Don't Tell

by Amare, Mercy

  When her eyes met mine, her face lit up. Her smile was genuine and sweet. My eyes landed on her lips... They looked so soft... So inviting... I forced myself to look up.

  “Hey.” Her voice was just as soft as the rest of her.

  I wanted to say, you're beautiful, but thankfully, “Hi,” came out instead. I didn't want to scare her away before I even got a chance.

  As we walked to my truck, I held her hand. It felt so small inside of mine. I opened the passenger side door for her, and she climbed in. As soon as her hand left mine, I missed the warmth. I hadn't realized just how badly I was craving her touch. When I got in, I started the truck and turned up the heater.

  “It's cold for October,” I commented.

  Did I just comment on the weather? My brain suddenly felt like mush.

  She nodded in agreement. “Do you mind if I... umm...” she paused awkwardly and then shook her head. “Never mind.”

  “What is it?”

  She sighed nervously, and then scooted over to the center seat. “Do you mind if I sit here?”

  I smiled. “Yes... Wait. I mean no. I mean...” now it was my turn to stutter. “I like you sitting here.”

  With my words, she relaxed into the seat. Every part of my body suddenly became aware of her close proximity. I wanted her to scoot even closer. I wanted...

  “You were awesome tonight,” Lucy interrupted my thoughts.

  “Thanks.” I couldn't help but smile. “So how was the ride up?”

  “Umm... Well, Addison and Mandy rode with us.” She cleared her throat. “I'm really glad you asked me to ride home with you.”

  “I wouldn't want you to suffer through another 3 hour ride with Mandy and Addison.”

  I didn't have to look at Lucy to know that she was smiling. “I got caught up on all the latest gossip. I now know more than I ever wanted to about everybody at Paradise High School.”

  “Oh yeah? Any rumors about me that I should know?”

  She shifted awkwardly. “Umm... No.”

  “If you don't want to tell me, it's fine,” I joked. “I'm sure I'll read about it on Facebook later.”

  Lucy sighed. “Apparently you and I hooked up at Derek Freeman's party on Friday night.”

  I cleared my throat. “Oh.” I was unsure of what to say. I glanced over at Lucy and she was biting her lip. “Well, since we've already hooked,” I winked at her, “we should go out... like on a date...”

  “Really?” She sounded genuinely surprised.

  “Do you want to? On Friday?”

  “I would like that,” she whispered.

  Lucy leaned closer and put her head on my shoulder, and I put my arm around her. For once in my life, I hated having a manual transmission.

  “Do you know how to drive a stick shift?” I asked her.

  She seemed embarrassed by my question. “Well, actually, I don't know how to drive. Like at all.”

  “Oh.” I wasn't sure how to respond to her confession. “I could teach you.”

  “Ian?”

  “Yeah?” I answered.

  “Why did you ask me out Friday night?”

  I was stunned by her question. “Because I've had a crush on you since we were 4 years old, and it's taken me 13 years to get up the nerve.”

  She waited a few seconds before responding. “I'm glad you asked me out.”

  “Me too.”

  Five

  First date

  Lucy

  The week dragged slowly by, but at last, Friday was here. When I woke up that morning everything was perfect. The sun was shining, and there were birds singing outside my window. I too would have been singing and dancing if it weren't for Charles, who was passed out in the next room.

  Even Tess had shown up early. She helped me pick out the perfect outfit for my upcoming date.

  On the way to school, we both sung along with the radio.

  “I knew getting a boyfriend would turn you into a morning person,” she yelled over the music.

  “Ian is not my boyfriend,” I reminded her.

  “At least not yet, but he will be after tonight.”

  I rolled my eyes at her, but I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my lips. “It's just one date. That doesn't mean anything.”

  “With Ian Winters, it means something,” she quickly countered. “He's never been on a date with anybody, and yet, here he is, taking you out. The boy obviously has feelings for you.”

