Baking and Babies

by Tara Sivec

  I pull my phone out of my back pocket and hand it to her without a word. She presses a few buttons and her eyes widen in shock.

  “You asked him for a picture of his penis?!” she shouts.

  “I tried to do what you said and tell him to come up here because I got us a hotel room, but I couldn’t figure out how to type all those words,” I tell her with a shrug.

  “Did he send the picture? Let me see!”

  Charlotte leans over Ava’s shoulder and we both stare at her.

  “What? I’m getting married, I’m not dead. Marco is hot and I’m sure he has an equally hot penis,” Charlotte explains.

  “Sorry, no Italian sausage for you tonight, Char. But he did send a close-up picture of a bloody lip, which is a little confusing,” Ava tells us, turning the phone around for me to see.

  “Shit. Did dad beat up his face?!” I yell, trying not to sway so I can get a better look at the photo. “Oh, no. His poor, pretty face. I really like that face.”

  Ava turns the phone back around and starts rapidly punching buttons.

  “What are you doing? Are you telling him to send the picture penis again?” I ask, leaning forward to see what she’s typing.

  “Forget about the penis picture, you drunk slut. I’m doing what you were supposed to do and telling him to come up to the hotel.”

  My phone makes a whooshing sound, signaling that she sent it. She sets it down on the counter and walks around the bar, grabbing a glass from one of the cupboards and filling it up with water. She slides it across the counter to me and points at it.

  “Chug it. Time to sober up, bitch.”

  I grab the glass and drink, half of it dribbling down my chin.

  “I don’t think this is a good idea. Should she really try and seduce him when she’s drunk?” Charlotte asks as I slam the empty glass down and ask for a refill.

  “She needs to be a little drunk or she’ll chicken out. Some liquid courage is always good the first time you touch a penis,” Ava announces, sliding another full glass of water towards me.

  “Hey, I’ve touched a penis before. It was the size of a piece of Pez candy, but it was still a living, breathing penis,” I inform them, bringing the glass up to my mouth.

  “That doesn’t count. Quinn yanked your hand away as soon as you touched it. Haven’t I always told you guys that it’s never a good idea to have sex with a virgin?” Ava sighs. “They’re so wound up with years of pent-up sperm they’ll blow their load if the wind changes direction. Always go with someone who has experience.”

  The water starts churning in my stomach and I quickly put the glass down.

  “Marco has experience,” I whisper nervously. “And he’s older. He knows what he’s doing, and I’ve only touched a Pez Penis. What the fuck am I doing?!”

  Charlotte smacks my cheek, grabs both of my arms, and turns me to face her. “Snap out of it, woman! There is no instruction manual for this shit. No one knows what they’re doing. You just go with the flow and do what feels right.”

  I nod even though everything she’s saying just makes me more nervous. Why isn’t there an instruction manual? Sex For Partial Virgins 101.

  The ding of my cell phone sounds from the counter, and I watch as Ava picks it up and smiles.

  “Buckle up, slut. There’s a penis with your name on it headed this way. He was already headed down here to see if you needed rescuing so he’s right around the corner. There’s also a partially melted bag of frozen peas and a raw steak coming as well, whatever that means,” Ava states. “I really hope Uncle Drew hasn’t been teaching him anything weird tonight.”

  My eyes widen and I whip my head back to face Charlotte.

  “What if he wants to have sex with the steak? What if he wants to use the peas on me? Is that a thing? Like some sort of tiny Ben Wa balls or something?” I ask her in a panic. “I knew I never should have left him alone with Uncle Drew! Now he’s got ideas. Weird, kinky ideas that involve frozen food and I don’t know how to have regular sex, let alone frozen food sex!”

  My scalp starts to get itchy and sweaty and I can’t remember if I put on deodorant before I left the house. At least I put on good underwear.

  “Speaking of Ben Wa balls, did you hear Aunt Jenny had to go to the emergency room AGAIN last week because she got them stuck up in her?” Ava laughs. “Uncle Drew asked if they could have their own parking space. I guess after the nurses spent so much time watching Aunt Jenny waddle across the parking lot while doing lunges, the doctor submitted the request to the hospital board for safety reasons.”

