Fantasy Football

by Jennifer LoGalbo

  “Thanks for the suckers,” I said to Casey.

  “Huh? What are you talking about?” she asked, and I could tell she meant it.

  “I know it was you who wrote that letter. If you want to be discreet, don’t quote what you wrote.” Cute, I rhymed. Casey continued to stare with a clueless gaze, so I helped her out. “Fugly bitch.”

  Casey snickered. “I saw those two words plastered to a bathroom mirror last week. It seemed to be perfectly written with you in mind.”

  “Funny,” I said dryly. “Careful, karma can bite you in the ass at anytime.”

  “Well, considering I covered your butt when you got all pukey-fainty at the football game, I don’t think I have anything to worry about.”

  Damn her! She didn’t write the note, and she covered my ass during the football game. I had no response…nothing. I ended up saying something that shocked the both of us, “Thank you.”

  In my peripheral I spotted Trent and Devin strolling down the hallway, and unfortunately they were headed in my direction. There was nowhere to ditch and hide. They honed in on my presence and trotted over.

  “Good to see you out of that hospital gown,” Trent said. “Drab isn’t a good color on you.”

  “No weights today, even if you feel one hundred percent,” Devin said in a harsh voice.

  Why were they pestering me? Why did they even care to talk to me? It then dawned on me that Mom probably hadn’t paid them yet, and they were looking for their fair share in the deal.

  “Did my mom not pay you boys yet?”

  “What?” Devin asked.

  “I’ll make sure it’s taken care of tomorrow,” I said. I stormed off, leaving them in the dust of annoyance.

  School hadn’t yet officially begun and I already couldn’t cope with people. Luckily I had an ace in the hole; the sick sympathy card, and I was about to cash it in. I called my mother to come get me and sent Nikki a text that I wasn’t feeling well.

  Mom picked me up in the nurse’s office and signed me out. As we walked to her car I said, “Can you pay the boys for their babysitting job, so they’ll leave me alone?”

  “I don’t understand,” she said fastening her seatbelt.

  “Trent said you paid them to watch over me.” She wouldn’t put the car in gear until my seatbelt clicked. “I think they’re looking for payment for services rendered.”

  “True, I did offer them compensation to make sure you stayed put. But when I went to pay them, they refused it.”

  “All of them?

  “Yes, all three pushed my hand away. Have they reconsidered?”

  I tried to rub the pain away in my throbbing temples. These three guys gave up their poker night to watch over me for free, and out of the kindness of their hearts. Yet I treated them like dirt, especially Trent and Devin. I wouldn’t blame them for a second if they hated me.

  It hit me then. I pulled out the note from the back pocket of my jeans and unfolded it. It read: I hope these suckers make up for the big one the nurse stole from you.

  Mom glanced over at me. “You’re turning white Parker. Should I pull over? Do you have to vomit?”

  “Yes, please.”

  Chapter 12

  I turned my fan on high speed and snuggled under my comforter. No matter how many times I mentally kicked myself, the feeling of despair and stupidity wouldn’t take a hike. Whoever took the time to carefully shove a hundred suckers in my locker through the grills, didn’t deserve my tirade. I realized I was no different than Casey or Amber. I was just another cold-hearted bitch.

  But who did it? Who wrote the note? It easily could have been Boyd. It certainly was in his character to do such a unique act. In a way, I didn’t want it to be Trent. He made my skin crawl. At least he did until the other day. And if it were Devin…who was I kidding?

  It wasn’t Devin. He was a tank with no feelings. It was his job to ridicule and be an ass. Hands down, I despised him more than Trent.

  And another question plagued me. Was the sucker bandit the same person who nearly put his fist through the wall in the hospital? Holy crap! When did life get so damn complicated? That was an easy question. My life became all topsy-turvy when I signed on to be the photographer for the school paper. I thought perhaps if I quit, Trent and Devin would disappear, as would my dilemmas. Although I highly doubted it.

  “I’m doomed.”

  What I always hated about co-ed gym class was the guys usually seem to have the advantage. They could jump higher, making layups appear effortless. They run faster, throw harder and can grasp a basketball with one hand with those massive fingers of theirs.

