What Holly's Husband Did

by Debbie Viggiano

  ‘Sorry, Mum,’ she gulped, ‘I had no idea the entire year was going to turn out.’

  ‘Doesn’t matter,’ I assured. And it didn’t. All that counted was my husband being pleasantly surprised, rather than horrified, and that he had an enjoyable evening.

  ‘Speech!’ someone yelled, and which another voice seconded. Within moments, a cacophony of demands filled the air that Alex take the microphone and address everyone.

  Suddenly my brother jumped up on stage, grabbing the lead singer’s mic.

  ‘Come on, Alex. Get your bootylicious butt up here and say a few words.’

  Alex’s face momentarily darkened, but in front of an audience he could hardly complain about his brother-in-law, ever the extrovert and lapping up attention as he momentarily hogged the limelight. The crowd parted and Alex, never one to be entirely at ease as the centre of attention, walked self-consciously towards the stage as everyone began to clap and cheer.

  ‘Look at this fine specimen of a man,’ said Simon into the microphone. ‘He doesn’t look a day over fifty, eh? Oh, what’s that? He’s forty, you say! Come on, Alex. As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, these days he’s built for comfort, not speed. That’s it, keep walking towards me, you don’t need to look left and right as you cross a room. And don’t suck in your gut, otherwise your ankles will swell. I do love a surprise party. It’s always a surprise if anyone turns up!’

  Even though my husband had his back to me, I could tell from his rigid posture that he was glowering at Simon. Just as Alex was about to climb onto the stage, a woman darted forward, seized him by the shoulders and kissed him hard on the lips. The crowd roared their approval and Alex, caught off guard, was compliant as her scarlet lipstick pressed against his mouth. I gasped with surprise, as did Sophie by my side.

  ‘That’s a bit cheeky, isn’t it, Mum?’ murmured Sophie, wide-eyed.

  That was an understatement. It was downright weird. What the hell was going on here? Jeanie was grinning up at Alex. She then took a showy step away from my husband, and did a little shimmy, her curves and ample bosom – which was firmly on display – wobbling dramatically. Everybody whooped in delight at Jeanie’s audacity and she gave a low curtsy, ensuring the entire room were able to have a good look down her cleavage.

  ‘That woman is such a tart,’ said a plummy voice to my left.

  Tearing my eyes away from Jeanie, I turned and found Izzy by my side. Her husband, Sebastian, was watching Jeanie with a lascivious look on his face.

  ‘I-I think she’s just in high spirits,’ I stuttered, not quite knowing why I was sticking up for my best friend when, in front of all these people, including Ray, she’d just demonstrated a very public display of affection for my husband.

  ‘And here he is at last, ladies and gentleman,’ said Simon, as Alex finally reached the stage. He was now wearing Jeanie’s bright red lipstick and looking like a drag queen on an off day. ‘Your wife has bought you a dictionary for your birthday, Alex, so later you can find the words to thank her for this party.’

  The crowd erupted into applause as Simon took a dramatic bow and, blowing kisses to everyone, passed Alex the microphone.

  ‘Good evening, everyone,’ said my husband, gazing upon the crowd with a bewildered expression. ‘This party certainly is a huge surprise. I had no idea I knew so many people,’ he added dryly, as his gaze roved across the upturned faces that he definitely could not put names to. ‘But thank you for joining me and, without further ado, I wish you all a good time.’

  Suddenly a woman stepped up onto the stage. I immediately noticed the look of genuine pleasure that suffused Alex’s face. She took the microphone from him.

  ‘Ladies and gentlemen. I want you all to know that this man is very special to me.’

  ‘Who’s that?’ asked Sophie.

  It was as much as I could do not to shoulder my way through the crowd, snatch the microphone from her perfectly manicured fingers, and bop her on the nose with it. I might have invited her, but it wasn’t her place to take over.

  ‘Mum?’ Sophie turned to me enquiringly, but blanched when she saw that I was so angry I was almost foaming at the mouth.

  ‘Her name,’ I spat, ‘is Annabelle Huntingdon-Smyth.’

  ‘This man,’ said Annabelle, ‘is a hero for so many reasons, but above all,’ she turned and looked at him tenderly, ‘he is my hero.’

  ‘That must be his wife,’ said a woman in front of me.

