Every Beat (Covert Justice Book 1)

by Mary Alford

  He returned after she’d finished emptying the last of their food, some protein bars, fruit, trail mix, and water, and what was left of the lunchmeat and cheese out onto a sleeping bag. He carried an armful of wood and dumped it a safe distance from the sleeping bags. Within a matter of minutes, a fire came to life and she could feel its warmth.

  Hannah sank down to the sleeping bag closest to the fire and began warming her hands. She wasn’t hungry, but she knew she it had been hours since she’d taken her meds. She grabbed a protein bar and a bottle of water.

  “Where are my pills?” she asked, and Jase stopped stoking the fire with a stick. He reached inside his jacket pocket, tossed them to her, and then went back to stirring the fire. He didn’t appear to be talking to her now. She wasn’t so sure that was a bad thing. At least it beat the interrogation from earlier.

  Once he was satisfied with the fire, he took some water and went to the door. She watched as he cracked it a smidgeon and peered outside.

  “Anything out there?” she asked, mostly because she decided she preferred the interrogation to this new tension-filled silence.

  He wore his distrust and worry like a jacket. She supposed it was part of the territory. She watched as he struggled to let it go.

  He came back to the fire and opened a trail mix. “Not yet. Let’s hope it stays that way. You should try to sleep. I’ll stand watch.”

  She brushed some crumbs from her jeans. “I slept in the truck. You need rest. You’ve been awake for almost twenty-four hours. You must be exhausted. I can keep watch for a while.”

  He dismissed her offer without considering it. “Not possible. You’re the target, remember.” Which meant he didn’t think she could handle it.

  Hannah stood and faced him across the fire. “I know how to stand guard. I’ve done it before…” The words were out before she could censure them. Where had that come from? She’d never stood guard in her life.

  A hint of a smile quirked the corner of his mouth. There was no humor in it, but plenty of bitterness. He tossed aside the water bottle. “Oh, I see. Because you supposedly have some of Kate’s memories you’re now a crack spy as well. I’m sure you’ll understand when I don’t believe you.” His sarcasm was laced in every word.

  She closed her eyes in frustration for a second. “I don’t expect anything from you.” She couldn’t explain it, but the memories, the dreams, were growing stronger with every moment she spent in Jase’s presence. His connection to Kate seemed to be bringing them to the surface. It was as if even from the grave, Kate was trying to right the wrongs done in her life. She hadn’t been able to tell Jase how she felt about him, but Hannah could. Perhaps then, the image locked inside Kate’s memory could be set free at last and Kate’s killer brought to justice. Maybe then, Kate could finally rest in peace.

  His gaze narrowed. “Good, because I don’t believe you. Whatever insight you think you have into Kate’s mind, her thoughts, I’m here to tell you, you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

  She stepped around the fire and stood inches from him. “Jase, she loved you. Didn’t you know that? Kate loved you. She deserved better from the Agency and from you.”

  He stood perfectly still. A single muscle working in his strong jaw evidence that she’d hit a nerve. “That’s a lie. Kate loved the job. The thrill of the chase. The next mission. What she didn’t love was me. I of all people should know that. She and I knew what we had. It worked for both of us…”

  “No. She loved you with all her heart. With everything. I believe she would have done anything to be with you. Even given up the job for you.”

  Jase grabbed her arms and held her still. “That’s not true.”

  “Why can’t you believe me?” The anger she saw in him threatened to crumble her resolve. She couldn’t let it. She was determined to force him to listen to her.

  “Now I know you’re crazy. Kate would never have left the job.”

  A sob escaped at the wintry chill in his eyes. “She would have. She would have given up everything to be with you, Jase. I think she loved you that much.”

  He let her go. “This conversation has gone far enough. You’ve been through one nightmare of a twenty-four hours. You need to rest.”

  Hannah wasn’t sure why it was so important that she make him understand. Believe her. “Jase, please.”

  He held up his hand. “Whatever game you think you’re playing, you can forget it. Nothing you’ve told me so far has anything to do with the truth. I knew Kate. I knew where we stood with each other.”

