by Stone, Holly
"For either of you."
"Oh for goodness sake!" I got up and flung my rucksack over my shoulder. "Get yourself sorted out, Mum. I'll come by the house later to check you're okay."
I stormed from of the hospital, face burning with anger and embarrassment. In the carpark I called the supermarket and left a message for Eileen, and then I made my way back into town. I was going to teach that arsehole Darren a fucking lesson.
But I had to find him first.
AMY
I left my Dad’s feeling a strange mix of relief and trepidation. I'd made my peace with him but there was still Jess and Bobby to face. We'd bickered in the past, as friends do, but there had always been one of us there to broker peace. I'd ignored Bobby’s calls while I was in Manchester, knowing full well that she was going to try and get me to talk things through with Jess. I hadn’t been ready then. Now, having passed on her mediation, I was going to have to go things alone.
Bobby was the easier of the two to face. She was laid-back and understanding and I knew we’d be able to smooth things over without too much effort, but my heart still raced when I found her number in my contacts list and dialled. It rang three times before she picked up, and when she did, I knew just by the way she said my name that everything was going to be okay.
"Amy, is it you?" she asked, as if she couldn't believe it would be. "I'm so sorry I didn’t tell you what’s been going on but it wasn’t my place."
"It's okay, Bobby. I'm not mad. I'm sorry I've been ignoring your calls."
"Where have you been? I've been so worried."
"I was in Manchester for a bit, but I'm back now."
"Did you speak to Jess yet?"
I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel, nervous at the thought of the confrontation I was going to have to face after the conversation with Bobby ended. ”No...I spoke to my dad though. I know everything."
"And how do you feel about it?" she asked cautiously.
"I'm not going to lie. It's been a total shock and I've been really upset with both of them. But he explained things and I guess I feel better about it...or at least I can kind of understand a bit more. But I haven’t spoken to Jess yet so I don’t know her side of it. My dad seems to feel strongly for her but it could all be one sided. If she's messing him around I don’t know how I'm going to feel about that."
"I don’t think she is, Amy. I saw her yesterday and she's different. Happy, and settled almost."
"So you think it could be real for both of them?"
"I do, as weird as it seems. Sometimes we find what we need in the craziest of places."
"Yeah," I said, thinking of Jack. I'd found him on the steps of the war memorial – a place to remember death, not find love – and we seemed to keep finding each other, again and again.
"Is everything okay with you, Bobby?" I asked realising that the time that had passed without us speaking was probably the longest since we became friends in primary school.
"Yeah, babe. Everything’s fine. I feel a lot better now I know that you are okay. I’ve been really worried. Don’t do that to me again, please."
"I won’t," I said, feeling terrible for the angry feelings I’d held for her and the way I'd snubbed her attempts to mend things. Friendships are all about understanding and forgiveness. I'd thought badly of her and not given her a chance to explain.
"So are you going to see Jess then?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm about to head over there. I'm hoping she'll be able to take some time out to talk to me but if it's too busy I'll arrange to meet her later."
"Okay. You'll let me know how it goes?"
"Course. And thanks, Bobby...for not being mad with me."
"None of this has been easy, Amy, but we're sisters in all the ways that count. Just look after yourself and be patient with Jess. You know what she's like. She uses her mouth to cover her vulnerabilities. Don’t let her push you away if that's how she chooses to approach things."
"I know, and I won’t. I'll see you soon okay."
"Yeah, definitely."
We said our goodbyes and I put my phone in my handbag, belted myself in, and started the car. On the journey to the chip shop I thought about what my dad had said. I was still finding it tough to imagine him with Jess in a loving relationship. But in the end I wanted happiness for both of them. Jess has been floundering for too long and it had been hard to watch her make mistakes over and over without knowing how to help. If Dad could give her stability and happiness, I couldn’t begrudge her that. I just needed to know that she felt the same way about him, because if he was just another fling to her, then our conversation would head in a very different direction.
I pulled up behind The Chubby Friar, opening the car door to the familiar smell of hot oil and cooking fish. I hadn’t missed it at all. As I walked around to the front, visions of how the shop could become my dream business ran through my mind. It would need a new sign, maybe an awning so that I could put tables outside, and an A-frame backboard to advertise the day’s specials. The fixtures and fittings inside would need redoing too. I'd loved the retro styling of Lisa’s tearoom in Manchester but wanted to do something a little less 1950s. I had no idea what a shop refurbishment would cost, but I was excited to start researching and I couldn’t wait to tell Jack. He was at work, otherwise I would have been desperate to share my news with him. I knew he'd be happy for me.
As I walked past the door to my flat I let out a long breath I hadn’t been aware I’d been holding, all the anxiety I felt at facing Jess suddenly seeming overwhelming. I was still angry with her for lying to me but I was prepared to give her a chance to explain. I saw her through the window, clearing away plates from a table near the front. Her back was to me so I had a chance to open the door before she saw me. When the bell rang, she turned, looking surprised and then worried and I felt my heart melt a little for her.
