A Merry Little Christmas

by Julia Williams

  ‘I suppose,’ said Gabriel. ‘But I keep worrying about Eve. Now she’s nearer, Steven’s going to want to see more of her. It’s only natural, I know, but what if he forgets about us? I can’t bear the thought of losing him.’

  ‘You won’t lose him,’ said Marianne, ‘don’t be daft.’

  But she could share his anxiety. Ever since she’d met Steven as a shy, lost little boy, uncomprehending as to why his mother had left him, Marianne had had a soft spot for her stepson, which over the years had blossomed into a deep and abiding love. She had always felt privileged to be his stepmother, whilst being conscious that Steven had a real mother out there. And now Eve was coming back into Steven’s life, and more and more Marianne had to take a step back. While she knew it was the right thing to do, she was also aware that it was harder than she’d imagined it would be. Despite what she’d said to Gabe, she too feared that Steven would be seduced by the money and size of the house that Eve shared with Darren. Maybe once he’d been at his posh school for a while, he’d be too proud to come and see them on the farm. It wasn’t likely, but she worried about it, even though she wasn’t about to tell Gabriel that.

  ‘Now come on, let’s get our stuff sorted, and then the packing’s done. I know it’s only two weeks away in a caravan park, and I know Mum and Dad will be there, but let’s see if we can have the best time possible.’ She kissed him on the cheek and he smiled. ‘Where would I be without you?’

  ‘Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself,’ said Marianne. ‘Now let’s get on, so we can go out and enjoy a sunny evening on the patio.’

  ‘Is everyone ready?’ Cat shouted up the stairs for the umpteenth time. The car was packed to overflowing, with so many bags stuffed into corners she wasn’t sure there’d be room for the children. Noel was impatiently revving the engine, keen to get going.

  ‘Coming!’ Ruby and Paige fell excitedly down the stairs. At least they were looking forward to a long weekend at Eurodisney. Mel had put up a very strong argument for staying home alone. ‘I can look after myself,’ she said. ‘It’s not like I’ll starve. And someone needs to look after Hammy.’

  ‘Over my dead body,’ Noel had replied firmly.

  ‘It’s okay, Ruby’s friend Molly’s having Hammy for us, same as always,’ said Cat.

  ‘Oh please,’ whined Mel. ‘I promise I’ll behave.’

  ‘And the rest,’ said Noel. ‘You’ll only have wild parties and trash the place.’

  James had been noncommittal about the whole thing, but being an amiable sort wasn’t actively complaining about going, which was good enough for Cat.

  Cat would have liked a proper holiday, but with her and Noel’s work commitments, Mum still being ill and having to get back for Mel’s exam results, there wasn’t an awful lot of time left. At the time of organising this and another long weekend at the end of the summer, camping in Wales, Cat had felt cheesed off wishing they could have a proper holiday. But now, with Louise in hospital, she was relieved. Cat always worried about what would happen when they went away, but this year, she would have felt frantic with guilt for going away for too long. As it was she still felt guilty about disappearing for four days, despite Noel telling her not to worry.

  ‘You’ve been there for your mum all year,’ he said. ‘I can’t think she’d begrudge you a few days.’

  ‘I know,’ said Cat, ‘I just feel our lives are on hold.’

  ‘Besides, it’s not fair on the kids,’ said Noel, ‘they deserve a break.’

  Torn two ways, Cat’s guilt was utterly intensified.

  So here they were, setting off for Paris at some ungodly hour, putting up with moaning (Mel), silence (James), overexcitement (Paige), and vomit (Ruby). Sometimes Cat felt it would be easier just to stay at home. And certainly cheaper.

  The journey to Paris was tediously long, making Cat wish for the first time in a long while they still lived in London. However, by dint of setting off at three a.m., and going by Eurotunnel for speed’s sake, they managed to arrive at their hotel just after lunch, which gave them a good half day to wander around the park.

  Cat was absolutely worn out from the travelling, and would have loved nothing more than to collapse in the very comfortable looking bed in the hotel, but Paige and Ruby were having none of it.

  ‘I want to see Mickey Mouse, now!’ declared Ruby, suddenly metamorphosing into a ghastly child from a Disney advert.

  ‘Yes, come on, Mum,’ said Noel, who was looking equally sleepy, ‘where’s your enthusiasm?’

