Avalon

by Lana Davison

  “It’s more than infatuation,” I said anticipating what she was about to say.

  “If you say so.”

  “I know so, Sara. Isn’t it possible that I can find love with someone on Earth?”

  “Yes it is, but I don’t know if it’s the same kind of love, love as I know it.”

  “What matters is that I feel incredible when I am with him.”

  “I’m happy for you, Holly, just slightly concerned that you are getting way too serious, too early.”

  “When did you get serious with Stuart?”

  “Well it’s different for us. We always knew we would be together, from the moment we were small children. We had this connection, it was like, I don’t know, like a fish needs water to survive, we just knew we needed each other.”

  “So how old were you?”

  “We were young,” she admitted looking down. “Your age, but we knew what we were doing. We knew we would be together forever.”

  “Even if you weren’t together forever, I wouldn’t judge you. Like you said yourself, people have relationships on Earth, they break up, they make new relationships, but not everyone is like that. I don’t know if that will be Leo and me but everything tells me, he is it, I don’t want to look elsewhere.”

  “Well of course you don’t. You are in the new stage in your relationship, the exciting stage and you only have eyes for each other.”

  “Sara, please don’t dismiss it as just any old relationship. I know what I feel, we both feel it, a connection as you put it.”

  Sara realised she was starting to upset me, as she tried to reduce the meaning of my relationship with Leo. “OK, Holly. I believe you feel special when you are with him.”

  “Even when I’m not. Just knowing we are together.”

  She nodded. “I understand you love him.”

  “Yes, Sara, I really do.”

  “Well I can’t wait to meet him after the school holidays.” She smiled and got up to give me a cuddle. “My girl is growing up. You’re turning into an extraordinary young lady and Leo is very lucky to have you.”

  “You will love him, Sara. You’ll see for yourself.”

  Sara squeezed my shoulders. “How about we go out? Want to go and see a movie? Shall we go and get our nails done? Coffee and cake in a café?”

  “All of the above.”

  “Come on then,” she gestured with her head.

  *****

  “I need to learn how to drive,” I stated as I climbed into the car next to Sara.

  “Oh yeah, of course. We ought to get you some lessons.”

  “I’ve only got a three week window.”

  “I know. Stuart or I will give you a lesson this evening and I’ll organise for a professional driving instructor to come over to teach you every day next week. You have to sit a practical exam too.”

  “Can I do that tomorrow?”

  “Well don’t you want to study for the exam?”

  “Emily did the exam, I helped her study. I think I could pass it.”

  “All right, I’ll take you for your exam in the holidays. Now we’ve gone from hanging out with lots of free time, to being busy. “ Sara said.

  “I want to get my licence before I go back to school.”

  “Well we can only do our best.”

  “I know.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Ready to go back to school,” Sara asked sitting in the passenger side of the car.

  “Yes.” I lifted my eyebrows, thinking about Leo. I put the key into the ignition and started the car up, then moved the gears into reverse and looked over my shoulder, keeping my hands at the two o’clock and ten o’clock position.

  “Ok but be careful,” Sara said as I backed out of our drive.

  “I will. I’ve got my licence now, don’t worry.”

  “Yes, but insurance policies for under 25s are very high, because new drivers are prone to accidents.”

  “Hush,” I said playfully.

  “You must be pleased to be getting rid of me again,” I said as we sat at a T-junction waiting for traffic to clear.

  “Never,” Sara teased.

  “I’ve been chewing your ear off with Leo stories. Sorry if I’ve gone on a bit too much.”

  “No it’s fine. I’ll be pleased to eventually meet him this weekend.”

  “Which reminds me, I will see him today. Whoop, whoop,” I said raising my hand above my head as if to cheer.

  “Oh you are funny sometimes.”

  “Just be nice when you meet him.” I stated knowing on one hand she was truly happy for me, but on another she thought my relationship with Leo was a little on the ambitious side – she put it down to my youth.

  “I wouldn’t be anything else.”

  I played with the ring on my necklace, content knowing it was there. I had missed Leo so much the past three weeks I couldn’t wait to see him. I hoped he might arrive at school at the same time as me and see me driving.

  I proudly took the next left turn into the school grounds and drove slowly down the exceptionally long drive until I reached the school car park.

  “Why don’t you find a space and I can get into the front?”

  “OK,” I said, still slightly nervous about parking. I did not want to have to drive into a parking space then back up to straighten the vehicle and enter again a thousand times. I certainly didn’t need an audience when it came to parking.

  Sensing my anxiety Sara said, “Just take your time. Learning to park is often the hardest part of driving.”

  I found two empty parking spaces next to each other and decided if I wanted to get it right the first time, than this would surely be the easiest option. I accelerated slowly forward and parked perfectly.

  “Well done, you,” Sara said.

  “Thanks.” I was pretty pleased with myself. I pulled the hand brake and got out of the car and opened up the boot, collecting my bag. Sara gave me a hug and I sauntered off to my dorm and left my bag there to unpack later.

