“Please, I don’t want to be her, Mason,” I uttered hoarsely. “She wasn’t a good person. She was evil! Why would you want her to come back?” Tears slid down my cheek as he cupped my face and kissed them away.
“You’re not listening to us. You weren’t evil. You were lost, broken, and unwanted by the other Gods. They were afraid of you, as were the mortals. Being a Goddess in a world of mortals wasn’t something you ever wanted; it’s what was available to you. It’s why you never stayed in a place very long before you met Balor, because wherever you are, war comes, as it’s drawn to you. You’re a fucking battle Goddess from a time long forgotten,” Callaghan whispered as he gripped and lifted my chin, forcing my swollen eyes to meet and hold his. “You were loved by two men, two men you destroyed because you wanted them to love you. You were lost when I met you. Searching for him, and yet you took me because you wanted me. You made me love you, and then you started to take the people I loved away from me. I allowed my son to die so that I could save our race from you. You brought us down because you went to war against me to obtain me. The druids helped me find a way to prepare for the curse you’d started on our race. I gave up what I loved the most to be fully connected to the beast within me, and to undo the curse that you were about to place upon our people. I sacrificed him for the greater good, but also to bring you back through the cauldron. Because the maiden who came back, she was stronger than we could handle, and war followed behind you as you searched for us, you just couldn’t see it because you were reborn without your memories.
“You were this beautiful creature in the chaos of a maddening war. I’d lost my brother that day, and I was searching the field for his corpse when this beautiful maiden appeared. I loved you; I fell in love with you again, even though you couldn’t remember me. I had stood beside you through countless wars, longing to taste you, and yet you’d never seen me until that day. It was as if you’d never lived before. There you were, searching for the piece of your soul you’d given the beast to make him immortal like you, and you found me instead. I would have given you the world, and yet I knew that would never be enough for you. You needed chaos, and to be the only thing that I loved. He awoke soon after I had taken you on that battlefield and we made a plan together. I knew what you would do because I’d watched you do it before. What I didn’t count on was how far you’d go to achieve it. When you began hunting my family, I made the deal with the druids to make a sacrifice to protect myself and our people from you. I sacrificed my son’s life to become strong enough to withstand your allure, and to be able to end you if I had to, but also, it took a life to bring back a life from the cauldron. Had I known then that we’d created life on that battlefield when we lay in the blood and chaos, I’d have chosen you, Erie. Now you carry our child again, and I won’t lose you. Do you understand me? I won’t lose you again. You have to remember who you are so that what is coming for us doesn’t win.”
“And to be safe, I have to remember who I am? Why can’t you protect me?”
“Not who, what,” he muttered as he wiped away a tear that slid down my cheek. “What you are, Erie,” he growled as he watched me. “I can’t protect you because they’ve awoken Hecate, and you’re the only being that’s evil enough to make her kneel at your feet.” He let his hand trail down over my stomach, drawing circles over it. “You have to finish this life,” he rumbled as he sat up, staring down at me where I was chained with my arms above my head, my legs suspended in the air.
“As what, your fuck toy?” I demanded hoarsely.
“That is what you did to me when you captured me, was it not?” the beast chuckled, and I turned, staring into his black flesh as he watched me.
“I don’t remember,” I whispered. “You can feed me all the fucked up shit you want to, but the thing is, I don’t want to be her. I like me. I like this version, and I’m sorry that you don’t, but this is what you get,” I hissed before I sniffed the air and wrinkled my nose. “I need a bath,” I growled, and he snorted, flicking my hardened nipple.
“Mmm, you smell like sex and magic, and personally, I prefer you like this, creature.”
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped.
“Or what, creature?” he asked as he sat up, stroking his cock.
“Put your wrecking ball penis away,” I said thickly.
I really had to get out of here, now. I needed to get outside, to escape past their defenses and think about everything that had happened. I turned away from him as he stroked my cheek. His throaty laughter irritated me as Callaghan watched.
“Tell me, Erie. What would you give us for a bath?” he asked, his eyes slowly sliding over my abused flesh.
“Go away,” I whispered thickly, and I closed my eyes, already half asleep even though my mind begged me to remain awake to escape the nightmares they continually showed me.
I stood outside his compound, my heart hammering against my ribs as I processed what he’d done. He’d let them murder his fucking child to protect a people that weren’t even his. How could he believe the lies the druids told him? Why wouldn’t he listen to me or face me? I spun around as a crowd of men was brought out of the compound, bound and gagged, then the King and his men placed them onto the pyres to burn.
I stood in the crowd, jaded by the man I’d fallen for. I didn’t understand what I had done wrong or why he preferred her to me. He’d protected her as he pushed me away, like I was some monster he couldn’t distance himself from fast enough. I’d sought him out, and he’d set guards upon on me, watching from his wall as they tried to hurt me. I’d never felt angrier in my entire life. Why would he do that to me? I had no access to my memories or my magic, and so they’d manhandled me, stopping just short of rape because he’d called a halt to it before I was left bleeding in the mud. It had been weeks since I’d seen him, and I’d done everything in my power to stop him from murdering his son, and he’d stopped me from helping him. If I got close to him, I was seized and removed from the area. They’d bound me to a fucking tree, leaving me there to be sought upon by men who had tried to rape me. I’d left their skulls on his wall, and yet still, I couldn’t reach him.
