Single Player: Humor, Love, Breast Cancer and a Gaming Girl...

by Nicole, Jamie

  “Hey. Sorry about all that, just a little morning lovin’ to start the day right. So, tell me. What do you think?”

  “Um, just a “little” lovin’? What the hell does a lot of “lovin’” look like?” I ask before decreeing that from this day forward I will always, ALWAYS knock before entering their love chalet or thus take the chance of walking yet again into another Category Five Sexicane, aptly known as, the OH-YES!

  Liddy snaps her little fingers in my face and I come to, “Oh, sorry Yes. I’m in love (oh crap I am, we’re only talking lingerie right now, though, so secret’s safe).” Liddy beams with pride, as she should, because she’s incredible (apparently in more ways than one, wink/wink. Oh my goodness! Ew! He’s my brother!).

  “Great!” Her smile ignites and I can instantly see that my answer has made her day (along with the activity from earlier I’d imagine).

  “What’s the next step? I’m ready to make this thing a go.” I say while clapping and skipping around the room copying the happy dance of the sprite.

  “Well, first thing we need to do is decide on the name of the line. All the stores that I currently sell to are ready to put in their orders whenever we’re ready. So really it’s just a matter of branding. Jack texted me this morning and said the tax paperwork is done and our business licensing has gone through. We, my friend, are good to go.”

  She follows me to the sewing table where we each take a seat at one of the four accompanying padded stools, ready to come up with a name for our brand. As I sit looking around the room for inspiration I decide it would be best to make a list because we haven’t even started and my brain already feels fried. The only names popping into my head are words inspired from all my recent therapy sessions with Chris and they’re not sexy, pretty or appealing in any way. I shout them out one after another and after each ridiculous suggestion Liddy visibly cringes.

  “I got some names for you. Aversion (our clothes are not averse)! Reinforcement (hmm)! Modeling (we’ll need some of those)! Journal (what?)!” And her least favorite of all, “Operant conditioning!”

  “What?” She’s so confused (so am I). We both want the same thing and that’s for our brand to have a clever name, a sexy name and thus far my suggestions are neither. This lingerie represents growing up, being a woman and learning to take risks. Some would even say it’s the lingerie version of my life. I’d agree.

  “Your words suck. No offense.”

  “Offense taken.” I wink to show I’m teasing. She slaps me to show that I’m not funny.

  “Seriously? For someone so obsessed with lingerie and all things sexy and naughty you have an appalling ability to come up with some pretty crap words. Now think sexy, think sex.” Her eyes look like they’re rolling back in her head as her mind goes to sex, probably the sex she JUST had and suddenly I feel like I need to give her a minute and go find Connor to come and help her out… but I won’t. Check the box marked jealous please, only, for the love of God, please take my brother out of the equation… G to the mother fudging… ROSS!

  “I can’t think with you making those faces and those noises,” I say flicking my hand in her general direction. How can someone who frequents the Playboy site as often as I do be so freaked out by the “deed”, you ask? I realize the paradox that I am, I just can’t explain it. Ignoring my comment, she tries another angle.

  “Okay. This isn’t working. Let’s do this instead. First thing that comes to your mind. I’ll start… Underwear.” She finishes and points at me.

  “Bras.”

  “Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.” She looks annoyed, “sorry, it’s the truth, it just popped in,” I say adding an exaggerated shoulder lift for emphasis.

  “Lace.”

  “Lovely.”

  “Sex.” She shouts!

  “Yes please.” Her eyes grow big at my word choices.

  “With who?” She fires.

  “Ashton.” Oh crap, I said that out loud. If eyes could jump out from skulls and then run around in hysterics, then hers just did.

  “You want in his britches, you filthy, naughty girl. I knew it! The question now is, does he know you want to get personal with his Mr. Ashton?”

  “Nope. What? His Mr. Ashton? Good Lord you are weird. I definitely need to name the panty brand if that’s your idea of a clever penis title.”

  “That’s it! Why didn’t you think it sooner?” What?