“Amy, you’re back,” she said, resting the plates back down and wiping her hands on her apron. She took a step towards me but stopped, her eyes flicking over me nervously as though she was worried about my intentions.
“I am.” It was so weird to have so much awkwardness between us and I needed to do something to lighten the mood, to get us a little closer to how we used to be. “The uniform suits you,” I smirked and she groaned.
“Piss off.” When she grinned I felt relief so stark it ached. “I hate this tabard thing. Your dad has no bloody taste.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth she grimaced. “Not the best choice of words.”
“I went to see him this morning.”
“Did you?” Her eyes were full of hope and I realised that maybe it was serious for her too.
“Yeah. He explained everything from his side and we’ve reached an understanding...kind of.”
“That’s good,” she said, pushing stray strands of hair from her eyes.
“So it’s serious for you too?” I needed her to say it for me to have a chance at truly believing it.
“Yeah, it is. I know it must be weird for you and I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything. I tried but I just couldn’t find the words and it was a shitty way for you to find out about it, but I didn’t know how to tell you something like that.”
“I can’t say that I haven’t been really angry about it all. It’s a bit of a shock. But I love you both, and if this is what makes you happy then I’ve got to be happy for you.” Jess exhaled, as though she’d been holding her breath waiting to hear that everything was going to be okay. “And I can’t tell you that it isn’t weird for me because it is. You better give me some time to get used to things before you start talking dresses, okay?”
She grinned sheepishly. “I promise, okay? It’s early days, but it’s good between us. Really good. I know it must have been really difficult for you to hear, but I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, Amy, and I think he is too.”
“Well, he’s certainly started looking after himself. I think you’ve knocked at least ten years off him in dress-sense and hairstyle alone
.”
“That’s good,” she grinned. So, you’ll be coming back to work will you?”
“No. Well, not straight away. I haven’t been happy running this place for a while so Dad has said I can make some changes.”
“Oh yeah! That’s a turn up for the books!”
“Tell me about it,” I laughed. “I think you’re mellowing him out. I guess I should be thanking you.”
“Just give me a hug and tell me we’re friends again,” she said, taking a tentative step forward.
We met in the middle and squeezed each other so tightly that it warmed my heart. Friends start off being strangers but along the way they become such an important part of you that you feel empty and lost without them. For the first time in years I wasn’t worried about Jess and it was a good feeling.
When we drew apart, she squeezed my shoulder and smiled. “So, you and Jack, huh?”
I grinned sheepishly. “I like him, Jess.”
“Yeah you do, look at your face! So, are you official?”
“God, this isn’t the 1950s,” I said, shaking my head.
“But you’re seeing each other?”
“We have been fooling around but I’m not sure that he wants anything serious. We’ve both been going through some stuff and he’s kind of said that he’s not in the right place for anything.”
“Well, I hope it works out, Amy. I was a bit of an idiot when I saw him while you were away and he didn’t like it. I respect him for telling it like it is.”
“Oh yeah?” I said, thinking I was going to have to ask him about that later.
“He’s young but Aaliyah got it right, ‘Age ain’t nothing but a number.’”
I laughed and shrugged. “We’ll see how it goes. Maybe now things have calmed down a bit for me it’ll feel less pressured. I hope anyway.”
“So, you gonna give me a hand cleaning this place up then?” We both looked around at the messy tables left over from the lunch time rush.
“Course. Give me one of those sexy tabards and I’m all yours!”
We cleared up for a while until Angie needed Jesse to serve customers. It was nice to catch up on the town gossip and see a few of the regulars. I sat at a table in the corner with Agnes, an elderly lady who ate with us at least twice a week. She always ordered a pickled egg and bread and butter with her fish and chips. From the size of her you’d never imagine she could put away so much food. As she scoffed it down she told me all about each of her grandchildren and what they were up to and it was boring as hell but sweet that she loved them all enough to share their news with a stranger. The table in front of me had a small flower and the initials A.M. carved into the top, a memory from my past that would be removed when I changed things. I stroked over the marks I had made as I’d waited for my dad to finish clearing up so many years ago, feeling wistful but happy that things would be changing.
It was time.
When it looked like everything was under control I gave Jess another hug and headed up to my flat. As I walked up the narrow stairs and into the living room it felt strange and unfamiliar, the hole in the sofa and the chips on the skirting boards suddenly standing out to me in a way they hadn’t before. I’d always just thought of the flat as a crash pad for when I was working late shifts, back when my dad still expected me to spend the majority of my time at home. Now I knew I was going to be living there, I was suddenly filled with the desire to spruce it up and make it mine. I slumped down onto the sofa and let out a huge sigh of relief. I felt as though I’d shed pounds of worry from my back. I felt lighter and happier then and it wasn’t just the fact that I’d sorted things out with my family and friends, but that I’d finally admitted how I felt about what I was doing with my life, and had been given a chance to give my dreams a try. All the ideas that I’d thought would only ever be fantasies could become reality.