  So, reluctantly saying goodbye to the comfortable bed, they got back in the car and sped up the motorway for twenty minutes until they arrived at the Eurodisney car park.

  Paige was frantically texting her friends, so the whole world now knew the Tinsalls had hit Disney, and Ruby was jumping about so excitedly Noel kept asking her if she needed the loo. Even James was beginning to look vaguely interested as they approached the entrance to the theme park and heard the sound of cheesy music playing. Cat had got them tickets to both the Disney park and film studios, the latter of which James had actually confessed to being interested in. Cat also knew that, having a taste for terrifying fairground rides, he wouldn’t be able to resist the scary ones.

  ‘Woah, look at that!’ he said, when beholding Space Mountain for the first time. ‘I have to have a go on that.’

  ‘Can I go? Can I go?’ said Ruby.

  Cat took one look at the rollercoaster ride, the sort she normally avoided like the plague, and laughed. ‘Sorry sweetie. I’m pretty sure there’ll be a height restriction on that one. Dad can go with James. Unless Mel wants to.’

  ‘Ugh, no,’ said Mel, who hated scary fairground rides. ‘I’d throw up. And I think we’ve had quite enough puke for one day.’

  ‘It’s not my fault I get car sick,’ said Ruby. ‘I wouldn’t if you all let me sit in the front.’

  ‘We did,’ said Paige, ‘and you were still ill.’

  ‘I can’t help it,’ said Ruby. ‘You should all feel sorry for me.’

  In the end, everyone seemed to have a good time, even Mel, who unexpectedly really enjoyed the Indiana Jones ride, and Big Thunder Mountain. Paige also suddenly developed a taste for the scarier rides, so it was with some trepidation that Cat and Noel let her go off with her brother and queue up for Space Mountain.

  ‘I feel sick just looking at it,’ Cat said to Noel, as they watched Paige and James join the queue. ‘I hope they come back in one piece.’

  ‘God, Mum, it’s only a ride,’ said Mel laughing for once. ‘It’s not like they’re going to die.’

  ‘Which is why you were brave enough to go on it,’ retorted Cat.

  Still laughing, they went to queue up for a Buzz Lightyear ride, which involved zapping loads of aliens. Something which Cat and Mel proved to be spectacularly bad at, and Ruby and Noel extremely good.

  ‘What are we meant to be hitting?’ wailed Mel after missing all her targets.

  ‘I have no idea,’ said Cat, ‘just zap whatever moves.’

  It was a tactic that proved only partially successful, and they had about a tenth of the final points that Noel and Ruby had accumulated, but Cat didn’t care. For the first time in a long time she and Mel were having fun together. It felt fabulous.

  ‘I can’t believe you were so bad,’ laughed Noel as they waited for the other two to come back.

  ‘I had no idea what I was meant to hit,’ giggled Cat. ‘That is one of the most stupid games I’ve ever played.’

  James and Paige came bounding over a couple of minutes later.

  ‘That was awesome!’ said Paige.

  ‘The best ever,’ said James, which was the most they’d got out of him all day. ‘I’m ravenous.’

  ‘What, again?’ said Cat. Ever since they’d arrived at the park, they seemed to have been on a constant grazing mission. She’d never spent so much money on fast food.

  ‘Is everyone hungry?’ said Noel.

  ‘Yes!’ came a chorus of replies.


  ‘Tomorrow we bring our own grub,’ she said. ‘I don’t think I can stand another chip.’

  ‘Good,’ said James, ‘I’ll eat yours.’

  ‘The human hoover,’ grinned Noel. ‘Where do you put it all, and stay so thin? Bet Mel wishes she could be like that.’

  ‘Noel–’ said Cat.

  ‘What? What did I say?’

  ‘So you think I’m fat, now,’ Mel flared.

  ‘It was a joke,’ said Noel. ‘Of course I didn’t mean–’

  ‘Cos if you are I’ll just show you that I don’t need junk food at all,’ Mel said, ceremoniously dumping the remainder of her chips in the bin, and storming off.

  ‘I’d have eaten them,’ said James plaintively.

  ‘Well done, Noel,’ said Cat and followed Mel around the corner.

  She found her sitting next to a hot dog stand looking genuinely upset.

