Lang Downs

by Ariel Tachna

  “What is it?” Jeremy asked suspiciously. “And why are you hiding it?”

  “It’s a surprise for Chris,” Seth said. “His birthday is today, and this is for the party tonight. He knows we’re having a party, but he doesn’t know I got him a present. Patrick picked it up when he went in to town yesterday. He just got back.”

  “So what did you get him?” Sam asked.

  “No way, not telling” Seth said. “If you want to know what it is, you have to come to the party tonight.”

  “Everyone would have more fun if I stayed here,” Jeremy said.

  “Sam wouldn’t,” Seth said.

  “That’s not fair, Seth,” Sam scolded. “You shouldn’t make Jeremy feel guilty for not wanting to be in a room full of people who don’t want anything to do with him.”

  “Chris doesn’t feel that way,” Seth insisted. “Jesse and I don’t feel that way. You come over to the house all the time. Patrick and Carley don’t feel that way. They invite you over every time they do something. The only ones who feel that way are Neil, Ian, and Kyle, and Ian and Kyle probably only feel that way because Neil does.”

  “The fact remains that if I’m there, Neil, Ian, and Kyle will spend the evening scowling at me and generally ruining your brother’s party,” Jeremy said.

  “Nope, not accepting it,” Seth said. “If they want to ruin the party, we’ll make them leave.”

  “I appreciate the support, Seth, but I promised Macklin I wouldn’t turn his station into a war zone.”

  “So don’t,” Seth said. “Come to the party, drink a few beers, and have a good time. If they make a big deal out of it, they’re the ones causing problems, not you.”

  “I’ll take care of Neil,” Sam said before Jeremy could argue more. “He likes Chris. He’ll play nice so he doesn’t ruin Chris’s birthday as long as someone makes him think about it before he gets there. Molly and I will keep him in line.”

  “Thanks,” Jeremy said.

  “I’ll go find him now,” Sam said, “and I’ll see you both at the party later.”

  Sam left the bunkhouse and went in search of Neil. Fortunately nobody had been sent out into the upper paddocks that day, so there was a limit to where Neil could be. Sam found him in the sheds repairing worn leather on some of the station’s bridles.

  “Hi, Sam,” he said when he heard Sam come in.

  “Hi,” Sam said. “Got a minute?”

  “Sure,” Neil said. “This has to be done, but it’s not something that requires a lot of concentration. What’s going on?”

  “Seth and Jesse planned a birthday party for Chris tonight,” Sam said.

  “Yes, I know. They invited everyone,” Neil said.

  “Yes,” Sam agreed. “They invited everyone. That includes Jeremy.”

  Neil frowned.

  “And that’s why I’m here,” Sam said. “To remind you not to act that way tonight. You don’t have to talk to Jeremy, but you can’t spend the evening glaring at him. When it’s your birthday, you can choose not to invite him, but Chris wants him there, and you can’t spoil Chris’s party just because you don’t like him.”

  “I wouldn’t do that,” Neil protested.

  “Not on purpose,” Sam agreed. “I know you’d never do it on purpose, but if you aren’t thinking about it, you’ll act the same way you do at dinner every night, and that would spoil the mood of the party. Just don’t scowl at him, okay?”

  “I’ll try,” Neil said. “If I forget, remind me.”

  “I will,” Sam said, “and I’ll tell Molly to do the same.” He hesitated for a moment before continuing. “You know, I really think you’d like him if you’d give him a chance. You have so much in common. The only thing keeping you apart is his last name.”

  “I just don’t understand why he’s here,” Neil said.

  “Because his brother kicked him off Taylor Peak,” Sam replied. “You’ll have to ask him why. That’s not my story to tell, at least without his permission. I know you can’t imagine a situation that would make us fall out like that, and really I can’t either, but Devlin isn’t either of us. He’s more like Dad, and I can think of plenty of situations that would have made Dad wash his hands of either one of us.”

  “Yeah, I suppose that’s true,” Neil said. “I’ll try to tone it down. It’s just I have reason not to trust Taylor.”

  “Which Taylor?” Sam pressed. “Have you ever actually had a problem with Jeremy? Or has it always been with his brother?”

