Forever Awakenings

by Lisa Bilbrey

  A sigh of relief left her lips when she spotted him walk into the cafeteria. His eyes darted around the room, landing on hers. He smiled, and Elle knew he was okay. Not perfect, but okay. He tilted his head toward the coffee and motioned that he’d be right there.

  Elle picked up her cup and took a sip while she watched him make one for himself. He paid for the cashier and walked over to her, taking the seat next to her. Unlike the night before, his hair had been combed and his eyes weren’t as red.

  “Hey,” she said, reaching out and taking his hand. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

  “I sat in my car for twenty minutes trying to get the courage to come in,” he admitted, his other hand covering hers.

  “Me too,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Lydia was okay with you coming by yourself?”

  “No,” he chuckled. “She’s waiting in the car, but at least she’s trying, right?”

  Elle nodded and turned her attention back to the front of the cafeteria. Jo had just walked in. She saw Elle and Samuel seated in the back of the room, smiled, and grabbed herself a cup of coffee before joining them.

  “Well, this is a surprise,” she said, sitting across from Samuel. “I wasn’t expecting you, Samuel.”

  “Is it okay if he’s here?” Elle asked, nervously.

  “Of course it is. We’re just enjoying some coffee, right?” Jo took a sip of hers before placing the foam cup on the table. “So, how are you, Samuel?”

  “Been better,” he replied with honesty.

  “I’m sure that’s true.”

  “I don’t know how this works,” he said, leaning forward, his hands still covering Elle’s.

  “You talk, I listen. I give my educated advice. It’s pretty simple.”

  Samuel frowned. “How do I let go of the fear?”

  “You don’t,” Jo said, picking up her coffee again. “You and Elle went through a horrible, traumatic experience, one that will always effect how you live your lives.”

  “So, we’re just fucked?” Elle asked, scowling. “What are we supposed to do? Put a fake smile on and pretend that we’re not falling apart?”

  “If that’s what gets you through the day,” Jo admitted before taking a sip of her beverage. “Sometimes it will work, and other times that won’t be enough. Sometimes, you’ll scream or cry, or be angry, and that’s okay. That’s expected. It’s how you deal with those times that matters.”

  “And how do we handle those times?” Samuel asked. “Because I’m tired of being scared.”

  “You talk,” she said. “To each other, but also to your families. The ones that have proven over and over that they love you, that they aren’t letting you go. It’ll be hard. I won’t lie and say that it will be easy, but you can do it.”

  “What if they don’t want to hear what we have to say?” Elle whispered, thinking about the way she lashed out at her mother. “How many second chances do we get?”

  “A million. Two million. More. Less. I don’t know,” Jo said, shrugging her shoulders. “You can’t control how other people feel. You can only be honest with how you feel.”

  “So, we should do what?” Samuel asked. “Just tell them everything? They’ll look at us differently.”

  “They’re already looking at us differently,” Elle murmured, drawing Samuel’s attention to her. “My mom and dad, Ivy, Nick, Lucia, Aaron, none of them have called once since . . . Flora and Willow,” she whimpered, “are scared of me.”

  Samuel frowned. “Me too.”

  “Have you asked them why?” Jo asked.

  Elle shifted her eyes back to her. “I know why. I just don’t know how to make it better. How do I make my girls not afraid of me anymore?”

  “You remind them over and over that you love them.” Jo finished her coffee before standing up. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

  Elle and Samuel watched as she tossed her empty cup in the trash and walked out of the cafeteria.

  “Well, that was useless,” Samuel quipped.

  Elle looked at him. “I think she’s right.”

  His eyes widened. “You think we should tell everyone what happened to us?”

  “No,” she was quick to say. “I just think that, maybe, we need to clear the air, so to speak. I miss my family, Samuel.”

  He frowned. “Me too.”

  “I won’t push you.” Elle tightened her grip on his hand. “But I need to do this.”

  “Then I’ll do it with you,” he said. “We’re in this together, right?”

  “Forever.”

  —FA—

  “Are you going to throw up?”

