by Alisa Adams
Gavin looked out of the window. “You will end up with a fever if you ride in that,” he observed. “Stay a few days longer.”
Allana blushed. “Thank you,” she replied, “but I will go when the weather clears up.”
Gavin nodded. “If you wish,” he said lightly. He turned to the ale jug to pour a mug for himself and then offered one to Allana which she accepted. He sat down beside her, close but not touching. “Allana, I must speak to you about something that concerns both of us. Look at me.”
She looked into his green-brown eyes, achingly close to her yet so inaccessible. She watched his lips part and his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed nervously.
“There is something between us,” he murmured, “and I know you can feel it as well as I do.”
Allana nodded. “I do,” she replied. “But I can see that you are not inclined to do anything about it and I–I am a woman. I—” She could not say that women were not expected to make the first move in any relationship. It was expected that the man should do it, but she was in a no man's land of not knowing where she stood.
I am so glad you are a woman, he thought as he looked into the dark, depthless eyes that he loved. “I was married for a long time to a woman I adored,” he went on, almost unable to concentrate on what he was saying because of the distraction of her soft pink parted lips. “To think of being married again is... difficult, Allana.” He shook his head and raised his hands to the sides of his head in a gesture of exasperation. “There are things that you do not know about me and if they were not an obstacle, I would ask you to marry me tomorrow.”
He covered her hands with his strong workman’s hands on the table and she looked at them. He rubbed his thumbs against her small, fine ones, thinking how he would love to kiss them, hold them, and have them hold him. I want her so much... he thought, trying to quell his body’s instinctive response to her nearness. How much longer can I resist her? he thought desperately.
Allana returned her gaze to his face, the strong, chiseled face that had become so dear to her. “I would accept your proposal,” she murmured. “I would lie with you, take your name, bear your children, and do everything I could to make you happy. But you are not going to ask me, are you?”
For a split second, their faces were so close that she thought their lips were going to meet, but he drew back very slightly as doubt overwhelmed him. It was almost imperceptible, but it was enough. She drew her hands away and stood up. “I will wait until the rain stops,” she said flatly. “Then I will go home.”
“Allana!” he cried. “Wait!”
She neither paused nor looked back and he watched her climbing the stairs to her bedroom. She looked rigid and as stern as a soldier. He wished he could follow her into her bedroom and make passionate love to her. What was stopping him? Only the poisonous words of Kendrick Muir which were probably lies anyway. But there was that secret... How could anyone else have told him? And how could he have allowed Kendrick Muir to poison his mind against all women?
The rain did not relent all day. If it had been light rain or showers, she would have ridden through it, but it was a heavy and remorseless downpour. Allana remembered something as she sat in her room: When she and Leann had uncovered Kendrick’s plot, they had made a vow not to become cynical about men and neither of them had. Yet again she realized that women were stronger than men.
She had a book with her and her Bible. At least she would have something to do for the rest of the day. At mid-afternoon, she had a tray of lunch sent up to her room and another at dinner. She sent for bathwater to relax her and a hot stone for her bed, but as she was undressing, there was a knock on the door. Thinking it was the maid coming with the stone, she opened it and went into the room to brush her hair.
“Allana,” Gavin’s deep voice startled her. She whipped around to face him in nothing but her chemise.
They looked at each other for a moment, then she took one step toward him. One was enough. He almost crushed her to him and kissed her as if his life depended on it. However, Alana was not a woman who needed to be handled gently. She wanted him, was on fire for him, and without even knowing how it had happened, she was on the bed and Gavin was lying on top of her. She could feel every contour of his body pressed against her own.
“Gavin!” she cried.
He mistook her cry for pain and began to pull away, but she pulled him back and thrust her hips up to meet his. Looking into her eyes, he saw the need in them. Neither of them could wait a second longer. They kissed each other passionately with the force of the most tumultuous storms and tore at each other’s clothing until there was nothing left. The force of their passion was too strong for either of them to stop and savor the sight of the other naked before them. Instead, their bodies came crashing together, skin touching skin, tongues exploring everywhere.
