by Lucia Franco
The beating of my heart picked up and I helped guide him closer until his lips were so close to touching mine.
"I need you Kova, I've never needed something so much in my life."
My hand skimmed the side of his jaw, down to his neck, and over his shoulder to rest on his firm, warm chest. Another tear fell, and he kissed it away, then dipped delicately enough to brush his lips over mine.
"I lost a little of myself this past week," I admitted so quietly. My heart was racing so fast.
"So did I, Ria… So did I."
My eyes shot to his and my heart broke hearing the truth in his whispered words. In those three little words, Kova said more than he’d ever had, and it concerned me deeply. Not once has he ever opened like he just did. Whatever was raging inside this beautiful man, he needed to get it out, and I wanted to help him.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
I don't know who moved first but next thing I knew we were entangled in a passionate kiss. I drew in a small breath and he surprised me by dipping a little further and softly pulling on my top lip with both of his. I angled my jaw up, giving him what he wanted, but what he so desperately needed too. His fingers pressed deeper into my hip and my hand threaded the hair at his nape. Our mouths held steady, I could sense he was holding back. His lips trembled on mine, the beating of his heart pounded viciously against the palm of my hand.
This time, I opened my mouth a little bit and searched his, curious to see what he'd do. It didn't take more than two milliseconds for his tongue to seek mine.
My hand slid to the back of his neck so both my arms circled his shoulders, and I guided him to me while I took in his slow, sensual kiss. Kova's tongue swept around mine like a cozy fire stirring deep inside my stomach. He let out a soft, almost heartbreaking whimper, tugging the strings of my heart as he kissed me deep. This was a man who knew how to express his emotions through a kiss.
Leaning into him, our bodies pressed together. Kova's hand skimmed the side of my body, over my hip and up my ribs. His thumb moved around my bare breast beneath my shirt, then under my arm and behind my back. I moved to fit him on the bed, but he surprised me by nudging my knees open to rest between my thighs.
I swallowed, taking his lips with mine. We fit seamlessly together. We'd never just kissed like this before, carnal yet slow, as if we were exploring each other's mouths, and I loved it. It was different. The most sensual yet emotional kiss, as if he was trying to tell me something through his kiss that his words could not express. I couldn't help but feel it in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't right, but I pushed the negative thoughts aside and gave him what he clearly was in need of…
Me.
He kissed me slow and deep, and so damn good.
But he needed more. I could sense the resolve in his lips.
Our bodies acted on their own harmony and wrapped around each other until there was no breathable space between us. The friction heated and soon we were both engulfed in the most passionate kiss we'd ever had. Our hands were everywhere, we couldn't get enough of touching each other. Kova carefully rested his weight on me, pinning me to the bed. He was heavy, but for whatever reason, I loved feeling his body hold me down. It was sexy and so very primal the way he covered his body over mine.
My hips widened, allowing him to nestle further into me as our mouths continued their assault on each other. He rolled his hips up and into mine, his knee slid under my thigh to get closer to me, and he pressed his erection into my sex. I was already wet and aching for this man. The man who had been there for me in more ways than anyone else this past year. A man who I owed so much more than just my gratitude.
Kova's fingers dug into the skin at my hips. He tugged on my panties and I lifted my hips for him to pull them off. I moved my palms to his waist and pulled on the material of his shirt to untuck it. Kova let out a low breath as I unbuttoned his shirt, my hands instantly going for his skin like they ached to touch just him. I could never grow tired of him and feeling his strength.
Breaking the kiss, he kept his lips to mine as he breathed into me. Our eyes locked onto each other's and my chest sank at the emotion shining in his.
Regret clouded Kova's entire face and I felt it in my gut he needed so much more than I could give him right now. I would try though, because he deserved no less from me.
My fingers immediately found his lips and I traced them, my eyes frantically scanned all around his face, trying to figure out why he was hurting so bad, what he was fighting inside his chest.
