Sweet Nothings

by Kim Law

  “Did I tell you GiGi begged me to bring her home? She didn’t want to die there.”

  It was guilt. He ached for her.

  “I failed her, Nick. I failed and she died hating me.”

  “Shhh,” he soothed. He stroked his palm over her silky hair. “She did not hate you, baby. No way anyone has ever hated you.”

  “My mom hated me.” The words pierced him.

  “No,” he said. He made sure she was looking at him when he spoke. “Your mother had other issues. I’ve no idea what they were. Who knows if anyone does, but her leaving had nothing to do with you.”

  “How could you know that? You weren’t even here.”

  He didn’t. But there was no way the selfish woman’s actions were because of a teenage Joanie. “Because you’re what makes people want to get up in the morning, babe. Someone like that could never be the cause of another person leaving.”

  Did she realize what he’d just admitted? She was his world.

  He was in trouble.

  “But I did let GiGi down.” She pulled her chin from his hand and focused on his chest. “She wanted to come home. She wanted to never go there in the first place.”

  That one stung. But he had one, too. He found he wanted to share it with her. Not only because it might make her feel better, but he had the thought that telling her just might make him feel better, too. He hadn’t shared it with anybody.

  “We all make mistakes, sweetness. You put her in a place where she could get the care she needed. You were working hard to sell the house you love just so you could provide for her.”

  “I never said I love the house.”

  “But you do.” He put a finger over her mouth when she started to argue. “I see it every time you walk in the front door. It’s your home, baby. It’s where your memories are. Your hopes and dreams that once got crushed… they’re still in that house, waiting for you. You were doing all of this for GiGi because you wanted to give her as much as you could, even though selling the house was going to hurt.”

  “I could have brought her home and moved in with her when she first asked me.”

  He took a deep breath. “Or you could have walked out when you turned eighteen and did everything you could to forget about her.”

  Gray eyes peeked up at him. “Is that what you did? Did you leave home at eighteen?”

  He nodded. “And I didn’t go back until after she died.”

  “You hadn’t seen her in fourteen years?”

  He shook his head. He hadn’t meant for this to become about him, but if it helped her to see she could have done so much worse, he’d gladly share it. “I was so lonely with her—no siblings, no other family, feeling like the only reason for my existence was to take care of her. So I left. I was determined to find more.”

  Her eyes questioned him as to whether he’d found that “more” he was looking for and he gave a quick negative shake. He’d found guilt, several relationships that went nowhere. But he hadn’t found more. Unless he could convince Joanie she was his more.

  “I did check in on her a few times a year. I called her occasionally. Called the neighbors to see if she was causing them trouble, mostly.”

  The words paused, but he knew he had to go on. Joanie was watching him, her own grief forgotten for the moment.

  “She had my number in her phone. Five days after she died, the landlord found her and called me.”

  Joanie sucked in a breath. “No one knew until then?”

  He shook his head. “I’d been so desperate to not be like her. To get away from her and find whatever I thought was missing from my life. In the end I’d put her in a position where she lay dead, alone for days, before she was found.”

  “Nick.” Joanie pressed a cool hand to his cheek. “I’m so sorry.” She wrapped both arms tight around him and held on, burying her face in his neck. “We’re a couple of really terrific kids, aren’t we? What a pair.”

  Yeah, what a pair. And he could see himself with her forever.

  Damn.

  If only she wanted him the same way.

  He pushed the thought from his mind. He wanted her, yes. But he was not going to beg. He would, however, be pathetic and take whatever she offered for as long as she offered it. Then he would deal with what came next.

  When she started to lean back, he cupped her head and kept her against his neck. He liked the feel of her breath against his skin.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong, Nick.” Joanie escaped his hold and propped herself up to peer down at him. He was glad to see that her eyes were dry. “You were trying to protect yourself from the pain of growing up with her. Lee Ann told me all about it when you first came to town. Your childhood stunk. You couldn’t help what it did to you. She should have done better. Should have taken care of you instead of the other way around. She should have made sure you didn’t feel so alone all those years.”

  He shook his head. He needed to get this conversation off of him, but turning it back around on her wasn’t a good plan either.

  “That’s why I brought you Bob,” he said. Middle ground. Talk about the cat.

  Confusion crossed her face. “Why?”

  He rubbed a thumb over her check and admitted that it was one hundred percent love he felt for her. If she would have him, he’d spend the rest of his life showing her how much.

  “I didn’t want you to feel as alone as I once did,” he answered. “Cat showed up in my life and it lit something in me. He might wander off occasionally, but he always comes back. He comes back for me.” He chuckled. “Maybe it’s just because I’ll feed him, but it feels like more. I wanted you to have that, too. I wanted to make sure you were never alone.”

  Her solemn expression twisted his gut and he had to wonder if he’d just admitted too much. Was she not ready to face facts and see she was just as lonely as him?

  After what seemed an eternity, she finally nodded and gave him a tiny smile. “He’s already done that.”

  Joanie woke sometime after midnight and stretched, her body coming into contact with Nick’s. She opened her eyes and looked around. She didn’t remember going to the house. And she never stayed all night.