Before long, he was inside her and it was unlike anything Allana had ever experienced in her life. Right then, she knew Gavin Ingram had ruined her for any other man and she would never look back. It took only a few thrusts before a wave of ecstasy crashed over her. Allana had never felt anything so wonderful. When he finally reached his climax too, they were both wet with perspiration and panting. Afterward, she lay in his arms, sobbing with happiness.
“I am sorry... I should have been gentler,” he said quietly. “But—”
Allana put a finger on his lips. “No. I am not like that,” she replied huskily. “Gavin... I had no idea. Thank you.” For a moment longer, she looked into his eyes and then she sat up. “I have to go, Gavin. This has been wonderful, but—”
“Stay,” was all he said. He had no real hope that she would and as she stood before him fully dressed, he knew that there was no way to stop her. “I wanted you to have this.” He handed her a polished wooden box with a buckle fastening. “It is not new, but I thought you would like it.”
For a moment, she hesitated, frowning, then she took the box from him. “Why?” she asked. “I have nothing for you.”
“We do not give to receive,” he replied, smiling. “I am giving it to you because I want to, and for no other reason. Promise me you will not open it until you are home.”
“Thank you,” she said softly. “I promise.”
“I will not see you tomorrow, so I will say my farewells now.” He bowed, kissed her hand, and gave her a chaste peck on the cheek. “Goodbye Allana, and have a safe journey.”
“Thank you,” she murmured. “Goodbye, Gavin.” Then she turned her back on him and heard the door fastening click as he left. She got into the scented water of the bath, but for once, it did nothing to calm her. She only longed for that which could never be hers. Since Gavin refused to marry her and Allana was no longer a virgin, she had very little choice but to succumb to spinsterhood.
The next morning was blustery and cloudy, but thankfully not wet. Allana breakfasted and then rode away, not looking back. She did not see Laird Gavin Ingram standing at the window looking longingly after her. It was a long ride home and Allana had a lot of time to think. Nevin, Kendrick, and now Gavin... She seemingly did not have the ability to choose a husband for herself, so perhaps it was time to hand the whole matter over to her father after all. It was the last thing she had wanted, but she was too weary to worry about it anymore. Though she would have to keep the truth of her maidenhead a secret from her father which pained her greatly, but what choice did she have? Women were not afforded the same luxuries as men.
Allana had never been so glad to be home as she had the day she arrived back. Bettina was not there, of course, but her mother was. Edme rushed up to her daughter and flung her arms around her then stood back to look at her. As soon as she did, her face creased into an anxious frown.
“My dear, you look dreadful!” she cried. “What have you been doing?”
Allana’s face looked wan and sad without any of its usual liveliness. It was as if a light inside her had gone out. “Thank you, Mother,” Allana replied, trying to laugh. “I am glad to
see you too!” She brushed past Edme. “I am very tired, Mother, and I would like to sleep for a while. Please wake me up for dinner.”
Edme went straight to Malcolm. “My love,” she said, the worried frown not leaving her face. “There is something very wrong with Allana.”
Malcolm looked up from his books. “What is it?” he asked, his voice anxious. Whatever was wrong with Allana was never a small thing.
“She is miserable,” Edme answered. “She looks sad, tired... She does not look at all like our Allana.”
“We will speak to her later.” He reached out for Edme’s hand and kissed it. “And perhaps invite Bettina over. The baby might cheer her up.”
“Allana was never one for babies,” she said doubtfully, then sighed. “But it is worth a try.”
Up the stairs in her bedroom, Allana sighed, flopped down on the bed, and thought about Gavin. She had willingly given him her virginity and now, no other man would want her. But only if they knew and she knew that there were ways of pretending. However, she would have to keep it a secret, even from Bettina. For now, she hardly cared. She would relive Gavin’s lovemaking every day and every night in her dreams and no-one could take it away from her. She was about to get up and wash when she caught sight of the wooden box. It was about twelve inches long, eight wide, and four deep. She stood looking at it for a moment, afraid to open it in case she burst into tears.
