Mrs. Lee and Mrs. Gray
Page 14
“Well, the next time he asks something like that, just smile mysteriously and say something like ‘I haven’t made up my mind yet.’ Men are like foxhounds, Selina. They love the thrill of the chase. Don’t make it too easy for him to catch you. And one day you will look into his eyes, and you will know whether he is the one. Just as I knew Captain Lee was the one for me.”
“Huh. How long you reckon that’s gone take?”
“If I knew that, I could write a book and make a fortune.”
Kitty pounded up the stairs. “Selina, Missus asking for you.”
“Coming.” Selina bobbed her head in my direction and left with Kitty.
Four weeks later, on a frosty February morning, my nose filled once again with the scent of lime.
20 | SELINA
The seventh Lee child came into the world on a blustery day in February, perfect as the china doll baby her big sister Agnes carried around everywhere she went. Miss Mary had already used up every possible combination of names in her close family, so this time she cast a wider net and settled on Mildred Childe, after one of Mister Robert’s sisters. He himself was still in New York when Mildred Childe got here, and it was some time before he came home to see her. When he did he decided to call her Precious Life instead of Mildred, and so far the name has stuck.
I was worried about Miss Mary because back in May, Lawrence had come home from the Georgetown market with news that the country was in a war with Mexico. I looked it up on the globe in Mister Custis’s study while I was in there dusting his bookshelves. It was so far away I couldn’t figure out what we had against those people that we would start a war with them. Lawrence said the disagreement was over the exact spot where Texas ended and Mexico started, and the Congress meeting across the river from Arlington decided to do something about it.
I was in the dining room drying the glassware and putting it back in the cupboard when I heard Mister Custis telling Missus that Mister Robert was sure to go to Mexico with the army and it wasn’t any use for Miss Mary to go traipsing back to Brooklyn, New York, with seven little children hanging on her skirts.
Sure enough, a little bit later Mister Robert came home and started going to meetings in Washington, getting ready to leave his family again. I could see the sadness building up in Miss Mary’s eyes when she looked at him, and I tried to keep her mind off of it by talking about her flower garden and helping her sew clothes for the children.
Custis was away at school, but every morning after prayers she gathered Little Mary, Rooney, Annie, and Agnes in the little room at the back of the house for their lessons. She sewed clothes for Miss Agnes’s doll baby, and when the younger children were asleep, she worked on her papers at the desk Mister Custis had set up for her in the ballroom. On Mondays and Thursdays she taught the slave children their lessons, writing out words for them on the same slate I used when I was a child. When the windows were open and I happened to be crossing the yard, I could hear her teaching the story for the day, and the children singing “Old Ralph in the Wood.” Sometimes it made me wish I was eight years old again.
One morning I went outside to empty the water I used for scrubbing the floors when Rose caught up with me. It was laundry day and the bed linens were on the boil, sparks flying up from the fire. Rose stood over the kettle stirring the sheets and pillowcases with her wooden paddle, sweat running down the side of her face and her feet floured with dust.
“Guess what?” She set down the paddle and stood there with her hands on her wide hips watching me struggle with the heavy wooden water bucket.
I tipped the bucket over and watched the water make itself a trench in the dirt. “I’m too busy to guess, Rose. You got something to tell me, just say it.”
Rose and me were not friends. We got along and got the work done, but she didn’t like me much because she thought Missus favored my whole family more than any of the others. She didn’t like that I was the only one Miss Mary wrote letters to when she was away. I didn’t like that Rose had got to travel all the way to New York and had come back with her nose in the air, talking about the city this and the city that and acting like she knew everything.
“Randall asked me to marry him, and Miss Mary and Missus is throwing us a wedding.”
I felt like somebody had stabbed me with the kitchen knife. “You’re fibbing, Rose.”
She cocked one hip. “I ain’t neither. You don’t believe me, you can ask Miss Mary herself.”
I wasn’t about to do such a thing. If it was true, and Rose was getting the thing I wanted for myself, it would hurt me, and regular life was already painful enough.
“It’s gone be in September.” Rose took up her paddle and stirred the linens. “Everybody at Arlington, black and white, is coming. Gone be a fine time. Missus and Miss Mary bought me a new dress and new bonnet, special.”
I wrung out the mop and set it in the empty bucket. “I got to finish dusting Mister’s bookshelves.”
Rose said, “You gone marry Thornton Gray?”
“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”
Rose glanced around to be sure Missus wasn’t watching and then stuck out her tongue.
Sometimes I hated her.
Missus’s cousins from Ravensworth were coming to Arlington for a visit. I worked past dark that night, making sure the house was ready for company. When I finally let myself out the back door, the moon had come up and was painting the trees with silver. Lightning bugs flew around my head as I took the long way home. I was still bothered by the notion that Miss Mary was giving Rose a big wedding, and I wasn’t ready to go home to the noise and busyness of Mauma’s cabin.
I knew Thornton Gray was close by. I could feel his eyes watching me, even before he said my name.
“Walk with me down to the river.” His hand found mine in the dark. His thumb pressed against the calluses I’d got from so much mopping and sweeping. “You working too hard, Selina Norris.”