  Elle sighed and looked over at Derek, who was seated on the sofa, his legs cross, his arms stretched across the back, and had a goofy grin on his face.

  “Shut up,” she muttered and returned to her pacing. A moment later, he was behind her, his arms wrapping around her. “I’m just really scared right now.”

  “I can call them. Tell them tonight’s not a good night.”

  “It’ll never be a good night,” she whispered, turning in his arms and laying her head against his chest. “What if they don’t forgive me?”

  “First of all, there’s nothing to forgive.” Derek placed his hand on the back of her head. “Second, if they push you away, well, then to hell with them. They don’t deserve you anyway.”

  Elle closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears from falling. After two weeks, her family was coming over for dinner. All of them. Samuel and Lydia, of course, but Helina, James, Claudia, Bruce, Ivy, Nick, Lucia, Aaron, Felicia, and Carlos. All in the same room, the same house, with the same looks of judgements on their faces.

  “Oh, my God.” Elle covered her mouth as she pulled herself out of Derek’s arms and ran toward the guest bathroom. She dropped to her knees and clutched the front of the toilet as bile spilled from her mouth.

  “Shit, beautiful, it’s okay.” Derek knelt by her side, a warm wash cloth pressed against the back of her neck.

  The doorbell rang and Elle’s eyes widened as she looked at Derek. “I can’t do this,” she cried. “They’re going to hate me. They’re going to blame me.”

  “Nobody blames you, Elle.”

  Elle took a deep breath and stood up. She moved to the sink, her eyes shifting to the mirror. “You can do this. You can do anything.”

  “That’s right, baby.”

  Derek kissed the back of her head before wrapping his arm around her waist and leading her out of the bathroom. When they walked into the living room, Elle was relieved to see Samuel and Lydia, and not everyone else.

  Elle pulled away from Derek and rushed over to Samuel, throwing herself in his arms. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

  “I talked myself out of it at least ten times, but I knew I couldn’t let you down. Not again,” he confessed, his arms tightening around her. “I’m scared.”

  “Me too,” she whispered. “But we’ve got to do this. We owe it to ourselves to . . . to try, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  The front door opened and Elle felt her shoulders tense as she pulled away from Samuel, expecting to see her mother and father enter. Relief filled her when she saw it was only Callum and Sadie.

  “Get the girls settled with Nate and Zeke?” Derek asked.

  “With the promise of as much cake, candy, and ice cream as they could eat,” Sadie laughed, looking right at Elle. “Nate said to tell you that he has everything under control and not to worry.”

  “Yeah, because that will happen,” Elle scoffed.

  “Which is what we told him,” Callum snickered, his arm wrapping around Sadie. “He also said that he will have his cell on him all night, so when you get worried, he will be right there.”

  “It’s almost like he knows me,” Elle muttered, her arms curving around her torso. Her attention was pulled outside of the house when she heard the sound of cars stopping. “Oh, shit, shit, shit.”

  Elle grabbed Samuel’s hand and dragged h
im into the kitchen, knowing they were going to need a few minutes to collect themselves before facing the lion’s den.

  From inside the kitchen, Elle heard Callum greet her family. The sound of her mother’s voice crept into her heart. She ached to feel the loving embrace Helina had once used on her. Would her mother really forgive her for pushing her away? For lashing out at her when all she wanted was to help her?

  “Guess we’ve got to go in there,” Elle murmured, sucking the inside of her lip between her teeth as she looked from the swinging door to Samuel. “It’s not like they’re going to hurt us or anything, right?”

  “Yeah, um, yeah.” Samuel dragged his hand through his hair, messing it up. Elle laughed, causing him to frown. “What?”

  “Cal does that, too,” she chuckled. “Messes his hair up when he’s nervous.”

  “Oh,” he scoffed. “Always knew that boy wanted to be like me.”

  “Come on. We can’t hide forever.”

  Elle wrapped her fingers around his as the two joined their families in the living room. Helina and James were seated next to Claudia and Bruce. Ivy, Nick, Lucia, and Aaron were gathered on the hearth the fire place, while Felicia was questioning Derek on where Elle was, and Carlos stood behind her, looking mildly annoyed.