  I hurried to my first class and sat anxiously at my desk, excited beyond words to see Leo. What had his parents said about me? I pulled my necklace again and occupied myself fiddling with my ring. The clocked ticked and most of the seats in the classroom were now full, but Leo was nowhere to be found. I panicked for a moment, but realised there was no need, surely there would be an explanation, like the time Leo had been sent to the school doctor to have a medical. Perhaps this time, he had to fill out some forms, or had been excused from first period to do something of great importance.

  *****

  Days passed and still there was no Leo. I was mystified by his absence, lost and not at all myself, always looking at the classroom door, or watching who entered the dining room at school. Slowly but surely my disappointment grew. I called Leo on the phone every day, several times a day, and no one picked up. I left messages, but none of them were returned. I spoke to Matron and my form teacher, Mr Davis and asked them to find out when Leo was due back. Emily watched my anxiety spread, I began to bite my fingernails and as each day passed I ate less and less, just wanting to know where Leo was.

  “Holly Stephens can you come to my desk?” Mr Davis asked. I walked up quickly, hopeful for some answers. “Since you asked me to find out when Leo is due back, I feel it only fitting to tell you he isn’t.”

  “You mean, you’re saying he isn’t coming back at all?” I made a weird face as if the sheer audacity of Leo not returning was too unreal to comprehend.

  “Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. Someone has collected his property and that was that.”

  “Well when did this happen? Who collected his things? Did anyone leave a forwarding address? What if I need to get a message to him?”

  “I don’t know the answer to any of your questions. I suggest you check with the front desk when you get a chance.”

  I felt my heart pound with fear of loss, it hurt, my heart genuinely ached. I made my way to reception to try and make sense of Leo’s wher
eabouts. The receptionist; a happy-faced lady in her thirties with shoulder length blonde hair, was on the phone when I arrived. Covering the phone with her hand she mouthed, “Give me two minutes.”

  I wanted to say I hadn’t got two minutes because they were the longest two minutes ever known to man. I was desperate for answers.

  “How can I help you?” she said, finally.

  “I’m trying to find out what happened to Leo Regent. He was a pupil here at this school last term and he hasn’t returned. Is it true he’s not coming back?” I blurted out.

  “Right, now let me think. Leo Regent, um yes, I remember, yes, a man came to the school and explained that Leo wouldn’t be coming back, don’t ask me why, I’m only the receptionist. I don’t know why. He took all of Leo’s belongings, so it’s fair to say he is not intending to come back.”

  “It’s true then?” My eyes were wide.

  The receptionist came out from behind the desk and held both my upper arms and shook me gently. “Are you all right, lovey? You look white. Can I get you something?” She led me over to the sofa across from her reception booth and suggested I sit down for a moment while she collected a glass of water.

  I sipped on the water slowly, my head still buzzing with questions, my eyes darting around the room as I tried to compute the information. The receptionist took my hand in hers and rubbed it, her way of comforting me. “Was he a good friend?”

  “Yes.” I nodded.

  “A boyfriend?”

  “Yes,” I said taking my free hand and playing with my necklace, thinking about the ring, touching it, reminding myself it was there and every bit as real as it ever was. Nothing made sense.

  “Do you want me to call someone for you? Maybe the school nurse?”

  No, I shook my head. I sat there for a minute or two in a trance and then got up. “OK better go,” I said as if talking to the wall.

  I walked to the common room not quite sure what I was going to do, who to tell and what I was going to do about it? I told myself it was not over, I knew where Leo lived and I would drive there as soon as I could speak to Ryan. Ryan would have answers. For now this seemed to appease me, because the thought of feeling helpless was not an option I was willing to explore.

  Emily sat in the corner amongst friends and saw me enter the room. She immediately got up and approached me.

  “You don’t look so well, what’s wrong?”

  I took her arm and walked her outside the room to get a little privacy. “Leo’s not here and he’s not coming back.” The tears started.

  “Oh, Holly. Are you sure?” Emily put her arms around me.

  I nodded. “Yes, I checked.”

  “It doesn’t make sense.”

  “I know,” I sobbed.

  Henry and David walked past us and I caught Henry staring at me for a bit longer than I liked. I wanted to shout what are you looking at? or Are you happy now? but I didn’t. It wasn’t my style, it would be the anger talking.

  “Let’s go back to dorm and clean you up,” Emily said. “You’ll be all right, Holly. Don’t cry, you’ll be better tomorrow, you’ll see.”

  I nodded as Holly led me back to dorm and straight to our bedroom. Emily brought her box of tissues to my side. “Use as many as you want. Do you want me to stay?”

  “No,” I said, knowing there was no point in having her sit there while I cry.

  “I will speak to matron and I’ll come back to check on you after my next lesson.”

  My head spun, I couldn’t believe Leo was gone for good. I had to find out from Ryan once and for all, convinced he could make sense of this stupidity. In my heart I knew Leo wouldn’t hurt me, he had said as much on more than one occasion. I had to believe in that. I sat up, wiped my eyes and blew my nose several times. I washed my face with cold water and knew exactly what to do. I walked back to my room, took out my phone and dialled home.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Sara. It’s Holly.”

  “Holly, how are you?” she asked happily and then her voiced changed. “Is everything all right?”

