“I seriously have no idea what is wrong with him, but to be honest, I have had a weird feeling all day that someone has been watching me. It must have been Dennis. He really is a creep,” I offer back.
“Dammit, I should have gone back in with you and this would never have happened! We said we would stick with you at all times! Shit I'm sorry Ken, we really let you down today.”
“Don't worry about it. You can't be with me all the time. To be honest, I don't think it would stop him anyway. He is a jerk. He doesn’t care who's around. I mean Jesus, the first time was in the school bathrooms.”
“I hate him Kennedy, he is the biggest douche! Thank god we only have a couple of months left of school before we can say goodbye to him and Caitlin forever.”
I sigh, “Yeah let’s hope that's the case.”
“What's with the huge sigh Ken?”
“I just don't know what I am going to do if Cole doesn’t want me anymore. It's not like I can stay there. I don't have enough money to go to college or even rent an apartment. No one is going to hire the fat pregnant lady.”
“You are not FAT! You are pregnant and beautiful! I feel like you are reading way too much into this. Cole will come around, just give him time. He is crazy, stupid amounts in love with you and you know there is no way he is letting you go. You need to relax Ken; all this stress isn't good for the baby.”
“I know. I can't help it though. My head is always going at 1000 miles per hour. It's always been this way, even when I was back in the commune, I was always thinking about my escape and what the worst punishment would be if they caught me.”
“You aren't there anymore. You'll never be there again. Not everyone is the same Kennedy. You have to learn to trust people and believe in them. I for one am never letting you go. You will always be my best friend and I will always try to protect you. Although I am pretty sure with the way you took Caitlin down at the underground party, you are a lot stronger than me.” She starts to giggle and I do too at the memory of her face at the party.
“She deserved it,” I say when I can finally manage to speak. “In fact she deserves a lot more, but now that I’m a pregnant lady, I’m going to try and avoid physical fist fights.”
Abbey looks at me seriously and says, “But when the baby is born all bets are off right?” We both dissolve in fits of laughter again. I'm really happy I met this girl. At the commune I never had any friends; no one would talk to the ‘chosen one’, the girl that was always in trouble, in fear that they would be punished too. So although this is new territory for me, it doesn't feel foreign. In fact, I feel like I have known Abbey for years. Her presence relaxes me and I realize I really needed some girly time tonight. Things with Cole are so intense right now.
Ash arrives in the living room with two massive bowls of popcorn.
“Just help yourself won't you,” chides Abbey.
“Listen baby girl, you know this house is like my house. In fact, I swear your mom prefers me to you.”
“That’s so true. She keeps asking when I’m going to marry you so you can be her official son. I don’t have the heart to tell her you bat for the other team. “We all burst into fits of giggles again and I can already feel my cheeks hurting from smiling so much even though it’s only the beginning of the night. It’s a good pain though.
We settle down to watch Abbey's favorite film, Mean Girls, and the pain in my cheeks linger from laughing so much. I get why she likes it. By the end of the film, I can feel myself nodding off. My body aches and I'm so tired from everything that has happened today. I take a deep breath as the memories flood back and I ache for Cole. I hate it that we are not talking, but I get that he needs his space right now.
I sit up stretching out from my slumped position, “I'm going to head up to bed now guys if you don't mind.”
“Of course not,” Ash jumps up hugging me tightly. “Night my little Barbie”
“Night Ash, night Abbey.”
Cole
Shit, I can't sleep for the god damn wrecking ball inside my head. I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Twenty fucking questions from every asshole I've seen today doesn't help. Why couldn't Kennedy just keep her mouth shut? I'm getting shit from all angles; the guys, Caitlin and her bitchy posse. I feel like my head is about to explode.
Football practice was a total waste of time tonight, my head just wasn't in the game, it was just a casual training session but I still got an ass whooping from Coach. My focus has dropped and he's worried this is going to affect my college prospects.