  ‘Chuffing hell,’ said the woman’s husband, ‘she’s a right stunner.’

  ‘Dear Alex,’ said Annabelle, ‘on your fortieth birthday I want you to know how much I love you. You’ve been by my side through thick and thin. For those of you who don’t know, Alex is one of the trustees of a fabulous charity that I’m very much involved in. I would like everybody here to show their appreciation of this wonderful evening by giving just one pound. Come Monday morning, I’ll be able to hand over a fantastic donation. Meanwhile, let’s put our hands together one more time,’ she beamed proprietarily at my husband, ‘FOR ALEX!’

  The crowd erupted, as Alex and Annabelle kissed. It’s fair to say that at this point, any hope I’d had of taking the microphone myself, just wasn’t going to happen. I felt absolutely paralysed by this astonishing turn of events with two women who – let’s face it – I’d so recently suspected were having affairs with my husband. Simon, presumably out of loyalty to me, playfully shoved Annabelle to one side, as if fighting over Alex, and gave him a big smacker on the mouth too. To the crowd, Alex looked like he was going along with it. Only I, the woman who knew him best, could see he was apoplectic with rage. The audience, delighted at Simon’s camped-up audacity, roared their approval. The female lead singer took the microphone from a laughing Annabelle and launched into her own cover of I’m Coming Out, which caused much hilarity, until everybody started dancing. Alex turned his back on Simon and jumped off the stage. Seconds later Annabelle had claimed him for the opening dance, while I stood on the fringes feeling like an outsider looking in.

  49

  ‘Are you all right, Mum?’ asked Sophie, raising her voice over the music.

  ‘Never better,’ I lied. Refreshment was urgently needed. Preferably a gin and tonic. Or six. Then I’d be good as new. I’d dance in time to the music as I made my way across the floor, past Jeanie, pausing briefly to fling my drink in her face, then move swiftly on to Annabelle, hit her over the head with my evening bag, and then reclaim my husband.

  ‘Only you look a bit…’

  ‘What, darling?’

  ‘Upset. And angry.’ My daughter’s eyebrows did a Mexican wave on her forehead as she critically assessed my facial expression.

  ‘Nonsense!’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Quite sure,’ I insisted. ‘You go and say hello to all those friends of yours and have a good time.’

  ‘If you say so,’ said Sophie, uncertainly. ‘Actually, I can see Tabitha over there, and I’d quite like to join her.’

  ‘Go,’ I urged. ‘I’ve spotted Granny, and anyway, I need to work this crowd and say hello to family and friends.’ People that I did know. I could see Mum and Dad talking to Simon and Aunty Shirley over by the bar, which meant Jack was here somewhere. I started to move towards Mum, but a hand held me back. Turning, I saw Izzy. Her expression was strained.

  ‘Can I have a word?’ she asked.

  I glanced in Mum’s direction, mentally marking where she was in the enormous crowd, then looked back at Izzy.

  ‘Sorry,’ she apologised, ‘I quite understand that you need to network with everybody.’

  ‘I don’t know half the people here,’ I gave a deprecating laugh, aware that Izzy was responsible for inviting a goodly proportion of them. I didn’t feel inclined to cosy-up with her and make small talk, but equally I wasn’t the type to be blatantly rude. ‘What’s up?’ I asked.

  ‘It’s regarding Jeanie.’

  ‘Oh?’

  My tone must have immediately soun
ded guarded, because I noticed Izzy’s expression veer between one of apology and annoyance.

  ‘Is she a good friend of yours?’ she demanded.

  I felt my stomach tighten at Izzy’s question. ‘She’s meant to be,’ I said lightly, whilst inwardly vowing Jeanie would never be on my Christmas card list again after tonight. I was absolutely seething over her kissing Alex. And as for Annabelle… well, I’d deal with her later. ‘What about Jeanie?’ I asked.

  ‘Don’t you think her behaviour with your husband just then was rather over the top?’

  Annoyance stopped me from agreeing. I really wasn’t up for Izzy aggravating me further.

  ‘Has she always been an appalling flirt?’ she persisted.

  ‘Yes.’ My answer was immediate. I didn’t owe Jeanie any favours, which was just as well because I couldn’t keep the bitchiness out of my voice. ‘Lately, she has taken to flirting with my husband quite outrageously.’ I noticed Izzy’s eyes widen. If the woman thought she had told me something new, she was mistaken. ‘In short, Izzy, Jeanie is a bitch. Does that answer your question?’