"Prosti," he said. "Prosti…"
"Kova…what's going on… Talk to me," I asked softly, worry etched in my words.
He shook his head and kissed me, then pulled back and sat on his knees and stared down. He removed his shirt as his gaze moved down my body. I sat up and placed my hands flat to his chest.
Kova didn't say a word. He just stared into my eyes, pleading, begging, but for what, I didn't know.
"Prosti," he said again, this time a little more broken.
Whatever he needed was his to take.
He placed his palms on my hips and skimmed higher, taking my shirt with him. Slowly, he pulled it over my head and my thick hair tumbled around my shoulders. He watched it fall, then cupped my neck, his fingers threading in my wavy locks as he slanted my face and kissed me like he did before.
There was no denying Kova was speaking to me through his kiss, through his body, through the hurt that he was going through. In this moment, I knew he needed me as much as I needed him.
I knew it. My heart knew it.
Tentatively, I reached for the buckle of his belt, then the button, and then I slowly unzipped his pants. Kova leaned into me and guided me gently onto my pillow. He drew back and stood, removing his pants and dropping them to the floor. Our eyes never leaving each other's, the connection too strong between us to break our gazes, as he climbed back into bed and crawled toward me.
"Pozhalyusta prosti, menya," he said that prosti word again and I started to wonder why he repeated it over and over with such suffering. Settling himself between my legs, he looked deep into my eyes while he positioned himself at my entrance.
"You deserve so much better," he said, then slowly but firmly pushed inside. Reaching behind him, Kova pulled the blanket over us and pushed in a little deeper. The look in his gaze made me want to cry. My heart was breaking because I knew with every fiber of my being that something wasn't okay. The finality of his words, the way he spoke them, it was like he was saying goodbye.
"Go slow, it's been a long time," I said so soft and so gentle. I didn't want him to pull away, but it'd been a while, months, since we’d been so intimate. He could be a savage when he wanted to, but I got the impression it wasn't like that this time for him.
I got the feeling Kova needed someone to breathe air into him.
Nodding, he dipped his chin down and kissed me. I savored the feel of his body. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my heels into the back of his thighs, holding him tighter to me.
"Prosti," he repeated, and my heart started to split down the center.
Kova pulled out and pushed slowly back in all the way. I sighed into his mouth, trying to adjust to his width. It was tight for me at first, but I blocked out the discomfort and took all of him. He did it again, kissing me deep and hard as he thrust in. My back arched, my chest rose, meeting his, and I gasped into his mouth. Strong arms enveloped me. Kova trembled as he held me tightly to him, as if he were holding on for dear life.
"Take what you need," I said, panting against his lips. I looked into his distressed eyes. "Take all of me… I'm yours."
And he did. Kova didn’t hesitate. His hips pulled back and slammed into me, a wave of euphoria rushed through me. My eyes rolled shut from the pleasure as he pulled out so devastatingly slow I could feel every inch of his hardness, even the vein I was familiar with that twirled down the front of his shaft. I felt every inch of his bare length. Kova pulled out just enough so I could feel the crown of h
is head teasing my entrance.
"Look at me," he demanded in a whisper.
I did…and I blew out a breath.
Kova said a string of words in Russian, trying desperately to keep his emotions together. Just as I thought he would surge back in and ravage me, he pressed in so slow I almost begged him to go faster. His eyes never left mine and a gasp rolled off my lips as he took me all the way. I moaned and so did he. I reached up, but he pressed both my hands to the bed next to my head and laced his fingers with mine. He was breathing so hard.
"No, let me, please. I need this control right now," he begged, breaking. "I need you."
"Anything," I said softly.
He shook his head. Bending down, he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth while his hips rolled in and out into mine, hitting the little bundle of nerves every time. I couldn't stop the sounds escaping my parted lips when he dipped his mouth to my neck and kissed me everywhere. My hips met his thrusts, over and over, and the groaning sounds Kova made, made me feel sublime. His fingers held mine so tight, I felt his struggle, and when he let out a low and long moan, I almost came. It was the sexiest sound in the world.
