by Lucia Franco
"Know what?"
"Dad."
He sighed deeply. "Very, very few. We went to great lengths to remain discreet."
And didn't that make me feel grimier than ever.
"Please, I want to know who. I deserve at least that much."
Dad paused long enough that I pulled the phone away to see if we'd been disconnected.
"Just the Herons. No one else. Not even your biological mother's family knew anything."
My lips parted, and I reached for the counter to steady myself. How did they manage to hide it from her family? How old was she? Was she not close to her parents? Did they never see each other?
My stomach churned at all the endless possibilities flying through my mind. I was instantly nauseous and prayed to God that Avery didn't know and purposely kept it from me this whole time. That would seriously be the icing on the cake.
"Which of the Herons know?"
I held my breath.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
"If you're asking me if the Heron's children know, they do not. Just Michael and Lily." I exhaled a heavy breath and moved to sit on the couch. Thankfully just the parents knew. Leaning forward, I propped my elbows on my knees and dropped my head into my palm. "No one else will ever know."
"Where is she now?"
"Upstairs," Dad replied with annoyance. "I'm sorry—"
I cleared my throat. "No, my biological mom. Where is she now?"
His silence unnerved me. "It doesn't matter where she is."
"Yes, it does. It matters to me, Dad. I want to know."
He idled into his next string of words while I sat in a daze and stared at the ivory carpet. "I'm not sure where she is now. Probably long gone. I haven't spoken to her in some time."
I wasn't sure why that affected me so much when I had no real tie to her, but it did. I couldn't fathom how a woman could carry a baby in her belly for nine months and then give it up without batting an eye. I didn't think I would be able to. But then again, when a stressful situation arose, emotions ran amok, and people did things in haste because they thought they had no other option, only for it to end with regret later. I was so curious about her and I'd only just found out. I had to wonder if she had thought about me for the last sixteen years.
Dad cleared his throat. "Much to Joy's dismay, your biological mother stayed in contact for a little while after you were born. I allowed it."
"Why?"
"It was difficult for her and I felt bad. She was young, and had no one to turn to, so I gave her updates and sent photos so she could see you." He paused. "It was hard to let her go."
Tears lodged in my throat. My chest ached with heavy sadness for everyone involved. "And how did she manage to stay away for good?"
"What do you think, Ana? You're a smart girl."
I knew instantly. "Money." I shook my head. The love of money was the root of all evil and I hated it.
"How much was I worth to her?" I gripped the phone tight in my hand, waiting for his response.
"That's not something you need to know—or will ever know."
"Dad, I want to know."
"Ana, just know that I would've paid any amount for you. She couldn't give you a future on her own, not even if I gave her child support every month. She wasn't equipped mentally or financially to handle a newborn at that time, let alone emotionally."
"How do you know she wasn't able to handle a newborn? You didn't even give her the chance."
"Adrianna, what's done is done. You are priceless to me. I would do anything for you. Anything. I would've gone to the ends of the earth to protect and shelter you the way you deserved to be. She was a mess and I wasn't going to risk it."
"She was probably a mess because you took her baby from her. I bet her hormones were all out of whack."
"Adrianna, please…"
"I'm sure Joy didn't make it any better on her either. She probably saw her as competition."
His groan turned into a deep sigh. "She definitely didn't help the situation, aside from playing the role she begged for. She could've won an Academy Award."
Salty tears slipped from the corners of my eyes. I held my breath and covered my mouth so Dad wouldn't hear my silent cry. I asked for the reasoning and he gave me what I wanted. He loved me, I knew he did, but it still hurt so terribly bad to hear the truth.
"Thanks for telling me, Dad," I said, my voice was throaty and small. There was no denying how upset I was. "What's her name?"
He softly groaned, and I knew he regretted telling me anything. "Don't cry, sweetheart," he said with so much sympathy it hurt to hear his pain.
"It's just a lot to take in." I was still unsure why Mom…Joy—What the hell was I supposed to call her now?—turned on me the way she had, but after today, I wasn't ready to breach that topic just yet.
"That it is, and exactly why I wanted to wait until you were older. You have a lot on your plate right now."
I swallowed. "I can handle it."
"I know you can, you’re a strong girl, but I'd rather try and shield you from as much as I can for as long as possible."
A small smile tipped my lips. "I appreciate that, but eventually I'm going to have to grow up. You have to let go one day."
"I've let go a lot already, considering where you are currently living, wouldn't you say?" He didn't speak with malice or to remind me how privileged my life has been, but to show that he's been compassionate with my dreams and desires and tried to give me the life I’ve wanted.
"Yeah, I guess you have."
"One day you'll see, Ana," he said, his voice was a mixture of poise and regret.
I sighed, exhausted over so much that happened in one day. "I’m going to go now, Dad. I'll talk to you later."
"I'm here anytime you need me, and I'm truly so sorry for what happened today. I love you, Adrianna. Don't ever forget that."
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Just before I was about to doze off, there was a pounding at my door.
I grunted under my breath and cursed Kova to seven shades of hell. I knew it could only be him at this time of night.