  I tried to think of something to say, but what could I say to that? It was true that he had never been on a date with anybody else... Or at least, not that we know of. And he admitted Tuesday night that he had a crush on me since we were 4... I just hoped that I didn't do something to screw it up.

  “Why would Ian want to take me out though?” I asked softly.

  “Why not you, Lucy?” she said with amusement in her voice. “You're the prettiest girl at Paradise High School... Aside from me,” she added with a wink. “You have perfect blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs and a body that all the girls envy. Why would he not want to date you?”

  Once again, I wasn't sure how to respond.

  “Don't look so stunned,” Tess said as we pulled into a parking spot at school. “And why doesn't matter. It's happening. Tonight. Just be happy.”

  “I am happy.” I once again smiled.

  I hadn't smiled this much since before my mom died. For those few moments, I forgot about the scars and bruises. I forgot that my alcoholic father hated me. I was genuinely happy and looking forward to my evening with Ian. Life was good.

  …

  Ian

  I looked in my mirror for the one hundredth time. It was official, I was worse than a girl.

  As I came down stairs, mom sat down her book on the coffee table and got up. “Wow. Who is the lucky girl?”

  “Lucy Pierce,” I answered proudly.

  My mom put her hands to her heart. “Oh, that poor girl. She's been through so much with her mom's death. You be good to her.”

  “I will, Mom.”

  After a few more minutes of my mom “reminding” me to be a gentleman, and being overly excited about my first date, I left for Lucy's house. When I got there, she was waiting for me outside by the curb. The sight of her took my breath away. She was wearing a knee length, white, sun dress. Also, she had on a white long sleeved shirt under it, reminding me that summer had come to an end... Come to think of it, she always wore long sleeves. I was beginning to wonder if there was a reason behind it.

  Lucy's blonde curls were loose on her head, just the way I liked it. A breeze blew her curls gently around her face, making my heart thump hard in my chest.

  I pulled up to the curb and got out to open the door for her. I started to tell her just how beautiful she looked, but my breath caught in my throat. Where did all the oxygen suddenly go?

  “Hi,” she said. A slight blush crept up into her cheeks. I smiled at the fact that she was just as effected as I was.

  “You look beautiful,” I finally heard myself say, but it came out all wrong.

  Once we were inside my truck, I panicked. I had no clue what I should say, or do, or how I should act.

  Come on man. This is Lucy. You've known her since you were 4. Just talk to her like always, I told myself as I searched for something, anything, to say.

  “The weather is nice tonight.” I immediately wanted the words back. Did I really just comment on the weather, again?

  She smiled and nodded. “Yeah, it is.”

  Lucy scooted to the middle beside me. I loved feeling her beside me. I wanted to protect her and keep her safe.

  We rode for a few miles in silence. It wasn't really awkward or uncomfortable, just normal. Like this was exactly what we both needed.

  More than anything, I wanted Lucy to feel comfortable and to be herself with me. I didn't want her to feel like she had to hide anything, or pretend anything. Truthfully, I wanted to know the real her.

  “So where are we going?” she asked, brea
king the silence.

  I smiled. “It's a surprise.” I hoped that she was happy with what I planned for her. I could see the curious look on her face as we turned down a gravel road, but she remained silent.

  As we drove, I studied her face. Her black eye was covered very carefully with makeup, and if I wasn't looking for it, I probably wouldn't have even noticed it tonight. Her blue eyes held a lot of emotions – excitement, fear, curiosity and hurt. I wanted to take away her hurt and fear. I wanted to take her in my arms and never, ever let her go.

  Finally, I turned right into our destination, Lake Paradise. Lucy looked up at me, waiting for an answer for why we were here, but I simply said, “Wait here.” I got out of my truck and walked to the back. Inside I had a blanket and a picnic basket stashed away. I took the blanket out and laid it on the ground close to the water, and then put the basket in the middle. After that, I opened the door to my truck and gave Lucy my hand. She accepted it and I helped her out.