  I whimper and my lip starts to quiver.

  “I don’t want to go to the emergency room because frozen peas get stuck in my vagina!” I wail.

  “Oh, for the love of God,” Charlotte mutters. “Ava, stop freaking her out. Molly, no one’s putting frozen peas up your who-ha. No one says you have to have sex with him tonight. You two need to be alone. Maybe start with something simple. Get to know his penis. See what he likes and take it slow.”

  I look at Ava to see if she agrees and find her nodding in approval.

  “Slow is good. Try a blowjob. It’s pretty impossible to screw those up. As long as your mouth is on his dick, he’s not going to care about anything else.”

  Okay, I can do this. I can put my mouth on a penis. I’ve seen porn and I know how it’s done. In theory.

  “Why is it called a blowjob? Don’t you just suck on it? There’s no blowing involved, right?” I ask.

  “Since you’re a beginner, just stick with the sucking for now. When you graduate to the advanced class, we’ll discuss the use of popsicles and lube that heats up when you blow on it. For now, just focus on the basics. Lips, tongue, penis, suck. The end,” Ava explains.

  “Lips, tongue, penis, suck,” I repeat.

  “I thought it was lick, slam, suck?” Grandma asks, dancing by us again and overhearing what I said. “Have I been doing tequila shots wrong tonight?”

  She turns away from us when the hotel door opens and my mom and Aunt Claire walk back inside.

  “Girls, you didn’t send those strippers away, did you?” Grandma shouts across the room. “I need to borrow one of those boy’s wieners to lips, tongue, penis and suck with my next tequila shot. I guess that’s what the kids are doing these days.”

  There’s a loud knock at the door, saving mom and Aunt Claire from trying to respond to Grandma. Aunt Claire moves to the side while my mom opens the door, holding it wide so Marco can come in.

  “Oooooh, forget the stripper! I’ll use his penis!” Grandma announces.

  “You better get over there and get him to your room before Grandma ruins him,” Charlotte whispers. “There is no coming back from false teeth falling out on your dick during a blow-job.”

  She pats me on the back and Ava gives me a thumb’s up. “You got this. Embrace your inner slut.”

  I can do this. I can totally do this.

  “Did someone order a hot piece of man-meat?” Aunt Claire shouts, sliding her hand around Marco’s elbow and leading him into the room.

  Mustering up as much confidence as I can, I raise my hand and smile.

  “That would be me. Looks like my delivery came in thirty minutes or less.”

  Aunt Claire deposits Marco in front of me, grabbing Charlotte’s arm and waving Ava over to join them as they head into the living room area.

  I look up into Marco’s face and I gasp.

  “Holy shit! You have a black eye!”

  Reaching my hand up, I gently touch the purple area on his upper cheekbone, jerking my hand away when he winces and gasps.

  “Oh, no, your lip,” I mutter, my fingers tracing over the crusted blood on his bottom lip.

  The picture Ava showed me on my phone didn’t come close to how bad it looks in person. His poor, perfect lip that rocked my world with that kiss earlier is now out of commission.

  “It’s okay. It looks worse than it is,” he tells me, placing his hands on my hips and pulling me cl
oser. “Just promise me if your dad asks you to search my place for pictures of your mom that you’ll ignore him and not ask any questions.”

  I have no idea what he’s talking about and I don’t care. I’m sad I won’t be getting any more kisses from him tonight, but that just makes what I’m about to do easier. No kisses means I won’t be distracted and I won’t attempt to waste time or try to chicken out before getting to the good stuff.

  I’m putting Marco’s penis in my mouth tonight and nothing is going to stop me.