When I get home, I just lay on my bed listening to The National’s About Today over and over. The words seemed so perfect for this suck ass situation we're in. Despite the pain and confusion I feel right now, I miss her soft body next to mine. I'm kicking myself for walking away from her today. I saw the hurt on her beautiful face but I knew I needed to leave before I said something I would regret. I had already said far too much and I could see her face twist in pain with every word I hit her with. I know she thought she was protecting me, but she went the wrong way about it. I get that sometimes she doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong and it infuriates me. I jump off the bed. I can't lie here anymore thinking about this shit, I need to let off some serious steam.
I walk past her room and the door is open. My stupid mind expects to see her curled up on her bed, but its empty and it makes my heart feel heavy. I can't cope with these fucked up back and forth emotions. I run down the stairs and pass my mom, shouting over my shoulder that I’m heading to the Gym before making my way down to the basement.
I turn the music up loud in an attempt to drown out my thoughts. This time I pick some heavy rock, no emotional shit. I start to pound the boxing bag over and over again, trying to let out some pent up anger. With every hit, I feel the tension leave my body.
By the time I drag my sorry ass up to bed, I am so tired I can't feel anything. I’m just numb. My heart aches with a dull pain but I can't think about this fucked up mess we are in anymore.
I fall head first onto my bed. I don't even have the energy to take my clothes off and shower. I’m so exhausted; I fall straight in to a restless night’s sleep.
Kennedy
I wake up and at first I feel disorientated. I turn, reaching out for Cole and realize he isn't there and the devastating memory of yesterday comes flooding back to me. My heart feels heavy but I can't cry anymore, I'm done; I am all out of tears. Last night when I left Ash and Abbey, I said it was because I was tired but I just wanted to be alone. I cried for hours until I eventually drifted off.
I reach into my backpack and pull out the appointment card. I didn't want to tell Abbey yesterday that the appointment is today. I knew she would just skip school and come with me but I feel bad that she has to do that for me. I was hoping Cole would remember but I haven't heard from him. I grab my phone off the side table and send a text to Cole.
Kennedy: I know things are difficult between us but my appointment is today, I just thought you should know. I would love for you to be there.
I wait anxiously for his reply. My heart is racing and I feel sick to my stomach. My hands start to sweat. I really need to calm myself down. I know this can't be good for my little girl. Just as I am about to give up on the hope of a reply I hear it ping.
Cole: I’m really sorry Kennedy I just can’t
That's it. That was my reply. My hearts sinks when I read his words. It's worse than I thought. In the past we have made up fairly quickly. I guess this time that things are different. I take a deep breath and jump off the bed. It's game face time. I know the rules to this game I have played so many times as I look at myself in the mirror and pull down my mask. Smiling at myself, I tie my hair up and quickly throw on my clothes before bouncing downstairs.
I plaster the fake smile on my face as I enter the kitchen. Ash and Abbey are already sitting at the counter laughing and joking. Ash looks at my face.
“What's up Barbie, you have an eerily unnatural smile
on your face.”
Dammit. Either I was out of practice or my friends can see straight through me.
“Nothing Ash. Am I not allowed to smile anymore?”
“Not that way, no. It's scaring the shit out of me, stop it.”
I start to laugh; Ash always knows how to crack me up.
“Now that’s better, much more natural. So you going to tell us what's going on?” I look between both of my best friends as they stare at me expectedly and I sigh as I take a seat.
“I have a prenatal appointment today and I texted Cole about it, he says he can't come with me,” I rush out.
“I already told you yesterday girl, I'll be a coming with you. What time is it at?” Abbey asks me.
“Abbey you really don't have to; I can just go on my own.”
“Hmm, ok, but how do you expect to get there?”
“Shit, I didn’t think about that.”
“Listen I'll ask my mom if I can borrow the car for school and I can take you. What time is it?”
“Are you sure Abbey? I don’t want you skipping school or getting into shit for me.”
