Highlander's Burning Desire (Scottish Medieval Highlander Romance)

by Alisa Adams

  He paused for a moment. "I used to sing it to my wife,” he said at last. His voice was heavy with grief. "She was everything to me. I loved her with my whole heart. We never conceived a child together, although we tried, but toward the end, we were enough for each other. I would give anything to be able to turn back the clock and have her in my arms again."

  "I am sorry," Allana said softly, “it must have been a dreadful loss for you.”

  Gavin smiled sheepishly. "Thank you Allana, it was."

  Hazel eyes met brown and for a timeless moment, they could not tear their gazes away from each other. Gavin took a step forward and then paused. For a second, their lips were inches away from each other then he brushed past her and ran downstairs.

  Her gaze followed him, and she tried to understand what had just happened. They had been so close to kissing, but at the last moment, he had taken fright and bolted like a startled deer. Allana touched her lips where the kiss should have been, wondering what it would have felt like, then sighed. She would never know now. She went downstairs, but Gavin had gone back to his office and Leann had gone to bed. With nothing much else to do and feeling extremely embarrassed and stupid, Allana did likewise.

  She threw herself onto her bed and tried to distract herself with thoughts of Nevin, but he seemed like a boy now compared to the seasoned maturity of Gavin. He is an adult and Nevin is still a child and he is not the kind of child I need. She ran her hand over her flat stomach, realizing that what she really wanted was a baby, but Gavin's baby? No. He did not want her and anyway, it was too soon... Or was it?

  Perhaps she would be doomed to marry Nevin after all.

  Gavin too was confused. He had been upset by Allana’s prying at first, but now that he knew her a little better, he would not sleep for thinking about her. It would be wonderful to have a woman in my life again, he thought, Allana is lively, warm, and intelligent—all the things I value in a woman. She is beautiful too. Perhaps I misjudged her at first. I mistook curiosity for rudeness, but I was wrong. But then again, I loved Marion and she betrayed me. What if Allana is faithless too? God, if you are out there somewhere, please tell me what to do for I need Your guidance now.

  He turned over and tried to sleep, but even though he was exhausted he could get no rest. He was dreading the thought of facing Allana at breakfast, so he ate it on the run, pretending to have an emergency at one of the farms. They watched his back as he sprinted out, leaped onto Chester, and disappeared as if the wind was carrying him on its back. Snow had fallen all night and was four inches deep underfoot.

  "I hope he comes back in one piece," Leann's voice was anxious.

  "Yes," Allana replied, sighing and obviously distracted.

  "He is a very bad liar," Leann observed, watching Allana's face.

  "I do not know what you mean," Allana said with a fierce frown.

  "Allana, you know exactly what I mean!" Leann laughed.

  Allana said nothing.

  24

  Bettina’s Wedding

  In the middle of the coldest day they had yet experienced, Nevin and Bettina were lying together, warm and sated with lovemaking. "I love this time," Nevin said lazily, "holding you in my arms, knowing that we have made each other happy... I treasure every moment."

  Bettina was silent. Usually at this time, she would be teasing him to make him laugh, giggling, or sighing with contentment, but not today. "Nevin, there is something I must tell you," she said in a tone loaded with apprehension.

  Nevin was immediately alarmed. He sat up in bed and bent over her. "Are you ill, my dove?" he asked, terrified.

  "No, but you may not like what I have to say." Tears started to well in her eyes and he hugged her tightly to comfort her.

  "Tell me," he whispered. "Whatever it is we can deal with it together."

  She took a deep breath. "Nevin, I am two weeks late for my monthly flux."

  He stared at her for a moment, realizing the meaning of what she had said. "You mean - you mean you may be with child? My child?"

  "I have not lain with any other man!" she cried indignantly.

  "I am sorry, my love," he shook his head in confusion. "I did not mean to imply that you had. It is such a shock! Are you sure?" His expression was a mixture of anxiety and hope.

  "I am sure about my flux, not about a baby," she confessed. "It could still be any number of things. Are you angry with me?"