Climbing out of bed, I flipped on the hallway light and rubbed my eye with the heel of my hand, and begrudgingly made my way to the door. Quickly unlocking it, I immediately scowled at the sight of him.
"I'm gonna move so you can't show up like this anymore."
"Where have you been? Why are you not answering your phone?"
I pulled back, my eyes widened at the bark in his tone. "Go home, Kova. I've had a rough day, probably the worst day of my life and I'm not even exaggerating. I'm tired, let's just talk tomorrow." I went to shut the door but he pushed it aside and stepped in.
"Sure, make yourself at home. I wasn't trying to sleep or anything," I said sarcastically.
He spun around and narrowed his eyes at me. Hands on hips, he spat, "You think you can just text me what you did and ignore me?"
I glared at him with a hint of a satisfaction on my face. "It sucks being ignored, doesn't it?"
We stared at each other, both of us refusing to back down. He was wrong, and I was going to make sure he knew that, but then something dawned on me. I shifted on my feet and angled my head.
"How did you know I was home?"
"Your father, of course."
"You spoke to him?"
"He called me."
"He called you," I reaffirmed in suspicion. Now I was worried what Dad told Kova and if he, too, knew the truth.
"Yes," he said, like I had asked him what color the grass was.
Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I asked, "Why would he call you?"
"He was worried and suspected you were headed back this way. Apparently, you like to ignore everyone when you are in a mood."
"Okay, so why are you here?"
"So we could talk about what happened and how your mother knows." He began pacing. "This is not good, Adrianna. Not good at all."
I
waved it off, taking a seat on my couch and laid back. I was so tired. "There's nothing to talk about. My mom didn't even tell my dad, she came to me, and seeing as he called you, she obviously hasn't told him anything…yet."
He stalked over and took a seat next to me. Angling his body, he pulled his knee up to rest on the couch and opened himself toward me. He threw an arm over the back of top of the couch and leaned into me. My gaze trailed over his dressy attire—crisp white shirt and navy-blue slacks. A silver watch adorned his wrist. His vascular forearms were thick with veins snaking down that caught my attention.
I loved when he wore clothes like this. Kova could play both parts so well—athletic and professional—and get away with it.
He looked incredibly delicious, but I frowned.
"Why are you so dressed up? It's midnight. Where were you coming from?"
There were only a few times that I could recall when color had drained from Kova's face. It took a lot to unnerve this man into silence and cause his eyes to dilate in surprise. He was typically cool, calm, and collected, but in that moment, something was off with him. He glanced away, and a tick started in his jaw. His nostrils flared, and my eyes narrowed.
Looking anywhere but at me, he said, "I had a dinner party I had to attend. This was the earliest I could get to you."
Kova shook his head, more to himself than to me. He seemed distracted. Whatever he was thinking about bothered him. There was a distinct change in his attitude, so I tried not to jump down his throat.
"A dinner party? And you couldn't leave until midnight? I called you early in the afternoon and you ignored me."
He swallowed, still unable to make eye contact with me. My stomach tightened. "It was an all-day affair," he said.
"So let me get this straight, you couldn't find the time to verbally speak to me, not even during a bathroom break, but you could send text after text while you were at a dinner party? That makes no sense."
Something wasn't adding up. My stomach was a mess, my eyes hurt from crying so much earlier, and now Kova was hesitating after we had made so much progress. I couldn't tell if my mind was messing with me after everything that happened today, or if Kova was in fact holding something back from me.
Everyone was a liar to me now. Me being the biggest liar of all.
"Adrianna, stop changing the subject. I am not here to talk about my dinner party, I am here because we have a big situation on our hands and I need to know what happened so I can be prepared." He rubbed his temples. Finally looking at me, he lowered his voice and said to himself, "grebanyye yamy," in Russian, then said it again, shaking his head like things couldn't get any worse.
"Kova, I'm not worried about it," I tried to reassure him. "If my mom was going to do anything, she would have already." I didn't like the agony that was slowly taking shape on Kova's handsome face.
"No, it will not be okay. Everything is fucked up right now, beyond repairable, Ria."
I glanced away, not liking the brashness in his voice, but I gave him what he wanted because he deserved to know.
Painfully, I told him all that happened, down to the conversation before my dad and brother walked in, to the name calling and the smack that had happened a few days earlier. He sat and listened while I explained everything and answered any question he had, his stoic expression void of any emotion. My eyes filled with tears while I delivered all the gritty details. At one point, he pulled my feet into his lap and began massaging them. I relaxed further into the couch, fatigue taking over. I didn't care that I had so few clothes on, and neither did he.
Gripping my thighs, he pulled my body down so my butt pushed up against his thighs. He situated my legs, then his hands took on a steady movement and moved up my calves. My body was so sore, and the way his fingers kneaded my muscles was sublime. It felt so good, I was close to falling asleep.
He angled his head. "What else are you not telling me?"
I could ask him the same question.
"Nothing."
Kova was anything but obtuse.
"It is not nothing. I can see it in your eyes."
"Kova." I swallowed. "Please. Just let it go."