  Neil hesitated for a moment. “I guess it’s always been with Devlin or with his jackaroos. Now that I think about it, I don’t remember Jeremy ever being involved in any of the dustups.”

  “Then try to give him the benefit of the doubt,” Sam asked. “He’s done that and more for me.”

  “I’ll try,” Neil said.

  WHEN THEY got to the canteen for dinner, Sam had to smile. Seth and Jesse had outdone themselves. The canteen was draped with streamers and a huge banner proclaiming that Chris was turning twenty-one. Kami had a huge spread laid out, far more than the year-rounders could eat, but that didn’t seem to matter. He’d made all of Chris’s favorite dishes, set out buffet style. Sam figured they’d be enjoying Chris’s birthday dinner for a week.

  “Did you talk to Neil?” Jeremy asked softly when Sam joined him.

  “I did,” Sam said. “He promised to be on his best behavior for Chris. It’ll be fine. You’ll see. Let’s grab a plate before the rissoles are gone.” Sam had already learned that Kami’s rissoles were everyone’s favorite.

  Patrick and Carley joined them at the table after they’d all heaped their plates high with food. Sam had given up trying to eat less since he’d gotten to the station. Kami’s cooking was too good, for one thing. For another, everyone scolded him for not eating enough. He’d worried about gaining weight, but Jeremy had been true to his word about teaching Sam to ride, and that seemed to be enough exercise to keep the weight off, so Sam had stopped worrying about it.

  “Seth and Jason have a whole playlist set up for the party,” Carley told them. “It’s been a huge discussion at our house the past week, in between their lessons. Which songs, which order, what’s sure to make Chris and Jesse have a dance… you’d think this was rocket science, not music.”

  “Music is very serious business when you’re sixteen,” Sam said.

  “Fifteen and seventeen, but I suppose you’re right,” Carley said. “I have to remind myself of all the mix tapes we used to make and share when I was in high school.”

  Jeremy laughed. “You’re dating yourself there, Carley.”

  “I have a fifteen-year-old son. Nobody thinks I’m from anything other than the Stone Age.”

  “Lies,” Patrick said. “A pack of bloody lies. You can’t possibly be a day over twenty.”

  Carley sent her husband a fond look and turned back to Sam and Jeremy. “You should dance tonight too.”

  “You and Molly are going to be in high demand,” Jeremy replied. “You’re outnumbered.”

  “Oh, I didn’t mean with me,” Carley said. “You should dance with each other. Nobody here will care.”

  “Maybe not,” Sam said, “but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

  “Why not?” Carley demanded.

  “Because my divorce isn’t final,” Sam said.

  “It’s a dance, not a marriage proposal,” Carley scoffed. “You’re not breaking any laws by enjoying yourself with a friend.”

  Alison wouldn’t see it that way if she found out, but Sam didn’t want to say that aloud. He already knew Jeremy’s opinion of her. He didn’t need everyone else’s as well.

  As soon as most people had finished eating, Seth and Jason set up the stereo and started the music and their demands that Chris and Jesse (and anyone else who wanted to join them) get up and dance. Chris didn’t look convinced, but Jesse grabbed his hand and pulled him into the center of the room, where tables had been pushed back for this very purpose.

  The da
nce was awkward, neither of them knowing how to follow well, but Sam could see the easy affection between them, and the smiles on everyone else’s faces assured him that Carley was right and no one cared that two men were dancing together.

  The song ended, and Seth yelled, “Who’s next in line to dance with the birthday boy?”

  No one moved for a minute, and then Kyle, one of the jackaroos who’d helped Macklin save Chris’s life, stood up. “Why the hell not?” he said. “It is his birthday.”

  Everyone laughed, and before long, Ian cut in on Kyle, spinning Chris around the dance floor with far more style than Kyle or Jesse had managed. When Neil cut in a few minutes later, Sam let out a huge sigh. He still couldn’t believe how far Neil had come. Molly cut in after that, leaving Chris looking incredibly uncomfortable until she took pity on him and started leading too. Before long, almost everyone in the room had taken a turn.

  “Go on,” Jeremy said, nudging Sam toward the dance floor. “It’s his birthday.”