“No choice.”
“We all got choices. Just not very good ones. Come on.”
“I’m too tired. Been up since before dawn.”
“I got news.” I could feel his smile. He knew good and well news was the one thing I couldn’t say no to.
We walked down the hill toward the river. Lights from a few passing boats lit up the water. We sat down on the grass. My shoulder bumped his. “I’m listening.”
“We had us a secret visitor last night.”
“What do you mean?”
“Man name of Humphries. He works with those people writing papers like the Liberator.”
“He came here? To Arlington?”
“Yessum. In the middle of the night. He talked to Austin Bingham and Nathaniel, and to some of the Parkses too.”
“What did he want?”
“To tell us they’s people in Maryland ready to help any slaves wanting to escape.”
“That’s crazy. Nobody in his right mind would risk getting caught and whipped.” Nat Turner crossed my mind right then. “Or worse.”
“Mister Custis don’t whip nobody. Remember when George Parks got caught taking apples from the cellar? All Mister Custis did was take away George’s tobacco for a week and give him some extra work to do. Never raised a hand to him.”
“He might, though, if people was to run off. Besides, Mister Custis already let Cassie go. Before that he let Lily go. And he freed Maria Syphax when I was a baby. Miss Mary says one day he will let the rest of us go. Anybody who thinks they can get free by running is crazy.”
“Huh.” Thornton was quiet a minute. Then he said, “Reckon that makes your brother, Wesley, crazy then. Nathaniel told him what Humphries said, and Wesley said he might up and try it one of these days.”
My stomach went tight. “Wesley acts wild sometimes, but he’s barely fourteen. He is not old enough to—”
“He’s old enough to know his own mind, Selina. Old enough to know there is no future for him here.”
“Not now, but one day—”
“I got to go.” I stood up and shook out my skirt.
“Selina. Wait. Don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad.” I started walking up the hill.
He caught my hand. “Then give me a kiss.”
His lips were warm and soft as a velvet ribbon. Maybe he was right and it was a mistake to wait any longer before I said yes to him. I would soon turn twenty-two years old. Just about the age Miss Mary was when she married Mister Robert. Now she was close to forty with seven children, and it had all happened quick as lightning.
Freedom might come next week or next year or in ten years. Or never. But even if dreams born in bondage might never come true, I couldn’t help thinking about what might happen if I ever was free. I was a good reader. Maybe I could teach little children, or find myself a boardinghouse to run. Maybe I could be a lady’s maid. On the other hand, maybe Thornton was right not to count on something that might not ever come to pass. Maybe I ought to marry him and take whatever little scrap of happiness might come my way.
We reached the path that led to the quarters. It was a warm spring night, and everybody was still outside enjoying the mild weather. Children chased lightning bugs while their mothers stood in open doorways talking. Down in the woods the menfolk stood in a tight circle, smoking their tobacco and sharing a bottle. Somewhere, ham and cabbage still simmered over a fire. The air was full of the smell of it.
I looked up at Thornton. “You still want to marry me, Thornton Gray?”
“Naw. I’m out of the mood now.”
You could have knocked me over with a single breath. I stared at him, humiliated, tears spurting out of my eyes, my mouth opening and closing like a fish. Finally I blurted, “Oh. I . . . I was just teasing you anyway.”
He laughed. “Joke’s on you, Miss Norris. Of course I want to marry you. Say the day. Tomorrow? Sunday?”
“I want to tell Missus and Miss Mary first.”
“Get their permission? You think they care what goes on down here? No, they don’t. Long as we say ‘yessum’ and ‘no sir’ and clean up their messes so their lives run smooth.”
“I want their blessing anyway.”
“Suit yourself. It’s all right with me.” Thornton nuzzled my neck. “When you gone marry me, Selina Norris?”
I smiled mysteriously. “I haven’t made up my mind yet.”
21 | MARY
And how is the rheumatic pain these days, Mrs. Lee?”
Mother had summoned the doctor because of my ragged cough that had persisted for nearly a month. I sat on the edge of the bed while he tapped on my chest. The smell of frying ham wafted up the stairs. Through my open window came the shouts of my children at play on the lawn and the murmur of bees in the pink roses still blooming in the garden.
I was weary of keeping up the pretense that I was not slowly becoming an invalid. There were days when the least movement brought intense pain. Nights when the blue pills the doctor had prescribed offered no relief. But my mother was standing next to the doctor, an anxious expression on her sweet face, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that with each month that passed, walking up and down the stairs became more difficult. Simple things such as lifting my babies and buttoning my own shoes caused such sharp pains that I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out. And there was Robert to consider. He was in Washington, awaiting new orders, and there was no point in his worrying about something he could not control.
“It’s no worse than usual, Doctor.”
“The warm baths will help with the stiffness.” He took a bottle of black syrup from his bag. “This ought to help with the cough.” He pinned me with his pale eyes. “You need rest, Mrs. Lee. You’ve only just delivered a child.”
“It has been six months.”
