Don't Tell

by Amare, Mercy

  The drive to her house from the school was only 10 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to kick myself for not pushing her more this morning. I should have known that something was up.

  When I climbed through Lucy's window, I found her asleep on her bed. Not wanting to wake her, I laid down beside her gently and waited impatiently for her to wake up.

  I watched Lucy as she lay there. She looked so small, and so vulnerable. I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her, protect her. I knew that I had to come up with a solution quickly. I couldn't handle Lucy being here one more night. I needed her safe.

  I weighed my options in my head. If I told, Lucy would hate me forever, but at least she would be safe. If I didn't tell anybody, she would be stuck here for at least 6 more months. She would continue to be his punching bag. And next time she might not be ok. It might not just be a black eye, or a bump on her head.

  My chest hurt because I knew what I had to do, and I knew that if I did it, I would probably lose her forever. But, in the end, I knew my pain would be worth it to know that she was going to be ok.

  My decision was made.

  I just wish it didn't hurt so bad.

  …

  Lucy

  When I woke up, I had never been in so much pain in all of my life. Each breath hurt worse than the last. I was beginning to think my dad did more than just bruise my ribs with his last blow. But I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell Ian. I couldn't tell anybody. Going to the doctor or hospital was out of the question this time.

  Finally, I opened my eyes. I was surprised to see Ian sitting right beside me. I tried to set up, but I couldn't.

  “What's wrong?” he asked.

  Tears filled my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Crying would only make me hurt worse. “I'm ok, really. I must have the flu or something,” I lied. I wanted to tell him the truth so bad.

  “Look me in the eyes and tell me that you're ok.” He saw through my facade.

  I looked him in the eyes, prepared to tell him I was fine, but I couldn't. I felt a tear run down the side of my face. “Do you hate me?” My voice came out in a whisper.

  Ian gently wiped the tear from my face. “I could never hate you,” he said in a soft voice. “But you need to tell me what's wrong. I can't make it better if you don't.”

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at him anymore. He looked so hurt, and so scared. I couldn't hurt him. Not again.

  “Look at me,” he demanded, so I opened my eyes again. “Please, tell me the truth. What is wrong?” He gently stroked the side of my cheek.

  Without a word, I pulled up my shirt, showing Ian the very black bruise on my stomach, ribs, and back. It looked worse now than this morning. I watched him as he examined the bruise. He did say anything for about 2 minutes. From his expression, I could tell he was furious.

  “He hurt you again.” It wasn't a question.

  I nodded, unable to speak. I didn't want to cry. “Will you hold me?”

  He scooted closer to me, and I put my head on his chest. I listened to the steady sound of his heart beat as he ran his fingers through my hair.

  Each breath was a struggle, but with Ian there, it was better.

  “How bad is it?” Ian asked breaking the silence.

  I didn't want to tell him how bad the pain was, so I stayed silent. By not answering, he knew exactly how bad it was.

  “Can I take you to the doctor?” He asked.

  I shook my head. “I can't, Ian.”

  “Baby, please. You're hurting.” His voice broke up as he pleaded with me, and I could feel my heart breaking inside my chest. I couldn't hurt him anymore.

  In the end, I agreed that he could take me to the doctor, but I decided that after that I had to break it off with Ian. As much as it hurt me to do it, I had to. I couldn't keep hurting him. He didn't belong in my screwed up life.

  The thought of being without Ian hurt worse than bruise, but it was the only way he could truly be happy. I had to do it.

  The ride to the hospital was the longest drive of my life. I tried to think of excuses on the way... Fell down the stairs, fell in the shower, hit with a ball during a soccer game... But all of the excuses weren't good enough... They were all a lie, and I was so tired of lying.

  I made the decision that today would be the last day I would have to lie. With Ian gone, I would do a better job at covering my bruises. Nobody would ever know the truth again. It's the only way.

  …

  Ian

  It turned out Lucy had 2 broken ribs, and her kidney was bruised. They said it wasn't anything too serious, but she was lucky it wasn't anything worse. This scared me, because I knew that the hits were getting worse with time.

  The doctor pulled me into the hallway.

  “She isn't talking,” the doctor said. I knew exactly what was coming next. “This bruise isn't from falling. Did you know who did this to her?”

  I nodded. It hurt me to say the truth, but I knew I had to. “Her father,” I said bitterly.

  “This isn't the first time, is it?” he asked.

  I shook my head.

  The doctor sighed. “You know we have to report this.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  The doctor walked away, and I stood there staring down the hallway after him. I wanted to go back inside the room with Lucy, but I needed a minute longer. It was going to hurt to see her face. It would hurt for her to know I told, that I lied to her. I broke my promise to her.