  ‘Dad doesn’t mean it you know,’ Cat said, sitting down and putting her arm around Mel. ‘He’s a bloke. He has no tact. He thought he was being funny.’

  ‘Well, he’s not,’ said Mel.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ said Cat softly. ‘Can I help?’

  Mel looked a bit misty-eyed.

  ‘Everything’s fine, I keep telling you,’ she said. ‘I’m just cross with Dad for being such an idiot.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ said Cat. ‘It’s just that, generally, you seem a bit unhappy. If you’re in some kind of trouble, you can tell me.’

  ‘Look Mum, nothing’s wrong,’ said Mel. ‘I’m not pregnant, I don’t do drugs. All right?’

  ‘All right, all right,’ said Cat holding her hands up. ‘So there’s really nothing to worry about?’

  ‘Just a bit stressed out about my exams,’ muttered Mel.

  ‘There’s always retakes,’ said Cat, ‘if it’s that bad.’ Nudging her daughter’s knee, ‘Although I’m sure it won’t be,’ she continued.

  Mel said nothing.

  ‘I know,’ she said, ‘how about you and me sneak off for a little girlie shopping trip tomorrow morning and let the others come here? I’m guessing you’re feeling a bit too old for Mickey Mouse these days?’

  Mel smiled suddenly, reminding Cat how rarely she did it anymore. Cat searched her face anxiously for clues. Was it just exam stress? Or was something else wrong? Mel was so damned cagey these days, it was really hard to tell.

  ‘How’s it going?’ Phillip came out to take his turn on the combine harvester, as Pippa drove back from the fields with a trailer full of grain.

  ‘Getting there,’ she said. ‘The boys, Mum and Dad, have been a great help. But it’s going to be a late night. I’ll be glad when Gabe’s back next week.’

  Traditionally Pippa and Dan had always looked after Gabe’s farm while he was away and vice versa. And normally each couple only took one week’s holiday. But this year, aware of how much Gabe had put himself out for her family, and conscious that it had at times been a strain for Marianne, Pippa had insisted that he take a fortnight off.

  ‘We’ll manage,’ she told him, when he protested. ‘Now go on, book that bloody holiday, before I change my mind.’

  She hadn’t factored in quite what a strain it was, running two farms with barely any support.

  ‘And Dan?’

  Pippa shook her head.

  ‘I can’t get him interested at all. He’s so demotivated. Feels that he’s let us all down or something. The neurologist did say there might be a dip in his confidence, but I wasn’t expecting this. I mean, I know his injuries still trouble him, and he can’t quite do what he did, but physically there’s nothing to stop him.’

  ‘Should I have a word?’

  ‘Could you?’ said Pippa, feeling overwhelming gratitude towards her father-in-law, of whom she was very fond. ‘He doesn’t seem to listen to me anymore. The doctor keeps telling me it will take time, but how much time does he need?’

  At least they were having a good harvest. After the difficulties they’d had this year, and the price of milk plummeting, a holiday had been out of the question, with or without Dan’s accident. Luckily Lucy’s school offered a two-week residential holiday in the middle of the summer, and for the boys, helping out with the harvest was a great treat. Pippa wasn’t even sure if they’d missed going away.

  She returned to the task in hand, unloading the grain into big silos, where it could be threshed. Andy was at least a hard worker, and it was with a quiet sense of achievement that Pippa noted that they were halfway through with the harvest. Luckily the weather was holding out. The brook at the bottom of the lane had run dry. It was strange now to imagine it bursting its banks and flooding the house as it had done a few years previously. To think then she’d thought she had a lot to contend with.

  Pippa was gratified to see Dan’s mum approaching with tea and cake – and her heart skipped a painful beat as she saw Dan was with her. He seemed to have aged so much in the last few months, she thought, seeing how he held himself hunched and looked so lost and sad. If only she could help him and put things right. If only life were that simple.

  ‘Hey, you came,’ she said, giving him a welcoming kiss. ‘We’ve had a good day.’ She was careful to choose her words. While she felt triumphant for what they’d achieved, she didn’t want him to think she was disappointed with him.

  ‘Great,’ Dan managed a small smile.

  ‘The boys have been brilliant,’ Pippa continued.

  ‘Dad, I drove the tractor,’ boasted George.