  When it came to gymnastics, girls had the upper hand in the sport. We were more flexible and gracious. Plus, I had some experience and could show off in front of skanks, Casey and Amber.

  I took a spot in front of the class and stood next to Nikki. The guys always clustered around in the back of the room, and I figured it to be for two reasons. One, they looked like a bunch of faeries when stretching out and knew it. Or two, they wanted to stare at the girls’ asses when we bent over to touch our toes.

  Boyd, Trent, and Devin settled themselves directly behind Nikki and me. Gee, I didn’t see that one coming. We started off with a fifty count of jumping jacks. Every time my arms came down next to my sides, I farted. One, fart…two, fart…three, fart.

  The class moaned and held their noses. But I couldn’t stop. Embarrassed as I was, I had to complete fifty jumping jacks. When I was finished, half the class was passed out, sprawled across the floor and gagging for air. Nikki was in hysterical laughter and Boyd, Trent and Devin stared at me in disgust.

  Oddly though, the gym teacher was unfazed by my flatulence and continued on with her exercises. I stretched my body out and began doing pushups. My nose started to tingle and my eyes watered, it’s what usually happens when a drastic sneeze is forthcoming.

  I convulsed a bit when I took two deep inhales, then let the sneeze rip through my nose and lungs. A long and gooey booger dripped from my nostrils, down to the mat. I scampered to my feet and the booger flung sideways, smacking Nikki in the face.

  Nikki screamed in horror and threw up her undigested fries from lunch all over Boyd. In turn, Boyd tossed his cookies on Devin, and the next thing I knew everyone was barfing on each other.

  “No!” I screamed, springing upright in bed.

  It was a just a dream, and a horrific one at that. I didn’t need a dream analyst to help me interpret that nightmare. It clearly was brought on by my subconscious of how I embarrassed myself in front of Trent and Devin. I even did Boyd some injustice. I needed to fix my blunder, pronto.

  I punched Nikki’s number in my cell phone and she picked up on the second ring. “Hey girl, how are you feeling?” she asked.

  “Not so good,” I said, peeking at the clock on my night stand. It was four-thirty. I again slept the day away. “I need you to help me coordinate a thank-you dinner with the guys.”

  “Guys?”

  “Yes, guys. Boyd, Trent and Devin. I want to take them to dinner tonight to show them my appreciation.”

  “Do I get to tag along?”

  “I was counting on it. Can you call Boyd and ask him to round up Trent and Devin to meet us at Cavello’s around seven?”

  “Cavello’s? Isn’t that a bit pricey?”

  “No worries, I have the funds.”

  Nikki pulled into my driveway at six-forty and honked her horn. I trotted out the front door and a blast of the fall wind in my face nearly suffocated me. Another reminder that winter was around the corner. I wasn’t a fan of winter, snow or the cold, and those were the reasons why I applied for colleges out west.

  When I reached the passenger side door Boyd emerged and flipped his seat down for me to climb in the back.

  “I don’t do backseats,” I told him.

  “I already have shot gun.”

  “Seriously, I will barf all over you if I sit in the back. And I don’t want to vomit anymore.”

/>   Boyd rolled his eyes and said, “Parker, a guy doesn’t sit in the backseat with two females in the front. We have a guy code and rules to follow.”

  “But I get car sick. Nikki hits just one bump and I’m road kill.”

  “Will you two knock it off?” Nikki said. “Boyd will drive and I’ll sit in the back.”

  Within ten minutes of our twenty-minute journey, I wished I were in the backseat where I thought it to be more safe and secure. Boyd was driving 10mph over the speed limit, weaving in and out between cars and riding people’s bumpers. I could drive better blindfolded.

  “You didn’t drive like this yesterday,” I said to him. “What’s your hurry?”

  “I’m hungry.”

  Nikki didn’t say a word. She was oblivious to Boyd’s reckless driving because she was too busy dolling herself up.

  We pulled into the parking lot the same time Trent and Devin pulled in. Trent was driving his late model Dodge pick-up truck. His car was older than me, but was in excellent condition. There wasn’t one visible scratch on the dark blue paint. It was a reminder to me as why he bought it a few months ago. I vandalized his other car.