“Don’t be silly, I insist”
I smile. “The appointment is just after lunch, but only if you are sure about missing school.”
“Do you really think I care about skipping? Plus, after lunch we have calculus. Which is yuck ...so it’s perfect.”
“Thanks Abbey. I love you so much, you know that right?” I throw my arms around her neck squeezing her tightly.
“Hmm excuse me you biatches! I am right here,” Ash interrupts.
“You know I love you too Ash,” I reply
“Good because I’m coming too. I have Phys Ed after lunch and girl you know I hate to run.”
As we pull up to the white building, I start to feel sick all over again. Part of me really wants to see him and talk to him and the other part wants to run and hide at the fear of being rejected again. The best course of action is to just avoid like the plague.
We jump out the car and head towards our lockers. Abbey and Ash form a protective barrier around me and to be honest, no one even looks in my direction. Perhaps I am yesterday’s news. Although I can see that no one is staring, I can't shake the feeling that someone is watching me. As soon as I enter the building, I get a chill and I feel like someone is burning holes in the back of my head. I sweep the halls with my eyes looking for Dennis but he isn't anywhere to be seen. My thoughts are interrupted by Ash.
“Girls I totally forgot, have you seen the new creepy janitor? Seriously talk about chilling. I ran into him yesterday and he made my skin crawl. God knows why the school would hire someone like that.”
“I haven't seen him but will keep a look out Ash and avoid, avoid, avoid,” Ab's laughs. I can't help but let out a chuckle half-heartedly, only mildly paying attention to the school gossip. I'm still looking around the halls but this time not for Dennis. For Cole. When I see him, I can't quite catch my breath. He is walking with Jake and laughing at something he is saying. This obviously isn't affecting him as much as me. He looks breath taking this morning in his tight, black t-shirt and dark blue jeans. His hair is still wet from the shower I know he took this morning. The shower we usually share. I look away as I can't bear to look at him any longer, and press forward with Abbey and Ash towards our first class.
The morning drags just as I knew it would. I ask Abbey if we can head into town straight after class instead of after lunch. I am not sure I can spend an hour on eggshells waiting for Cole to say something to me. She agrees and as soon as the bell sounds we run to find Ash. As we head out, I hear footsteps behind us. I turn expecting to see Ash, but a male figure darts in the other direction instead. I can barely make him out, only catching a glimpse of the back of his greasy, brown, messy hair. Shrugging it off, we make our way out, find Ash at the main doors and head out to the car. I glance back and see the figure reappear, but I'm too far away to make him out. It wasn't Dennis, that much I know, but who the hell was it?
We jump in the car, my mind whirling with the thoughts of the man who appears to be following me. This is crazy! Stop overthinking this Ken! It's probably just a coincidence...nothing more...
“So, town... Where do you want to go?”
“Maybe grab a bite to eat? I'm starving.”
“Okay, food it is.”
We pull up outside of a café within walking distance of the hospital. We walk into 'Rosie's Café' and grab a table, exploring the menu. The tables are dressed with red gingham table cloths and it's all very quaint. My stomach growls as I read the menu, trying to decide what to order. I try to focus on the menu I hold tightly in my hands but my mind is clouded with thoughts of Cole. I stare out of the window, watching the world pass by, yet mine seems to stand still. Frozen in the heartache of not being with Cole, not having him here with me. My heart pounds and my chest aches for him and as I sit here, I wonder if he feels the same as I do. I pull out my phone, hoping to see something on there from Cole, a text, a missed call just something, anything. I stare at the screen saver and see there is nothing. No text, no calls. I sigh heavily before slipping it back into my bag.
We finish our food and I pull out my phone again, hoping this time to see something. Still nothing. I notice the time on my phone and practically jump out of my seat.
“Hey guy's, we better head to the hospital, my appointment starts in half an hour.” I was surprised just how long we had been in the café.