Eventually, she summoned up the courage and gasped when she saw the beautiful object inside. It was a scarlet shawl, made of the finest cashmere and fringed with silk tassels. She held it up draped it around her shoulders, and then looked at herself in her polished metal mirror. The shawl had been packed inside with rosemary and lavender to keep the moths away and their fragrance lent even more exotic appeal to the lovely garment.
In her haste to see how it looked, Allana almost missed the letter inside. It was written on parchment, folded into an envelope, and was closed with a wax seal carrying the Ingram family crest. She carefully broke the seal and read:
Dear Allana,
I give you this gift because it belonged to my mother, a dark and lovely lady like you who looked her best in scarlet. Since she is no longer with us, I could think of no-one better to wear it in her stead. I know that you will look enchanting in it, and I hope that you will think of me when you drape it over your shoulders.
Your Own Gavin
She put her hand over her eyes to stop the tears coming, but they came anyway, leaking down her face like rain. Wonderful, she thought, now I will have red eyes to go with my already miserable countenance! She sighed, put on a fresh dress, and ventured downstairs. Bettina was there with Nevin and the baby, looking as if the sun was shining out of her. She looked up as she saw Allana and gave her sister a dazzling smile and Allana managed a very unconvincing one of her own.
“Allie!” Bettina rushed into her sister’s arms and Allana could not help the upwelling of love she felt for her happy, lovely sister.
“Let me look at you!” Bettina put her away for a moment and surveyed her from her head to her toes.
“I am sorry I look such a mess,” Allana apologized. “I rode a long way today.” She looked over at Nevin who was cradling the baby in his arms. “I think we need an introduction,” she said, laughing and holding out her arms.
“This is David,” Nevin said proudly. “The next Laird of Kilmunnock!”
David had been asleep, but he opened his eyes as soon as Allana took him and gazed up at her with frank curiosity. His eyes were the same gooseberry green as Bettina’s, but his face, even though it was still chubby and babyish, was all Nevin’s. As Allana held him, she fell in love. I want one of these, she thought, I want Gavin’s baby. She kissed the little forehead and handed David back to Nevin. “A fine little Laird,” she said smiling at both of them.
Bettina and Edme looked at each other across the table. Their feminine intuition, always finely tuned, especially so with Allana, and they could see that something had affected her, for good or ill.
“Allie,” Nevin said as he speared a large piece of venison pie. “Did you know I had a letter of apology from Gavin Ingram? I wrote one back. Neither of us covered ourselves in glory that night! But anyway, how was your trip?”
“A bit sad,” Allana replied, as she poured herself some wine. “In fact, very distressing.” Then she began to tell them about Lady Catherine’s death and Kendrick’s part in it. “He is now in Laird Ingram’s dungeon, in solitary confinement.”
“But they were friends,” Malcolm said, puzzled. Then his brow cleared. “But Gavin used to be a very honorable man, particularly towards the fairer sex. Mind you, he has changed. I do not know Munro Douglas or his wife, but no-one deserves to be treated like that. I am sure Gavin would not tolerate it.”
“No, indeed,” Allana replied in a distracted manner. She stood up and poured herself some wine then went to the window and looked out. If Gavin had walked through the door that minute, she would have dragged him to her bedroom and locked the door. She forced the thought out of her mind.
She would speak to her father later and have him organize some young Laird with prospects for her and she would have his children and live in perfect respectability for the rest of her life. Perhaps overwhelming love had been too much to ask for.
To distract herself, she asked, “Have you heard from Leann? It has been months since I saw her.”