  Hannah held his gaze. “No.”

  “You think because you have her heart, you’ve had a few of dreams of her, that you know her? You don’t know anything. Kate and I knew our place. Our future and it wasn’t together. I was her handler, for crying out loud.”

  Jase watched her carefully. She could almost feel the tension in him.

  “No. You don’t believe that. You were more than her handler. She loved you. I think she believed you loved her too. You did, didn’t you? Deny it.”

  He couldn’t.

  “I thought not.”

  “I’m not having this conversation with you. I can’t. No now.”

  Hannah saw a crack in his resolve and pressed on. His eyes turned a deeper shade of blue as he watched her. She pushed closer. “Why can’t you?”

  “Hannah, don’t do this.”

  She leaned in closer, almost touching. Her motives no longer clear. What was she doing? His resolve crumbling.

  “Do you feel as if you’re betraying her by believing me?” He didn’t answer. Instead, he brought her closer, his eyes dark with anger. And desire. She had time for a single ragged breath before his lips claimed hers.

  Heat. Anger. Need roared to life between them like a firestorm. Nothing else mattered but being in his arms.

  His fingers tightened around her waist and then he put her a little away from him, searching her eyes. This was the man who made her feel so many unwelcome things. Anger. Hate. Lust. And it had nothing to do with Kate’s memories.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that—”

  She shook her head. She didn’t want to hear his regrets. She touched her lips briefly to his, felt him waver.

  “Hannah,” he breathed in her name. “You’re not Kate,” he said gently. He touched her face. “You’re nothing like her, and that’s a good thing. A real good thing,” he whispered hoarsely as his lips claimed hers once more. Strong. Tender. Jase.

  The firelight danced in his eyes, across his face. He drew in a lungful of air then let her go and backed away. “This is crazy.” He turned and headed out the door.

  * * * *

  Jase stormed into the night and didn’t stop until he’d reached the edge of the road.

  He was losing it. He’d let his emotions cloud his judgment. He’d let his desire for Hannah Sandoval get in the way of doing his job.

  One minute she was insisting Kate had loved him with all her heart and the next she was in his arms and they were acting like a couple of teenagers. As hard as it was to admit, when he’d kissed Hannah, he wasn’t kissing Kate. He wasn’t even thinking of her. It had been all Hannah. He was in a no-win situation with a woman who claimed to have insightful dreams into his dead girlfriend’s mind, and he was attracted to her like crazy. And it had nothing to do with her claims. Hannah Sandoval was plain-vanilla normal, and at this point in his life that was what he craved.

  So what was wrong with him?

  He walked at a fast pace, trying to work off his anger. He wasn’t sure where he was going, only that he needed to clear his head.

  Jase had been desperately trying to convince himself she was a kook. So far, he hadn’t. Mostly because scraps of conversation between himself and Kate kept popping into his head. The last one being the most disturbing. He remembered it every time he woke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, murmuring her name.

  It’d taken place a couple of days before her death. He cou
ld tell something was bothering her. They’d spent the night in the desert. He’d asked her what was on her mind. She’d said nothing, but the sadness etched on her face told a different story.

  She’d said something about hating the job. He’d laughed it off. Still, it spooked him. He’d asked her to change her mind about the meet, let someone else handle it. She’d mocked him. Said something about how if he really cared about her he wouldn’t be leaving her. At the time, he hadn’t thought much of it. He’d been too determined to change her mind about her going out to the meet alone. She’d been just as determined on protecting her connection. Said he wouldn’t trust anyone else. He’d had a bad feeling then. When the meet time changed again, that feeling had doubled. And then she was gone.

  Jase walked a little ways down the road, searching for fresh tire tracks, but there was only the ones left by the truck.

  He didn’t believe in ghosts, but somehow he found Hannah’s declaration of Kate’s love comforting. She’d said Kate knew he loved her too. Maybe the very reason all of this was happening beyond bringing Kate’s killers to justice was for him to realize Kate did know how he felt about her. She’d died with that knowledge. It was okay to let her go now.