  “What did I say? Clever Penis? Is that it? You want to name our beautiful, lovely, girly lingerie line after boy’s sweaty junk. I don’t get it. Sorry, but no.”

  “You’re an idiot. No… PrettyPanties. All one word. I mean come on, the boys you play with drool over you without ever even having laid eyes on that cute little mug of yours and it’s all because you use the word panties in your call sign or whatever you call it… it’s hot. And of course our stuff is pretty and hot. I mean, it sounds playful AND fun AND a bit naughty. I can hear it now, ‘Hey babe. Why don’t you go and get some of those PrettyPanties?’ GAH! I love it!”

  “All of that is going on in your head right now simply because I used the word panty in a sentence? I’m impressed, maybe a little frightened but leaning much heavier on the impressed side. For the record, I agree with you. PrettyPanties was fated and now that it’s been suggested I can see no other option, it’s perfect.” We’re both smiling like a set of tools before either of us notices Connor’s large frame standing in the door.

  He enters into our lingerie lair as I loudly and proudly declare PrettyPanties the name of our brand. Instantly, his handsome face reddens as he squirms in his well ironed and finely tailored chinos. There are only two possibilities for his discomfort. One, he’s embarrassed by his little sister’s use of the word panties or two (my vote), the fact that said sister caught him in a rather loud Cat Five Sexathon only minutes earlier. Nothing to be embarrassed about, though, because everything I’ve been reading lately suggests sex helps keep you healthy as a horse. Add a well-timed breast massage while you’re at it and, Voila! Even better! I’d say too bad, so sad for Ashton because I was planning on curing all his ailments (with my body) before he abandoned me but let’s be real; he’s getting all sorts of healthy with what’s-her-name over in Arizona so it would appear that I’m the only one in danger of dying in poor health.

  “So did my enflamed ears deceive me or did you two just settle on the name of your brand?” This is why Liddy and I love him. Even though he’s embarrassed by the panty talk he’s still willing to hear all about it, no matter the danger to his already flaming skin tone.

  “You heard correct!” Liddy is doing her cute bouncy thing and Connor is definitely taking note of each and every one of her bouncy bits. And there’s my cue that it’s time for me to bounce.

  “Alright, I’m out of here. Monday we’ll order tags and start on production. Does that work for you?” Her blonde hair bobs an enthusiastic yes while her sex enthusiast boy-toy gives me the nod of approval for my impending departure. I had no clue my highly polished brother could be so…. X-rated!

  Liddy has a definite spring to her step as she walks past me on her way to their room. “We can start whenever you’re ready… just not for the next few hours,” this is followed by a frisky wink over her shoulder at Connor as she sashays into their bedroom and shuts the door behind her.

  “Well. Anyway.” I say noticing that his hue’s shot up to a level five crimson. Cute.

  “Yeah, um, I’ll walk you out.”

  We head to the front door at an unnaturally brisk pace, neither of us saying a word. He’s serious about his fun times. Watch out, Liddy. I mean what do I say to my brother when we both know he’s about to get laid? Then I remember something I wanted to ask him.

  “Hey,” I say pushing the door open. “Last night when I was here, were you on the phone with Ashton?” Busted. His guilty face answers the question. “Never mind, none of my business.” I say trying to let him off the hook. “It’s just, I don’t understand what I could have done that’
s so unforgivable. If you talk to him again, could you ask him?” Connor looks baffled by what I’ve said.

  “If he’s mad at you, he sure as shit never said anything to me about it. All he ever talks about is how much he misses you and how he hopes this guy Chris of yours makes you happy since he believes he failed you. I actually feel bad for the guy…”

  “WHAT? He texted me Monday and basically told me to lose his number without even a simple explanation of what I’d done to piss him off. I mean, I’m sure he’s told you we haven’t talked in a while but I never thought we’d stop being you know… us… just because of a few pissy texts. I’ve just been giving him and his new girlfriend space so he can be happy. I thought that’s what he wanted.”