  “You haven’t danced with him either,” Sam said.

  “Dance with him, and then I will,” Jeremy promised. “And then I’ll dance with you.”

  Sam hesitated over the last piece of the offer, but some of the others were dancing together, even ones who weren’t couples and weren’t even gay as far as Sam knew, so he thought maybe it would be okay. Everyone else would think it was the same as Kyle and Ian dancing, or everyone dancing with Chris. He didn’t really think Alison had spies on the station since she couldn’t have expected him to come up here before he did it, and no one new had arrived since he got here, but if word did somehow get back to her about the party, he could insist the dance with Jeremy was just another dance, not something so much more.

  He weaved through the dancers until he could cut in on Carley dancing with Chris. She ceded her place with a smile and a laugh. Chris grinned at him. “I wondered how long it would take you to come out here.”

  “I’m not much of a dancer,” Sam said.

  “And any of the rest of us are?” Chris retorted. “It’s not about the dancing. It’s about having fun.”

  It was fun, Sam had to admit. He’d expected to feel self-conscious about dancing in general and about dancing with a man in particular, but nobody was staring at them. Nobody was laughing or sneering. Everybody else was having fun too, in much the same way. Sam let himself relax and enjoy. Jeremy cut in far too soon.

  Sam took a step back and let Jeremy and Chris spin away from him. Before he could feel awkward about standing there, Molly grabbed his hand. “My turn,” she said. “So are you going to dance with Jeremy?”

  “You’re the third person tonight to ask me that,” Sam said.

  “You’re not exactly subtle about the way you watch him, sweetie,” Molly said. “It’s safe here, remember?”

  “Nowhere’s really safe,” Sam said. “Not until the divorce is final.”

  “If you were sleeping with him, that might be true,” Molly said, “but you’re not worried about dancing with me. Why should you worry about dancing with him?”

  “Because I’m not attracted to you,” Sam said.

  “It’s a dance, Sam, nothing more. Besides, unless you told your ex about you, she’s far more likely to have an issue with you dancing with another woman than with a man,” Molly pointed out. “You’re seeing everything funny because you have a secret, but most people don’t look at the world through that prism.”

  “You figured it out.”

  “No, Neil told me,” Molly said. “I figured out about Jeremy, but only because I was watching for it. Caine might have noticed because he sees things through the same prism and because he’s a hopeless romantic who wants everyone to be as happy as he is. Seth and Jason might have seen it because those two are more precocious than is good for them, but I’d bet none of the others have, not unless Jeremy has said something to them.”

  “I don’t think he has,” Sam replied. “He’s not any more out than I am, really.”

  “Is he willing to be?” Molly asked sharply.

  “I think so,” Sam said. “He said he told Macklin the first day, and I’m pretty sure his brother knows, although I’m not sure Devlin will spread it around since he’d see it as reflecting on him.”

  Molly rolled her eyes. “Spare me the stupidity of Aussie stockmen.”

  “Hey, they’re not all bad,” Sam protested. “You’re marrying one, remember?”

  “And he’s the worst of the bunch,” she muttered, “although he did dance with Chris tonight, and he hasn’t scowled at Jeremy once.”

  “He might if I agree to dance with Jeremy,” Sam said.

  “You dance with Jeremy. I’ll deal with Neil,” Molly said. “There, he’s free. Go grab him before someone else does.”

  Sam took a deep breath and started toward where Jeremy was standing. He could have sworn every eye in the room turned his way, but when he dared to glance around, no one seemed to have noticed his progress across the room.

  No one, that is, except Jeremy. Jeremy had fixated on him from the moment he let go of Molly. Sam couldn’t decide if he wanted to run to Jeremy or turn and run away. The intensity of the look on Jeremy’s face made him nervous. He’d gotten used to hanging out with Jeremy, to being his buddy, but Jeremy wasn’t looking at him like a buddy now. Jeremy was looking at him like a treat he intended to devour whole.

  Sam swallowed hard and made his feet keep moving in Jeremy’s direction. No one had ever looked at him like that, and he hadn’t the slightest idea what to do with the emotions it churned up inside him. They couldn’t do this. He still had another month before he could even file for divorce, and at least three months after that before it was finalized.