“Nevertheless. A woman with your history of complications must guard against getting overly tired. Though I am certain it’s easier said than done, when one is the mother of so large a brood.” He helped me lie back on the bed and then leaned down to speak so that Mother wouldn’t overhear. “Perhaps you and Captain Lee ought to consider your family complete. Take appropriate measures to prevent any more children.”
Never had anyone spoken so frankly to me about such a personal subject. I was hardly the blushing bride, but I could feel heat rising to my face. I could muster no reply except to thank him for coming to see me.
He picked up his bag. “If that cough isn’t better in a week’s time, send for me.”
Mother walked him out, and a few moments later I heard his buggy clattering down the road.
Kitty came in and placed the baby in my arms. “Miss Mildred Childe hungry, I reckon. Pitched a fit the whole blessed morning.”
I raised my chemise to let Precious Life nurse. Kitty stood gazing out the window.
“Have the children had their breakfast?”
“Yes, Mrs. Lee. And Missus already had morning prayers too. She plans on teaching the girls they lessons this morning so you can get some rest. Rose got Mr. Rooney and Mr. Rob helping Ephraim in the garden.”
“I am not sure how much help a three-year-old will be to Ephraim, but Rob will enjoy it.”
“Yessum, little Mr. Rob sure likes digging in the dirt.”
I shifted the baby onto my shoulder and patted her back until she released a satisfying burp.
Selina came upstairs carrying a set of fresh linens and opened the door with the toe of her shoe. “Missus said you need clean sheets. I’ll put them on the bed if you feel up to sitting in the chair while I do it.”
Precious Life was already asleep. I handed her back to Kitty and got out of bed. With a quick bob of her head, Kitty left the room.
Selina stripped the linens from the bed and piled them on Robert’s chair. I watched her hands expertly smooth the clean linens over the mattress, thinking how quickly the years had passed. She was no longer a child, terrified over a drop of blood, but a young woman who had turned into an exceptionally fine housekeeper.
She tucked the sheets under the mattress and drew them taut. “Saw the doctor calling here this morning. You all right, Miss Mary?”
“Just a cough. He says I ought to rest more.”
“Huh.” She regarded me, one brow cocked. “The same as what I have been telling you.”
“It is. I should have listened, O wise one.”
“Yes, you should. But you never do. Wasn’t I the one who told you not to go riding in the rain? Didn’t I say you was liable to catch a cold?”
“You did.” I couldn’t help smiling at her intensity. “But in my defense, it wasn’t raining when I started out.”
“No, it was not. But your bones was aching something awful, and that’s a sure sign of rain.” Selina scowled and fluffed the pillows with more force than was necessary.
“What is the matter with you this morning, Selina?”
“Nothing, Miss Mary.”
Something was afoot, but I was too tired to coax it out of her. “I ought to get up and get dressed, but that bed certainly looks inviting. Just like a fine hotel room in New York.”
Selina removed a feather duster from her apron and began dusting the chest of drawers. “What was it like in New York?”
“It was so many things all at once. Scary and exhilarating, madding and enchanting. More kinds of people on the streets of Manhattan than you can even imagine exist in the world. Bartenders sweeping glass off the sidewalk, street vendors warming their hands over braziers on the corners, ragmen with carts and horses, stylish women and their maids carrying boxes from the finest stores. Street after street of stores and tearooms and theaters. You would have found it quite an interesting place.”
“Huh.”
“I didn’t venture into the city too often. Mostly I stayed at home in Brooklyn with the children. I made a few sketches of the city, but I’m afraid they aren’t very good. I’m out of practice.”
“Huh.”
I watched her flick the feather duster over the headboard and the windowsill. “I haven’t seen much of you lately.”
“Been busy downstairs and helping with the summer garden. The squash and corn did real well this year. Mister Custis told Lawrence this is the finest crop he ever saw at Arlington.”
“That must have made Ephraim and the other men happy.”
“I reckon so.”
“And what of Thornton Gray? I hear he has become indispensible to Daniel.”
“Daniel says Thornton knows horses as well as he does. But I don’t think Daniel is about to give up his job as carriage driver. Reckon Thornton will be driving the wagons and tending the stables awhile longer.”
Selina’s hands stilled.
“And?”
She whirled around, her checked skirts swirling around her ankles. “Miss Mary, he asked me to marry him.”
“I see.” Selina was a woman now, with a woman’s feelings and dreams. It pleased me that she had found someone to love her. I smoothed my wrinkled gown. “I suspected as much. I have seen the way he looks at you in chapel when he thinks no one is watching. Have you given him an answer?”
“I told him I hadn’t made up my mind yet.”
“Ah. Good for you.”
“I’m going to say yes, but I want a proper wedding with a preacher.”
“You know Virginia will not recognize your marriage.”
She frowned. “Why not?”
“Because only those unions between free persons have legal standing.”
The look on her face made me queasy with shame that she should be denied even this small dignity. “However, if you wish a service of Christian marriage, I will try to arrange it.”
Selina crossed the room and seized my hands. Her eyes were wet with tears. “This is the nicest thing anybody ever has done for me.”