Little Light of Mine (Club Decadence)

by Maddie Taylor

  “I enjoyed our scene, Elena and will look forward to hearing from you about next week.” He removed his hand and she knew he stood there looking down on her.

  She implored him silently; please go now, just go! Outwardly she nodded and faked a yawn, soundlessly begging for him to leave so she could have her meltdown in private.

  Finally, her prayer was granted and she heard him cross the room. The door opened with a slight squeak before he said “I’ll send Jason in to check on you in a little while.”

  She nodded again. Her control was almost gone and she didn’t think she could keep it together another second longer when she heard the door closed behind him. She lay there listening to make sure he was gone. A minute passed, then five, maybe ten. She finally rolled onto her back and swept the room with her tear-filled eyes. Thankfully it was empty as the tears began to flow unrestrained. She pulled her knees up as a pain seared through her heart. This pain was worse than the broken ribs Luis had caused when he kicked her.

  In a panic, she leapt from the bed and stumbled to her clothes. She looked at the card he had left and the words blurred as a large tear splashed on the embossed paper. It fell from her numb fingers as she realized she had to get out of there. She’d call Sean tomorrow and let him know. She couldn’t come back.

  Chapter Nine

  Dex stopped just outside the door and shook violently as he collapsed against the wall. He had to collect himself before he lost it, had to lock it down before he had a complete breakdown. He couldn’t believe he had treated her like that. He had planned to be remote and remain detached but he had never treated any submissive as coldly as he had Elena just now. He should really go back in there to check on her and apologize. But bastard that he was, he didn’t.

  Her leaving had left him shattered and with another year left on his Army contract, he had become brash and reckless. He didn’t care what risks he took and often went OFP, on his own fucking program as they called it. He never risked the team, though, because his men’s safety was his prime directive. He had been called out by Cap and Rick a time or two when he took unnecessary risks on his own.

  During that year, he had erected shields around his heart and resolved that he wouldn’t open himself up to another woman. The pain, heartache and loneliness when Elena left him were unbearable and he wouldn’t risk his heart again. So he shored up those shields again now. If he couldn’t have a healthy, trusting relationship with her, he would fuck her, dominate her and play as often as he could hoping to get her and the need for her out of his system. He had built emotional shields. Maybe if he had her enough he could erect physical shields too, or at least develop a tolerance.

  He told himself she was no more to him than any of his other sub contracts. He tried to convince himself, except he was lying. The others, even new subs that were complete strangers got some kindness and affection from him. He had treated Elena worse than a business contact he met on any given day at The Club, polite but impersonal. He purposely had kept his distance and limited the intimacy of the scene. He hadn’t kissed her, he couldn’t bear it. He hadn’t held her or caressed her that would have ravaged his already tortured soul. He intentionally kept himself removed from the scene. Christ, he hadn’t even taken her pussy. That just seemed too intimate. Her ass and a blowjob seemed more clinical. But it had backfired because it had been absolutely fantastic to be with her again and reignited the burning desire in his gut. He wanted her, his body yearned for her and even now, after having her less than fifteen minutes ago, his cock remained as hard as steel, his desire for her still raging inside him. No woman before her or since had made him feel like she did. What did he do now?

  Cap and Sean were reviewing some paperwork in the conference room late when Dex came storming into the administrative suite. Without a word he stomped into his office and slammed the door hard enough that a couple of pictures fell off the wall in the hallway and shattered. The two men waited about ten minutes giving him time to cool off a bit before braving the beast. Sean knocked tentatively on his office door.

  “Fuck off!”

  Sean and Cap shared a look of unease before trying again. Knowing Dex for as long as they had, they knew when he used the F-word something was up. This time Cap called out, “Dex, we’re coming in.” He didn’t bother waiting for a response or asking for permission and pushed the door open. The sight of their usually tee totaling friend with a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand convinced them that this was serious. They also knew immediately that Elena was at the bottom of it all. Who other than a woman could cause a man to drink while holed up in his office, alone? Especially a man like Dex, who didn’t usually drink at all.

  “I don’t take orders from you at The Club Cap and only do out of respect for your position at the firm. We’re not in the Army anymore so I am my own man. So why don’t you and that traitorous bastard beside you just back off and leave.”

  “OK, Dex we’ll go but first I gotta say my piece.” Cap walked across the office and stood looking down at his friend across the big desk. This was Dex’s domain. He was the Master Dom for The Club and everyone knew it. Despite their equal controlling shares. all the other owners ceded the control and responsibility to Dex because it was well earned. He had the experience as a Dom and the business acumen to run The Club successfully. Even Sean who helped manage club operations would tell anyone that he was the boss. Tonight, Dex was hurting and whether or not the big, bad boss wanted to hear a little advice from his former Captain, he was going to.

  “Life is short, buddy. Anyone who served active duty knows that. You gotta live for the moment. Believe me, I learned it the hard way. I wasted fifteen years playing around when I could have been with Megan, then I almost lost her. If those assholes had killed her, I would have regretted that wasted time for the rest of my days. Now, I don’t know what is going on between you and Elena but you have to reconcile yourself to the fact that there are still strong emotions there. Ever since she left, you have been absolutely miserable.”