  He very nearly turned and ran in the other direction. He couldn’t do this. Not now, maybe not ever, but before he could panic, Jeremy smiled, and Sam smiled back because he couldn’t help it. Then he was at Jeremy’s side, and Jeremy was pulling him into an embrace and guiding him onto the dance floor.

  They were all but the same height. Jeremy had maybe an inch on Sam, but not enough to make dancing together awkward, not like it had seemed when Macklin danced with Jason, who hadn’t hit his growth spurt yet. It also meant that Jeremy’s blue-green eyes were right there in Sam’s line of sight, mesmerizing in the swirl of color. Sam blinked a couple of times, but the central ring of a slightly different color wasn’t a figment of his imagination. Neither was the way Jeremy was looking at him. Sam nearly stumbled, but Jeremy steadied him with those big hands Sam refused to let himself fantasize about. The one that held his between their chests was gentle, the grip firm but not painful, the calluses on Jeremy’s palm evident with his fingers curled around Sam’s. The other hand rested at his waist, not quite pulling him close—they weren’t a couple, after all—but definitely holding him. Sam could feel the heat of it radiating through his shirt. And the look on Jeremy’s face, all hot and possessive, like he wanted to wrap Sam up in his arms and never let go… Sam shook with need at the sight of that look directed at him.

  “This is a bad idea,” Sam said hoarsely.

  “No, it isn’t,” Jeremy replied. “It’s the best idea I’ve ever had. Don’t run from me, Sam. I’m not asking for anything but a dance, not until you’re ready, but don’t deny us this.”

  Sam swallowed hard, heat flushing through him. He was sure his cheeks were the color of tomatoes, but he nodded and kept dancing. Their thighs brushed together as they danced, leaving Sam torn between pulling back and pressing closer. He had seen Jeremy ride. He knew what kind of muscles lurked beneath his jeans. He wanted those legs pressed against his own, pressed between his own. He wanted to push forward and rut against Jeremy until he couldn’t think of anything else. He was so tired of trying to keep it together, of always worrying about everything. The siren’s call of a few hours of oblivion in Jeremy’s arms was strong, and Sam knew Jeremy would give it to him. It would only take a word from him and Jeremy would take charge, take him back to the bunkh
ouse, and make him feel good in a way none of the hookups in Melbourne ever had. Even better, Jeremy would still be there in the morning, looking at him with the same heat in his eyes, the same offer of friendship, companionship, and more.

  It would be so easy and feel so good, but in the morning, Jeremy would want more, and right now, Sam couldn’t afford to give it to him. He had to push those yearnings aside, push them back down until he was free of Alison. If Jeremy still wanted him then, Sam would take everything he could get and be grateful for it. He just had to wait four more months.

  When the song was over, he took a step back, resisting the urge to go outside to cool off. It had just been a dance, so why did he feel like he’d been split open and remade? “Thanks for the dance,” he said awkwardly, knowing he was running away but unable to stop himself.

  “You’re welcome,” Jeremy said and then let him go.

  Sam had never been more grateful in his life.

  “You okay?” Neil asked when he found Sam sitting in the corner a few minutes later.

  “Yeah.”

  “Really? Because you look like you either saw a ghost or that bloody hawk finally made off with your cat,” Neil said.

  “No, it’s just….”

  “Just what?” Neil prompted.

  “Let’s go for a walk,” Sam said. He didn’t know how Neil would react, and he didn’t want to make a scene at Chris’s party.

  Neil nodded and followed him outside. The wind was cold off the tablelands, and Sam shivered, wishing he’d grabbed his jacket before he came to the party. It was too late now, though.

  “Promise me you’ll let me finish before you say anything,” Sam said.

  “I’m not going to like this, am I?” Neil asked.

  “Probably not,” Sam said, “but I need you to really listen to me instead just blowing up at me.”

  “Okay, I’m listening.”

  “You are so in love with Molly,” Sam began. “You can’t imagine that going sour, and I hope it never does for you. You can’t imagine what it feels like to have the person who’s supposed to be the closest to you in the world turn on you and say things that make you doubt yourself. And then say them so often and so harshly that you can’t do anything but believe her.”