I knew I was fortunate to have my dad. He had his issues and we’d never have an easy relationship, but he loved me and was taking a step towards supporting me to spread my wings. It felt like a major breakthrough for our family, and I marvelled at the fact that he’d spoken about my mum for the first time in years. I had no urge to find out more about her. The betrayal had been too great. But her unspoken memory had been casting its shadow over our family too long. The few sentences uttered by my dad were enough to brush some of that away. I hoped that with more time her absence would become less of a touchy subject.
I glanced at my phone, noting that Jack would be finishing his shift soon but we hadn’t made plans to meet up. All my good news was tempered in a way with the knowledge that he still had so many unresolved issues in his life. That he could give me so much support when he was going through difficulties showed what a special person he was. It hadn’t taken long for him to get under my skin but now he was there I didn’t want to let him go. The thing between us was my last unresolved matter. If nothing else, I wanted to support him in the way he’d been there for me.
I spent a while cleaning up and writing lists of things I would need to buy to start researching and planning for my new business. When I checked my phone I realised a couple of hours had passed and there was still no call from Jack. I dialled his number, thinking I could pick up some fish and chips and take them round, but it went straight to voice mail. Hungry, I found a packet of biscuits in the cupboard and had two with a cup of tea, jotting more ideas down but with my mind half on Jack. I waited another half hour and called him again. Voicemail.
I was getting restless. He should have been home by now so even if his phone had run out of battery, he would have had a chance to charge it. I felt stupid for worrying about him. He was a big boy and perfectly capable of looking after himself but something just didn’t feel right. I knew he would have wanted to call me by now to find out what happened with my dad. There was no way he’d forget about something so important. I knew that for certain. I rang again, hearing his automated voicemail message, and swearing in frustration. Unease that had started like a tiny cold spot in my stomach spread into a full blown freeze. I shivered and walked to look out of the window that overlooked the highroad.
It was a cold November night, dark and windy and inhospitable looking. The War Memorial stood deserted. The steps where Jack had sat were leaf covered and damp. The memory of the way he’d looked at me the night I’d found him out there, fiercely proud but vulnerable, hurt my heart.
As I debated going to getting in my car and driving round to his place, my phone rang. It was a call from a withheld number and I frowned before answering, suspecting it was going to be some kind of spam sales call. There was rustling at the other end.
“Hello,” I said.
“Amy, it’s Jack.” His voice was gruff, the tone different to the way he usually sounded.
“Hey. Are you okay? I’ve been worried about you.”
“Look, something happened. Can you come down to the police station?” My heart kicked up a notch, flashes of the worst possible circumstances flashing through my mind.
“What? What happened? Are you okay?” I swallowed nervously, saying a silent prayer that whatever had happened since Jack and I parted company that morning wasn’t too serious.
“I’m okay. I’ve been arrested but they’re going to release me with a caution.”
“Oh my God, Jack. What for?” I turned, mentally cataloguing the things I would need to grab before I left, feeling such urgency to get to him it made my stomach clench.
“Family bullshit that I had to deal with. Look I’ve got to go.”
“I’m leaving now,” I said, grabbing my handbag off the arm of the chair and rushing to get my boots and coat.
“Thanks, Amy,” he said and hung up.
Chapter 20
AMY
Walking into our small town police station was strange and uncomfortable. I hadn’t had much cause to deal with the police apart from after the robbery and when my car had been broken into a couple of years before. The reception area was small, with a few plastic chairs
for those waiting and one officer standing behind a glass security wall. He looked up when I walked in, and I held onto the strap of my bag nervously.
“Can I help you?” he asked in a tone designed to undermine confidence. I felt guilty even though I hadn’t done anything.
“I had a call from Jack Harlow. Is he here?”
“Yes. He’s in the holding cells.”
“Will you be releasing him soon?”
“Yes, take a seat over there.” The policeman nodded to the waiting area and I followed his instructions, slumping down into an uncomfortable chair, still reeling from the news. He’d said family bullshit so it had to be something to do with his mum. I knew her boyfriend was the scumbag that had hit Jack before he was kicked out of home. If he’d got into a fight I was sure it wasn’t because Jack had instigated it. Lost in my own thoughts, I startled when someone else came into the station.
The woman had bruising over the right side of her face and butterfly stitches where the skin had been broken. Her hair was dishevelled, as though she’d been running in the wind or hadn’t bothered to brush it in the morning. Her eyes flicked to me as she walked towards the counter, and she nervously pulled at her faded fleece, drawing the cuffs over her hands. I’d seen her around town but there was something more familiar about her than that would explain, in the way she moved and the slope of her eyebrows.
“I’m here to see Jack Harlow,” she said to the officer in a gravelly voice.
“He’ll be out soon. Wait over there,” he said, even more dismissive of her than he was of me.
The woman, who I now assumed was Jack’s mother, sat opposite me and we made eye contact.
“I’m Amy,” I said, leaning forward in my seat. “I’m a friend of Jack’s.”
“Tina.” She looked me up and down in a very obviously assessing way but I wasn’t offended. It made me happy to see that she felt even a little bit protective of her son.
“Jack told me he was dealing with family stuff and that’s why he’s here.”
“Yeah,” she said, slumping down in her seat. “I told him not to get involved but he wouldn’t listen.”
