Life's Next Chapter

by Sarah Goodman

  “Luke, how bad did it get? Because I have to say, what I saw today scared the shit out of me. I’m scared to think you might have another one of those episodes and hurt…me…or the girls…I…”

  Luke cuts me off, by placing a finger over my mouth. “Kate, I. Will. Never. Lay a hand on you, or our children. I know I get dark and scary, but I know my limits, and hurting you or anyone I love is one of them. Trust me when I say I would never lay a hand to you. As for how bad it got, it was terrible. It’s also a gruesome story, and with what we have gone through today, I would rather not talk about it. I promise to tell you one day.”

  “Well, since we are on the subject of hurting people. I think we should tread lightly about our pregnancy.”

  “What the hell happened, Kate?” He grinds the words out of his mouth and white knuckling the steering wheel.

  “Luke, I promised her I wouldn’t talk about her business, and when she’s ready she’ll tell all of you.” I softly respond. Technically she only told me not to say anything to Beth or Ethan…

  “Damn it, Kate, she’s my sister, and I need to know what else that motherfucker did to her.”

  “Language, Luke! Geez, the girls could wake up and hear you.”

  “Please, Kate, now is not the time to get all high and mighty on me. The girls have heard worse from your mouth. Now, spill it, or so help me God, we’ll go back to my parents and make Leah talk.”

  “Fine. Calm down. Leah has wanted a baby for years, but Charles refused. He didn’t trust her to take a contraceptive, so while she slept he would inject her with the DEPO shot.” He looks to me with confusion. “The DEPO shot is a form of birth control injected by syringe.”

  “Fuck,” Luke breaths out.

  “Luke, she missed Danika’s graduation because Charles broke her foot, and killed her dream of continuing to dance.”

  I let my head drop and stare at my hands absently rubbing my small baby bump. Tears form in the back of my eyes and heaviness fills in my chest. I can’t even imagine what she went through. “Kate, what did he do…what did he do to her?”

  “He…he…” I start to cry, picturing myself in her situation; I can hear her words play over and over in my head. “He had a medical malpractice lawsuit against him a few years back. He barely won, but was kicked out of the prestigious medical office he worked in. He started to drink here and there. He found a job with another cosmetic surgeon, but wasn’t getting the clientele he used to have, which made the drinking worse. Leah became his punching bag whenever he had a bad day.” When I look at Luke, he’s in that dark place, but at the moment I don’t have the strength to pull him out.

  Pulling into my driveway, he grabs my arm before I open the door. “When you were in the room with Leah, I talked to my dad. We are taking her home after the weekend to get her things and help her with a lawyer. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. Thank you for telling me and being there for Leah. She’s my baby sister, and I love her, but it kills me she went through this and never told anyone.”

  “Things will get better.” I whisper, leaning over to kiss him.

  THE LAST FEW weeks have been difficult, to say the least. I feel like the little tugboat pulling a huge cruise liner out to sea. I have a shit load of worries on my shoulders, and I don’t see any relief in sight. And the biggest worry is Danika has agreed for me to take her out for her soon to be birthday today. She’ll be turning eighteen in a couple days, so I asked her if I could take her shopping and to lunch. We haven’t talked since finding out I was pregnant, and I want her to open up to me about how she feels.

  I pick her up at Luke’s house. She’s slowly moving things back into her house and packing up Luke’s things to move into mine. Before he left to go to Miami, we sat the girls down and told them I had a baby in my belly. Julia and Nicole were so excited, and they asked a thousand questions. They had Luke keeling over laughing. Such innocence and concern for us. They left the kitchen table, and ran off to their room to start making a list of baby names. I know Danika isn’t as thrilled as my two, but I just want her to be happy for her father. He deserves to be happy and know he has her support.

  Luke’s at his job catching up on the work he missed when he was gone. More terrible crap went down, and Luke was in Miami much longer than anticipated. So it’s just her when I ring the doorbell. It’s pretty obvious when she opens the door that she’s uncomfortable and has no idea how to act around me.