  “If that’s what you think he wants then you don’t know him as well as I thought. And I have no clue what girlfriend you’re talking about? He’s calling me later today about something and I promise to ask him about all of this then, okay? Don’t worry. I’m on it.” Before the door has a chance to shut I quick pop my head back inside.

  “Hey, I forgot to tell you. I’m going to open dad’s letter. I found it last night and I think I’m ready. Just wanted to let you know.”

  He smiles and says, “It’s the perfect time, actually. After you’ve read it let me know if you need to talk. Love you sis.”

  “Love you back, you big sex machine.” He laughs and mumbles something about me having issues and I nod in silent agreement, chuckling to myself as I leave.

  My dad’s letter has been in my pocket tickling my thigh through my pants ever since I left the house this morning. The support group is in a couple of hours and since I’ve decided that’s where I’ll be opening it I refuse to let it out of my sight. As if there’s some masked, crazed, letter thief hiding in the bushes dying to get his grubby little hands on it. I imagine the bad guys are all, “you’ve heard about that one letter right? I heard it’s been in a box… unopened… for four years! EWWW, AHHH…,” they collectively gasp as they wonder who will be the lucky one to lift it. I do realize what this sounds like, I’m just being me and honestly, this is exactly what’s happening in my head.

  So I’m standing in front of the love shack trying to make a decision about where I’m heading from here when, without any warning bells to alert me, I hear them. Yep, the them. Outside! On the sidewalk, I can hear them! They. Are. Freaks.

  Across the street from said love nest are several of the boutiques we’ll be selling to, so I quick hightail it over there to accomplish three things. First and most importantly, I need to get out of hearing range. Second, check out these stores and their current inventory and third, introduce myself.

  After my first meeting I learn that Liddy’s clothing line is a huge hit (no surprise there) and that they are dying to get their boutiquey little hands on our lingerie ASAP. Not having any firm ready-by dates established yet, I ensure them that it’ll be soon and that I’m thrilled to be in business with them as well.

  As I’m leaving the last shop I realize that I only have an hour left before the support group meets and, as I’m contemplating whether it’s smart to head home for a few minutes or not, I spot a game store with both new and used games displayed majestically in the window. Thus a light from heaven has shined down upon me today confirming my suspicions about a loving God. I haven’t been in a gaming store in years. Ashton or Amazon, those have been my only two sources to procure games as of late (late being the last three years).

  A clever little Mario-tuned chime goes off as I enter the place of my people and I think there’s a chance that I may actually be glowing with delight (and sweat, it’s super hot today). The smell throughout the cramped store is all plastic and electric-tinted with a hinge of, what is that? Hemp? Maybe there’s a section in the back for people inclined towards plants. You got me?

  The guy at the counter is watching me like I’m some sort of illusive creature from the outback. A she-woman who preys upon unsuspecting game-guru’s, here only to find her next victim. I decide to play with him because… well… I can.

  “Hi there, handsome.”

  He is stunned mute and replies by raising his scrawny, lanky arm in a gesture simulating what appears to be the common wave.

  “Anything new come out lately? Maybe something… hard?” BWAHAHAHAHA! His FACE! Oh my Gosh, his face! I’d hate to see what’s under that counter!

  “What do you like to play?” I lift my eyebrow at him suggesting he’s just offered me something to play with and I can make an educated guess that he’s about to pass out. So, so good what’s happening right now. So good!

  “I like to play games with lots of people at once. Got any… multi-player’s?” I’m not sure, but I think his eyes just rolled back in his head because before his eyelids slammed shut, I’m pretty sure I saw only their whites. He swallows and I watch as his Adam’s apple bobs the full length of his neck, slowly up and then down before he catches his breath and finds his voice.

  “We always have a big selection of multi-players in stock.” From what appears to be fear, his voice goes high on the last of his words.

  “I bet it’s big. Can you show me?” That’s the one that does it. He quickly excuses himself and runs to the back office. Gosh, I love being out and about again. As he runs off I easily spot the XBOX section due to all the neon green packaging. Since it’s my go-to system I head there first. I’m perusing the aisles, paying no attention to who’s around me, until I hear a couple of “dude’s” (their word, not mine) talking about their most recent game stats.