  Boyd parked next to Trent and exited the car without any thought to Nikki stuck in the backseat. He did his strange handshake with Trent and Devin while I rescued Nikki.

  “We should probably let the Three Musketeers work out their testosterone issues and go secure a table,” I said to Nikki.

  “I’m right behind you,” Nikki replied.

  The restaurant was well packed for a Monday night. The bar area was at capacity with patrons watching the Denver Broncos take on the Oakland Raiders. My money was on the Raiders. I liked their uniforms better, and it was my dad’s favorite team, next to the Bears of course.

  A young blond hostess asked me how many were in my party. I held up five fingers. “Table or booth?” she then asked.

  “Table,” I replied.

  “No, actually we prefer a booth,” Trent said from over my right shoulder.

  The Hostess smiled and grabbed five menus. We followed her to a booth in the corner of the dimly lit restaurant. Trent was right on my heels.

  “Wouldn’t a table be more comfortable? I asked him.

  He leaned close to my ear and said, “Problem with tables is everyone walks by you, bumps your chair, bonks you in the head with big bulky granny purses. Booths are more private and secluded.”

  Trent had a valid point. And I couldn’t help but grin knowing he was probably speaking from experience. Only, how were the five of us going to fit comfortably into a booth? I figured if I slid in first, Nikki would slide in next to me, followed by Boyd. That would leave Trent and Devin on the opposite side.

  It didn’t go as planned. I was the first to slide in, but Nikki slid in across from me and Boyd sat next to her. Devin wrapped his large paws around me and yanked me out of my seat.

  “I’m not sitting next to Trent,” he said sliding in the booth.

  Trent pushed me to sit next to Devin and he took a seat to my right. I was squished between Devin and Trent and I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not. It was a bit constricting, but at the same time I felt safely guarded. Not that I was in any immediate danger…or was I?

  A waiter promptly served us ice water and a basket of warm bread with butter spread. It was a three-way tie as the boys fought for a slice of bread. If I wanted to keep my hand attached to my wrist, it was probably best to wait until the perimeter of the basket was clear.

  Two pieces were left. I held out the basket to Nikki. “Thank you, Parker,” she said all lady-like. “I wonder whatever happened to ladies first.”

  “Neanderthals never heard of ladies first,” I joked.

  “Oh, we’ve heard of it. We just don’t believe in it,” Boyd said.

  “You have got to be kidding me,” Trent moaned.

  He was staring across the restaurant. I followed his gaze and my body tensed at the sight of Casey, Amber, and Whitney Bell. Boyd and Nikki peered over their left shoulders for a peek and moaned as well.

  “I find it more than coincidence that the Trent Groupies would end up here,” Devin sneered.

  Trent shook his head and said, “I’ll go out on a limb here and say Teagan tipped them off. I’ll never understand why she’d want to be a Barbie Bitch.”

  “Just ignore them,” Boyd said grabbing a menu.

  We followed his lead and read through the menu. When I saw the prices of the meals I thought it best to reiterate that this meal was my treat. “Guys, don’t be shy. Get what you want and leave room for dessert.”

  “I think I can devour just about everything on this menu,” Devin said.

  “Parker’s complexion just turned ghostly white,” Boyd said laughing.

  Devin poked my ribs and laughed. “Relax, Collins. I need to keep my girlie figure. I’m going with chicken picatta.”

  “I was thinking the same thing,” Nikki said.

  “Make that three,” Trent said slamming his menu on the table. “What about you, Collins?”

  “I’m going to have chicken vesuvio. I’m sure it’s not poisoned here,” I said with a little chuckle.

  “Right on, Collins,” Boyd said making a fist in front of my face. We bumped knuckles and finger tickled each other. “I’m in with you.”

  A lanky waiter approached our table for our orders, asking if we wanted soup or salad with our dinner. Everyone wanted salad, but everyone was different on their choice of dressings. Nikki liked Italian, Boyd went with Thousand Island, Trent wanted French, and Devin asked for Blue Cheese. I went with Caesar.