  Her smile was dazzling as I led her to where our picnic was laid out at. I moved closer to her and put my arms around her waist.

  “What are you thinking?” I whispered in her ear.

  She looked up at me. I had never seen her look so vulnerable before. “I am wondering why you would go through so much trouble for me. I'm nobody.”

  It was at that moment that I realized just how scared and hurt she was, and yet she was opening her heart to me. My own heart was breaking for her. “Because you, Lucy Pierce, are somebody to me. You are the girl of my dreams, and I will do anything for you.” I was shocked at the honesty in my statement.

  She looked surprised by my words. But everything that I told her was true. If she asked me to move a mountain, I would. Because nothing was too much for her.

  Before she had a chance to respond, I leaned close to her. When my lips touched hers, I could feel Lucy relax in my arms. I pulled her closer to me, and tightened my grip around her waste.

  I loved the feeling of Lucy's body pressed against mine. She didn't hold anything back, and neither did I. I gave her everything that I had to give. My heart was now hers, and I knew that her heart was mine.

  …

  Lucy

  Last night was the best night of my life. I only wished that it could have lasted forever. But I know that what Ian and I have, or had, is over. I can't keep seeing him... There are so many reasons why I can't.

  Reason #1 – my father. I don't want Ian to know about him. I CAN'T let him know. And lying doesn't seem like a good way to start off a relationship.(If what we have is a relationship).

  Reason #2 – Ian is so good. He's smart, funny, and kind... He is way too good for somebody like me.

  Reason #3 – ME. Once Ian gets to know the “real” me, he won't want me. I'm too messed up, too damaged. He deserves somebody who doesn't have a screwed up life...

  I could go on, and the list would literally never end... But there is one thing that makes me want to be with him, and that one thing out rules all the reasons why I shouldn't... I think I could fall in love with him. Or maybe I already am, and have been for a while, I don't know. But I have to find out for sure. No matter how much it's going to break my heart when it ends.

  Ian gives me hope. Right now, hope is all I have.

  I heard a knock on the front door, and I immediately panicked. I tiptoed into the living room and sighed of relief when I saw that Charles was still sleeping. I quietly opened the door. I was surprised to see Ian on the other side.

  “Shh...” I whispered. I stepped outside and shut the door behind me. “Sorry,” my voice said quietly. “My dad's asleep, and I don't want to wake him.”

  “Oh,” he whispered back. He looked confused. “So, are you ever going to introduce me to your dad?”

  My heart sank as I realized that I could never invite Ian over for dinner, or anything else. Charles would always be drunk, or hungover, and always bitter. That's the life I live, and I was stupid for thinking even for a second that I could be normal.

  “It's ok, Lucy. I don't have to be introduced to your dad,” he smiled, but I knew Ian. I knew that his smile was forced. “Do you want to hang out with me today?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, actually, I do. I just...” I paused awkwardly. “I need to get ready...” I was unsure of how to say what I was going to say. How do you tell somebody 'I need to go through my window so I don't wake up my dad'?

  “What is it?” His voice was full of concern and it warmed my heart to know that he actually cared about me.

  “I need to go through my window,” I finally said.

  He looked confused, but he simply said, “Ok.”

  I started to walk around to the side of the house and I noticed he wasn't following. “You can wait in my room... If you want.”

  He shook his head. “I'll wait out here.”

  “Oh.” I felt confused. Did what happened with Charles change his mind? Did he regret asking me to spend the day with him?

  Ian took a step closer, pushing my bangs away from my eyes. “It's not that I don't want to come inside. My dad just always told me it was inappropriate to be in a girl's bedroom.”

  His words made me smile. He respected me. “Wow,” my voice caught in my throat. “I umm... I'll be right out.”

  I rushed through a shower, threw my hair up in a messy bun and got dressed in about 10 minutes... Record time. When I climbed out my window, I saw Ian leaning up against his truck.