  We head for the mall. She wants to buy things for the house. Luke is leaving most of the furniture for her. She’ll be taking over the master bedroom and wants bedding and decorations to help feminize the masculine furniture. I think we bought out Bed Bath & Beyond. She loosened up and showed me her taste in decorating. We laughed at Luke’s taste in decorating and all of his AS SEEN ON TV gadgets. She even bought Luke the ‘Perfect Pancake Pan’ for Christmas.

  After countless hours shopping and chatting with each other, we were on our way to lunch. I was starving; my morning sickness is slowly disappearing and now the ravishing hunger has arrived. Sitting down in a booth, we silently look over the menus and decide what to order. As soon as the order is placed, I dive head first into the topic I have been dreading.

  “Danika, I know you know about the baby, but I want to know how you feel about it.”

  “It is what it is. My dad’s getting the life he always wanted.”

  “What do you mean? The way I see it, your father is adding to the life he already has.”

  “I mean, I get I wasn’t wanted, but my father did the right thing by stepping up to the plate and raising me. He did a hell of a lot more than the woman who gave birth to me. It’s just I am at the age my father was when he had me. I can’t imagine having a kid now, and if I was, I think I would resent the kid for messing up my life. I know I wasn’t planned, in a sense, I know my father resents how I came to be a part of his life.”

  I wanted to poke her in the forehead with my fork. What on earth has gotten into her head? Has she always had these feelings? Or is this because Luke was going to have a baby he was actually ready for? I sip my water, trying to cool off my nerves.

  “Danika, do you honestly believe, in your heart, that your father resents you? From the moment he told me about you, I’ve never seen anything less in his eyes, or words, than the love and devotion he feels for you.”

  “I know he loves me, and I love him; he’s all I have. But now, he is at the age where most people get married and have kids and he gets to do that with you. I’m just the speed bump that slowed him down. Kate, my friends’ parents are in their late forties, even fifties. My father is thirty-six. My sibling and my children will be closer in age than my sibling and me. It’s so backwards and sounds like a good theme for a talk show.”

  “Girl, what are you smoking? Have you looked around these days? Society is a melting pot of backwards shit. Life is what you make of it, and if things are done out of the norm, who gives a fuck as long as the people in your life are loved and happy? Granted you weren’t planned, but you know what, your father made you apart of his plans and dreams. Just like I wasn’t a part of my mother’s plan when she had me when she was close to the age your father was when you were born. I know what you are going through. I know how you feel, I have felt it my whole life. The man that impregnated my mother just up and left. He didn’t stick around through her pregnancy, or even bother to see if I looked like him when I was born.

  “Luckily, God knew what he was doing and made me the spitting image of my mother. My mother, along with the help of my grandparents, raised me. I don’t know who my father is; I didn’t have his last name. All I know is his name was Andrew, and I saw his wallet sized picture in my mother’s high school yearbook.”

  Danika looks like she sucked on a lemon. “Seriously? You never knew your father?”

  I reach across the table and hold her hand. “Swear to God. It was a tough blow when I was growing up, but I always had my grandfather to fill in for those male roles. Just like I
see your aunts and grandmother have done for you.”

  She places her other hand on top of mine, finally getting that I know where she’s coming from. “Wow, I had no clue.”

  “You see, Danika, I don’t want to step into the role as your mother. You were raised so well in this life, you don’t need one. Your father did an amazing job raising you, and you have so many female role models around that you’re doing just fine. I just want to be your friend; for you to know you can always come talk to me, or even just hang out. I’ve had a great day with you. You’re a smart and beautiful young woman, and you have your whole life ahead of you.”

  “So, you know my father wants to marry you?” She smirks at me while chewing on the end of her straw.

  I laugh. “Yeah, I know. He talks about it a lot. But I rushed into my last marriage, and I’m not saying Luke would be a mistake, but I just want to focus on the baby. With Nicole and Julia I was so desperate for us to be married before the babies came, thinking it was the right thing to do. Wanting us all to have the same last name, something my mother and I never got with my father. Now, I know this baby will be an Ashton, and one day so will I, but I want to focus on the baby.”