"Oh my God," I said breathlessly. "Kova…" I needed to touch him, he somehow managed to release his hold on me, and I grabbed the back of his head, clutching him.
"Mne ochen zhal," he responded on another moan. He twitched inside me and I didn't have it in me to ask him to pull out.
Fuck the consequences.
I tried to hold still, but he made me feel too good. I just hoped I made him feel as good. I grabbed the skin over his ribs, pulling on him. My hands dragged down his back and I pulled on him everywhere I could touch, allowing my nails to score him. My back arched, and my chest pushed into his. Kova held me as he drew back so he was sitting upright and I was straddling his hips. The covers fell, and I gasped against his mouth as he cupped my jaw and the back of my head while he drove into me much deeper. He rose up on his knees and held me with his powerful strength. Wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders, I pressed my breasts to his chest and kissed him with everything I had. Kova encouraged it by meeting my kiss with the same ferociousness. We were frantic, neither one of us wanting to let go.
This was Kova. He either gave all, or he gave nothing.
And he was all in.
If I hadn’t known any better, I'd say he was making love to me. Heartbreaking, soul-crushing lovemaking. The sheer desire and pain he emitted was devastating. If he could crawl inside me, I'd let him, just to take away his pain.
The pleasure was mounting. His groaning got closer and closer together and the vibration inside me was close to exploding. His thick length twitched, and I gasped, my head falling back while I let out a dreamy moan. My thighs quivered, and his hips drove in long and hard, the head of his erection as far as it could go. I shook, trembling hard and Kova slowly licked my neck before gently biting it. I was so close to finishing and I could tell he was too. Wrapping one arm around my lower back and the other just below my shoulders, Kova palmed the back of my head and brought my gaze to his.
I knew my look mimicked his. Glossy eyes, flushed cheeks, swollen lips.
My breathing grew heavier and he thrust in at the same pace, drawing out the ecstasy until I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to kiss him, but he pulled the hair at the back of my neck and held my face inches from his as he watched while I breathed into him, my pleasure rising to the top. My nails dug into his neck, lips parted as I felt myself exploding. I let out a passionate sigh and squeezed my inner walls, trying to wait for him, but I didn't need to.
Kova was coming with me.
His hands gripped my heated skin as he released his orgasm inside me, moaning in Russian. The pleasure was too much and I was shaking so bad from the sheer complexity of this moment. This was more than just sex for us. I knew it was.
Kova wrapped his arms around me tighter as our mouths collided and we lost ourselves in pure abandon together.
As the pinnacle of our release slowed down, Kova broke the kiss and looked into my eyes. He brushed back the hair that was matted to my cheek from the heat we had created, then carefully laid me back down while he was still inside me.
He wasn't ready to let go, and neither was I.
He pushed in one last time, and I gasped. Kova kissed me again before pulling out, and I felt the warmth of his orgasm seep from me. I immediately missed him, and I let it show.
Much to my surprise, he didn't get up just yet. He rolled to the side and took me with him. I rested my head on his bicep and looked up at him, one of his thighs pressed between mine. Kova fingered my auburn hair, playing with it.
"I wish you could stay," I said honestly. I knew he'd have to leave soon.
"I do too."
His eyes penetrated my composure and I shifted closer to him. Kova wrapped an arm around me and pressed a kiss to my forehead, holding me for a long moment until I was close to falling asleep from the way his fingers grazed my back so gently.
Eventually he withdrew, and I watched as he picked up his clothes and put them on. His face was tight and I could tell he still had so much on his mind.
Soft and quiet, he buckled his belt and said, "I do not like that she put her hands on you again. It sounds like she is out for vengeance, Ria, but I do not know why and that worries me."
But I did. I knew it had something to do with my dad, I just didn't know the details surrounding it.
"I'll be okay."
"I know you will, you are strong, but I still worry for you."