He’d told me he loved me, that I was his world, and the next day, he’d left me. My hand cradled the babe that swelled in my stomach. His child that he didn’t even know grew within me. I stepped back from the guards who marched through the crowd as the Templars were brought out, broken, and abused. My heart clenched as I closed my eyes against their once proud faces, now drawn and haggard from abuse.
Scanning the crowd, I found my Knight watching me as I smiled softly, my hand pressed against the child we’d created. I started to move towards him, but the anger I felt from him stalled me. I backed up, ignoring the chaos and the screams as the men were set ablaze. Instead of watching it, as my soul cried for, I stepped away, turning and leaving the field where their screams filled the air. I had to protect what we’d created together, even if he didn’t want it.
I had to find my home. A home where I could birth his child safely, where no one could harm him. A child I would love that I could raise to be better than I was. He’d know love, know that he wasn’t created from pain or rape, and love freely. I felt eyes on me, turning to stare at the Knights who had been hidden beneath cloaks as they approached and surrounded me. I didn’t fight them as I looked up to find Callaghan moving through them, grabbing my arm as he pulled me through the crowded road. He pushed me into the field where I tripped, stumbling until I righted myself and turned on him, glaring at him.
“I’m going to tell you this one time, and one time only. Leave, because the next time I see you here, I will murder you for what you took from me, monster. That screaming you hear, those are my brothers burning for something you started.” His grief poured off of him, a loss that I couldn’t understand.
He’d let them place a curse on his child, and he’d held him as his young life was snuffed out by that curse. His
wife, his precious fucking wife, had learned of what he held inside of him and she’d wanted nothing to do with him. I wanted him; I wanted to hold him and promise him that once she was gone from this world, we’d be free together.
“You think you can tell me what to do?” I asked, and watched as he withdrew his sword and held it in front of him to strike fear into my heart. “Your blades do not work on me,” I hissed and then screamed as he lunged, pushing it through my stomach. “No,” I uttered as I lifted my eyes to his. “He was mine!” I screamed as the air grew thick around us, my magic igniting and sending bolts of lightning crashing into the ground around us. “You will die! You all will die!” I screamed as I moved forward, pushing his hand away from the blade as I withdrew it from my womb, whimpering as I felt the life of my unborn son slipping from me. Something slammed against my head, and I stumbled, and more blades cut through me until I landed on the ground, lifting my eyes to his. “My baby, my home!” I whispered before consciousness slipped away from me.
I sat up sobbing as I screamed for the son I’d lost and grabbed my stomach protectively, only to be yanked back by the chains. My anger pulsed through me, directed at Callaghan as I turned, staring at him as a sob escaped. Tears streamed down his cheeks while he watched me.
“I told you that you were a mother, Erie. And that you would have been an amazing one,” he uttered thickly, his eyes watching me as tears rolled down my cheeks. “I only wish you’d shared that with me before that night.”
“You murdered our son?”
“Our son?” he asked as his brows drew together.
“You are driving me crazy! I don’t know what is real or isn’t anymore. I know I fucking hate you both! I am not her, nor do I want your fucking love.”
“You wanted my son,” he uttered as he leaned over, wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“No, Callaghan, she wanted your son. She wanted something to love her, and you took it away. She was looking for him, not you. You just happened to be there, and she fell in love with you. It isn’t a crime to love someone, is it?”
“It is when you curse an entire fucking race to achieve it! My son, Erie, my sweet son, who had yet to even begin living, was the cost to undo what you did!”
“I didn’t do it! I wasn’t the one who cursed your son! I’m not her; maybe your stupid fucking spell didn’t work, ever consider that? Do I act like a Goddess of War?”
“Yes, and you’re wearing her fucking face.”
“That you gave me!”
“No, no, Erie. I gave you her face, and the druids painted the woad exactly how the Mórrígan wore hers without knowing who the fuck you were. Blind fucking druids painted your face and your body, and yet they painted it exactly how you wanted it. Ever wonder why that was?”
“And I guess the abuse, that was just me wanting a refresher course to our twisted as shit lovefest, wasn’t it?”
“That was them knowing and sensing what you are. You are a fucking monster, and no matter how long it takes for you to figure it out, when you do, no one will be able to save you from yourself.”
“So what’s the plan, fuck me stupid? Murder me a thousand times?”
“Love you! The plan is to fucking love you, Erie. To be what you need, and to create the son that neither of us got to hold. Yeah, it’s revenge, because it is the one thing that terrifies you the most. Having to accept what you fear, and a family that you craved but could never fully grasp. You loved us both, so we became one. You were the strongest queen our race ever knew, and you will be again. They’re dying while you sit here, pretending to be someone else.”
“Not me! Her, you want her, and I’m just supposed to fucking die so you can have her back to love her? Jesus Christ, you really do intend to torture me,” I muttered as I closed my eyes. “Just kill me already.”