  “I just want my dad to be happy, but I’m scared he’ll fall more in love with you and the baby, and there won’t be room for me. I know it sounds stupid, especially when I’m eighteen, but it’s only been him and me my whole life. I guess I’m jealous and scared this baby will take him away from me.”

  I see her fear when I look at her. Fear she will lose the one person in her life. I can relate. I think that is why my mother never fell in love with another man because of my fear. Still holding her hands, “Dani, please trust me when I say you’ll never lose your father. Your father is capable of loving so much. You’ll always be his baby girl, even if he has another daughter. He has enough love in his heart for you and the baby. And once the baby comes, if you feel your father has brushed you off, then come to me. I’ll make certain you get your time with your father. I’m not here to tear apart families, or to be selfish and create a new one just for me. I want both of our families to merge into one happy family. That’s all I want: for everyone to be happy. No titles, no status, no comparison. Just love and happiness, together.”

  She lets go of my hand to wipe away the tears falling down her face. “I can see why my father is head over heels in love with you. You have a heart the size of Texas, and I’m sorry for not giving you a chance.”

  “You’re giving me a chance now, that’s all that matters. Now, let’s eat, because your brother or sister is starving.” She gives me her big beautiful smile, just like Luke’s, and we eat in silence for a few minutes as I inhale my cheeseburger.

  At the end of our day together, I dropped her off at home. Since Luke still wasn’t home, I helped her unpack before I left to get the girls from Keith’s.

  Keith was fired from the police department after the accusations and complaints against him. So, he was not too pleased. He constantly sends me texts with verbal threats, but he hasn’t done anything more to freak me out. We go back to court in a month. I plan to fight him for sole custody. He’s looking into going to New York to help his father’s business. I want nothing more than for him to go. Hell, I’d be happy to help him pack.

  I get chills walking up to his condo, remembering what he did to me in the hallway. Luckily, the social worker stays until I pick them up. I hear the girls laughing as I knock on the door.

  Ms. Vicki opens the door, greeting me, “Hi, Ms. Caldwell, how are you?”

  Stepping into the foyer I reply, “Good, Vicki, how are you? How were my girls?”

  The words aren’t even out of my mouth before I hear Keith drawl, “Our girls are great, we had fun. Didn’t we, girls?” He practically drags the girls to me.

  “Daddy took us to see gators, Momma, and we saw this man jiggle chicken in front of the gator and the gator ate it,” Julia says in excitement.

  “But, Momma, it was dead chicken, like the chicken you cook, not like the chicken with feathers,” Nicole chimes in.

  “Then we come back to Daddy’s house and we watched Gator Boys and these boys swim in the water and tie up gators,” Julia tells me, elated.

  “Seriously? Thanks, Keith,” I grit out. That’s all I need, an infatuation with gators, especially when we have a small pond on the property. “No, problem, sugar,” he replies. I shiver at the new pet name he’s given me. I tell the girls to get their things and kiss Daddy goodbye. Ms. Vicki walks out the door and we follow. I hold each little hand in mine and we move toward the stairwell. “Oh, sugar, I hear congrats are in order for you. Your cunt trapped another poor bastard,” he says snidely while leaning against the door. I heard Ms. Vicki gasp at his vulgar comment. I stood still, listening to what he said, but I didn’t let him see my eyes or the expression on my face. Once he stopped spewing shit out of his mouth, I pulled the girls and walked briskly for the stairs.

  The girls were buckled in their seats when Ms. Vicki came around and asked me if he says these things in front of the girls. I told her every now and then it happens. I try to make a point of it not affecting me because if I do they will draw more from it. She pulls out her pen and writes in her folder. “I’m putting what he just said into my notes. I also have notes from his discussion with the girls about your pregnancy. I have to say, you need to talk to the girls about this, that the baby has nothing to do with their daddy, and that this baby has a different daddy.”

  Christ, just hearing her say all that makes me feel like such a trashy mom. “Will do, Ms. Vicki, thank you. We’ll see you next time.”

  I GRAB MCDONALDS for the girls and me on our way home. I don’t feel like cooking, and I’m in the mood for another burger. When we’re home and sitting at the kitchen table, I call Luke to see what he’s doing, since I haven’t heard from him all day.