A soft smile pulled at my lips. Kova walked over to me and I went to sit up, but he stopped me. "Do not get up, I will lock the bottom lock when I leave." I nodded, and he pulled the blanket up to my chest and quietly took me in. There was longing in his eyes, like once he left he'd never see me again. My brows pulled together and my heart dropped.
Leaning down, he gently kissed my forehead, then pressed his lips to mine. My hand cupped the back of his head as he kissed me like he was saying goodbye forever, a thought that terrified me.
Kova pulled back and I licked my lips.
"By the way, I would find you anywhere." I tilted my head to the side in confusion. "You said you are going to move so I cannot show up whenever I wanted. Ria, I will always find you. You have a part of me that no one has ever had, as I do with you."
Then he was gone.
Chapter Sixty
Despite the odds, I walked into World Cup the following morning feeling a little recharged.
I fell asleep shortly after Kova left with a lot still on my mind, though I slept soundlessly, even if it was only for a couple of hours. That's what exhaustion did to me. On days when my body just couldn’t take another minute, it fell into a deep slumber and I slept like the dead. Everything was put on hold and that's it. I wish sleep always happened like that. Most days I tossed and turned in bed no matter how tired I was.
I sighed. I still needed to call and get the results of my blood work. I'd missed the doctor's office call three times now due to training, and because I had forgotten to call back. It slipped my mind and I assumed them calling meant they found the reason behind my low vitamin levels. I prayed they had a better alternative to the damn shots they had prescribed. I wasn't sure how much more I could take of those.
Speaking of shots, I'd have to ask Hayden to give me another injection soon.
I'd gotten to practice early to see how Kova was doing. With the way he was last night, I was worried about him. Something wasn't sitting well with me and I had this gut feeling he was trying to tell me something more. We never had sex like that. Kova never showed his emotions, because it made him vulnerable, and he never allowed himself to be exposed. But last night he had, and I wanted to understand why. More than that, I wanted him to tell me what was on his mind yesterday. I planned to leave our notebook in his desk at some point, so he could write down his thoughts.
Though we both expressed ourselves through touch last night and kissed our pain away,
I knew Kova did better with writing it.
But he still wasn't here, which I found strange.
I quickly checked my cell phone to see if I had a text from him, but I didn't. I did have one from my dad checking on how I was doing, which I responded to, and one from Avery, which I ignored. I couldn't deal with her right now. I wasn't ready for that.
Stuffing my bag into my locker, I snuck the notebook into Kova's desk, then I made my way to the gym and started my morning conditioning for the next hour before practice began.
I couldn't stop checking the front door to see if he was about to walk in. Unease settling into my stomach, I was so anxious. Two hours passed and Kova still wasn't here. I was beginning to fear something had happened to him.
"What are you looking for?" Reagan asked, fixing her ponytail. She stomped her feet in chalk.
"What do you mean?"
"You keep looking at the front door. Are your parents coming to town since we have qualifications soon? Mine always come when there's a huge meet the week before. I hate it. It stresses me out big time, but they want to be there for me."
I regarded her, wondering why she was actually going out of her way to talk to me. "Yeah, my dad said he was going to try and come earlier. Apparently he has business in the next town over." The lie rolled off my tongue much too easily.
"That's cool. Are they going to dinner after?"
Creases formed between my eyes. I really wanted to ask her why she was talking to me.
"Dinner?"
"Yeah, there’s a big parent-coach dinner planned, but I think they're celebrating too."
I shrugged, applying chalk to my feet too. "Maybe, I have no idea."
"Well, I figured since they recently—"
"Girls! Line up on the floor!" Madeline yelled, cutting off Reagan.
Saved by the coach.
I smiled at Reagan.
We began with light tumbling passes crossed with dances skills before we started practicing our routines over and over. The week before a meet was always so hectic but exciting. At least it was for me. Lots of work and stress. Lots of energy draining workouts. Some would say it's too much training, but it was necessary.