  Chapter 18

  – Hairball –

  Marco

  The door closes behind Molly and I watch her stalk towards me, looking so confident and beautiful that I almost can’t breathe. It’s deathly quiet in this room, especially compared to the one we just left filled with drunk women screaming and dancing on tables and loud, techno music that made my ears bleed. It’s too quiet and I can hear my heart pounding in my chest. I don’t want Molly to know I’m nervous to be alone with her. I want her to see me as strong and confident, not a pussy with sweaty palms. I was already on my way down here to see if she needed saved from bachelorette party hell, and as soon as I got her text telling me she got us a hotel room, I knew it was time for me to come clean about Alfanso D. Even if nothing happens in this room tonight, I can’t keep this from her any longer. It makes me sick to my stomach to keep lying to her whenever she talks about him. Me, him, me…what the fuck ever. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and I don’t want to fuck things up before they even really begin. She deserves better and on top of that, Rosa liked Molly so much after dinner the other night that she told me if I didn’t tell her soon, she’d do it herself and it wouldn’t be pretty.

  “It’s so quiet in here,” I mumble lamely, trying to fill the silence and build up the courage to come clean.

  Molly doesn’t say a word, just walks right up to me and shoves her hands against my chest, sending me flying backwards. I bounce on top of the king-sized bed, and she jumps on top of me and straddles my thighs. I reach up to grab her hips and she quickly stops me, wrapping her hands around my wrists and pulling my arms above my head as she leans forward. Her tits press against my chest and her hair forms a curtain around our faces as she looks down at me.

  “Keep your hands up here and don’t move them until I say so,” she demands, letting go of my wrists and sliding down my body.

  “Holy shit this is hot,” I whisper as she trails her hands down my chest and stomach, stopping when she gets to the button of my jeans. Maybe I’ll wait until after she finishes whatever she’s planning to do to me to tell her the truth. I mean, what’s another couple of minutes in the grand scheme of things?

  “Just so there’s no confusion, we don’t have to do anything tonight. We can talk or watch TV or do whatever you want,” I tell her.

  I will legit cry like a baby if she stops, but it’s impossible for me to be an asshole with her. I didn’t come over here with any expectations aside from finally being alone with her. Sure, I’m a dude and I always want sex, but I don’t expect it, especially with Molly.

  “Watch TV or let me put my mouth on your penis, your choice,” she replies.

  Her fingers pause on the zipper of my jeans and my jaw drops open as I stare at her while she waits for me to remember how to speak.

  “Penis mouth,” I mumble. “Definitely penis mouth.”

  She nods, her hands going back to work as she unzips my pants. “Wise decision.”

  I watch in awe as she sits up on her knees, swiftly yanking my jeans over my hips and to the middle of my thighs. She scoots her body down my legs until she gets to my knees, bending forward over my legs until her face is right above the crotch of my boxer briefs. I can feel her warm breath puff against the thin cotton material and it’s like a mating call to my dick. He jerks and twitches and struts his stuff like a peacock showing its feathers.

  “I’m serious, Molly. We really don’t have to do anything. I know you’ve been…uuuhhhh…drinking and I don’t want to take…holy fuck…advantage of you,” I tell her, tripping over my words, moaning and cursing when she slips her fingers in the waistband of my briefs and tugs them down until my penis is on full display.

  “I think you’re confused,” she says softly, her breath warming my dick, making it jerk with excitement again. “I’m taking advantage of you. Just close your eyes and don’t move.”

  I do as she says, afraid she’ll change her mind if I don’t follow her orders. My head flops back onto the bed and I close my eyes and hold my breath, waiting for the heavenly feel of her lips on my cock.

  Waiting.

  Waiting.

  Still waiting.

  I open one eye and lift my head to see her staring down at my penis with a look of concentration on her face. Maybe the women I’ve been with lied. Maybe I don’t have a pleasing penis. What if it’s ugly? What if Molly is repulsed by it? I knew I should have just taken the damn picture in the bathroom and sent it immediately. At least then she would have been prepared and had time to get used to it. Damn my need for good lighting!

  “Everything okay?” I ask, chuckling nervously.

  She nods without looking up. “Just getting to know your penis. Charlotte suggested it so I’m giving it a try.”

  I should be embarrassed that she was talking about my penis with her sister, but I spent the evening telling her father how good my sperm was and then had to explain to him I wasn’t masturbating to a picture of his wife in their bedroom while he beat the shit out of me. She can discuss my penis with whomever she likes.