  Nevin laughed in disbelief. "Bettina, how could I be angry with you? If you are with child, it is my doing."

  Bettina sighed with relief. "I will wait a few more weeks to be sure."

  "Indeed, you will not!" Nevin said hotly. "We are going to be wed as soon as ever we can. I will not have our child born a bastard, not for my sake but for yours. A woman's reputation is a very fragile thing. We were going to be married anyway. Oh, Bettie, my Bettie, I love you with all my heart and soul."

  Bettina hugged him. Her heart was too full of joy to speak.

  They had decided to keep the news of the wedding a secret at first, telling only their parents. Allana was traveling, so they were unable to get news to her. Bettina and Nevin went to Kilmunnock Castle first. They were sitting drinking wine with Gwenda when they told her the news. She was overjoyed and hugged Bettina so hard she thought her ribs would break.

  "You were never promised to Allana," Gwenda reminded Nevin.

  Bettina looked down at her hands. "There is just one thing, milady." Her voice was hesitant and she looked up at Nevin for encouragement. He smiled and put an arm around her.

  "What Bettina means, Mother," he said, "is that she may be with child. My child."

  They both watched anxiously for a reaction. Gwenda was silent for a moment and then a slow smile spread across her face. "You will not be the first woman to go to the altar with child and you will not be the last." Her voice was kind as she looked at Bettina, then she directed her gaze at her son. "Nevin, I told you my wedding date was in October, did I not?"

  Nevin nodded and frowned. "And my birthday is in July. What of it?"

  "My wedding was in December," she said quietly and stopped to let the news sink in.

  "You mean..." Nevin was astonished. "You kept that from me all these years?"

  Gwenda nodded. "Forgive me, son, for it was not done to hurt you." She sighed. "It was just that I did not want everyone pointing fingers at you - at all of us. We were also married very quietly, so you see, you are not alone. Anyway, there may not even be a child, but I would be happy to see you wed if only to be sure you are safe and comfortable in your own bed."

  Nevin, after his first feeling of utter shock, found the situation quite funny. "Like father, like son," he said, shrugging.

  They all laughed.

  "Mother, we must go," Nevin announced. "We still have one more set of parents to see."

  "I wish your father was here," Gwenda said sadly, sighing. Just then, Bettina began to gasp and clutch her stomach then she clamped her other hand over her mouth. Nevin froze in panic for a moment, but Gwenda, looking grim, led Bettina out to the privy where she was violently sick.

  "Hmmm…" Gwenda said, smiling. "That looks like a good sign to me, young lady!"

  Nevin was wiping Bettina's mouth with a handkerchief. "Will it always be like this, Mother?" he asked anxiously.

  “For a while, perhaps, but it usually passes," she replied. "Are you feeling better now, dear?"

  Bettina nodded, but her face was white. Now, she was sure and she was terrified, but she had never been so happy.

  "Why the haste?" Malcolm asked as soon as they told him the news. Just then, Bettina bolted for the door and ran to the privy again. Edme followed her immediately, but Nevin deemed it wiser to stay where he was. Malcolm's eyes narrowed as he looked at his future son-in-law. "Is that what I think it is?" he asked shrewdly.

  "Yes, Malcolm, it is," Nevin replied, "but that is not why I want to marry Bettina. I want to wed her because I love her with all my heart."

  Malcolm smiled. "Edm
e predicted it. She said that you two would find each other someday and damn it! Women are always right in matters of the heart!"

  They laughed as he poured them both a tankard of ale and raised them in a toast. "To women!" Malcolm cried. "May we always be their slaves!"

  Just then, Gwenda and Bettina came back in, Bettina looking as white as milk and she looked at Nevin resentfully as if to say this is all your fault!

  "I think," Edme mused, "that perhaps we should arrange the marriage very soon."

  "How soon?" Bettina asked.

  "The day after tomorrow?" Edme suggested. "Every day that passes is one day fatter, my dear!"

  They laughed and toasted to the bridal couple. It was all settled.