“Sure thing, let's pay the bill and we will head out.” We hand our money to Ash who sorts out paying as we start a slow walk out. Within seconds he catches up to us and we link arms, making our way towards the skyscraper building.
Arriving there in plenty of time, I hand my paperwork to the receptionist at the main desk.
“Take a seat Kennedy, the doctor will call you in shortly,” she gestures to the small waiting area.
I sit fidgeting, tapping my leg, biting my nails, waiting anxiously. I didn't like these places. Hospitals were totally alien to me, something I hadn't experienced until I arrived in Newport.
“Kennedy, the Doctor will see you now,” the tall nurse calls.
I stand, glancing at Abbey.
“Do you want me to come with you?” She points in the direction of the Doctor's room.
“If you would, I'd really like you to come in.”
“Of course,” she shouts, jumping to her feet and grabbing my hand tightly.
“I'll just wait here,” Ash speaks nervously.
I smile at him fondly. Abbey and I make our way into one of the rooms.
“Oh Kennedy, how lovely to see you, take a seat. I think we will start off by taking your blood pressure and getting a urine sample if that's okay with you.”
“Of course,” I answer simply. The doctor hands me a sample cup to pee in and I head into the bathroom. Filling the cup, I hand it to the nurse.
The doctor proceeds to wrap the Velcro strap around my upper arm, taking my blood pressure.
“So how have things been Kennedy? No more bleeding or spotting at all?” she asks.
“Nope, none at all.”
“And everything else seems okay? Have we started feeling baby move yet?”
“Oh yes, just a few days ago,” I answer enthusiastically.
“Oh that's really great. Well I'm pleased to say everything appears normal, your blood and urine samples are all fine. There is just one thing I need to discuss with you though Kennedy.”
I instantly panic, wondering what could possibly be wrong.
“I work closely with our therapy team, and they advised me that you missed your first appointment. We feel, considering your background and circumstances, that this therapy is vital for you Kennedy.”
“I just don't feel it would be beneficial for me,” I snap loudly. “Do you think I want to drag up my past? Talking about it only brings it all to the forefront of my mind, something I have avoided for a long time and the only way I can live my life. So believe me when I say
I don't need any god damn therapy!” I am practically shouting, I don't mean to but I'm shaking and anger has taken over.
“I understand Kennedy, but you don't know whether the therapy will help until you have tried it. Start by at least trying just one session to see how you do maybe? Obviously we can't make you attend, but I would advise you at least try.”
“Thank you, but no,” I say with finality.
“Well we will leave the appointment open, just in case you change your mind.”
“I won't.”
“Well just know it's there if you need it,” the doctor replies.
I look to the side to see Abbey with a half-smile. I can sense she is uncomfortable listening to this conversation. I mouth to her 'I'm sorry' but she waves her hand at me, gesturing that it doesn't matter.
“Well before you shoot off, we better listen to the baby's heartbeat. If you could lay down on the exam table for me,” the doctor points over to the beige colored table.
I jump onto the table, laying down and revealing my pudgy stomach. The Doctor smiles before applying the jelly and the cold Doppler. Moving it from side to side, her hand stills and we hear the thud of the baby's heartbeat. Abbey let's out an audible 'Awww' as the sound vibrates through the room.
“Well that all sounds great Kennedy, I think we will see you again in about 4 weeks, if you can make your next appointment at the reception desk.”
I take the notes and head out, thanking the Doctor as we exit.
Abbey grabs my arm, “Aww Kennedy that was so amazing hearing the baby's heartbeat!”
I look at her as she gushes at me, this girl was super sweet and I was so lucky to have her.
“Look, I'm sorry things got a bit awkward in there, I had no idea they would bring up the whole therapy thing. I could tell that was weird for you.”
“Don't be silly, I'm fine. Don't worry about it; my lips are sealed if that's what you are worried about?”
Beautiful Broken Girl (Broken Girl series Book 1) Page 22