  At the sound of the door opening, everyone shifted their attention to Elle and Samuel. Only Lydia, Callum, Derek, and Sadie smiled. The others seemed just as nervous as she felt.

  “Um, hey,” Elle murmured, her words coming out shaky.

  Helina stood and walked around the sofa. “Hey. You look beautiful.”

  “I look tired,” Elle whispered. “Haven’t really been sleeping much.”

  “Still beautiful,” James added as he stood.

  Elle tried to smile, but knew it didn’t come off right. “We ordered in Chinese. Hope . . . hope that’s okay.”

  “Of course it is,” Felicia said, tilting her head to the side. “But dinner can wait. We have more important issues to discuss, don’t we?”

  Elle and Samuel shared a look before they nodded.

  “I thought so,” Felicia added. “Well, let’s get right to it.”

  “Um, okay.”

  Elle and Samuel joined the rest of their family, squeezing together on the smaller of the two sofas. Lydia was standing next to Callum, who stood next to Derek and Sadie.

  “I’m not really sure how to start,” Elle confessed.

  “I’m mad,” Samuel said, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “When we got home, everyone wanted to act like . . . like nothing had happened. We couldn’t do that. We’ll never be able to do that.”

  “Nobody expected you to just pretend that you weren’t hurting,” Ivy said, quietly. “We wanted to help, but you pushed us away.”

  “Pushing you away was easier than risking you finding out what we did,” Elle replied.

  “What did you do?” Aaron asked, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “What could you have done, Elle, that would make us stop loving you? Because I remember the last time that son-of-a-bitch put his hands on you. I remember how hard you fought, how you screamed for help.”

  Elle frowned, her grip tightening around Samuel’s hand. “That was the old me.”

  “Bullshit,” Aaron quipped.

  “Dude, shut up,” Callum snarled. “You don’t know, okay?”

  “No, it’s not okay,” Aaron argued as he stood up. “The woman I saved in that parking garage fought tooth and nail to survive.”

  “No, I didn’t,” Elle whispered loud enough for everyone to shift their eyes to her. “He broke my spirit that day. For two years, I lived in fear every day that he’d find me, that he’d take his revenge. Callum, Derek, Sadie — they gave me the strength to start living again. And then Trixie came after me. She almost killed me out of jealousy and spite. Again, they loved me through it, kept me from falling apart completely.”

  “Don’t you think we want to hold you together?” Ivy asked, sadly. Nick had his arm wrapped around her, both of them sitting with tears filling their eyes. “We were there last time, too, remember? We’ve never judged you, Elle. Not when I was sure you were a closeted lesbian who needed to embrace your feelings for Sadie, and not when you told me about Callum and Derek. All I’ve ever wanted was my little sister to be happy.”

  “I don’t know how to be happy right now,” Elle cried. “They killed my soul, Ivy.”

  “So, you what?” Claudia asked. “You think that because that asshole raped you that we won’t love you anymore?”

  Elle nodded.

  “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Bruce scoffed, causing Elle to gasp. “I’ve know you for a long time, Elle. A long time, and I’ve never known you to give up on anything. We’ve dealt with a lot over the last eight years. It wasn’t easy to learn and accept that you and Sadie had feelings for each other, for Callum and Derek. To be honest, I still don’t understand it sometimes, but if I’ve learned anything after watching you for the last eight years it’s that you’re the strongest, bravest woman I’ve ever known.”

  “I’m not,” Elle whispered, shaking her head. “Not anymore.”

  “Maybe not yet,” Carlos added, causing her to look at him. “But you will be, and we’ll be here to support you.”

  “Yeah?” Elle asked.

  “Yes, mija,” Felicia said. “We love you and Samuel, and we, as a family, aren’t going to stop just because a couple loca perras thought they had the right to put their hands on you.”

  “You really mean that?” Samuel asked, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “You think of me as family?”

  “Of course we do,” Helina said with a smile. “Samuel, you and Lydia loved my daughter when I found myself struggling to understand her. I will always be grateful for what you’ve done for her.”