  Izzy looked aghast.

  ‘Sorry if that sounds rude,’ I said, not sounding remotely apologetic.

  ‘No, no, it’s okay,’ she said hurriedly.

  ‘I’ve known her since school days,’ I said, ‘but more recently can honestly say I have no idea who she is.’

  ‘Yes, yes, quite,’ Izzy nodded, ‘I understand what you’re saying. It must be very difficult for you.’

  Oh, marvellous. Izzy suspected Jeanie and Alex had a thing going on between them too.

  ‘Rest assured,’ I said crisply, ‘it is extremely difficult for me. And now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get a drink. I really do need one.’

  ‘Of course,’ Izzy nodded, ‘I’ll leave you in peace.’

  I gave her a tight smile and stalked across the room to where Mum had been, only to find she’d disappeared elsewhere in the crowd. No matter. I really did need that drink. I elbowed my way over to the bar and was just about to order a double G&T, when a warm hand glided around my waist sending six million volts scorching up and down my spine. In all my life, only one person had even done that to me. I turned and gazed up into the handsome face of Jack.

  ‘Your tipple is on me,’ he smiled, signalling to the barman.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, steadying myself against the bar, as Jack paid for our drinks.

  ‘Let’s go over here where there aren’t quite so many bodies leaping about,’ he said, steering me by the elbow. His touch once again had me juddering about and I was glad for the excuse of revellers jostling against me, disguising the effect he was having on me. I really should try and get a grip on the commotion this man caused within me, because it wasn’t right that he had the power to make me want to keel over and gasp, ‘Take me, I’m all yours’.

  ‘How are you, Holly?’ he asked, when the two of us were finally in a quieter corner away from the main throng.

  ‘Fine, thanks,’ I lied, as my eyes snagged on Alex in the crowd. He was still dancing with the insufferable Annabelle.

  Jack followed my gaze. ‘Don’t let her bother you,’ he said.

  I gave a dry laugh. ‘She’s meant to be having an affair with a married man.’

  ‘I heard,’ Jack nodded. ‘Sir Digby. Patron of the trigeminal neuralgia charity she likes to bang a gong about.’

  ‘That’s right. She’s already hijacked my surprise party demanding everyone donate to her good cause, and publicly announced Alex to be her personal hero. I think she’s got some flaming front, if you don’t mind my saying.’

  ‘Annabelle means nothing to me, so I don’t mind at all,’ Jack shrugged carelessly.‘She evidently means something to my husband,’ I said irritably. ‘Some people here even presumed her to be Alex’s wife, you know.’

  Jack gave a hoot of laughter. ‘Some women are not wife material. Annabelle is one of them.’ He gazed at me thoughtfully. ‘Do you feel threatened by her?’

  I sighed. ‘Is it that obvious?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I once wondered if… if… oh, never mind,’ I trailed off miserably.

  ‘Wondered what?’

  ‘If you must know, I recently suspected her of having an affair with my husband.’

  ‘Unlikely. You mustn’t let her intimidate you,’ he said. ‘Really, there’s no need.’

  ‘I’m not so sure about that,’ I sniffed.

  ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor,’ Jack quipped.

  The lead singer finished her medley of songs and then, speaking into her microphone, addressed the crowd.

  ‘Ladies and gentlemen, is everyone enjoying the music?’

  The crowd hollered their appreciation.

  ‘Excellent! But now it’s the band’s turn to appreciate you. We are a karaoke group and, for the next hour, will cover pretty much any song you can think of, giving you the chance to entertain everyone here tonight. So, if anyone reckons they can sing like Madonna, or have missed their chance on The X Factor, now is the time for your star to shine! Who would like to go first?’