  “Any appetizers while you wait?” he asked.

  “We could use more bread,” Trent said handing the waiter the empty bread basket.

  “I’d like escargot, please,” I said. The waiter left and everyone at the table made sure to express their displeasure in my choice. “Hey, you guys had your chance. And I’m not sharing.”

  Nikki’s body convulsed. “How can you eat snails?”

  “Snails?” Devin sneered. “More like dirty slugs.”

  “Okay, everyone get their jabs in now or forever hold your peace,” I said.

  Everyone at the table did just that. And the problem there was, they were all talking above one another so all I heard was jibber-jabber. The noise at our table was raised a few decibels, yet I managed to tune them all out.

  I may have been successful to turn a deaf ear, but unfortunately my eyes were like beacons and I saw Amber slither over to our table. What treat was I in for now? I wondered to myself.

  Amber was wearing a black skinny jeans and a purple v-neck angora sweater to show off her Victoria Secret water push-up bra. It didn’t take a genius to know she deliberately was working her assets to grab Trent’s attention away from me.

  “As your friend Parker, I think I should warn you that flaunting your money can’t buy friendship,” Amber said.

  It was the second time this week Amber mentioned being my friend. I was confused as to where she got the cockamamie idea. So I decided to play along. “Thanks for the tip,” I said to her.

  “And do you know what’s even sadder?” Amber asked.

  I shrugged and said, “Your fake cleavage?”

  Everyone at the table did their best to fend off laughing at my response. Amber flinched a tad, and her cheeks and nose turned dark red.

  “These are real,” Amber said, pushing her boobs up even higher out of her sweater.

  “What’s fake is your so-called friendship with Trent and Devin. It’s such a joke.”

  Amber turned to head back to her table the same time Trent whispered in a low voice,

  “I’ve had enough of this shit.”

  Trent jumped out of his seat and grabbed Amber by her arm, turning her around to face him. She gazed up into his eyes and displayed a victory grin, as she batted her long lashes.

  “Do you have a date for Homecoming Amber?” Trent asked.

  “Not yet Trent,” she beamed.

 
“Ever stop to wonder why?” he said, leaving her in a cloud of embarrassing abandonment.

  “Dude, that was harsh,” Devin said to Trent when he returned to the table.

  Trent took a sip of his water. “Maybe, but I’m sick of that clique thinking their shit don’t stink.”

  As soon as Amber reached her table, Casey and Whitney got up from their chairs and stormed out of the restaurant. I had no doubt they we’re going to conspire together with their fellow Barbie’s to find a way to deface my locker tomorrow morning, or set booby traps at my desk for each class.

  It was nearing eight-thirty by the time we finished dessert. I knew the guys still had homework to conquer, but my night was free. I’d probably hang on Facebook for an hour or two, and read a book before turning in.

  “Come on, Collins, I’ll take you home,” Trent said when we reached the parking lot.

  “That’s okay, Nikki and I are neighbors,” I said.

  Nikki had a strange expression on her face. “But I’m going to hang at Boyd’s for awhile.”

  “That’s okay,” I said. “I can just walk home from Boyd’s. I mean, it’s only a few blocks.”

  Devin laughed and bent down to whisper in my ear. “Can’t you take a hint, Collins? The two love birds want to be alone.”

  I smiled, maybe even gushed. “Oh, my bad.”

  Devin opened the passenger side door and motioned for me to climb in. Trent slid behind the wheel and clicked his seatbelt, as did Devin. Trent bent over me, feeling the seat in between Devin and me. When he did so, I got a good whiff of his cologne. I wasn’t familiar with the scent, but I caught myself melting in it.

  “Do I have to pummel you, Cummins?” Devin said in a deep voice. “Don’t be getting fresh with me.”

  “Funny,” Trent said. “I’m searching for Parker’s seatbelt. It’s probably under the seat.”

  “I’ll get it,” Devin said. And he reached his hand around me, nearly grabbing my ass in the process.

  “I can take care of it,” I said smacking Devin’s arm. I found the buckle in the seat and pulled it out, then clicked myself in.