  He had a second chance at living and having something resembling a normal life beyond the agency. He didn’t know if it would ever be possible for him to love again, but he wanted the chance to try.

  He turned and looked back at the barn. Nothing showed beyond a dark silhouette. She was in there waiting for him, and all he could think of him was how she felt in his arms.

  Part of him wished he could keep right on walking. See where the road would take him. But there was nothing left to do but return to the woman who he was charged with protecting.

  He made his way slowly back to the barn. She was sitting in front of the fire. She didn’t look at him when he came in. He deserved that.

  He stirred the fire, added more wood, and then grabbed some trail mix and a banana. “I’m going to check the parameter once more and then bunk down by the door. If anyone comes near this place, I’ll hear them. You should sleep.”

  She didn’t answer. She kept looking at the fire and ignoring him.

  “Look, I’m sorry. That shouldn’t have happened.” She looked at him. At least she finally acknowledged his presence.

  “What shouldn’t have happened?” she challenged. “Our kiss? Why? Are you afraid to betray a dead woman, or are you afraid it makes you look human?”

  His jaw tightened at her uncensored description. “Maybe both.”

  She swallowed hard and then nodded. She hadn’t liked his answer. “Sorry, but whether or not you like it, you aren’t dead. You didn’t die with her. Whatever you and Kate had together, she knew you cared about her. She wouldn’t expect you to give up on living because she’s dead. Of all people, I’m sure she knew what the risks were. There was always the chance she wouldn’t make it back from a mission. Jase, it’s okay to feel again.”

  He kicked the edge of the fire with his boot, sending sparks flying. “Oh, yeah? What about you? How do you think the coach would feel about you kissing another man?”

  He watched as each of those words struck like a blow. “Leave him out of this.”

  He smiled knowingly at her response. “That’s what I thought. No doubt the coach wouldn’t be thrilled.”

  She glared at him.

  Jase held up a hand. “Spare me your shock. You don’t have to worry. He’ll never hear it from me. You’re secret’s safe, but let’s get one thing straight. My relationship with Kate, whatever it was, has nothing to do with you. What I did or did not feel for her, I don’t want or need you analyzing it.”

  He waited for her answer. When she didn’t have one, he blew out a breath. “We’ll need to leave early in the morning. I want to be out of here before daybreak. We have a lot of miles to cover tomorrow. I’m warning you, if you give me any reason to believe you’re working for the people who killed Kate, you’ll regret the day you ever heard her name.”

  * * * *

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?” She couldn’t believe she’d heard him correctly. He was leaving. Jase was leaving.

  “I bought a ranch. I’m getting out, Kate.”

  “What do you mean you’re getting out?” She heard the words, but for the life of her, she couldn’t get them to make sense.

  Something came and went in his eyes before she could name it. It had been there before so many times. She’d wanted to ask what he was thinking, but she was afraid of what he’d tell her, and now he was leaving her.

  “I’m thirty-five, Kate. I’m all used up. I can’t do this anymore. I have to leave the CIA before I end up getting someone killed, if not myself.”

  There were so many things she needed to say, questions she’d wanted to ask, but her thoughts had scattered in a million different directions.

  Please, God, I can’t lose him. I love him, she prayed with all her heart. Why couldn’t she tell him how she felt?

  “I bought a ranch in New Zealand. I’ve spoken to the director. This will be my last mission.”

  “You bought a ranch? When?” Her heart was breaking.

  He smiled gently at her surprise. “Last month. You remember my last assignment in Europe. It ended early, so I took some time. I’d always wanted to visit New Zealand. I fell in love with the place the second I saw it. You should see it, Kate. It’s beautiful.”

  She swallowed hard, but the lump in her throat wouldn’t go away. She shook her head. “I can’t believe it.”

  He was watching her closely. What did he expect her to say?

  “It’s what I’ve wanted for a while. The place is old and needs lots of work, but it’s perfect. I could see a raising a family there.”