  In that moment, I knew everything that Lucy and I had was over. My feelings would never go away, but there was no more us. No more sneaking in her window. No more picnics by the lake. No more anything. After today, she would hate me forever. I could feel my heart breaking apart in my chest, but I felt better knowing she would at least be safe now. I knew that my pain was worth her safety.

  Eleven

  Love

  I hadn't seen Lucy in one week.

  One, painful, heartbreaking week.

  She hadn't been at school, and she hadn't answered any of my calls. But who could blame her? I hurt her, and I lied to her. I told her secret. I knew that she would never forgive me.

  I would never forget the look on her face when the cops walked into her room at the hospital that day. Hurt, and betrayal were very evident. She must absolutely loathe me.

  But, even with everything that happened, I couldn't bring myself to regret my decision. Lucy was safe from her father now. He wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore, and that meant more to me than anything. The pain that I was feeling was worth it. Lucy was worth it.

  I heard a knock on my door. I turned around to see my dad standing there. “Are you ever going to come out of your room?”

  I shook my head, and stared at the ceiling again. “No.”

  “I just got a call from Mrs. Robbins. Lucy is with them. Since she's about to graduate, they decided it would be best for her to stay at her own school. Her dad happily signed over his parental rights.” He sat down on the bed beside me. “Maybe you should go talk to her.”

  “She won't talk to me. I've tried calling her. She's ignored all my calls. She hates me.” Saying it out loud made my heart hurt worse.

  “Maybe she's scared.”

  I felt my heart jump. I didn't want Lucy to ever be scared. “Why would she be scared of me?” My voice came out in a whisper.

  “I'm not saying she's scared of you,” he answered. “Maybe she's scared of what you think of her.”

  “Dad, she knows I love her.”

  “Maybe she needs to be reminded.” My dad walked back out of my room, shutting the door behind him.

  I had a lot to think about. Maybe he was right. I had never actually told her out loud that I loved her. Maybe I should just go over to Tess' house, find Lucy, and tell her exactly how I feel.

  …

  Lucy

  57 missed calls from Ian Winters.

  I sighed and turned off my ph
one. I couldn't call him, not yet anyway. I was still in love with him, and I needed to get over him before I talked to him again.

  “Why do you keep ignoring his calls?” Tess asked as she painted her nails. Today's color was sunshine yellow.

  “I can't talk to him, Tess. I'm...” my voice broke, so I cleared my throat, “I'm still trying to get over him. Just give me time. I'll talk to him again someday.”

  “Why get over somebody who is clearly still in love you?”

  I rolled my eyes. “He doesn't love me, and I'm sure he never did. He's just checking on me. He's worried because he's a nice guy.”

  “Right,” she said with an eye roll. “If you want my advice, you should just go see him. If nothing more than to get closure.”

  “Let's think about this, shall we? Do you remember the last time I took advice from you?”

  Tess let out a small giggle, but forced herself to stop. “I remember. But it wasn't my fault you decided to ride the tilt-o-world. You barfing was just an... unexpected side-affect.”

  “I ate 20 hot dogs to impress your older brother. Was I supposed to turn him down when he asked me to ride with him?”

  She laughed once again. “Fine, that was a bad call on my part. But still, it was funny.”

  “Your brother still calls me hotdog.”

  “My brother is now married with 4 kids. You should be thankful that he didn't go for you. Could you imagine how big your butt would be after having that many kids.”

  I laughed. “I was 11 and your brother was 19. I don't think it would've worked out anyway.”

  “Exactly – we were 11. You should put the past behind you and follow my advice. I've grown up since then. I'm wiser. Trust me, Ian wants to see you.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “But, I don't want to see him. So can we just drop it?”

  “Fine.”

  I loved Tess, but living with her wasn't always pleasant. As thankful as I was to her and her family, I needed some me time. I pulled out my journal, my escape, and I wrote.

  How can I even begin to describe the mess that is my life? My mother died, and my own father signed me over to the state. So, as it turns out, I have NO parents.

  I wonder if I will ever be able to forgive my dad... Or ex-dad, I guess. I want to forgive him, for me. I need to move on from this. But it feels like a piece of my heart is missing.

  I'm thankful for Tess and her family. They've been so kind to me, and I really feel like I belong here. It's a nice change. But still... it's not the same. I need real parents. I need somebody to love me.

  I miss Ian. I miss his smile. I miss his laugh. I miss kissing him. I miss his corny jokes... But most of all, I miss the way he made me feel... LOVE is what I felt with him. Now that he's gone, I'm scared that nobody will ever love me again.

  Maybe I'm meant to be alone... Maybe loneliness is better than heartbreak.