  When Bettina arrived at the church, she took Nevin's breath away. Her dress was made of teal blue silk, a shade somewhere between blue and green that brought out the color of her eyes. It was an old one that had belonged to her grandmother, but it had been carefully preserved and looked as good as new. She had a wreath of holly berries in her fair hair, Edme's gold crucifix around her neck, and a red wool shawl that she had made herself to keep out the cold.

  Bettina hoped that she could get through the service hastily in case she was sick again, but Gwenda had already had a word with Father Jerome who had promised a quick but moving ceremony.

  Bettina walked up to Nevin’s side and he smiled down at her. Not long now, he seemed to say with his eyes.

  “Nevin, please make your vows to Bettina,” Father Jerome requested, joining their hands.

  Nevin’s voice was husky with emotion as he said, “Bettie, you are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me and I thank God for letting you love me. Today, I give you my heart and soul in the hope that you will keep them safe for the rest of our lives. This ring was my grandmother’s and it is the symbol of a lifetime of devotion. Will you accept my love?”

  “Oh, yes, Nevin!” she cried joyously as he slipped a plain gold ring on her finger. “Today, I pledge to love you, to be faithful to you, and to devote every moment of my life to making you happy. I promise to bear our children and cherish them as I cherish you. I accept your love with joy and gratitude. Will you have mine?”

  “I will, Bettie.” His smile lit up his face. “I always will!”

  It had only taken thirty minutes, but it seemed like a lifetime to both of them since all they wanted was to be in each other’s arms. Nevin looked into her bright green eyes, incredulous that this lovely woman now bore his name and belonged to him. A few moments before, they had been single people and now they were kinsmen, family. As he kissed her after the vows, he whispered, "You are mine now, milady."

  "I always have been," she whispered back.

  And so, it was done. Father Jerome gave them the final blessing and announced, "I give you m’laird and milady Kirk. May they have many years of happiness together!"

  There was cheering, congratulations, and many kisses, then they proceeded to a small but sumptuous wedding feast. However, after a few mouthfuls of food, Bettina put her hand over her mouth again and began to retch. Nevin, looking concerned, put his arm around her and waved everyone else away.

  "She is my wife now," he said sternly, "and I will take care of her."

  They stumbled a few steps in the direction of the privy until they were out of sight, then Bettina, her eyes twinkling, looked up at her husband, giggling. "Is it safe to run now?" she asked.

  Nevin looked over his shoulder. "Yes," he said triumphantly before he swept her off her feet and strode down the corridor to the suite of rooms that they had chosen for their wedding night. He carried her effortlessly up the stairs and shouldered the door open. He was being watched by a very surprised maidservant who curtsied politely then ran off to tell her friends what she had seen. Nevin laid her tenderly down on the bed and poured them each a glass of wine.

  "Do you think they have missed us yet?" Bettina asked, her voice arch and mischievous.

  "Do you care?" he asked, laughing.

  "No!" she replied emphatically before falling back onto the bed in a fit of giggles. Then she reached for him. "Come, m’laird Nevin. Make me your wife, your true wife, body and soul."

  "Oh yes," Nevin agreed. He undid the lacing on her dress and pulled it off over her head, then did the same with the silk petticoat underneath. Bettina undid the belt holding up his kilt and saw his arousal. She smiled wickedly and Nevin laughed as he pulled off his own shirt.

  Then he laced his fingers between hers and held her down on the bed, devouring her with his eyes. She could not have freed herself even had she wanted to, but she did not. Indeed, she thought she might never want to leave this bed ever again.

  "Now, milady," he growled, "tell me what you want."

  "I want everything," she whispered, "but gently."

  "Then you shall have it, milady, Bettina Kirk," he said, his voice infinitely loving then he proceeded to worship her. "Lie still and do nothing, Bettina, my dove," he murmured, "leave it all to me. I promise that from this day forward I will devote my life to you and our children and you shall never, ever want for anything."