“You don’t want to die,” he uttered as he climbed back onto the bed, dropping a kiss to my stomach. “You never did when another life was on the line. Not one you wanted, anyway.”
“Callaghan, if I’m this monster you claim I am, why would you protect me from the druids? Why not just let them abuse me if you hate me so much?”
“You’re not hearing me, Erie. I didn’t hate you, not even when I drove my sword through you. I was grieving one son, and I’d lost my wife when I told her of you and what I carried inside of me. I lost everything because of you, and the only thing I wanted was to hold you. I loved my wife, but she couldn’t stand the sight of me after she learned what I had done and what I was. You were created for warriors, meant to be taken hard and fast, and she was everything you were not. I wanted you; I loved you. I hated you for that, for being unable to even look at her after I’d taken you. I failed her; I failed her because I’d been in the arms of a Goddess who gave me everything and held nothing back every time I was inside of her. Carolina was vanilla at best, or whatever comes before it. You, you were unhinged and wild and held nothing back, ever. When you gave yourself to me, you gave me everything. You set me on fire, and I wanted to burn. I hated you because you wanted to destroy me; you ruin those you love because it is all you have ever known. Your father taught you to destroy everything because love was a weakness. It’s what you do, and the worst part is, you don’t even fucking realize it. You sabotage everything to obtain what you desire while pushing them away to protect them from yourself. You’re a monster, but not because you want to be, because that’s what you were taught to be from the time you were created until now. Your father enjoyed teaching you to kill; he enjoyed teaching you what weakness was. The thing is, Erie, you murdered him too because you loved him.”
“I know you think this of me, but I’m not her, and I don’t want to be her. Can’t I just be me?”
“No, you can’t,” he said as he sat back and stared down at me. “You can stop pretending the memories you are having are ours. They’re not, they’re yours, and we can’t give them to you, we can only watch as you relive them through your mind.”
“Whatever, Paladin,” I growled.
“There’s that too; only she called me that. You do as well, and you do it for the same reason as she did.”
“And? People have confused the two since the Knights were formed; I know because I studied you and the Knights. I also have it on good authority that you told the Fae you were one, so whatever.”
“I have to go away for a few days tomorrow, Erie. Which means my men will be here to protect you. You will be dressed, but since you have yet to ask for food or to use the bathroom, you will remain in this room alone.”
“And you’ll supply the liqueur for this party?”
“You’re pregnant,” he said irritably.
“Right, sorry, with all the fucked up shit in my head you keep planting, it’s hard to decipher fact from your fiction. One thing I don’t understand though,” I said.
“And what is that?” he asked.
“If she was a Goddess, how did you kill her so easily?”
“The first time, we don’t know how or why she died, only that her body was there when we returned, and men stood around it, covered in blood. Your blood. The second time, I strangled you as you writhed on my dick, giving you the death you craved when you lost our child.”
“I asked to ride your dick while you strangled me, and you think you want that back? Maybe you should get your head checked while you’re out.”
“Actually, I prefer this version, and we planned to keep you as such, but then the witches showed up, and Hecate went missing from her tomb, where you buried her before cursing her children. There’s also the fact that an entire demon army is out there, waiting for their newly crowned queen to rise. If you meet them like this, they will murder you. Now be a good girl, and don’t fight me when I unchain you. I hate the idea of leaving a perfectly good, swollen pussy alone when it’s naked and wet with arousal.”
I watched him as he unchained my legs and
then my arms, and then I attacked, pushing him onto the bed. My mouth crushed against his as I slammed him down, using my hands to free his cock before I pushed it into my body. My eyes closed, rolling back in my head as I screamed while he filled me. His throaty laughter was the only indication that he enjoyed what I had done. He rolled us, slamming into me until I was trembling around his cock.
“This is what I love, this bare fucking bones you give me. You expose your soul when you fuck, Erie,” he growled as he gripped my chin, crushing his mouth against mine and I rolled us again, screaming while I came undone around him. “Now rest, because soon he is going to play with you again,” he uttered as he leaned over, kissing my head.
Chapter 47
Erie
I sat up in bed, staring down at Callaghan, where he slept. I looked up at where my arms were once again chained, snapping them free as I whispered a sleeping spell that would render the entire mansion defenseless. I touched his face, staring at him, and then I rose from the bed, moving to my backpack as I grabbed clothing, glamouring myself clean before I pulled them on.
Outside, the air was brisk, and the scent of ashes and sulfur clung to the breeze. I left the compound slowly, unhurried as I moved to the car I’d parked a few blocks from his house, in the woods. I paused as I hotwired the car, then headed towards the Guild the moment it started. I drove until the road became too littered with debris and trash, and then I exited the car and approached the Guild, watching as it lit up, sensing a threat. I smiled, turning to the shadows as I moved towards them instead, sensing eyes upon me.
I listened as the heels of the shoes I wore clicked along on the pavement as I walked towards the hidden Knights. My hair wafted in the wind, sending the scent of rain and fresh grass into it, the smell of Ireland. I paused as I waited for the Knights to emerge and face me.
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