  I heard a knock on Tess's window and I was immediately reminded again of how much I missed Ian. I wanted him to climb through my window again.

  When I looked up, I was surprised to see Ian. Tess had opened the window so he could climb through.

  “I'll leave you two to talk,” she said before making a quick escape into the hallway. She shut the door behind her.

  “Hi,” was the first word he said to me. I just sat there, looking up at him. I didn't try to say anything. I knew if I did, my voice wouldn't work right and I would probably start crying.

  Ian knelt down on the floor beside me.

  “You have every right to hate me. I promised I wouldn't tell. I just couldn't handle him hurting you anymore,” Ian's voice broke. “I'm really sorry, for everything.”

  “I don't hate you,” I replied quickly. “And I'm sorry that I lied to you about what happened. I was just scared that you wouldn't lo...” I cut off before saying the word love, and instead said, “like me anymore if I told you the truth.” And I was right, I added silently.

  “There is nothing in the world that could ever make me not love you.”

  Did he just say love? I was sure I misheard him. “What?”

  “I love you.”

  “Why?”

  He scooted closer to me. “You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met, but not only on the outside. You're so kind, so loving and so forgiving. When I'm with you, I want to be a better person. You're smart. And you take life one day at a time. Even with all the bad, you find a way to make it through and come out smiling at the end of the day. You're so brave. You, Lucy Pierce, are the girl that I've fallen madly in love with.”

  “You love me?” I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry. Had I really heard him right?

  “Yes,” he send me a half smile that made my heart beat wildly. “And I am hoping that you feel the same.”

  “I do,” I said with tears running down my face. “Ian, I love you.”

  I had never seen him smile so big. He pulled my face closer to his and he kissed me. It was in that moment that I knew – no matter what life threw our way, no matter what pain or hardship, we would always be together, and we would always love each other. That kind of love never fades.

  EPILOGUE

  9 months later

  Lucy

  “Why did I agree to be your roommate?” I asked Tess, as I looked around our very messy dorm room at UGA. Tess is the biggest slob ever.

  She thought for a minute. “Because they wouldn't let you room with your boyfriend.”

  I smiled at her very true statement. If they would let guys and girls room together, I would be with Ian. Either way, I had a feeling we would be spending a lot of time in each others dorms.

  I smiled as I heard a knock on the door. Without opening, I knew that it was Ian.

  When I opened the door, Ian grabbed me around the waist and pulled me towards him for a kiss. His hands explored my backside, making me moan. We only pulled back when we heard a gagging sound from behind us.

  “You two are disgusting,” Tess complained.

  “I don't know,” Ian said, never taking his eyes off me. “You taste pretty good to me.”

  “Ewe!” Tess added a dramatic cough at the end. “Seriously, can you take it somewhere else?”

  I laughed. “Fine.”

  Ian grabbed my hand and led me out of the dorms. Tonight was our date night, and he had something special planned. I couldn't wait.

  …

  Ian

  My palms were sweaty, and my heart was beating uncontrollably fast. I once again felt like the first time I had taken her on a date. I was at a complete loss for words. We walked through the parking lot in silence.

  Tonight, I would be giving Lucy a promise ring. A promise that one day, after we graduate college, we would be getting married, and we would be spending the rest of our lives together. The ring would be a symbol of my undying love. Plus, it would remind every guy in the state of Georgia that she is mine.

  “Are you ok?” Lucy asked as I opened her door. “You don't look so good.”

  “I'm fine,” I answered, motioning for her to get in.

  I took deep, even breaths as I walked to the other side of the truck. You can do this, I repeated to myself, getting inside.

  “Ian,” Lucy's soft voice woke me out of my trance. When I looked up at her, she looked concerned. “Are you ok?”

  I nodded, suddenly feeling excited. I didn't want to wait any longer. “Lucy, I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” she said, smiling.

  I reached in my pocket and pulled out the ring. “I know that we still have 4 years of college, and right now marriage is out of the question, but I want you to know that you are the one I want to spend my life with. I also want everybody else to know, too.” I held out the ring towards her. “This is a promise that I will love you forever, and I will always be here to protect you.”

  Her eyes lit up as she looked at the ring. It wasn't much, and I knew that when I proposed to her for real I wanted to get her a huge diamond, but for now this ring was perfec
t. She held out her left hand, and I stuck it on her ring finger. She looked at it on her hand for a few more seconds before pulling me towards her. Her kiss was soft, and tender, like her. Her kiss said more than words.

  Lucy is my past, present, and future.

  “Forever,” she whispered.

  “Forever,” I agreed.

  The end.

  Find me online:

  Blog: http://mercyamare.blogspot.com/

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  Email: mercyamare@gmail.com