  “Dude, check it, my KDR yesterday was off the hook.” Dude number one says while tucking his long hair behind each of his smallish ears simultaneously.

  “Bet mine was better Dude,” dude number two is cocky.

  “No way, you couldn’t touch my kills. It was sick bro.” Bro/dude number one is way serious.

  “That’s cool. When I get home I’ll hit you up, we’ll work this out gamer to gamer. Good?” It’s like a gamers’ throw down in here. Lovin’ the tension.

  “It’s your death. I should warn you Pauly G’s on my team so you have to find someone else. Make sure you line someone up to make it fair.” Pauly G? As in PaulGayman? I’m jumping in this now.

  “Hey boys.” They both turn to me at the same time and their jaws go slack. “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation and I just wanted to know if your Pauly G was the same one I play with. You mind telling me his game tag?” I give my most demure, pouty face just in case they’re on the fence about telling me… they’re not.

  “Yeah, ah, that’s our buddy PaulGayman. You know him?” Asks Dude/bro number one.

  “Well, know is one way of saying it. I play with him.” Eye’s go wide. “Online. I’m a gamer too.” Eye’s go wider.

  “Wow, but you’re… hot.” Bro number two has had too much plant product today. I think he’s the smell that I smelled when I walked in. It’s not the store after all.

  “Weird, I know.” I say crossing my arms under my chest and lifting the girls up to add to the fun we’re having.

  “You play with Pauly G, so maybe we’ve played together?” says bro one.

  “Maybe. I go by PrettyPanties.” Bro two does the eye roll trick the cashier did only moments ago and bro one stares me down.

  “No… shit…” Bro one’s eyes check me out from top to bottom in a slow and steady perusal of all my goods before finishing his sentence.

  “I fucking knew you were hot! YES! It’s me, GamesWoods! Dude, this is happening!” Before I know it I’m engulfed in Mr. Wood’s long arms and being squeezed tight with a Big Gulp dangerously close to being spilled down my back. I try to hug him back because I really am super excited to be meeting him as well, but he’s kinda got my arms pinned down to my sides leaving me unable to return his affections properly.

  “Look at you, Mr.GamesWoods. You’re a cutie.” He’s holding my shoulders memorizing my face… and my body. If I didn’t know him as well as I do I’d knee him, but I
happen to know he’s not only harmless but a shameless flirt as well.

  “I’d say you’re cute but I already told you you’re smokin’ hot. Dude, you’re like legendary in the gaming circuit around here. Wait ‘til the guys find out I met you in person, dude, this is so cool.” Am I now dude number three?

  “Dude,” I say, “I’m playing this weekend so I’ll totally find you and we’ll really make your KDR the best. I’ll even let you beat me.” He thinks I’m funny and pulls me back in for another hug. I love this guy. If I had a girl who was a friend and single, I’d so hook them up.

  “I’m down. This weekend we’ll bring it. You got any plans right now because if not you’re welcome to come hang with me and the guys at my place? We’re having a sick party later and I’ve never seen you out. Lots of the guys we play with will be there. Pretty Please? Come over. It’s going to be raging.” Dude number three does not plan on raging at this “sick party” later so she’ll have to let him down easy.

  “I can’t, but thanks. I have a thing. But the raging sounds really great. You guys have fun doing that.” I give Games one last long hug (because he won’t let go) and a pat on the rear for good measure, earning myself a great big smile from Mr. Woods in return as I turn and head back to the front to check out. About the time I pat my boy’s bum the clerk comes out from the back office and looks quite rumpled and flustered. Well, how handy (hahahahaha!). My job here is done (So is his! Sorry, I can’t stop myself!). I proceed to the checkout, new game in hand and cashier guy is struggling to make eye contact with me.

  “Your total is $61.79,” he says to the counter top, eyes focused solely on the keyboard in front of him. Me, trembling with tamed laughter.

  “What do you take?” Just a little more fun before I go. Tonight’s going to be rough for me, give me my moment.