  But it wasn’t GiGi’s house she was at tonight. Then she remembered everything that had happened that afternoon. The way she’d fallen apart over a woman she would have recently sworn she didn’t even love. The way Nick had come to her rescue and had hustled her home

  He’d been the kind of rock she often wished she had in her life. The kind she could consistently rely upon.

  She rolled to her side in the iron-railed, full-size bed she’d grown up in and watched him as he slept. He looked so peaceful with his too-long hair swooped down over one eye. And sexy. And so incredibly sweet.

  He moaned and shifted an arm, flinging it above his head, and she wanted to snuggle in close and bury her face into his warm skin.

  She wanted to be by his side every night.

  The thought terrified her, causing her to catch her breath. But then she peered closer and wondered if she could see herself by his side forever.

  She rolled to her back and stared up at the dark ceiling, wishing she were different. But she couldn’t fight the hand that fate had dealt.

  Could she?

  She reached across Nick to get the glass she saw there, hoping it contained water, and knowing Nick, she assumed it did. He always thought of everything. She brushed his chest with her forearm when she set the glass back down, and his eyelashes flickered in the darkened room. Leaning over him, she stared down, realizing that it really was more than lust that she felt. He meant something to her. A lot.

  When she’d been able to think of nothing but how bad her pain was over the loss of her grandmother, this man had shared a part of himself that she’d known had hurt him to voice. She wanted to share something in return.

  Slipping a leg over his torso, she rose up, silent, pulling off her shirt as she did. Next was her bra. She tossed it over her shoulder and watched hi
s gaze come out of slumber and focus on her. She met his hands half way, cupping them and guiding him to her. Then she closed her eyes in pleasure as he slowly explored her.

  It wasn’t as if he hadn’t touched her before. But those times had been more about fun. They’d usually come together with the lights on, sometimes seeing who could one-up the other. But tonight wasn’t about who had more tricks up their sleeve. It was about her making sure he understood she felt more than she would ever admit out loud.

  She leaned down and put her mouth to his and kissed him as if she needed his touch to breathe. Tonight she had the thought she just might.

  “Jo?” He asked when she pulled away, clearly sensing a change in her.

  She held his face in her hands, hoping he could understand what she couldn’t say. “Make love to me, Nick,” she whispered. “Show me.”

  She wanted his hands on her body. She wanted to forget she’d sent her grandmother to a lonely death, and she wanted to never have known that her mother and grandfather had left her.

  It would be so nice to not be scared for once. To be free to love Nick.

  Yet the thought froze her cold.

  Nick rose up, wrapping his arms around her and gently rolling them both until he was on top. Then he took off his clothes and peeled off her panties, and touched her deeper than she’d ever been touched in her life.

  When they finished, she cried for the second time that day.

  Sunlight hit Joanie when she rolled over, and she shoved the pillow over her face. It felt as if she’d stayed up way too late and drank way too much. She paused. Or maybe it felt as if she’d had really good sex in the middle of the night. With a really hot guy.

  Yeah. She stretched, wearing a smile. That was it.

  She was purposefully ignoring the puffy feeling around her eyes and the fact that it reminded her of all the crying she’d done, as well. She would focus on the sex. If she wanted to be honest, she’d focus on the lovemaking. Because that was definitely what had happened in her room the night before.

  Nick had been so gentle and loving, worshipping her in a way she had never felt before, and as soon as they’d finished, she’d wanted to beg him to do it again. She’d been terrified it would be the only time in her life she would feel that special to another human being.

  She became aware of a warm sensation settling against her side and opened her eyes, expecting to find Nick. Instead, it was a little black ball of fur. Bob was curled next to her and her heart fluttered at the sight. She loved that he seemed to like sleeping beside her. But how had he gotten there?

  Her sense of smell was the next thing to come to life and she discovered there was a giant insulated mug of coffee sitting where she’d found the glass of water the night before. She reached for it, being careful not to disturb Bob, and almost ran him off with her moan. She wasn’t sure where Nick had picked up the coffee, but she was certain it was the best thing she’d ever tasted.

  When Bob wiggled around at her side, she took the opportunity to roll over to face him. That way she could drink without risking pouring it all over herself, while at the same time looking a bit more presentable if Nick was still in the house. She hoped he was.

  The silence implied that might not be the case, though, so she focused on pouring life back into her veins and petting the soft fur on the bed in front of her. He really was a good cat. She’d hate to take him away from Caterpillar at this point since the two of them seemed to have bonded, but she found she was growing fond of the idea of keeping him around.

  Like Nick had hoped, something about Bob made her feel not quite so alone.

  Her eyes finally opened wide enough that she saw her cell phone on the nightstand, lying on top of a folded piece of paper. She reached for both.

  The paper held Nick’s bold scrawl…

  Call me when you get up. I want to know how you’re doing. I’ll come back and get Bob, if you want. He missed his mama last night.

  I miss you this morning.

  —N

  Oh geez. That was dangerous stuff.

  She flopped over on her back, shouting an apology as Bob raced off the bed, and covered her eyes with her arm. Last night had been nice. Very nice. But she had to be careful.