  ‘And nearly put it in the ditch,’ said Nathan, poking him.

  ‘That’s my boys,’ said Dan, ruffling their hair in an affectionate gesture Pippa hadn’t seen for some time.

  ‘We could do with some help tomorrow?’ Pippa said questioningly.

  Dan looked pensively across the fields where a golden sunset blazed through a gap in the hills.

  ‘Shepherd’s delight,’ he said, ‘I’ll see what I can do.’

  He gave a small smile, and Pippa laced her hands round his.

  ‘One step at a time,’ she murmured. ‘One step at a time.’

  Mel

  FACEBOOK status EURODISNEY!!!

  Jen17: Lucky you!

  Ellie: Having fun?

  Kaz: Have you had your photo taken with Mickey Mouse yet?

  Mel: No. Goofy.

  Kaz: That good?

  Mel: Worse.

  Jen17: Aw I love Eurodisney.

  Mel: It would be ok without my family.

  Ellie: Why?

  Mel: They’re the most embarrassing family in the world. Doh.

  Jen17: Wish I was there.

  Mel: Wish I wasn’t

  Kaz: Miss you babes.

  Mel: Me too. Damn phone dying. Laters.

  Teenage Kicks

  Is there anything worse than being dragged on a family holiday when you’re sixteen? I could have stayed at home. It would have been ok. It’s not like I was going to have wild parties or anything. Not feeling the way I do.

  I’m worried. Really worried. No. TERRIFIED. What if I am pregnant? None of my clothes seem to fit. Even Dad mentioned he thinks I’m fat and he never notices anything.

  I keep wearing baggy tops and hoping no one will notice. And I feel so sick. All the time.

  But how can I be pregnant? I’ve come on since we’ve been away. I didn’t think you had periods when you were pregnant. But maybe you do. I wish Best Mate was here. She knows stuff like that.

  And right now, I really really wish I could talk to Mum about it. But I know she’ll be really angry. And worse, disappointed. I don’t think I could bear that.

  And maybe I’m not pregnant anyway. Maybe I am just getting fat. I’ll wait till I get home. Take another test. Tell her then. IF I have to.

  August

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  ‘So, have you thought about Christmas yet?’ Marianne groaned inwardly. It had admittedly taken three days for Mum to work her way up to the subject, but suddenly, here they were. She could have pick
ed a better moment, thought Marianne disgruntledly. They’d actually had a lovely day. It being the first sunny day of the holiday so far, they’d spent the afternoon on the beach, where the twins had happily discovered the pleasures of sand and tipping buckets of water over their heads. And now as they were sitting on the prom eating fish and chips, watching the sun go down while avoiding the seagulls, Mum had to ruin it all.

  Marianne and Gabriel exchanged glances.

  ‘Well, the thing is, Mum,’ said Marianne, ‘we were thinking …’

  ‘That you’ll come for the whole fortnight like last year? How wonderful,’ interjected Mum.

  ‘Erm – no,’ said Marianne. ‘You see – well really – Christmas can be such a busy time of year for Gabriel, it’s actually really difficult for us to get away for any length of time. And you can’t really spare me for that long, can you?’

  She dug Gabriel in the ribs, to make sure of his response.

  ‘No, I can’t,’ said Gabriel, completely straight faced. ‘It’s going to be difficult.’

  ‘But you managed all right last year,’ said Mum looking puzzled.

  ‘Ah, but he didn’t,’ said Marianne, seized with a creative spurt. ‘He just put on a brave face for me. And it was really tough on Steven too. You know he’s very attached to me, and he doesn’t see much of his own mother …’

  A low blow, but one that might hit home. Despite showing scant interest in Steven since her grandchildren had been born, in Marianne’s mother’s eyes he would remain forever more, ‘that poor little boy with the wicked mother’.

  ‘Oh,’ Mum began to look a little doubtful – doubtful was definitely good. Marianne gave a discreet thumbs-up sign to Gabriel and he chipped in with, ‘And we feel there are so many of us now, it’s such a lot of work for you.’

  ‘I don’t mind,’ began Mum.

  ‘That’s not what you said last Christmas,’ put in Dad.

  ‘Of course you don’t mind,’ said Marianne, ‘and we really appreciate it, but we thought you deserved to put your feet up this year. Give you more time to play with the twins …’