m better off without him. But how can I be, when I feel so bad?

  And Mum’s had a miscarriage. She was really ill for a bit, it was so scary. We didn’t even know she was pregnant. Ugh. Mum and Dad. I didn’t know they still did it. That’s horrible.

  I know I’ve been crap to Mum recently. I feel bad now.

  Why is everything so miserable?

  I worked at the caff today. And The Boy came in. With a girl. No, not a girl. A woman. She was older than him. And he kissed her on the lips. He didn’t see me behind the counter, and I ran in and hid in the kitchen till he’d gone. I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. I thought he loved me.

  I went to see Mad Gran today and told her all about it. I tell her everything. It helps to talk to her, and I know she can’t remember or tell anyone. And I have no one else to talk to. My fault. Best Mate’s not speaking to me. I’d try and talk to Mum, but she’s so upset about the baby, I don’t think it’s the right time.

  Mad Gran’s great though. I mean totally bonkers, and she keeps thinking I’m Mum, but she doesn’t judge me. She always listens, and seems to understand.

  ‘It will be all right,’ she said, and she held my hand.

  Part Two

  If the Fates Allow

  April

  Chapter Ten

  ‘Come on, Harry, come on, Daisy, let’s see where the Easter Bunny’s hidden the eggs.’

  As Marianne and Gabriel were having Easter Sunday lunch with Gabriel’s parents, they’d decided on an impromptu Easter egg hunt the day before for the twins. Marianne led Harry and Daisy slowly round the garden, looking under plant pots and behind bushes to help them find the eggs ever-so-obviously planted by the Easter Bunny i.e. Gabriel, who was filming the moment for posterity. Steven, who had also helped a little too well in the hiding, was going round picking up the eggs which he’d managed to hide too high up for toddler hands. It was a gorgeous day, the sky a cloudless deep blue and the sun already burning hot.

  Daisy and Harry were having a lovely time. With Marianne’s help they managed to pick up plenty of eggs, and already had chocolate smeared all over their mouths. They were chattering away in a language all their own.

  ‘They seem so perfectly content with their lot in life, don’t they?’ said Gabriel, giving Marianne a hug. ‘It’s as though the rest of the world is superfluous to their needs.’

  ‘As well they might be,’ laughed Marianne, when they’d finally finished egg collecting and she let them sit down on a blanket on the grass with all their spoils. ‘I cannot think of a nicer way to spend my time, pottering around picking up chocolate eggs while Mummy runs around after me. It must be bliss.’

  Gabriel grinned. ‘And you’re so good at it, isn’t she, Steven?’

  Steven just grunted. Uh oh. He had been quite cheerful today so far, but whenever Gabriel spoke to him directly, he had given him the cold shoulder.

  ‘Don’t put Steven in an awkward position,’ said Marianne, ‘you know he wants to disagree, and now he can’t.’

  She flashed him a smile, which had a slightly desperate plea of, ‘Don’t argue with your dad today,’ to which Steven responded with his own smile, meaning ‘You know you’re my favourite step-mum.’

  ‘Just as well, that,’ said Marianne. ‘Now if everyone’s not too stuffed after lunch and chocolate, shall we go for a quick trot over the meadows to see the lambs, before popping in on Pippa and Dan?’

  Dan was finally coming out of hospital today, and Gabriel had promised they’d call in later.

  ‘That’s a great idea,’ said Gabriel. ‘Come on you little monsters,’ he plucked one twin each off the rug, ‘let’s go and see some baa baas.’

  ‘Baa, baa! Baa! Baa!’ The twins clapped their hands with glee. They couldn’t say much else that was intelligible, so it was fitting that they had learnt to say ‘Baa’ at least.

  ‘Coming, Steven?’ said Marianne, as Gabriel took the twins inside to get them ready.

  ‘Do I have to?’ said Steven.

  ‘You might enjoy it,’ said Marianne.

  ‘And Dad might start nagging me about choir school,’ said Steven. ‘Please, I don’t want to have another row about it.’

  So far over the weekend, there had been several terse exchanges between Steven and Gabriel, and Marianne was loath for them to develop into a huge row. It had been a lovely day so far, and she didn’t want it spoiled.

  ‘Okay,’ said Marianne, ‘I’ll give him some excuse. Don’t worry, we’ll work this all out somehow.’

  ‘Steven not coming with us?’ Gabriel looked disappointed as they started off up the lane.

  ‘Couldn’t prise him away from the Wii,’ lied Maria
nne. ‘At least he’s getting some exercise.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Gabriel and she could sense his disappointment. She sighed as she followed him up the hill, each of them carrying a twin in a backpack. This choir school problem was definitely not going away. Not for a while yet.

  Pippa put the finishing touches on her Welcome Home Cake which, to honour the season, she’d decorated in mini eggs. She and the boys had filled the house with balloons and flags, and they and Lucy had spent the previous evening making a Welcome Home Dad! banner; Lucy’s contribution being mainly to draw big loopy flowers.

  Pippa had no idea of how much Lucy understood of what was going on, but she had been restless and unsettled since Dan had been away. Dan had always been fantastic with Lucy, and among Pippa’s other worries was a gnawing anxiety about how things would be when he got back.

  Dan was still very dependent on her, both physically and emotionally, though he had seemed more settled and less prone to outbursts in the last week. But he was a long way from better and was going to have to undergo intensive physio to get him back on his feet. For someone as active as Dan to be confined for a time to a wheelchair was going to be hellish for them both. A bonus of having Lucy meant that the house was more than able to accommodate Dan’s new needs. They already had a wet room, and Gabriel had helped set up a sofa bed downstairs for Dan. But it was going to be a tricky time for them all.

  Dan’s parents had gone to the hospital to pick him up, and now she and the children were nervously waiting for them to come back. The boys were excited about seeing their dad again, but also slightly ill at ease. They had both glimpsed the change in Dan when he’d shouted at George in the hospital for no good reason.

  ‘Is Dad going to get better?’ said George who’d been licking out the icing bowl. He rubbed his fair hair in a slightly worried way, his blue eyes anxious.

  ‘Yes of course he is,’ said Pippa. ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘Just something Matt Pilsdon said, about my dad always being a retard now he’s in a wheelchair.’