  Instead of calling him immediately, she glanced at her phone to find it nearing nine and decided to check in with the nursing home first. She’d have to get GiGi’s belongings, and make arrangements for the funeral. She vaguely recalled Nick telling her that Lee Ann had called the Sugar Springs Funeral Home the day before. The owner, Cheater Thompson, was also the justice of the peace and owned a small wedding chapel. He rearranged his court schedule around whatever came up.

  She spoke with the nursing home and found out that GiGi’s room had already been emptied the night before. Joanie could sign for the belongings anytime within the next two weeks. After that, the home would dispose of everything that couldn’t go to charity. Joanie’s throat grew tight at the coldness of it, as she faced reality. It was an empty room now, nothing else. There was probably someone previously on a waiting list already moving in.

  Next up was Cheater, over at the funeral home. It always struck her as odd that the justice of the peace was named Cheater. And it was a nickname for good reason. He’d had three wives and several girlfriends over the years, but women still flocked to him. They didn’t seem to mind his reputation, nor the inevitable fact that they would be next on the chopping block.

  “Joanie,” Cheater greeted her. “I’ve been expecting your call. How are you, dear? I was so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Anything I can do for you before we get down to business?”

  Joanie shook her head, realizing she wasn’t ready for this. She didn’t want to do it alone. Nick’s face popped to mind, but she shoved it away. Things like this were what Lee Ann was for. Her friend would hold her hand and help her through it, and not make anything too big of a deal.

  Nick would give her that look like he wanted to fix her whole life, and she would just about die wanting to let him.

  She would go with Lee Ann.

  Once she made arrangements with Cheater to come in later that day, then texted Lee Ann to see if she would go with her, she had nothing left to do but call Nick.

  Bob had returned to the bedroom and currently lay on top of her, smack dab in the middle of Joanie’s stomach. It was comforting. She decided right then that no, Nick was not going to take Bob back. Cat could deal, and if he needed time to adjust, maybe they could have a cat play date.

  Oh good grief. She’d lost her mind if she was thinking of cat play dates.

  She held the phone up over her head where she could see it without disturbing Bob again, and found Nick’s number. He answered immediately.

  “You okay?” he asked, and her heart melted. He was seriously the sweetest.

  “I am. Thanks for the coffee.” She glanced down at her stomach. “And for Bob.”

  She pictured Nick at the house with a sexy little smile, propped back against whatever he’d been working on as he stopped to talk to her, and her pulse woke up with a vengeance. If only he were there right now.

  “What time did you leave this morning?” she asked, realizing it didn’t bother her like it should that he’d stayed over.

  “Six. The guys were showing up at seven so I had to get here and shower and get the day’s schedule figured out. And I wanted to bring you Bob.” He paused. “I had a hell of a time not waking you up when I came back.”

  “So I could have my coffee?” she teased. After their middle-of-the-night session, something between them had changed, was more comfortable, closer. It’d happened the instant they’d finished and he’d tucked her protectively against his side.

  “No.” He chuckled. “Not so you could have your coffee. For some reason, I woke up with something else on my mind.”

  She realized she was smiling up at the ceiling as if she were a teen in the middle of her first serious crush. “You’ve met me before my coffee. Think that would be a
dvisable?”

  He laughed again, this time loud enough she was sure some of the guys had to wonder what was so darned funny. “You have an excellent point, sweetness. Maybe that’s why you found your coffee waiting for you and me nowhere in sight.”

  “Not that brave?”

  “Smart is what I am. I could stop what I’m doing and come back now. If you wanted,” he said, his tone dropping to a heated, sexy low. “We could have round two.”

  Although she wanted to say yes, more than anything else she wanted to say yes, the idea of him coming back when she was still so raw worried her. Plus, she had a lot of things to do today. To start, she had to run by the shop and put a sign in the window announcing she was closed for a few days. With the tourist traffic beginning to pick up, she didn’t want to leave any confusion. And then she’d meet up with Lee Ann to discuss funeral arrangements with Cheater.

  “Sounds fun,” she said. “But I… uh…” She closed her eyes tight and grimaced. “I have a funeral to plan.”

  “Ah, babe.” The simple words almost brought her to tears. “What time? I’ll go with you.”

  She shook her head and surprised herself with the need to sniffle. She’d have thought she was all cried out by now. “Lee Ann is going. But thanks for the offer.”

  He didn’t say anything and she once again tried to picture what he was doing. Probably rubbing his temples with his thumb and middle finger. She’d caught him doing that several times when she knew he was worrying.

  “You’ll call if you need me?” he finally asked.

  She needed him right then. “Sure.”

  “Joanie, I mean it. I’ll be there the instant you need me. Just let me know, okay?”

  “I know. And I really do appreciate it, but I’m fine. I just fell apart a little yesterday. I’m okay today.” She wanted to ask him to go get GiGi’s things, but that wasn’t a good idea. The thought left her too vulnerable. “Thank you for coming over yesterday. It… helped. A lot.”

  “I’ll tell you what,” he started in a casual tone that had her on instant alert. “How about dinner tonight? You could use a night out.”

  “Nick, no. I’m good. I can just come by there when I’m finished.”