  A family. Those words were hard to hear. She couldn’t imagine this life without him here with her, protecting her, loving her. She certainly couldn’t picture him with another woman. Having children with her. The very thought pierced her heart.

  “It’s time for me, Kate. You should think about it as well. Life’s too short. In this game, you never know how much time you have left. Don’t wait too long to start living. Trust me. There is life beyond the CIA.”

  But she had. She’d waited too long. Too long to tell him how she felt about him. Too long to get out.

  Hannah slowly opened her eyes. She’d been crying in her sleep again. She was doing that a lot lately because of the dreams. This one was so sad because it was probably the last real conversation Kate had with Jase.

  Hannah sat up slowly. She’d fallen asleep the minute her head hit the sleeping bag. She felt emotionally exposed. The dream was still fresh and haunting in her thoughts. She wondered if he remembered that conversation. Did he have some inkling then that his words would become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

  She looked around. The fire had been tamped out. His sleeping bag was gone. She assumed he’d stowed it in the truck along with their meager food supply.

  “Good, you’re awake. We need to leave here now.” She jerked in the direction of his voice. His grim expression told her something had happened. He spared her another chilly glance. She meant nothing more to him than an asset in need of protection. So many things left unsaid between them. But then, this was the nature of Kate and Jase’s relationship, so why should theirs be any different.

  She couldn’t seem to shake the heartbreaking effects of the dream. She got to her feet. “Has something happened?”

  “I’m not sure. There’s a set of new tracks on the road. They weren’t there the last time I checked.”

  “Do you think…?”

  “I don’t know. There’s no indication anyone came up the drive. No tracks, not any footprints. It could be someone passing through. There’s a small town a few miles up the road, and the interstate’s about twenty miles east of here.”

  Hannah swallowed hard. “But you’re not sure.”

  He shook his head. “No. If it was them, then why didn’t they come af
ter us?”

  “Maybe they didn’t see the barn?”

  “If they came this way, they’d have found the truck and checked out the barn. They’d know we were here. I don’t like it.”

  “Is there a restroom?” she asked hopefully.

  Jase genuinely smiled at her, and her heart leapt to her throat. He was so handsome. She found herself drawn to him, and it had nothing to do with Kate’s feelings. Jase was a real life dangerous bad boy, and she couldn’t vanquish their kiss from her thoughts. She shuddered at the memory and watched as the smile left his face. He frowned as he continued to study her, and Hannah could feel the color creeping up her neck.

  Get a grip, she told herself.

  “Sorry, the best I can do for you is a group of trees out back. Go ahead, here’s an extra flashlight. Make it quick and keep your eyes open.”

  She found a tree and somehow managed to ignore the noises of the country long enough to take care of business.

  Jase was standing next to the truck with a map spread out on the hood and another flashlight trained on one particular spot.

  “I think I’ve found a way out of here so that we won’t have to backtrack the way we came. I’m not sure how good the road will be. Hopefully, the truck is up to it. Are you ready?” She nodded. “Good. We should go. I want to be at the safe house by nightfall.” He was all business again, but not before she’d seen glimpses of the man Kate loved. She wondered what he’d be like when he was finally free of the agency’s pull. She could almost picture the ranch in New Zealand. Jase working the sheep. A couple of kids running around his feet. He’d make a good father. He was a natural protector. She shook off those feelings with difficulty and climbed into the truck next to him.

  Hannah watched him as he handled the less than smooth piece of road with ease. He was in control. Capable. Jase. He had a job to do, and he’d see it through to the bitter end. He’d find Kate’s killers, he’d bring them to justice, and then he’d disappear from her life. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

  * * * *

  The miles disappeared behind them with no sign of the men who’d once followed them. Yet Hannah had little doubt they’d come after them again. She was a liability they couldn’t afford to let slip away. The identities of the killers were still locked away in Kate’s memories from that night. Once Hannah uncovered them, she could identify the killers. She couldn’t back down now. She’d see this thing through to the end as well. She owed it to Kate.