  James wrapped his arm around Helina as he said, “I’ve always admired you, Samuel. The way you accept and supported the kids so easily. It was harder for me, for us. You gave us the courage needed to put our pride aside and love them for who they are. Now, we will be your courage and we’ll love you for who you are.”

  “Absolutely,” Helina agreed.

  “No matter what,” Bruce added while Claudia nodded vigorously.

  “And if you need someone to scream at, we’ll be there,” Felicia added.

  “Anytime, anywhere,” Carlos said.

  Elle felt overwhelmed with the declarations of support and love. Her heart raced, and she found herself on her feet, fleeing the room without a word. She ran into the kitchen, the door swinging shut as she fell against the counter. Tears of relief and sorrow and love poured down her face.

  The door to the kitchen opened and Elle turned, expecting to see Samuel, or Callum, Derek, or Sadie, but instead, her mother was standing there. Helina let the door close behind her and for a moment, they stood in awkward silence.

  “I’m sorry,” Elle whispered. “For lashing out at you that morning. I . . . All I wanted was to hold the girls, to know they were safe. I . . . I was angry, and scared, and I don’t know. I’m just so sorry, Mom.”

  Helina opened her arms. “Oh, honey. It doesn’t matter. I’m here now.”

  Elle sobbed harder as she crossed the kitchen, letting her mother hold her for the first time in months.

  Thirty

  Elle was woken the next morning when Callum slipped his arm around her waist, pressing his body against her. His cock poked her in the ass and she barely stifled her moan. She slipped her hand between them, her fingers wrapping around his girth.

  “Elle,” Callum moaned, burying his face in her hair.

  “Shh,” she murmured, turning that she faced him. His eyes opened and met hers, lust and longing filling the baby blues that she had fallen in love with. “I need you.”

  Callum inhaled a sharp breath before kissing her. Elle’s lips parted, inviting his tongue in. Their kiss was soft, yet passionate. His hands roamed her body, slipping beneath the nightgown she had worn to bed. The tips
of his fingers found her nipple and she moaned.

  “Please,” she begged, wanting more.

  Callum didn’t say anything as he pulled her so that she was sitting upward. He gripped the bottom of her nightgown, tugging it off and dropping it onto the floor. Elle laid back on the bed and lifted her hips, encouraging him to remove her panties, which he did.

  “You are so beautiful,” he whispered, almost as if he didn’t realize she could hear him.

  Callum removed his shirt, followed by his pajama pants and boxers. He shifted so that he was hovering over her. Callum pressed his lips against hers before moving them along her jaw line to her ear.

  “Can we keep you, Elle?”

  “Forever,” she replied, her fingers tangling in his hair. “Always forever.”

  Callum started kissing her neck, down to her shoulders, between her breasts, down her stomach until he reached her pussy. He shifted his eyes up to hers before giving her a slow, tender lick.

  “Oh, my God,” she whimpered. “Baby, more. Please!”

  Callum buried his face in her pussy, sucking and licking like a man enjoying his last meal. Elle struggled to keep from screaming, from begging. She wanted everything he’d give her, everything she’d been afraid of having with him.

  The bed shifted and Elle lobbed her head to the side as Derek watched them. She reached for him, unable to voice the request etched inside her. Derek smiled as he crawled to her. His hand grabbed the top of their headboard as his other hand pushed his pants and boxers to his knees. His cock sprang free, slapping his stomach.

  Elle wrapped her hand around him, stroking him slowly. She leaned over to take him in her mouth, but he was too far away. Derek shifted his knees forward a few inches, making it possible for her to taste him.

  “Jesus Christ, beautiful,” Derek moaned, his free hand coming down to the back of her head. “So fucking good.”

  Elle hummed in agreement, causing his hips to shift forward and his hand to tighten in her hair. The bed dipped again, but it wasn’t until Callum growled that Elle looked over, seeing Sadie kneeling behind him. Her hand was gripping the strap on they often used on Callum and Derek, though it had been months since they had played like that. Her eyes sparkled as she gripped his hips and thrust forward.