  “I was doing fine before this bastard Sean had to bring her into The Club and stir up all this shit.”

  “That just shows that the feelings are still there and still raw, Dex. If those feelings are love or caring or even a fraction of what you had, you owe it to the both of you to give it another go. If its hate or bitterness or a desire to pay her back for the hurt she caused, you have to cut her loose, man. Don’t go down this path of playing with her and tormenting yourself.”

  Dex rubbed his face with his hands before he raised his weary, red eyes to Tony. “I know, but I am so messed up, Cap! How can I be so angry with her that I want to wrap my hands around her throat, but at the same time want to fuck her into oblivion? One minute, I want to get out my single tail to punish her and the next all I’m thinking about is holding her close and staring into her beautiful, brown eyes.” Dex growled low in frustration. “I am so screwed, Cap. I thought I had all this shit locked down.” His eyes swung to Sean and seared his friend with an angry glare, “Until she showed up here that is.”

  “Hell, Dex. I’m sorry.” Sean walked up beside Cap. “But think about it, she came back for a reason, man. There were a lot of clubs she and her band could have gone to. She’s really good. Have you thought about why she chose this particular club? It’s not exactly mainstream and if she wants to work on her career the exposure here is very limited and won’t necessarily help her cause. She’s obviously searching for something, or someone and I think it’s you, man.”

  “I agree with Sean. Megan told me she had lunch with her the other day. She told her she’s been out of the scene for over a year and hasn’t had any relationships since she left here. What would bring her to this club if not you? I think you owe it to yourselves to try to put whatever happened behind you and try again. If you don’t, you’ll always be wondering what if. I’d hate that for you man, especially if Elena is your one.” Cap paused and looked at his friend; the poor bastard was a wreck. He sympathized wi
th him because it wasn’t all that long ago when he was in his shoes.

  “Now we’ve said our piece, so we’ll leave you alone to commune with ‘ole Jack Daniels there. Hopefully, he can offer some wisdom that will clear things up in your mind if our opinions did not.” Cap turned to leave. “Come on Sean, let’s finish. I need to get home to Megan. I hate to leave her alone for too long these days.”

  Dex found himself alone staring at the closed door realizing the wisdom in his friends’ words. He still loved her despite the pain she had caused. The loneliness surrounded him like a heavy fog. He had been alone for too long now. Ever since she left there had been a hollow place inside him that couldn’t be filled. He took another long draw from the bottle, even though he knew, that wouldn’t fill the void either.

  The next day Sean called a hung-over Dex into his office and played him a voice mail.

  Sean, it’s Elena, I’m sorry to do this, but I’m going to have to cancel our contract effective immediately.

  The Club, the crowds are fantastic but it’s just…well, it’s just too painful for me.

  I’m not in the scene anymore for personal reasons and it is just too intense for me and brings back too many old memories. Whatever fines or expenses you feel are reasonable for this breach, I’ll pay them. Somehow.

  You have my number so let me know what I owe. I’ll send you a check by mail because I won’t be back.

  The following week Dex was unbearable. Sean confronted him and he admitted that he hated it but he couldn’t get her out of his head. He was consumed with thoughts of her. Despite her actions, he still wanted her and still had feelings for her. As Elena had said, fate is a cruel master. It intervened a week later, throwing Dex and Elena back together.

  Chapter Ten

  The team gathered in the conference room: all six owners, the General and FBI agents Munoz and Robinson. Cap entered last, closed the door and dimmed the lights. “We have a new lead. T, cue it up.” All eyes turned to the screen and Dex stiffened as the image of Luis Lopez came up.

  Lil T started his report. “Luis Lopez has been under surveillance for the past few months. Initially a two bit drug dealer, he has risen rapidly in the ranks and is now into widespread distribution for the cartel.” T scrolled through some pictures as he continued. “His right hand man is Bobby Mancini and their third is Eduardo Gomez. All three have recent changes in profile. They seem to be stepping up their game and it has been paying off. Lopez just rented a high-end apartment downtown and traded his old piece of shit clunker in for a Porsche 911. He paid cash, about 85 G’s. Bobby also recently traded up for a new Camaro ZL1, paid about 60 G’s cash. Eduardo also seems to have had a sudden windfall, but looks like his is going for women and blow. He’s spending most of his evenings at the new strip club out by the airport.”

  Lil T continued with more detail about the men’s recent activities and spending habits. Finally, Cap shut him down. “It looks like we inadvertently helped Lopez in his rise to power when we eliminated his predecessors. The others were strictly local but Lopez is statewide so he might be the key to getting the leaders. We need to get closer to him somehow.” Cap’s gaze shifted to Dex and the others soon were looking at him as well.

  “What? I don’t know the asshole. Other than a few dinners here and there we didn’t spend much time together, and that was years ago. I never did care for the snake much, and now I know why.”

  “Dex? I wasn’t thinking about you, but Elena.”

  “You think Elena’s involved?”

  “Shit, Dex. Get your head outta your ass.” Lil T complained surprised that Dex was being so slow on the uptake. “He wants to use Elena to get to Luis.”