I didn't tell him about Avery and Xavier. Or about having another mother somewhere else in the world whose name I didn't even know. My jaw trembled but I fought it. There was no way I could open up about that, I wasn't ready.
All I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, was that Kova was the only one who brought a sense of normalcy to my life that I craved right now.
"So all those tears are from your mom?" he asked, not believing a word I said.
"What tears?"
"Ria," he said with a soft smile, "your eyes are puffy from crying. I know the difference from being tired and from being upset. Now, tell me what happened."
I swallowed. My chest felt empty. Exhaling a heavy breath, I said, "Nothing. I told you everything."
"Ria," he smirked. "You make me open up to you, now it is your turn."
"I'm just tired, Kova. I'm so, so tired…tired of it all. Of everything," I glanced away, eyeing the sliding glass door. We sat in a comfortable silence until Kova spoke.
"Tell me something," he said gently.
My eyes shifted to his.
His fingers continued moving higher up my legs, massaging the tight muscles. If he kept this up, I was really going to fall asleep.
"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
I mused over his question. "I don't know… A lot can happen in ten years. I guess if I had the power to make it happen as I wanted, I hope to be doing something that involves gymnastics, maybe coaching. I would hope to have done some traveling, I’d love to see the world. I hope ten years from now that I'm close to starting a family…somewhere far from here." I paused.
Maybe meet my real mom, but I didn't say that.
Kova regarded me with cautious eyes then said, "If you were backed up against a wall with a decision that could change your life, what would you do?"
"Well, that depends on the situation."
"What would you do?"
"Would this decision make me happy or sad in the end?"
His eyes left mine for a second then came back. He hesitated before saying, "It is hard to say."
I exhaled and looked into his eyes, trying to figure out why he would ask such a serious question and how I could answer it the right way.
"I guess I'd have to ask myself who would be benefiting from my decision, who I would be hurting or making happy, and how I would feel waking up every day with the choices I've made. Sometimes we do things for others, even if it hurts us. Some of us are stronger and can handle the burden, while others cannot." I paused, something else coming to me. "To make the impossible possible, you have to twist the situation around so you're not the only one left with your back against a wall. Everyone needs a hero, but you have to save yourself first before you can save everyone else."
I reflected on myself, and wondered if what I was saying was actually what I was feeling. I lost a little of myself while I was home. It left a hole in me that I wasn't sure would ever heal. It damaged me and left me in a corner hurting and crying and feeling so alone. I needed a friend, I needed someone's guidance, someone to show me how to make everything right when it felt so, so wrong.
It was exactly what Kova was asking, and what I was feeling. And I had to wonder if he was feeling the same way too.
I swallowed back my emotions and tried to smile, but it was forced, and he saw it. We were holding back, and we both knew it.
Kova waved his hand, his eyes tight around the corners. "Come, let us go." Before I could protest, Kova scooped me up and I melted into the security of his arms, loving how strong and powerful he was. "Come, malysh. You are going to bed. You need rest."
I wrapped my arms around his neck and nestled my face into his shoulder. He gripped my knees to his chest. "I was resting until you barged into my condo, you know," I said, jokingly.
"Ria, you are far too light. It worries
me."
I didn't respond as Kova walked toward my room. Closing my eyes, I inhaled his cologne.
"Did you just sniff me?" he asked, like he had a mouthful of sour lemons.
I chuckled. "You always smell so good. Even at the gym, you smell amazing."
"Spasibo." Kova paused. "Thank you."
Leaving the light off in my bedroom, Kova gently laid me on my bed. The hallway light was on, leaving a pale light to shine in my room and a shadow to cast over his face. Kova removed his hands from under my legs, but I didn’t let go.
"Don't leave yet," I whispered. I wasn't ready to let go.
"Ria, I have to go."
"Please?" My voice broke. "Just for another minute, stay with me."
"Ria," he urged, "I really must leave."
My throat tightened, and I nodded without saying anything. I couldn’t. My jaw trembled, hurting as I fought back my emotions. If I spoke, I'd cry.
Pulling back just enough, Kova looked down at me. He sat on the edge of my bed and brushed back my hair. His knuckles stroked my cheek and wiped away the lone tear that fell. His other hand found my hip and he pressed his fingers into my skin. I pulled my knee up and leaned into him. He took in my glossy eyes as I did his pensive ones. I knew he had to lie to Katja to come to me, and I wished he had a reason to stay the night. I really did, and if that made me a heartless person, then so be it. After the week I had, I needed him. I didn't care how selfish it sounded, I needed Kova to feel safe, to forget the world. He was all I needed to make the ache go away, because I knew deep down he cared about me, like I did for him.
Pressing a kiss to my forehead, he held it there for a long moment. I gripped his shirt in my fist, my hands shaking as I fought with him to stay with me. My breathing deepened, and I exhaled a shallow breath. My heart ached so bad, as if it were ready to break at any given moment. He pulled back and I cupped the side of his face, hoping he'd feel the plea in my touch.
"I will see you tomorrow, yes?" he asked.
I stared at his mouth and nodded. "Tomorrow," I said, just above a whisper.
Kova hovered above me, a few short inches from my mouth. He was so close I could feel his breath.