  ‘Me!’ shouted a voice, which I instantly recognised. Moments later, Jeanie was pushing past Alex and Annabelle, hastening over to the stage. Her face was pink and shiny, glowing with excitement. I could tell she had shipped a fair amount of alcohol. I looked around for Ray, and spotted him talking to Caro and David, who had only just arrived. I really must circulate and say hello to people. Just as soon as this G&T had hit the spot. Annabelle had now moved away from Alex, and was talking to Simon, leaving Alex chatting to Izzy’s husband, Sebastian. The two men shook hands, and I lip-read Sebastian wishing Alex a happy birthday. They then appeared to be making small talk while Jeanie, looking very full of herself up on the stage, conferred with the lead singer and also one of the guitarists about her chosen song. The guitarist shouted something to the keyboard player who raised an enquiring eyebrow at the drummer who, in turn, gave the thumbs up. Suddenly the opening bars were being played to a song so familiar I found myself freezing to the spot, and in no time at all Jeanie was crooning seductively into the microphone the oh-so-familiar words about being a genie in a bottle. Her gaze was fixed on one person in the crowd. I followed it and wasn’t surprised to see her staring intently at Alex as she urged him to come, baby, come on, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, and rub her the right way, as she wiggled and squirmed, her enormous breasts jostling like over-inflated beach balls in a bag. Most of the men in the crowd were egging her on, one or two wannabe studs giving piercing wolf-whistles. Alex folded his arms across his chest and looked stony-faced. Even Sebastian was joining in with the crowd and clapping his hands, his eyes like twin lasers on Jeanie’s chest. God, men were so transparent. Apart from my husband, of course, who was doing his best to feign disinterest. Jeanie’s husband was now also standing next to Alex and Sebastian, but Ray wasn’t joining in with the whooping crowd. Instead his expression was one of puzzlement as he glanced at Jeanie and then Alex, standing by his side. I wondered if Ray was starting to put two and two together about his wife’s behaviour. He surely couldn’t have been impressed seeing his wife plant a resounding smacker on Alex’s mouth at the start of the evening. My insides clenched as I stood there playing out various scenarios in my head on how to deal with Jeanie. The earlier idea of throwing my drink at her was no longer viable because I’d necked the rest of it and my glass was empty.

  ‘Can I get you another?’ asked Jack.

  ‘Please,’ I nodded gratefully, not taking my eyes from the gyrating Jeanie as she turned slowly on the spot, presenting her ample bottom to the audience and… good heavens… was she twerking?

  As Jeanie shimmied and writhed to the close of the song, my attention was caught by two things. Firstly, Jeanie’s daughter Charlotte was pushing her way through the crowd wearing an expression that read like an open book. Mum, her face so clearly said, you are seriously embarrassing me in front of my friends. But not far behind Charlotte, a second female was torpedoing her
way towards the stage, but unlike Charlotte, this woman looked like the human equivalent of Mount Vesuvius, and it was clear from her face that she was about to erupt. My body stiffened as my eyes tracked the two females’ progress. The latter beat Charlotte by a good ten seconds. As Jeanie held the final note of the song and everybody put their hands together, exploding into loud applause, the other woman was up on the stage, walking swiftly towards Jeanie who was now bowing low, breasts bulging along with, no doubt, every male pair of eyeballs in the room. The band’s lead singer was stepping forward, clapping briefly before extending one hand to take the microphone from Jeanie and pass it to the newcomer who, it was presumed, wanted to also try her hand at some karaoke. Jeanie was beaming widely, but when she turned to see who the newcomer was, her grin wavered, and when the woman spoke into the microphone, Jeanie’s smile disappeared faster than a snuffer extinguishing a burning candle.

  ‘Ladies and gentleman,’ said the woman, her voice trembling violently, ‘I’m sorry to interrupt the party, but I want everyone here to know that I’m divorcing my husband.’

  There was a stunned pause and for a moment nobody spoke. From one corner of the room came the sound of buzzing, like a swarm of bees, as a large group of school mothers went into a huddle, clearly shocked, but whispering and nodding amongst themselves, as the woman on stage cleared her throat and continued to address the crowd.

  ‘And the reason I’m getting divorced is because of this woman,’ she pointed a finger at Jeanie, who visibly shrank away, her previously pink and glowing face now ashen. ‘Because this woman is having an affair with my husband.’ She turned on Jeanie, her face a mask of hatred. ‘Well, you’re welcome to him,’ she spat. ‘He’s all yours. Here, you can have this too.’ And with that, she pulled off her wedding ring and flung it at Jeanie. The gold band glinted briefly as it soared through the air. It landed with a dull clink on the floor. ‘Your outrageous performance singing directly to my enthralled husband, was the last straw.’