  Then he kissed her. It was gentle, but it was shatteringly sweet and she found that she could not lie still. Her body had a will of its own and it disobeyed her even while she willed it to be still. When he kissed her between her thighs, she had to raise her hips and moan with joyous abandon. When he licked and nibbled her breasts, she had to turn her head restlessly on the pillow and when he slid inside her, she had to strain herself against him and move in time with his thrusts. And when ecstasy overtook them both, she had to scream.

  Afterward, he took her in his arms and kissed her forehead. "Congratulations, milady, for now, you are my true wife. Nothing will ever part us again."

  Bettina sighed. Here, now, held close to his flesh, she could have died of happiness. Then something occurred to her. What will Allana say? She thought. But it was swiftly chased away by another thought. Damn Allana! She has had her chance and she has wasted it! She turned over, snuggled into Nevin's chest, and went to sleep. With his arms around her, she could take on the world and win.

  25

  Breaking the News

  Hoping that the weather would turn for the better next day, Leann and Allana prepared to spend another night in Gavin's castle. Leann could feel the spark of attraction between the two of them, but neither of them acknowledged it and the whole situation made her feel very uncomfortable. She went into Allana's bedroom as her friend was dressing for dinner and confronted her.

  "What is going on?" she demanded. "First, you disliked him then you liked him and now you dislike him again!" She spread her hands in confusion. "I do not understand!"

  "You mistake physical attraction for love," Allana replied, sighing. "Yes, there is no doubt that he is a handsome man, if rather old—"

  "He is forty years old!" Leann protested. "He is hardly in his dotage, Allana!"

  "Why did he not tell me Kendrick was married?"

  Leann shrugged. "I do not even know if he knew of Kendrick’s presence until he sat down," she said reasonably, "and none of us knew he would make the announcement. Gavin knew Kendrick was married, but you must admit that it would have been the last thing on his mind to expect him to propose to another woman."

  Allana nodded slowly. “Maybe not, but he knew we were together. He could have said something. I expect that I am being extremely silly," she said, a little more cheerfully. "Anyway, I doubt that he will be courting me at any time in the future. No, Leann, I will have to find another suitor."

  They left the next morning on a day when the sky was a vault of pure, clear blue, the air sparkling but bitterly cold, and the distant sea flecked with stripes of foam. It is the kind of day that makes you feel good to be alive, Leann thought. They carried on their journey to Stirling then, having done all the buying and selling they could, they turned for home.

  Leann had been enchanted with the crofters, rough and ready people to be sure but also
friendly and welcoming. She had enjoyed a surprising amount of excellent food at their homes and never left without paying for her supper. She knew that she would be welcomed back and she felt privileged. They stopped at another estate on the way back, that of Laird McColl and he delicately asked Allana how she was feeling.

  "I am well, m’laird, but that monster has scarred both Leann and me and if I ever see him again, I swear I will have my revenge on him!"

  Liam shook his head, sighing. "I had a very bad wrong done to me once, Allana," he said heavily, "I managed to forgive, but it took a long time. And you, Mistress Leann?"

  Leann looked at the floor and bit her lip, thinking. "I feel angry, of course, m’laird," she replied, "but I also feel pity for him. It cannot be pleasant being such a selfish, poisonous person whom no-one likes. After all, everyone knows he is a beast now."

  Liam looked at her, his heart swelling with pity. She was not a beautiful woman, although she was by no means ugly, she radiated kindness.

  The next day they resumed their journey back to Dundas Castle.

  Allana was aching to see her family again. Her short romance with Kendrick now seemed like a bad dream and she was happy to consign him to the back of her mind until he disappeared forever. They stopped their horses at the top of the hill facing the two castles that looked at each other across the valley.

  "I stopped just behind this ridge," Leann informed Allana. "Kendrick had halted at the top, where we are now, singing a song he had made up himself. You do not need to know the words, Allana, suffice to know that he hates women with all his heart. He only loves us for our bodies, all the rest of his love he keeps for himself. I pride myself on being a relatively intelligent person, yet I could not see what was right in front of my eyes.”

  Allana reached out for her friend's hand. "He did one good thing, Leann," she said warmly, "he found me a new friend."