  “No,” I began and though I tried hard not to, I began crying again. I couldn’t make a proper sentence, sobbing through my words.

  “Holly, I can’t understand you. You need to calm down and take a few deep breaths. I can’t help you because I don’t know what you are saying.”

  I managed the words, “Come and get me.”

  “I’m coming,” she said. “Meet me at reception. Leaving now.” She hung up the phone without question.

  I tried to compose myself again with another visit to the girls’ bathroom. I washed my face with cold water and continued to dab water over my eyes until I could take no more. I felt fresher but not necessarily better.

  Matron appeared at the bathroom door and saw me patting my eyes with a wet tissue, “Are you all right Holly? Is there anything I can do?”

  “I’ll be OK.” I sniffed. “I’ve called Sara, she’s meeting me at reception.”

  *****

  “Sara,” I shouted, the moment I saw her enter the school building.

  She saw me standing waiting for her in the reception doorway, “Holly, what’s the matter?” she asked running to me.

  “I want to go home with you tonight. I don’t want to talk about it here, I need to go.”

  “OK, OK.” She embraced me and played with my pony tail brushing it with her fingers, her way of relaxing me. “Please can I take her?” Sara asked the receptionist.

  “It shouldn’t be a problem, I’ll just get clearance for you.” The kind receptionist dialled a phone number and spoke to the headmaster. “That should be fine,” she said to both of us genuinely feeling my distress.

  “What’s all this about?” Sara asked as we walked to the car.

  “It’s Leo.”

  “Has that boy broken up with you?”

  “No, well, I don’t know. It’s not like that.”

  “So what’s going on?”

  “He’s left. This boy I fell for has left and he’s not coming back. No goodbye, no nothing. Who does that? It’s not like him. The school told me someone came to collect all his belongings. Sara, I need to go to his house, I need to go now, please,” I pleaded.

  Sara read my eyes. “OK, Holly, we can go. I’ll take you there now.”

  “Thank you. I need to know if he’s all right, I need answers. He wouldn’t just leave.” I thought about my last conversation with Leo when I asked if he was nervous about telling his parents about me and he wasn’t. I thought about how his parents had arranged a marriage, but it wasn’t like they were religious. He never made me believe it was their belief, it was just their hope. Leo had persuaded me that it didn’t matter anyway, because he wouldn’t do it, he was convinced that his parents would accept me because he had. I had no reason to doubt him. After all, he was a man of his word.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “This is a nice area,” Sara commented as I directed her towards Ryan’s house.

  I nodded, concentrating on where we were, making sure we were going in the right direction.“See the roundabout ahead? You need to turn right.”

  “OK.”

  We drove past the house of the guy that had backed into Leo while he was on his bike. “That’s his house, up ahead,” I pointed.

  Sara slowed down as we approached the largish red bricked house. “How did you know where he lives?” she asked.

  I had forgotten, I never told Sara I had been here. “Em and I came once,” I quickly improvised.

  She nodded, accepting my explanation. “OK, we’re here,” she said, parking the car on the street next to the pavement. “Do you want me to come in?”

  “If you want. Let me check to see if anyone is here first.”

  Sara nodded and waited, watching me to make sure I was all right.

  I made my way up the drive, turning around to give Sara the thumbs up to let her know I was on my way and all was fine – so far.

  From the outside the house
looked like it could be a show home, yet lifeless and empty, the way I had felt the moment I was told Leo was not coming back to school. I looked through the front window as I approached the door, no signs of life inside. I rang the doorbell and waited a minute. No answer. I rang the doorbell again, this time pressing it quickly four or five times. I waited, but still there was no answer. I twiddled my fingers and considered what else to do. I moved up close to the window, putting both my hands to the side of my face to stop any unwanted glare coming into view and searched the living room, the office and hallway. All the furniture was there, exactly as I had seen it on my previous visits, and with the garden being maintained, surely this must mean someone still lives here. Undeterred, I made my way to the fence that bordered the back garden, I jumped up to see if I could see anything and, having very little success, I resorted to holding onto the top of the fence and pulling myself up. I had only a few seconds to search before my arms and hands had had enough. Ryan could be out. Perhaps I would have to come back again. I would come back every day, if I had to. I would find a way. I turned to walk back to the car, when the gate attached to the back fence opened.

  “Holly,” came a small voice.

  I turned around, it was Ryan. “Ryan, thank God you’re here,” I said rushing over to him and throwing my arms around him with relief. “I guess you might know why I’m here,” I said stepping back, my mood becoming more serious.

  “You want to know about Leo.”

  I nodded once.

  “He didn’t return after the holidays. I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you.”

  “Can you tell me why?”

  “He couldn’t return. I mean, he didn’t want to return. He said it would be a mistake, he is with someone else, and is supposed to be with someone else. I am really, and I mean really sorry to have to tell you, that Leo no longer wants to see you.”

  I stepped back, dumbfounded. I did not expect such an explanation from Ryan. “Ryan, it’s me, Holly, you saw the two of us together; we love each other. Leo told me there was someone else, he said his parents organised some kind of arranged marriage, relationship or something like that. He said he could no longer commit to her because of me.”