  “Take your time. Whatever you need,” I tell her, dropping my head back to the bed and relaxing now that I know she isn’t disappointed that I have an ugly penis.

  “Feel free to…holy mother of God,” I mutter with a groan when I feel her hand wrap around the base of my cock.

  I try to come up with something more to say, something hot and sexy like, Yeah, that’s it baby, harder, but as soon as I open my mouth, her warm, wet lips are sliding over the head of my cock and all I can manage is, “Fuuuuuuuuck-shit-damn-good-God-almighty-mouth-penis.”

  I’ve had plenty of blowjobs over the years. Some good ones and some bad ones, but I can’t for the life of me remember anything about them once I feel Molly’s mouth on me. I can’t even remember my name or what day it is when she starts bobbing her head up and down, sucking on me and swirling her tongue around the head of my dick each time she gets to the tip.

  Grabbing handfuls of the blanket above my head, I hold on for dear life when her hand tightens around the base of my cock and she moves it up and down the length along with her mouth. Each time she goes down, she takes me in her mouth a little further until I see stars behind my closed eyes and I’m a little embarrassed at how fast my orgasm starts to approach. I’m pretty proud of the fact that I can last as long as a woman needs and I’ve never been a two-pump-chump, even as a teenager, but I’ve never had a woman’s mouth on my dick that I fantasized about for two years and it’s overwhelming. Pushing aside the shame of my weakness, I realize I should warn her I’m dangerously close to coming. I learned my lesson back in high school with Michelle Johnson, but I was a rookie then, figuring if she was going to put her mouth of my dick, she should know the only possible outcome would be me having an orgasm, and therefore she should expect it to happen at any moment, moving away if needed. I kept my lips sealed and started coming in her mouth with a smile on my face. She jerked away from my dick mid-orgasm and the mistake of not warning her resulted in screaming, crying, and jizz in the eye. Michelle wasn’t too happy either.

  As soon as I feel the head of my dick touch the back of Molly’s throat, my balls tighten, my legs start to tingle and I open my mouth to give her the required warning in case she’s not a swallower.

  Before I can say anything, I hear her gag and the words die on my tongue. One might think the sound of a chick gagging on your dick would be a turn-off, but one would be wrong. Feeling bad that I’m disobeyin
g one of her rules, I open my eyes and lift my head to watch. There’s nothing hotter than watching a girl go to town on your dick.

  Unfortunately, her long hair is hanging down over her face and I can’t get a good view of her mouth, but at least I can imagine what it looks like as I feel her take me deeper, another small gagging sound coming from her.

  I smile and give myself a mental pat on the back for having such a monster dick that it makes her gag. I’m so busy giving myself a high five and enjoying the way her tongue feels sliding up and down my cock that it takes me a second to realize she’s still gagging. There’s a musical rhythm to it now—slurp, gag, slurp, gag, slurp, gag. I admire her determination and her refusal to quit, and it almost makes me wish I wasn’t seconds away from coming so I could make it last all night.

  Then, something horrific happens. It’s so horrific that I should look away, but it’s like driving up on a car accident and slowing down to see if there are any bodies lying in the road. It’s wrong and you feel dirty for doing it, but it’s impossible not to stare. My eyes are glued to Molly’s body and I can’t force myself to look at something else. Anything else, for fuck’s sake.

  She gags harder and louder and her back bows while she continues trying to swallow my dick. The sounds coming from her mouth immediately stop being hot and move right into something out of a scary movie. She’s choking and gagging so violently that her back keeps arching with every sound she makes until she starts to resemble a cat trying to cough up a fur ball. I’ve had a few pet cats over the years. I’ve watched them stop what they’re doing to choke and heave and bob their head until they manage to yak up whatever was stuck in their throat. That’s what is happening right at this moment and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

  I’m so conflicted. Molly’s giving me a blow-job.

  My dick is making her choke like a cat trying to bring up a wet, slimy ball of hair.

  But Molly’s giving me a blow-job!