  Ian's brown hair, as always, was messy, but in an intentional way. It looked good on him. I wanted nothing more than to run my fingers through it. His eyes, the same color as his hair, sparkled in the sunlight. I stood there for a few seconds, just looking at him. He was absolutely gorgeous, and completely oblivious to it.

  When his eyes met mine, I was sure my face turned red. I was embarrassed that I was caught staring at him. I walked towards him.

  “So, I was thinking...” Ian paused, and I could see the mischievous look in his eyes. “I want to teach you how to drive.”

  I bit my lip nervously. “I don't know.”

  “Come on, Lucy. You're going to be 18 soon, it's time you learn how to drive a car.”

  I sighed in defeat. I knew he was right, but it didn't make it any better of an idea. “What if I suck? And I crash your truck?” I tried talking him out of it.

  “My truck is so old, it wouldn't hurt it. Besides, you won't crash,” he pulled me close. “I will protect you.”

  I felt warm and protected in his arms. At this point, I'd probably say yes to anything. “Fine. But when I total your truck, you have to promise you won't hate me.”

  “I could never hate you.”

  I smiled. “You might if you have to start walking everywhere.”

  “Such the optimist,” he laughed.

  So, 20 minutes, 5 kisses and 1 very long pep talk later, I found myself sitting behind the wheel of his truck.

  “Push in the brake and clutch when you start it,” he instructed me.

  I looked down at the pedals, feeling very stupid. “Which one is the clutch?”

  He looked at me for a moment, probably wondering what planet I was from. “On the left. In the middle is the brake.”

  “Brakes. Very important. Got it.” I pushed in the clutch and brake, turned the key, and the truck roared to life. “What now?”

  He pointed at the gear shifter. “Up and to the left.”

  I tried to push it into gear, but it was harder than it looked. It took me a couple of times before it went in.

  “Now,” he instructed me, “slowly let off the clutch as you accelerate.”

  As soon as I left off the clutch, the truck jerked to a stop and died. “Did I break it?” I panicked.

  He laughed. “No. Try again. This time ease up slower on the clutch.”

  After killing the engine about 15 times, I finally got taken off. He showed me how to stop, and how to change gears. I still hadn't totally mastered the art of taking off yet, but it was an improvement. However, after
almost hitting a stop sign, I told Ian I had enough for one day and he took over.

  Once he was safely behind the wheel, I sighed of relief. “You know, maybe I'm not meant to drive a car. It's a sign from God.”

  He glanced over at me. “We will try again tomorrow after church.”

  I rolled my eyes, but inside my stomach fluttered, because Ian wanted to spend the next day with me too. “You are so stubborn and persistent.”

  “Trust me, you will thank me one day very soon.”

  I knew that his words were true. “Maybe.”

  “Do you want to go to the lake today?” He asked, changing the subject.

  I nodded, smiling. The lake was officially my new favorite spot.

  Six

  Don't tell

  Ian

  I almost told Lucy that I love her. But I'm glad I didn't. It would be highly inappropriate. We've went out on one date, two if you include today, and I haven't even officially asked her to be my girlfriend. If I confessed that I've been in love with since the day I met her, she would think that I'm crazy... Maybe I am...

  Truthfully, I don't believe in love at first sight. Love comes softly, growing over time. And I've been watching Lucy for 13 years now, and each day my feelings grow stronger for her. I am not going to scare her off by confessing my undying love for her.

  We both sat on the ground, looking towards the lake. Lucy laid her head on my shoulder, and I took her hand in mine. The only sound was the wind blowing the leaves, and the sound of her steady breathing.

  “When you think of the future, what do you see?”

  Lucy's question surprised me. The truth is that I've been thinking about the future a lot, and the only thing I was certain about was her.

  “I see you,” I answered honestly.

  She smiled at my answer, but she quickly let it fade. “What if you change your mind?”

  “Why would I do that?”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe once you get to know me better, you won't like me anymore.”