“We had a message from her just last week,” Edme replied, glad of the change of subject. “She has petitioned the Church Court for a divorce on the grounds of adultery, not with you, dear, we know that, but he has lain with many other women. She feels that they will grant it, but it may take some months.”
Allana raised her eyebrows. “Have you written back to her?”
“Not yet,” Bettina replied.
“Then I will,” Allana said grimly. “Perhaps the hangman will save the trouble of a divorce!”
32
A Lecture from Leann
Leann had bought a handsome house near Oban with her own money and she was proud of it even though it had been slightly neglected and would need some restoration. She loved the peace and security it gave her; Kendrick could never come near her in her own home. She had hired a housemaid and a man who could do all her gardening and repairs and she was content. She doubted she would ever trust a man enough to marry again however, despite the vow that she and Allana had made.
The only person she missed was Allana, her one real friend. She had no idea where she was, however. Allana was always busy, always traveling, and busy trading. She was never in one place long enough to be contacted, but that was the friend she loved. Leann’s life was tranquil and if she missed the feel of a warm body at night and a pair of strong hands driving her to ecstasy, it was nothing compared to the serenity of her current existence.
Then, one day, the peace was cruelly shattered when a letter came for her. It bore Allana’s seal and Leann smiled as she tore it open with happy anticipation, but as she read it, her mood of joy turned to something else. When she read the letter, she was shocked and furious. It seemed that wherever Kendrick went he left a swathe of destruction behind him. Allana had not mentioned her feelings for Gavin Ingram, of course, but even without that Kendrick Muir was guilty of trampling on many, many hearts.
She sat down with the letter and thought for a while. Gavin Ingram’s castle was not far away and he would be glad to see her. She wanted him to tell her what a piece of paper could not and see for her own eyes that Kendrick was safely locked up.
Accordingly, she set out on the ride, hoping that the Laird would be at home. Fortunately, he was. He greeted her with a wide, welcoming smile. “Leann! How good to see you!” he exclaimed, kissing her hand. “Come and have some wine and tell me all your news!”
“I will,” she replied. “And it is very good to see you too, Gavin, but I have not come here merely on a social visit. Do you have time to talk?”
“Of course,” he led her into t
he parlor and they sat with glasses of mulled wine, silent for a few moments. Leann was not quite sure how to begin, so Gavin, seeing her difficulty, started for her.
“You are here to talk about Kendrick, are you not?” he urged gently.
“Amongst other things,” she replied. “I am angry, so angry that he has ruined the lives of so many people and is continuing to do so. I can see by her letter that Allana is consumed by rage.” She took a sip of her wine, sighed, and went on. “She and I made a vow to each other that we would not let Kendrick’s treachery affect our ability to trust other people, especially other men. However, that is an easy thing to say but much harder to do and we are both struggling with it.”
“I made no such vow,” he replied, frowning, “but I am also having difficulty.” He seemed to be about to say something else but changed his mind at the last moment. He drained the rest of his wine in one draught.
“He is in your dungeon?” Leann asked.
Gavin nodded.
“May I see him?”
Gavin gazed at her, thinking. Leann amazed him. In the brief time he had known her, before the whole sordid affair had begun, she had seemed like an ordinary, even slightly timid woman. Now, he saw that she was made of granite. He wondered what the circumstances of their marriage had been since Kendrick had never told him.
He shrugged. “If you wish,” he replied, “but why?”
“I know it is foolish,” she explained, “but I want to see that he is really imprisoned, really trapped. And there is a base part of me that wants to see him suffer.”
“I do not let people suffer,” Gavin informed her. “He is being treated humanely, although he is in solitary confinement and speaks to no-one. He has enough plain food to keep him alive and he is allowed fresh air in the courtyard three times a week, although that privilege will be taken away if he tries to speak to anyone.”
She frowned, puzzled. “Why?”
“Perhaps when I said I did not let him suffer I was not being quite honest,” he replied. “I will never torture anyone physically, but Kendrick loves the sound of his own voice, so I deny him the pleasure.”