  Our conversation is quick and to the point, and I feel like he’d rather not talk to me. Since Thanksgiving, I’ve only seen him a handful of times. I keep telling myself this will change once he moves in, but I have a nagging feeling something is up with him. He tells me he’ll stop by tonight. I don’t question what time; I say good-bye and hope he comes.

  The girls are playing with their new toy when I tell them we need to talk. “Nicole. Julia. Girls, eyes on me, we need to have a big talk.” The girls put their toys down and look at me with their big brown eyes. “Did you tell Daddy that mommy is going to have a baby?” They look at each other as if I am asking them a trick question.

  “Nini said it, Momma. She told Daddy you have a baby in your belly.”

  Nicole looks to me and I can see her lower lip quiver. “Aw, Nini, you aren’t in trouble, lovey. I just wanted to know. There are some things Daddy doesn’t need to know, especially things that go on between Luke and Mommy. This is Luke’s baby, not Daddy’s. Daddy has you two, and Luke will have this one.”

  “Just like Luke has Dani, each Daddy gets two kids.” Nicole smiles up to me. I smile and laugh to myself at the logic that goes through her brain.

  “Yes, love. So, you see, Daddy really doesn’t need to know stuff about Luke or this baby. Once the baby comes, he or she won’t get to know your daddy, because your daddy belongs just to you two.” They nod their head in unison.

  “Momma, how did Luke’s baby get in your belly?” my ever so inquisitive daughter Nicole asks. I look into those beautiful puppy dog brown eyes and scramble to think of an appropriate answer for a four year old. Just as I open my mouth, the house phone rings. Thank you…saved by the phone.

  As I pick up the phone to answer it, I tell the girls to go play in their room. Jeremy, my stable hand, is on the other end of the line. “Dr. Caldwell, my car broke down and I won’t be able to make it out there tonight to feed the horses.”

  “No problem, Jeremy, I’ll take care of it myself. See you tomorrow.”

  Walking upstairs to change my clothes, I hear the girls talking, about gators, of course. I would love to release a
gator on Keith’s ass for this. I change my shirt and put my boots on. I tell the girls I’m going to the stable to feed the horses and ask if they want to come. They would rather play on their swing set than help with the horses, and I oblige because it’s still light out.

  I make my way through the eight stalls and feed each horse. My lower back hurts. I know I shouldn’t be lifting the bags of feed. I’m at the last stall with my favorite horse, Kara. She was the first horse I boarded. Her owner is some old lady who doesn’t even come to see her or ride her. She basically just handed her over to me. She’s a beautiful chocolate brown with eyes that can touch your soul. She’s so gentle and I love riding her; I miss riding her. I need to tell Jeremy and Chad they are going to have to exercise these horses more, since I can’t ride them for a while.

  Luke’s truck pulls up and the girls scream for him. Minutes later, with one girl in each arm, he walks into the stable and to the stall I’m in. He sets the girls down and tells them to go play. “What the hell are you doing, Kate?”

  Hand on my hips, I look at him with a ‘you’re shitting me look’. “I’m feeding my horses, Luke. Jeremy’s car broke down, and I had to feed them since I didn’t know if you were coming or not. Tell me, what the fuck got stuck up your ass to be such a dickhead to me?”

  He walks to me, grabs my wrists, and wraps them around his waist. “Damn, baby, I’m sorry. Finding you in here lifting this crap worries me. You’re pregnant and shouldn’t be doing this. I told you I was coming over.”

  I push him back and look up at him. He looks like he’s lost sleep, judging by the dark circles under his eyes. “I didn’t know if you would show or not. We really haven’t been talking lately.”

  He pulls me to him for a hug, with one arm around my waist and his other hand at the nape of my neck. He kisses my neck and trails his warm tongue along my jaw line. “I’m sorry, sunshine. I’ve missed you. Missed these beautiful lips of yours,” he softly says as he kisses me. “I love you. I love you so damn much,” he whispers against my neck. I pull away before this moment gets more intense and finish my time with Kara. “She’s a beauty.”