  “No way! She’s a singer, not an undercover agent. What’s plan B?”

  “We don’t have a plan B. The kingpin is as slimy as a snake, but he’s also pretty damn smart. We haven’t been able to crack his inner circle, which now includes Luis Lopez. Elena might be able to help.”

  “If I allowed this, what makes you think she would even be willing to spy on her own stepbrother?”

  Rick jumped in. “Regan says he’s not really her stepbrother or any relation for that matter. And there’s a lot of animosity there so she might jump at the opportunity. She’s pissed at him for some reason. Regan wasn’t sure what it’s all about.”

  “No.”

  “Dex, we need her.” Rick stated quietly.

  “No.”

  “She could be the only way to get in.” Cap repeated.

  “I said no!”

  “She is our only option, Dex.” Lil T added his support of the plan.

  “I said no, goddammit! Don’t you all speak English? We can’t put an untrained, vulnerable woman in this kind of position.”

  “I already said I’d do it, Dex.” All eyes turned toward the door where the tiny woman stood, all except Cap who was watching Dex’s reaction.

  Dex froze for a few seconds before cursing, “Un-fucking-believable! Hell Cap, if you already put this plan in motion why did you bother asking for my opinion?”

  “We need you on board with the plan. We’ll have to use you as well.”

  “Well, I’m not on board.” He stood and crossed the room, grabbing Elena by the arm, firmly but without hurting her. “If you’ll excuse us for a moment, I’d like a word with Ms. Lopez.” Without waiting for a response from anyone, he practically dragged Elena out of the conference room and down the hall to an empty office. He pushed her inside then turned and locked the door behind them.

  “Are you out of your mind?” Dex roared at her. Elena was startled. Mister Calm, Cool and Collected looked like he had lost it. She wasn’t sure how to react. The last time she had seen him he had treated her like a stranger.

  “Answer me. Do you have any idea the risk you will be taking?”

  “Cap said he thinks Luis is involved with the Mexican drug trade. I think it’s important to shut him down so I agreed to help out.” Elena looked at him and began steeling herself for another explosion. He was livid.

  “You have no clue what we’re dealing with here. This cartel is violent and dangerous.”

  “I know that, Dex. Believe me I know.”

  “Aren’t you afraid? You could be hurt or even killed if this doesn’t go down like Cap plans.”

  “Cap seems pretty confident. How often do his plans go badly?”

  “Not often, he’s very good at what he does. We all are, but that doesn’t mean that our lucky streak will continue with this case. We’re working with a goddamn Mexican drug cartel, for Christ’s sake.”

  “I understand that, Dex.”

  “Why?”

  “Why?”

  “Yes, why are you willing to go after your own brother?”

  “He’s not my brother”

  “Your stepbrother then.”

  “He’s not even my stepbrother. He’s no blood kin to me or my dad. I found that out a few years ago.”

  Her tone had turned cold and angry. Dex’s eyes narrowed as he stared at her. “Did he do something to you?”

  Elena stiffened and walked across the room to look out the office window at downtown San Antonio. She grabbed onto the windowsill and he saw her knuckles turn white as she gripped it hard. “I don’t like drug dealers and I don’t like being used.”

  His eyes swept over her from the dyed black hair to the tats on her reed thin figure. “Are you clean now? You look way too thin, is that the coke?”

  “I’ve been clean for a year now. Falling off stage and getting fired from my last gig was rock bottom for me.”

  “Yeah? I would have thought rock bottom would have been the suicide attempt.” That was a direct hit to her gut and her arms wrapped around her waist in a protective posture. Dex knew he was being harsh, but it was the truth. There’d be no dicking around with her; brutal honesty was what she would get from him. “I don’t mean to be cruel, but I cared about you. Have you gotten yourself straightened out now?”

  She blanched wh
en he said cared, past tense. Did that mean he really had no feelings for her outside of the sex that is? Every time they spoke he provided more evidence that she had killed any love or feelings of affection for her.

  He approached her and turned her to face him. “Answer me, Elena. Have you got your act together now?”

  She nodded as she looked into his eyes. Praying he would see the truth there and trust her at least on this. “I’m trying Dex. I still go to meetings three times a week and am looking for a sponsor locally. Until I find one I’m phoning it in with my sponsor out west.”

  “I’m glad you’re still in treatment. We can’t be sending a drug addict in undercover. We need someone that will follow direction and who acts reasonably, not someone all strung out on coke or meth.”

  “I never used meth. Coke, prescription nerve pills and booze mostly.”

  “You still had a death wish didn’t you? You just chose a slower path.”

  She pulled from his grasp and turned back to the window not able to take any more of his judgment and criticism. She had worried he thought of her as a slut, but the truth was he thought of her as a junkie. She had sacrificed so much to protect him and to save her family’s reputation, but in the end it hadn’t mattered. Her beloved Papa was incapacitated from a stroke and she had lost Dex in more ways than a physical separation. She’d lost his respect and the worst part was it was because of her own actions not by Luis’ acting on his threats. She had really screwed up.